


Those Who Lack A Home, Live Here

by Minnie_Mochi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, At least he thinks he is, Closeted, College Parties, Depression, Drinking, Eventual Romance, Friends to Lovers, Het Seungcheol, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Jeonghan being a mom, Kissing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Seokmin is loud, Seventeen living in a house together, Smut, but I like slow burns, frat houses, supportive friends, this is a slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:20:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 149,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23247673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minnie_Mochi/pseuds/Minnie_Mochi
Summary: Seungcheol’s parents just won’t leave him alone about joining something even though it's his second year of college. He loves his parents more than life itself, he really does, but when will they allow him to just live? It’s bad enough that they live a ten minute walk away from his college campus. But he follows their suggestion anyway and comes across a small club or fraternity or whatever during rush week. It seems simple enough:Must be ****+ (whatever the hell that meant)Help Chan get things from high spaces whenever he asksKeep a GPA over 3.0Never make Jeonghan upset or sad (Rule added by the courtesy of the members)The rules sounded easy enough. Except for the fact that they weren’t always that easy.AKASeungcheol mistakenly joins a club and is now surrounded by a bunch of guys (gays) and starts questioning just how straight he is.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Seokmin | DK, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 279
Kudos: 942





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the Gays

**My One & Only (Mom)**

I miss you already! 

Have a good day at school today 

Join something, okay. Your college experience will be better if you do! I expect to hear all about it when you come back

Seungcheol rolled his eyes and pocketed his phone again, a smirk forming on his lips nonetheless. It was his second year of college and his mom was acting like it was his first, but he expected nothing less. He was actually quite fond of the affection his mom gave him no matter how much he liked to groan and grumble about it. He was the only child after all. 

Classes technically started last week, but this week was particularly special-- well in his parents’ opinion-- because it was rush week… or some form of it. It was where all of the school’s organizations and clubs set up tables on campus and tried to recruit new members. Last year, Seungcheol’s freshman self avoided it at all costs. Large crowds of people just weren’t his thing. Still isn’t. 

But his mom wanted him to join something so badly, so Seungcheol made a deal with himself while he was making his little ten minute walk from his home to campus. He’ll walk through the field where all the tables were gonna be, scope everything out, sign up for one or two things that didn’t take too much commitment and leave. 

Simple as that. 

Seungcheol wasn’t really the type of student to be involved unless he had to. He was the typical student that went to school just to go to class and immediately went home as soon as the day was over. Yeah, he’d go to a few parties here and there, drink, have fun, and do whatever else he tended to do at those parties, but his favorite part of going out… was being able to come back home. 

As the next song on his playlist began, Seungcheol made a right onto the street that led directly to his university. 

Even though it was his second year of college, Seungcheol felt like a new college student all over again. Just like last year, he had no friends and had no particular expectations or ideas for what this year would bring for him. 

Hopefully, it was something completely different from last school year… It was the reason he had no friends now. But Seungcheol would rather not think about that right now. He could hear the loud, combined chatter of college students as he neared the center of campus. 

Just as he thought, there were banners and tables lined up along the brick pathway that led to various buildings. Some students were already skimming their options and some students going directly to what they wanted. There were places to get free food lined up in the grass areas and even some tables. 

The event started like thirty minutes ago yet it was already bustling with students. Seungcheol stood still for a moment and took a deep breath. 

“I just need one club, that’s it,” Seungcheol uttered to himself. And with that, he took his phone from his pocket to increase the volume to as loud as he could get it, drowning out the noise around him. 

Then he was off, his hands stuffed in his hoodie pocket, bobbing his head slightly to the beat of the music blaring in his ears. 

Cheerleading. No.

Dance. No.

They had a bowling team? Anyway, no.

Sports were off limits. 

Was golf even a sport?

Taekwondo sounded good. But he was already a black belt in that. 

Fraternities? Not anything too big. 

Baking club. Maybe. 

“S. ∆. T.,” Seungcheol muttered to himself. He’d heard of this club last year but nothing too much, which Seungcheol saw as a good sign. It meant that they weren’t _that_ involved on campus. It was probably like an honor’s society or something. 

So Seungcheol approached the table. 

“Hello!” A boy behind the table noticed him and was on his feet in just a millisecond. He was still small nonetheless. “I’m Chan.”

“Hey, I’m Seungcheol,” he said, making quick of pausing his music and listening to the short boy talk. He must be a freshman so why is he behind the table? 

“Would you like some information on our honor’s society. Or club. Or fraternity. Whatever you wanna call it,” Chan shrugged. But even without a straight answer from Seungcheol, Chan was already gathering up a few flyers and a little rubber wristband with the club name printed on it. 

“Uh, yeah. Thanks,” Seungcheol said, kind of put off by Chan’s excitement and smile. Yeah, he was definitely a freshman. No college student was _this_ happy. And that was only proved further when another guy walked up from behind him, a clipboard with him, looking a lot less ecstatic to be there. But the smile was still evident as he placed the clipboard in front of Seungcheol, telling him to sign his name if he was interested. 

With a nod, Seungcheol took the flyers away from Chan, reading the first one that listed the rules: 

  1. Must be ****+ 
  2. Help Chan get things from high spaces whenever he asks
  3. Keep a GPA over 3.0 
  4. Attend meetings 
  5. Never make Jeonghan upset or sad (Rule added by the courtesy of the members) 



The rules seemed easy, just like he’d expected of an honor’s society. All he had to do was keep his grades up, get things for the small guy over there, not upset whoever the hell "Jeonghan" was, and attend a few meetings every once in a while. He could do that. 

But… what did “****+” even mean? 

“Um, excuse me,” Seungcheol said, calling the taller boy back over since Chan was busy grabbing more wristbands from a box behind the table. 

“What's up?” 

“Can you tell me what these stars here mean?” Seungcheol asked, somewhat yelling over the steadily increasing noise around him. The boy chuckled as if the question amused him.

“It’s exactly what you think it means,” the tall guy hummed and even had the nerve to pat him on the back with a mischievous smirk playing on his lips this time. Then, he returned to whatever he was doing behind the table. 

Okay… There was still one problem here. Which was the fact that Seungcheol still had _no_ idea what these stars could possibly mean. But fuck it, if it’s something bad, he’ll just leave the club.

So Seungcheol picked up the pen that was sitting on the table and wrote his name, year, and major, which was cognitive psychology with a concentration in mental illness. Long name for a major but to Seungcheol, it made him sound smarter. 

After that, he bowed slightly to those behind the table and was off to look at any other club he may be interested in. 

***

After walking for about five more minutes and getting a few cookies, nothing else caught Seungcheol’s eye. He was considering writing his name down for the baking club, but he honestly thought that it required a little too much commitment for a club that just put stuff in the oven. He could do that with his mother whenever he wanted to. 

So instead of waiting around any longer, Seungcheol made his way to his 12:30 class which was social psychology. It’s only the first day of the second week of classes so Seungcheol took his phone from his pocket and checked his schedule that he screenshotted. 

“Room 214, in the Science building,” he read aloud to himself. He makes it to class about ten minutes before the official starting time, but at least he wasn't the first one there. Three other people were already in there. 

So Seungcheol took a seat and scrolled through absolutely nothing in particular on his social media page. He hadn’t noticed how many people had begun shuffling in, because his music was still playing and the memes he was reading were funny as hell, until someone tapped his shoulder.

"Huh?"

“Hey! I remember you from when you stopped by the table,” the guy said, his smile brighter than even the sun. “What’s your name again?”

“Seungcheol.” It came out a lot more timid sounding than it was meant to. Seungcheol wasn’t timid anyway. He was just trying to rack his brain for when he saw this guy’s face. 

“I’m from S.∆.T.,” he said, noticing Seungcheol’s hesitance. “You know, that club you stopped by? You probably didn’t see me because I was taking care of stuff in the far back with our leader and stuff.” 

“Yeah,” Seungcheol nodded, watching as the guy took a seat. 

“I’m Seokmin.”

Seungcheol nodded. Normally, that would’ve been the end of the conversation. Seungcheol was social, but not social enough to lead a conversation so easily. But he didn’t really have that luxury at the moment. 

He had no friends. And honestly, he could really use some. 

Plus, Seokmin didn’t seem that bad either if he was being honest. 

“So, what’s your major?” Seungcheol asked, finally putting down his phone completely to focus solely on Seokmin. If he learned anything while being a psychology major, he definitely knew what made people feel comfortable. Step one to that was ensuring that you seemed interested, starting with eye contact… Or something close to that because Seungcheol wasn’t someone who looked people in the eye regularly. 

Nope. Eye contact was only for his family, close friends (which he had none of), and sex. 

“Sociology and political science,” Seokmin said brazenly. He seemed more than ecstatic about being asked about his major and Seungcheol understood completely. Anyone who double majored deserved the bragging rights that came along with all of that work. “What about you?”

“Cognitive psychology… with a concentration in mental illness.” Yeah, Seungcheol added on his concentration just to make it sound better. So what?

“Cool! So you wanna be a therapist or something like that?” 

“Pediatric psychiatrist,” Seungcheol corrected. “I want nothing more than to be able to help children, you know.”

“Definitely,” Seokmin said, as he began taking a notebook from his backpack. “I think I’ve always wanted to help the community, but from a legal perspective. Like-” 

It seemed like after that, Seokmin never stopped talking. Seungcheol really didn’t mind. With his slightly introverted personality, he thought he fit quite well with Seokmin who seemed to be really extroverted. 

He would have to get used to how loud Seokmin was but the guy was likeable nonetheless. He kind of had to since he was obviously in the club too. 

Just as Seungcheol was about to ask Seokmin more about S.∆.T. (specifically what the hell those stars were supposed to mean), the professor walked into the door and began class immediately. 

***

Seungcheol was starving by the time his last class of the day ended, which was a random history class that he was required to take. He wasn’t fond of history at all so he was happy when he was able to get into a simple “Global History 102” class. 

The only bad part was the fact it ended at 5.

He went straight to the campus market after class to buy some chocolate for his short walk home. The day crept by like it usually did when he was by himself. He guessed that the saying was true: time flies when you’re having fun. It seemed to slow down when you weren’t though. 

He had no one to pass the time with so during his breaks between classes, Seungcheol sat alone and listened to music. 

_What a shitty start to the week_ , he thought as he ripped open his favorite chocolate candy.

Seungcheol decided to walk home without his headphones in, mostly because he didn’t feel like getting them out of his bag so he opted to just walk with the tune of the wind as his music. Not that ideal but it was a nice, quiet evening anyway. 

Just as he turned on his street, his phone started vibrating in his pocket, alerting him that someone texted him. If it were his mother, he would have ignored it and just talked to her when he got home but instead, it was from this girl that he had been “seeing” for a few weeks now. 

Nayoung wasn’t his girlfriend. Just someone he got close to after losing all of his friends and his girlfriend at the time. 

Nayoung was only someone he talked to periodically at first. But when last summer began, they started talking a lot more. 

You see, it started when Seungcheol went through a small depressive episode. He was used to them. His anxiety and depression getting the best of him sometimes that all he really felt like he could do was lay there in his bed and stuff his face. 

But his girlfriend at the time didn’t believe Seungcheol one bit when he told her about these depressive states he went into sometimes. Her reasoning behind his sudden disappearance was that he was cheating.

Which Seungcheol would never do, by the way. 

His small group of friends believed her too. Even going as far as to scold him for lying about depression as a cover up for cheating. No matter how much Seungcheol tried, his friends refused to talk to him. 

One day during his lonely summer, Nayoung invited him over to her house. Seungcheol knew why. He knew exactly what it meant. What else was he doing besides laying there and baking things with his mom and dad? 

So he went. And him and Nayoung have been having casual sex whenever either of them wanted to. 

And it looked like today was one of those days for her.

Seungcheol smirked as he followed the path up the front door of his home. After a horrible, lonely day, he wouldn’t mind spending the night with her. 

He typed out a quick “On my w-” but that was when he started getting a call. 

**Seokmin**

“When did he- Oh,” Seungcheol almost forgot that he and Seokmin exchanged numbers earlier before he left his social psych class. He hadn’t even remembered because so much had happened in that hour tha Seungcheol needed a breather from him. 

But… he hoped that Seokmin would be his friend one day. 

So he answered the call as he entered his house.

“Hello?” He said, shutting the door behind him, kicking off his shoes, and waving to his parents who were in the living room. 

“Hey!” He was still as happy as ever. Did he ever get tired? “Good news. I talked to the club. Initiation is next Monday, okay? We’ll go after our class together. Sounds good?”

“Sounds great, Min.” Seungcheol was a bit distracted checking the pots on the stove to see what his mom made for dinner. 

“We have nicknames already? I’m flattered! I’m gonna have to think of one. Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow. Yeah?”

“Yup.” Seungcheol let out a deep breath. He wanted to ask Seokmin to hang out more… to be his friend. But he thought it sounded too elementary so he just said “alright, bye,” instead. 

“Bye.”

Then the phone hung up. Almost as if she had been listening from behind the wall-- he wouldn’t put it past her-- his mom rushed into the kitchen with a bright smile on her face. 

“Tell me all about your day.” 

Seungcheol sighed and allowed himself to be enveloped by his mother. His father came in next to listen to Seungcheol explain his day, so of course he attempted to make it sound much more fun than it was. 

Beginning with the club he’d joined this morning. 

It looked like Nayoung would have to wait a bit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I missed writing soooo here I am! I know it's short but there's more coming. I honestly am excited about writing this. As someone who is in college and a huge lesbian, I felt like writing about some gays in college too. It won't be my experiences of course (I'm not trying to write a memoir. I'm boring as fuck) but hopefully, everyone can enjoy this. 
> 
> Leave kudos and comments and stuff! (Only if you want) It makes me so happy to know how much you guys like my writing. It also motivates me (not only to write more but to also do my homework that I honestly hate doing.) 
> 
> Love ya!


	2. Chapter 2

“Whyyyyy,” Jeonghan whined into the phone. “I need you here.” 

“You’ll be fine. You’re the mom, aren’t you?” 

“Stop calling me a ‘mom’ please. And you’re the president,” Jeonghan retorted. “Plus, we just moved in! I’m only a sophomore, I can’t lead a whole house of guys. Come on, Minki!”

Minki, the president of  S.  ∆ .  T., was going to study abroad for the year and he was trying to leave Jeonghan in charge. Which usually wouldn’t be a problem… if they hadn’t just qualified for an off campus house. Something like a frat house but technically not because this wasn’t even a fraternity. 

But being in charge meant that Jeonghan was responsible for all of these guys, including the new members, all under one roof. Was Minki trying to drive him mad. 

“I have to go now, Han,” Minki said. Jeonghan could hear that stupidly kind smile on his lips. “I’m still the president so of course I’m gonna call every chance I get.”

“Ok… Well thanks for helping us move in.”

“No problem. I’ll talk to you later.” 

With a disappointed sigh, Jeonghan got up from the couch and went into the kitchen where everyone else was sitting, most likely annoying each other while Mingyu cooked. The noise was very telling.

“What are you guys fighting about now?” Jeonghan grunted, approaching Mingyu and looking over the taller's shoulder and into the pots that were simmering. “Smells delicious,” he commented with a grin before Seungkwan shouted. 

“What the hell are you even talking about?” Jeonghan asked as he moved to stand around the dining table like the rest of them were. The kitchen was large enough for all of them to be in there and it not to feel too crowded.

“Minghao and Soonyoung’s stupidity,” Chan started. 

“How am I the stupid one?” Soonyoung gaped, looking completely baffled by the accusation. 

“You agree with Minghao, therefore, his stupidity naturally extends to you,” Wonwoo explained in a voice that was as condescending as ever. “I wouldn’t expect a dance major to understand that logic though.”

Both Chan and Soonyoung narrowed their eyes at Wonwoo, both of the dance majors offended. 

“I’ve seen you in the club and at parties, Wonwoo, you could use a dance lesson or two,” Seungkwan uttered under his breath yet not so subtly at all. Seokmin nearly doubled over in laughter, standing just to imitate the way Wonwoo dances in the club. Quite accurately too. 

Jeonghan couldn’t really defend Wonwoo on that one, the guy had no rhythm. 

“Remember that next time you need help with your bio homework,” Wonwoo hummed, standing from his chair and going to Mingyu instead, who was cooking and laughing loudly whenever he heard something funny. 

“Let’s ask Hannie,” Seokmin said loudly over everyone’s collective voice. The kitchen instantly fell silent, everyone giving Jeonghan’s soft voice the chance to fill the room. 

“Ok, explain the situation.”

“Alright,” Minghao said before anyone else could, taking the liberty to explain the situation in his own way. “So the three new members we chose to accept were Seungcheol, Jihoon, and someone named Junhui, right?”

“Right.” 

“So. This guy Junhui, I’m 99% sure that he is the guy that has been messing around with my girlfriend.” 

Jeonghan nodded again, waiting on the rest of the situation. 

“Now tell these guys that I have every right to be upset about this.” 

Jeonghan didn’t even have the time to even respond because the room just  _ erupted  _ with everyone’s voices and noise. Yelling and shouting about how Minghao was a liar. Everyone shouting to get their opinion across and to be heard over the person next to them. 

Since screaming  _ never  _ usually worked thanks to his soft voice, Jeonghan had to go one by one to each of them and tell them to quiet down. The good thing about being the ‘mom’ of this group, was that all of them tended to respect his wishes.

When he got everyone to settle down enough, Jeonghan shut his eyes and sighed, just to revel in the fact that he was able to hear himself once again. “Okay. So, what the hell is the problem here? I don’t get it.”

Before anyone could start shouting again, Jeonghan spun on his heel and pointed to Mingyu. He seemed to just have finished the preparations for the initiation dinner and was tasting things now. “Mingyu, please tell me what the hell these heathens are talking about?”

“Minghao doesn’t like this Junhui guy because apparently he thinks that he is the guy that his girlfriend has been cheating on him with. And rightfully so, Seungkwan told him that he should be mad at his girlfriend and not Junhui.” 

“Which is true by the way!” Seokmin added. 

“Soonyoung’s so stupid that he agrees with Minghao,” Chan chuckled.

“This is what you guys have been yelling about instead of picking who you’re going to room with?” Jeonghan grumbled. “I asked you to discuss that.”

“Just answer the question so we can get this situation over with,” Wonwoo said from behind him, causing Jeonghan to huff in annoyance. 

“Minghao, why are you mad at Junhui if your girlfriend is the one cheating? Junhui has no obligation to you.”

“EXACTLY. That’s what I’ve been saying this entire time!” Seokmin yelled. Jeonghan shot him a warning look, demanding yet pleading him to keep his voice down. 

“Come  _ on _ , Hannie,” Minghao whined. “Can’t you try to see this from my perspective?”

This wasn’t the first and it definitely wouldn’t be his last time he was stuck making a choice. All of them wanted Jeonghan on their side. It was like Jeonghan was the Joker in a deck of cards. If you had him on your side, then you’d automatically win. 

This amount of credibility sounded like it should be a blessing but to Jeonghan, who was a major people pleaser, it felt like a curse. He just wanted them to leave him out of it, but unfortunately that never happened. 

“I get it, Hao. I do. You have every right to be upset, but I think your anger is targeted at the wrong person.” His answer to these situations was always an answer that lied directly in the middle. Vague enough to not make an actual choice but enough of an answer for everyone to feel satisfied. 

Compromise. 

“Alright. As you know, we have extra members being initiated tomorrow so this house needs to be clean. Chan, Mingyu, Wonwoo, and I will be in charge of cleaning up downstairs. Minghao, Seokmin, Soonyoung, and Seungkwan are in charge of cleaning upstairs. Got it? I want it clean and presentable in here and I mean it.” 

“It’s only three new members,” Chan whined. 

“It could be one new member and I would still want this house clean,” Jeonghan dictated. To him, it was just his regular leader voice, but to everyone else, he sounded like a mom. It was where he got his nickname from after all. 

“Whoever finishes cleaning first can pick their rooms first. Sounds good?” 

“Wait can we trade Soonyoung for Mingyu?” Seokmin asked. “Soonyoung sucks at cleaning.”

“Fuck you.”

“Name the time and place and I’ll be there.” Seokmin always had some sarcastic and sometimes weird, remark ready. But no matter how weird they were, they served their purpose because no one ever knew what to say in return. 

“Anyway. Let’s get to it.” 

***

“So what are we gonna do after initiation tomorrow to celebrate,” Mingyu asked as he fluffed the several pillows on their large couch that Minki got from a friend. It sounded like a perfectly innocent question but Jeonghan knew exactly what Mingyu was hinting at. 

The frat party tomorrow night.

Jeonghan got to his feet after organizing their entertainment center in their huge living room. “I don’t have anything planned. But if your guys want to go to the party, then you can.”

“You’re not gonna come?” Chan asked, his voice low in that pleading tone whenever he wanted something from Jeonghan. He was in charge of sweeping the entire first floor. Hannie purposefully gave Chan that job because the youngest usually couldn’t reach everything. 

“It’s not the same when you don’t come with us. A party isn’t the same when you aren’t there to dance with us and lecture us about alcohol intake.”

“He’s right, Hannie.” Wonwoo was preparing the mop all the way in the kitchen, who asked for his input? “Soonyoung’s gonna get drunk if you aren’t there.”

“Y’all already planned on going, didn’t you?” Jeonghan asked.

“Yup,” Mingyu admitted. “Plus, I was thinking we could bring the new members with us. It’ll be good for our brotherhood, you know.”

“Alright, I’ll come with you. Only because I know none of you are responsible. And yes, that’s an insult.” He added the last part before Chan could ask. 

The house was only quiet for a few moments before hard footsteps were pounding down the staircase followed by Seungkwan’s loud voice. 

“Can we take a break, please! This house is too damn big to clean all at once.” 

Jeonghan could only chuckle. He was actually thinking the same thing. They still had to clean the bathrooms on the first floor, roll out the new rugs, and put up the rest of the decorations. 

“Yeah. Let’s take a break.”

“Let’s order pizza!” Minghao shouted from upstairs, yet his voice was loud and clear nonetheless. 

“Alright… Let’s order a pizza. We’re using Minki’s card,” Jeonghan said. It’ll be payback for leaving him as the leader of a club of so many wild boys for a whole year. As he stood to go and find his wallet somewhere upstairs, he grabbed Chan’s cellphone that he’d put on top of the entertainment center that nearly covered the entire wall it was against. 

“Mingyu, call everyone downstairs to the kitchen so we can pick toppings,” Jeonghan asked. Unlike him, Mingyu had a loud voice that he learned to utilize at times as a bullhorn when he knew his own voice wouldn’t work. 

As Mingyu cupped his hands around his mouth and took a deep breath, Jeonghan was speed walking into the kitchen, pulling Chan along with him to preserve the youngest’s ears too. They both waited in the kitchen with Wonwoo as they watched all of the boys flood into the kitchen shouting the pizza toppings they wanted. 

He wondered if he could ever really get used to being the mom of this rowdy bunch of guys… Jeonghan’s head slightly throbbed, knowing that tomorrow, there would be three more guys. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another small chapter! The chapters may get longer as the story goes on because right now, these are just introductions to our two main characters. 
> 
> Because of the virus and me not being able to leave the house, I won't be too busy. My classes are online though so I don't have an exact date for when I'll update but I'll try to be consistent! I want to provide some type of entertainment for you guys if you guys are stuck in the house too or something. Or even if you aren't. ^^
> 
> Love ya!


	3. Chapter 3

Seungcheol woke up to the sound of his phone’s alarm clock and Nayoung lightly snoring next to him. They were both squeezed into her twin sized bed in her dorm room. Raising his head up a little to stretch and turn off his alarm, Seungcheol froze when he saw Nayoung’s roommate shift around in her sleep. 

Fuck. 

“Nayoung.” He tapped her arm. “Your roommate's here,” he whispered frantically, his voice still laced with sleep. 

Nayoung groaned. “Who cares?” Her voice was just as rough. 

“Me. I have to get up and go to uni.”

“Then get up. Kyulkyung is gay, she doesn’t care,” Nayoung mumbled as she turned around to go back to sleep. Seungcheol doesn’t say anything more, wondering what her roommate being gay had to do with anything. 

“Oh and, Nayoung, don’t just go around outing your roommate, okay?”

The only response he had gotten was a tired, somewhat cute grunt of acknowledgement. 

As Seungcheol rolled out of the bed and stood, he frowned and even slightly gagged. He was tired, grimy, and sweaty. It must’ve been because of her small bed and the fact that he hadn't taken a shower so he was still covered in sweat from last night's escapades. 

Scurrying around the room for his clothes and shoes and whatever else he brought here, Seungcheol rushed into the small bathroom before Kyulkyung could wake up and see a guy running around her room, at the ass crack of dawn, naked. He heavily doubted a lesbian would want to see a naked man in her room. 

He wasn’t trying to catch a case here. 

Taking a quick look at himself in the mirror, Seungcheol sighed. Was this what Seungcheol’s sophomore year was going to be like? No strings attached sex with Nayoung whenever she called, no friends, and just spending every day and night snuggled between his parents as if he wasn’t about to be twenty this year. 

Before he could get too deep into his thoughts, he pulled on his clothes, vowing to take a shower as soon as he could. He used one of the girl’s brushes to make his hair look presentable for the day. Luckily, yesterday was Sunday so even if he does wear the same clothes he came here with, no one would know. 

Silently leaving the bathroom, he glanced one last time towards the two girls and only then noticed that Kyulkyung was up and out of bed, already moving around her room. 

“Hey,” she uttered when she noticed Seungcheol staring at her awkwardly, not really knowing what to say. “You can use this.” She grabbed something from the table next to her bed and tossed it to Seungcheol, who barely caught it. 

Deodorant spray.

“Thanks a lot.”

“Thought you could use a bit. Not saying you stink or anything... which you probably do.” Kyulkyung began to tie her hair up into a high, messy ponytail, her eyes still low. “I just know what it’s like to need to freshen up after spending the night at a girl’s dorm. You should always carry something like that with you.” 

Seungcheol laughed and took the top off of the spray and sprayed a bit on himself. 

“Thanks a lot.” He tossed the can back, Kyulkyung catching it a lot smoother than he did. “See ya.” 

“Bye.” 

When he'd made it outside, Seungcheol checked his phone again and sped up his pace a bit. He had to catch the bus back to his university from Nayoung’s college that was all the way in another part of town. He saw that he had some text messages from a few people but paid them no mind at the moment, too scared that he might miss the bus. He didn't wanna be stranded. It was actually one of his worst fears ever since he was a kid. 

When he did make it to the bus stop, he had about five more minutes until the bus was supposed to come. He smiled at the old woman who was already sitting there and opened his phone again. 

One was from his mom, of course, telling him to have a good day. He could’ve left it there, but he gave in and just sent her a text that consisted of a few emoji hearts. She loved those for some reason. 

The other was from Seokmin. 

**Seokmin**

Let’s hang out this morning before class

If you wanna

Well of course you do

Please.

Meet me by the coffee shop on campus

**Me**

Lol sure

I’ll be there in 20

His response took almost no time. 

**Seokmin**

Great!

Just as he read the text, the bus slowly came to a stop in front of him and the elderly woman. Letting her on first, watching just in case she needed any help, Seungcheol boarded the bus, paid, and went to sit down. 

As much as he would like to, Seungcheol couldn’t deny the warm feeling prickling in his chest. It’s almost like being in middle school all over again and he’d just made his first friend. It should’ve been pathetic, but it wasn’t. It was a simple happiness that he was enjoying. The best part about people like Seokmin was that he probably was able to feel Seungcheol’s loneliness and decided to render it better with his own bandage of happiness. 

That was cheesy but it was just the mood he was in. He put his headphones in his ear and listened to music the entire fifteen minute ride to his university. 

Thanking the bus driver, Seungcheol hopped off of the bus and walked to campus. It was more like rushing to the coffee shop but Seungcheol wouldn’t admit that. 

When he’d made it to the coffee shop, he scoped out the area, the scent of coffee beans and freshly baked bread filling his nose, before finally catching the eye of Seokmin. He was leaning against the wall with his headphones in his ears. It was no doubt weird to see Seokmin with his mouth closed. He was either always giving a large, toothy smile or just talking nonstop. 

“Hey!” Seokmin practically shouted when he saw Seungcheol approach. “I was starting to wonder if you were gonna come or not.”

“I wouldn’t go back on my word like that,” Seungcheol reassured, pocketing both his headphones and phone. 

“Good. People like that make my stomach hurt.” When Seungcheol began laughing, Seokmin turned to him with a serious face. “I’m serious.”

But before Seungcheol could even take that seriously, Seokmin burst into laughter, instantly making Seungcheol do the same. 

“You’re stupid, you know.” It was said almost like a soft yet sudden revelation, as if he just realized it. 

“I know. I get that a lot,” Seokmin feigned sadness but Seungcheol was getting the hang of Seokmin’s sense of frivolous humor. “Let me buy us coffee to make up for it.” Seokmin looked determined to do this since before Seungcheol could deny it-- he wasn’t that big on coffee-- Seokmin was already in line. 

“What do you wanna get, hmmmm?”

“Um… Hot chocolate… with a lot of marshmallows.” 

“You got it,” Seokmin declared, pulling his wallet from his back pocket, which happened to be decorated with One Piece characters. It was so brightly colored and animated, but Seungcheol can’t say that he expected anything less from him. 

“One Piece is one of my favorite anime,” Seokmin said when he noticed Seungcheol staring. Either he didn’t notice Seungcheol’s look of confusion or he just didn’t let that dampen his excitement. The delight filling Seokmin’s eyes was unmatched and unlike anything Seungcheol had seen before. 

He distantly wished that he had such excitement in his veins when he was talking about something he loved. People like this find happiness in the smallest things. It was probably why Seokmin smiled so much.

“I don’t watch anime that much,” Seungcheol admitted softly, feeling somewhat less of a person at the revelation. 

“We’re gonna change that,” Seokmin declared. An opportunity to reply was cut short when Seokmin turned to the barista behind the register. “Good morning. I’d like one Iced Americano and a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows, please.” 

“I’m gonna go sit at that booth over there.” Seungcheol gestured with a nod of his head over to the small booth in the corner.

“Alright. I’ll be right there.”

Seungcheol sat there for about a total of five minutes before Seokmin slowly came over, two cups in hand. 

“Here you go.” Seokmin deftly placed the cup in front of Seungcheol. “It’s hot,” he uttered. An obvious comment masqueraded perfectly as a caring comment. 

“Thanks. I’ll pay next time.” 

“I’ll hold you to it.” Seokmin slid into the booth and took a quick sip of his Americano, pulling away with a satisfied and dragged out, “Ahh.” 

“I’ve been needing one of these since yesterday. It’s only the third week and my caffeine addiction is starting up again.”

“That’s probably why you’re so hype,” Seungcheol hummed, wrapping his hands around the cup, basking in the smell of cocoa. Bringing the cup up to his lips, Seungcheol took a long sip, opening his mouth a bit to allow one of the soft marshmallows onto his tongue. His favorite part of hot chocolate was marshmallows. 

“You’re probably right,” Seokmin admitted. Almost as if to say that it didn’t matter to him, Seokmin took another long sip of coffee, mimicking the same satisfied sound from before. “Anyway. Initiation.”

An anxious twist pulled at his stomach at the mention of the initiation. It wasn’t that he thought anything bad would happen, new things just made him nervous. “I’m all ears.”

“It’s right after our Social Psych class. I’m gonna bring you to the house so you won’t have to worry about the directions or anything.”

“House?” Seungcheol wrapped his hands around his cup, feeling the warmth radiate from the cup and heating up the palms of his hands. “What house?”

“A frat house basically. But luckily, there were some unoccupied ones on campus and the dean said it would be okay for us to use it. We are an honor’s society after all.”

“Do I have to live there too?” 

“Not necessarily. You could if you want to. We'd love that. But if you don’t want to then you don’t have to. No one’s forcing anyone to do anything… Well, Chan might, but don’t worry about him.”

“So, what’s initiation gonna be like?” Seungcheol was honestly just asking questions to pass the time now. The last thing he wanted to do was sit in awkward silence, but he doubted Seokmin would let that happen anyway. 

“Honestly, nothing formal. Just a few introductions of the members. The rules. Some mandatory paperwork if you wanna live in the house. Things like that. Nothing too serious. Our president is studying abroad at the moment anyway so there’s not much else to do. We’re just a club. A family of sorts. The meetings will just be check ins. And Jeonghan is gonna be leading everything for now though. You’ll meet him when we get there.” 

Seungcheol recalled the name from the rules somewhere. 

“Is that the one I’m not allowed to upset?” 

“Yup. No one gets to upset Jeonghan. Annoying him is fine. But…” For the first time, Seokmin had an actually serious face. “If you mess with Jeonghan… it’s gonna be bad. He’s like the dad of the house. No one likes when someone upsets the person that takes care of everyone, you know. Someone that has such a soft and kind heart.”

“Yeah… I get it,” Seungcheol nodded. With the hot chocolate cooling down by the second, he was finally able to drink it consistently without the fear of scorching his taste buds. “Um… What about the stars in the rules? I don’t know what they mean.”

“Exactly what you think,” Seokmin grinned. Seungcheol wanted to scream yet felt morose at the same time. 

“Okay, Cheol. Let’s get to class. You’ll get confirmation on what that means in a bit. Patience is key.”

***

When class ended, Seungcheol’s fingers were practically throbbing and stiff from all of the note-taking he had to do today. Luckily, long lectures like this one were only on Mondays so Seungcheol wasn’t _too_ upset about it. 

Seokmin looked like her was in just as much pain as he was but was handling it much better by softly massaging his knuckles. 

Like they’d agreed before, Seungcheol followed Seokmin outside, into the very much needed heat of outside. The science building was always freezing. 

Along with the crowd of students that just got released from class, they walked along the path. Seungcheol with his hands stuffed in his pockets and Seokmin now massaging his other hand. Eventually, they peeled away from the crowd of students that were either heading to the cafeteria or the dorms and turned down a side street that Seungcheol had never been down before. 

This must be the side street that led to the frat and sorority houses. 

“Hey, S. ∆.T. must be a really esteemed club to qualify for one of the houses, right?” Seungcheol asked when he noticed that the further they ambled down the road, the bigger the houses got. They must have one of the biggest ones. 

“No. We just qualify for the house, is all. We’re an honor’s society so we get privileges like getting a bigger house than fraternities and sororities. The perks of being smart.” 

They finally reach a large grey house with the club's name placed in a large font just about above the door, just like the rest of the frat and sorority houses on the block. 

S.∆.T.

“Prepare to meet the family,” Seokmin marveled excitedly. Before Seokmin even opened the door, there was yelling from the inside. Or was that just someone who talked way too loudly like Seokmin did. 

His question was promptly answered when he opened the door and chaos seemed to ensue. Someone was yelling and chasing the guy he remembered was called Chan and the guy chasing him like some Goliath was that tall guy from before. There were two more people sitting on the couch. They must’ve also been new members because they looked just as perplexed as Seungcheol was feeling. 

“Mingyu! Stop chasing Chan!” Seokmin yelled, dropping his bag by the door, quickly toeing off his shoes and running off too. Seungcheol just stood by the door and took everything in. 

There was a guy with thick-framed glasses eating a popsicle, a guy angrily scowling at one of the boys on the couch, and not to mention the several other guys roaming the house. But even though there were so many men running around here and filling the space with noise, Seungcheol admired how clean and spacious the house was. 

A guy that he hadn’t seen before with a voice as soft as his facial features walked up to him. “Hi. You can sit on the couch. I’m sorry for the commotion. I’m Jeonghan, by the way.” 

“I’m Seungcheol,” he said, his voice coming out much more breathless than he would’ve liked. This was Jeonghan. The parent of the club and the one who none of these members would allow to hurt. He could understand why just by looking at Jeonghan. 

“Great. Now we can start then.” Jeonghan gave a bright smile that seemed quite forced, especially since he looked so exhausted overall. “Did you happen to see that tall guy running around here?”

“He went that way,” Seungcheol said, pointing toward the hallway past the staircase. 

“Thank you,” and with that Jeonghan was running behind him, his soft voice not doing much to stop the rowdiness. But something must have happened because a loud booming voice came just as Seungcheol strolled into the living area and sat on the couch. 

“JEONGHAN SAID EVERYONE MEET IN THE LIVING ROOM!” 

Luckily, he wasn’t the only one of the three of them that got started by the shouting. One by one, guys began filing in from several different sides of the couch. Nothing formal or rehearsed, just all of the guys running in to sit-- if what they were doing could even count as sitting-- on the furniture and floor. Jeonghan stood in front of the flat screen t.v. and the entertainment center that took up most of the wall.

Suddenly, Seungcheol’s anxiousness dissipated and he felt like he could finally relax.

“Okay,” Jeonghan said. “I guess we can start initiation then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Initiation is the next chapter! I hope you guys are enjoying it as much as I'm enjoying writing it. ^^


	4. Chapter 4

“I know this is gonna be a bit elementary,” Jeonghan scratched timidly at the nape of his neck. “But bear with me, kay. Anyway, introductions. We’re gonna go around and say our names, majors, and our sexual identities. If you want, you can say something interesting but you don’t have to, of course.”

Sexual identities? 

Seungcheol pondered on why that even mattered at first but in the end shrugged it off. Seokmin had said that they were a family here, and since sexuality and acceptance was such a big thing nowadays, he guessed that it was a big deal to them. Seungcheol respected that. 

“I’ve always hated introductions,” the guy with the rounded and thick-framed glasses said, still munching on his green popsicle. His voice was a lot deeper than Seungcheol would have thought in the beginning. 

“I know. That’s why it’ll be quick so-” 

“I’ll go first! Okay, so I’m Boo Seungkwan… Um, what else, Hannie?”

“Your major, sexuality, and possibly a fun fact,” Jeonghan reiterated as he took a seat in the comfy looking chair not too far away from the rest of them.

“Please don’t give a fun fact. You’re boring.”

“Shut up, Hao. Anyway. I’m Boo Seungkwan. I’m a journalism major. I’m gay or bi with a preference for men… I don’t know. Either one of those. Something interesting about me is-” 

“Okay. So, I’m Kwon Soonyoung,” a guy with very thin eyes hopped up from the floor before Seungkwan could finish his introduction. Seungkwan popped him upside the head and sulked to himself. Okay, so it seemed to Seungcheol that this Seungkwan person was very talkative. So much that they were cutting him short. He must be even worse than Seokmin. 

“My major is dance. My sexuality lies somewhere in the grey area of asexuality. I only feel sexual attraction for very few people. I don’t know what to call it at the moment. But yeah… I like men as well as women. Oh! A fun fact about me is that I’m a black belt in taekwondo. I kick _asssss_ ,” he sang. A euphony of chuckles swept lightly across the room at the comment.

Seungcheol made a quick mental note to possibly have a friendly competition with this Soonyoung guy. He’s been wanting to spar with someone for a long time now. But his attention was grabbed when the tall guy stood. 

“I’m Kim Mingyu. I’m a physical therapy major, which I hate by the way. I’m bisexual. I really like cooking so I’m the maid of the house.”

“Lee Chan, here. I’m a dance major also. I’m also bisexual and I’m a freshman here. I’m only in the club because our president is my older brother so I get a free pass.” 

“Jeon Wonwoo. My major is pre med optometry. As you can see, I can’t see for shit so if I ever lose my glasses, please tell me. Oh, and I’m gay.”

As Seungcheol continued to listen to everyone introduce themselves, everything was slowly starting to come together. Very slowly though…

“I’m Lee Seokmin! I’m a double major in sociology and political science. I’m also a _homosexual_. A very loud one.” 

A lump was forming in Seungcheol’s throat for a reason that he couldn’t pinpoint at the moment.

“I’m Xu Minghao. I’m Chinese but please say my name the correct way. I’m a simple bisexual, psych major.” 

“Okay, so before you three introduce yourselves,” Jeonghan sent a tired smile their way. Leading didn’t seem like one of Jeonghan’s skills. “My name’s Yoon Jeonghan. I’m a premed dentistry major. I’m the person in charge of the club for now. And I’m also gay… So, which of you three would like to go first?”

The guy at the other end of the couch raised his hand bashfully and exhaled. Seungcheol definitely knew that it was a sigh of anxiousness, he knew it all too well. He probably sighed out of nervousness about twenty times a day. 

“I’m Wen Junhui. I’m glad I’m not the only Chinese one here. I don’t know my sexuality yet, so I guess you can say I’m questioning. And I’m a linguistics and education double major.”

“Aww, a baby gay,” Seungkwan chuckled. “Cute.” 

Seungcheol narrowed his eyes at nothing in particular, his gaze fixated on the wall as his mind began racing at an attempt to make it all make sense. 

The meaning of those stars were becoming _very_ clear all of a sudden. Now, Seungcheol was contemplating the idea of just leaving, apologizing for intruding, and running away. What the hell had he even gotten himself into? 

The tiny guy sitting next to him went next.

“I’m Lee Jihoon. I major in music composition. I’m just sexually fluid… That’s it.” 

Seungcheol was the last one. The only one in fact.

It wasn’t until then that it had all become clear to him that this was an LGBT+ club. That’s what those stars meant. S. ∆.T. was an honor’s society for LGBT people, something that he was not. 

He honestly wanted to scream, excuse himself to the bathroom and scream. But instead, he introduced himself like the sane part of himself was advising him to do.

“I’m Choi Seungcheol… What’s up, y’all.” Yes, he was stalling until he figured out what he was gonna do. “I’m a cognitive psychology major and… yeah.” 

He had nothing.

“Do you not feel comfortable sharing your sexuality with us?” Jeonghan questioned, his eyes immediately soft and kind. How could someone not feel safe being at the receiving end of that gaze? “This is a safe place, I swear. That’s what this club is for. You don’t have to, if you don’t want to, but-” 

“I’m straight…” He whispered. Of course, Jeonghan or anyone more than a foot away from him didn’t hear him but the people close to him did. 

“He’s a hetero,” Jihoon announced on his behalf, probably being the only one to have heard it. 

To Seungcheol at least, it felt like the world had stopped for a second. 

“Fuck… he’s straight?” Mingyu said in disappointment. “Really?”

“I-I’m sorry. I-I didn’t-” He was honestly resisting the urge to break into tears. He was a grown man who made an honest mistake, he was sure that none of them would be angry at that, but his anxiety was telling him something much different. 

“Um… Look,” Jeonghan stopped him and got to his feet. “That’s okay… W-Welcome, Seungcheol. Okay… So the rules.” 

Jeonghan went into detail about the very few rules of the club, the number one rule being to keep your GPA above a 3.0. Another rule was that one mustn’t share any of the other members’ sexualities with anyone outside of the group, as everyone of them were closeted in some way or another. While Jeonghan obviously meant this for everyone, Seungcheol couldn’t help but feel like it was targeted directly at him.

Jeonghan continued to talk, telling everyone now about the house and the benefits of living there, but Seungcheol just wanted to… leave.

“Can I go take a walk?” Seungcheol blurted. “Please?” 

Jeonghan, shocked by being interrupted so suddenly, stopped abruptly to look at Seungcheol. “Of course. We’ll stop for now and continue when you get back.”

Muttering his thanks, Seungcheol practically jumped from the sofa and rushed out of the front door in which he came. Strongly considering never coming back. 

As soon as the door slammed shut behind Seungcheol, everyone looked to Jeonghan who was still standing awkwardly in front of everyone. They were waiting for his instruction, but all Jeonghan wanted to do was run after Seungcheol and comfort him. It was what he’d do for anyone else here. It was what he’d do for anybody. But as the leader, he had to stay here and keep things civil. Do the logical thing instead of the emotional one. 

If Minki were here, he would know exactly what to do, but Jeonghan was alone now and everyone was looking at him for an answer. 

“I honestly think it’s Seokmin’s fault,” Minghao sing-songed, ending the awkward silence. “He’s the one who told us to accept Seungcheol.” 

“I could’ve sworn he wasn’t straight,” Seokmin said defensively. “You can’t blame me. Plus, he’s a really cool guy. I think he’s great.”

“Why does it matter if he’s straight?” Jihoon questioned. 

“A het in our club is a tragedy,” Wonwoo said, as if it were an obvious and valid reasoning. “Should we ask him to leave the club?”

“Even if we do, he still knows all of our sexualities.”

“But we have to preserve the gay purity of the club somehow,” Seungkwan said loudly and dramatically. Seokmin wasn’t happy with the phrasing so of course, he joined in just as loudly. 

“He has no friends, you guys,” Seokmin said, almost pleadingly. “Everytime I see him, he’s alone. As someone who knows what it’s like to be alone, I refuse to let you guys do that to him.”

“He’s right.” Junhui uttered. “That’s mean, isn’t it guys?

“You’re one to talk,” Minghao scoffed under his breath, catching the attention of Junhui who just scowled. Before _that_ situation could blow up, Jeonghan held up his right hand to get everyone’s attention. 

Surprisingly, it worked and the noise steadily came to an end and then silence engulfed the room. Again, Jeonghan was the center of all of their attention. 

“I’ve decided that Seungcheol is going to stay in this club if he wants to. Seokmin is right. This club is about being a family. About acceptance. We will treat Seungcheol like we treat each other everyday. Especially if he has no friends. We’ve all been through a time like that in our lives. Haven’t we?”

“Because we’re not straight. Seungcheol can’t relate to that,” Soonyoung murmured, no longer looking directly at Jeonghan. Possibly afraid that Jeonghan may be upset at his opinion.

“How do we know that? For all we know he probably just thinks he’s straight. You never know,” Junhui spoke up. For the first time since they started, his voice was louder and more determined. “I’m speaking from experience.”

“Exactly. And even if he is a hetero, we accept him,” Jeonghan said before his hardened gaze swept over all of them and then softened again. “I know it’s gonna be weird. But I think everything will be okay. If you guys ever feel some way about it, come talk to me. I’ll listen to you. Like I always do. Okay?” 

A euphony of soft “okays” and “alrights” sounded throughout the room. 

“Wait. Can I still make jokes about him being a hetero?” Mingyu asked, sitting crosslegged on the floor now. Jeonghan opened his mouth to say no, but considering their circumstances, he realized that not making jokes would be a difficult feat to achieve, even for him. 

“Sure. But if he expresses any anger about it, we stop. Deal?”

“Deal!” 

Jeonghan loved seeing the togetherness of this club. It was always his favorite part of being the parent among them. But now that that was under control, he had one last thing to do. 

Find Seungcheol. 

“So… We have to decide who’s gonna go find Seungcheol and invite him back in here.” 

“Time for a game of rock, paper, scissors,” Soonyoung announced. 

“We can play this, but all I know is that it’s not gonna be me,” Jihoon said. 

Thus a game of rock, paper, scissors ensued.

Seungcheol had nowhere to go. He had class in about an hour so he couldn’t go home. He had no friends to confide in either. His best option was to call his mom or dad and talk to them about it, but he didn’t wanna do that either. 

After he made it back onto campus, he sat on a random bench outside and pulled his phone from his pocket. 

He scrolled through his few contacts in his phone and actually thought about calling one of his old friends. Yeah, they treated him like shit some months ago, but… Seungcheol really needed someone. He felt like he was steadily falling down a hill, hitting his head and collecting scars along the way yet no one was there to catch him. Why? He was beginning to think that he was partly to blame for his loneliness.

When he felt the rims of his eyes begin to burn as tears began to gather, Seungcheol angrily wiped them away. He wasn’t gonna sit here and cry because he was by himself. He was stronger than that… At least he hoped so.

Closing his eyes, he tried to focus on anything else that wasn’t himself until he heard his name being shouted. He had hoped it was Seokmin that had come after him to check on him, show him that their budding friendship wasn’t as easily replaceable as Seungcheol’s mind was telling him. 

But when he opened his eyes to see who that might’ve been, he was stunned to see that it was Mingyu running his way instead. 

“There you are, man,” Mingyu huffed breathlessly, his face twisted into a frown. He must’ve ran all the way to campus looking for him. “You’re not gonna come back?” Mingyu moved to sit on the bench beside Seungcheol. Even while breathing so heavily and out of breath, Mingyu still put on his best smile.

“Why? I’m not gonna do anything except cause trouble there. It’s obvious none of you want me there either.”

“Not true. At all. We were just shocked and a little conflicted.” 

“Why conflicted?” Seungcheol raised his gaze from his hands that were tightly clasped in his lap to look up at Mingyu for a moment, letting the taller continue. 

“Because you’re straight. There’s a lot of things that we go through that you probably won’t have to deal with as a straight person. This club is like a home to some of us and we thought that having you there might throw off the balance we have.”

“So why’d you follow me? It’ll just be better for me to not join. I promise that I won’t tell anybody what I heard in there. You got my word,” Seungcheol reassured. He tried to sound like he was sure about his decision. 

“But we decided that you should stay.”

“Why? Because of pity?”

“I mean… a little bit,” Mingyu admitted, relaxing his body and lounging back. “But not in a bad way. Look, Seokmin told us that you don’t have many friends. That he sees you alone all of the time and stuff. We all know how that feels. So…” Mingyu paused. He seemed to have gotten stuck because after a few moments of Seungcheol literally watching the gears in Mingyu’s head turn, he finally groaned. “Come on, just stay, Cheol! Don’t make me say what Jeonghan told me to say. It’s so cheesy, I think I might die.”

“If you say it, I might consider,” Seungcheol hummed between a few chuckles. 

“He said,” Mingyu feigned a gag. “He said… In the house, we’re a family. You became part of that when you walked up and put your name on the paper and when you showed up today. You’ve been welcomed into the family and now you have to stay.” 

“Do I _have_ to?” Seungcheol asked, a new teasing lilt to his voice. One that he hadn’t heard truly from himself in a long time. 

“Yes, hetero. You do.” Mingyu stood up, now looming over Seungcheol, enough to even block the sun that was currently glaring in his eyes. “Now get up. Everyone’s waiting.” 

Feeling like he lacked any other choice, Seungcheol stood, the dreadful feeling of loneliness that once inundated him now long gone.   
“Do I get to call you some type of nickname?” Seungcheol asked. 

“You’re gonna have to kiss me first, hetero.” 

“Nevermind, I guess.”

“You guess?” Mingyu laughed. “Am I already turning you, Cheol? That was easy.”

“In your dreams.”

“Yeah. I guess.” 

On the way back to the house, Mingyu told Seungcheol about the party that they were planning on going to tonight. According to Mingyu, it was supposed to be a bonding moment for all of them. 

So Seungcheol agreed. 

“Great, meet back here tonight at about 9 o’clock. We’re gonna be out all night so be ready, okay?” 

“Got it.” 

As they went into the house again, the living area was completely vacated, but the noise was still as loud and energetic as ever. Following behind Mingyu, they went into the kitchen. Everything went quiet for just a second or two when they noticed Mingyu enter. Yet when Seungcheol showed his face, they all began to yell for some reason… They were happy he was back.

“I see y’all started eating without us,” Mingyu complained loudly, pulling Seungcheol along with him to the dining table. “So rude. I slaved so long in this kitchen trying to cook all of this, you know.”

“We didn’t eat it all,” Jihoon reached over Chan’s head to grab two plates and passed them to Seungcheol and Mingyu. “So hurry up and get some before we do.”

“So you do have emotions?” Mingyu marveled. 

“Somewhat.”

“Here, Cheol,” Jeonghan stood up from his chair at the large dining table. “You can sit here.” 

“You’re too nice.”

“I’ll be sad if you don’t.” 

As soon as the word ‘sad’ left the other’s lips, Seungcheol was rushing to the seat. Like the rules stated, he couldn’t make Jeonghan sad. He was asking for trouble if he ever did. 

“Seungcheol, can you help me get the napkins from the top of the fridge?” Chan suddenly asked.

Another rule. So he couldn’t deny Chan either so instead, he rushed to get the napkins before running back to the chair. The rules may be a little harder to follow than he thought.

With a bashful grin to Jeonghan, he sat down, Wonwoo passing Seungcheol his plate, now filled with food. Jeonghan placed a pair of chopsticks in front of Seungcheol and began to… lovingly caress his head. Just like something a parent would do. He did the same to Jihoon too.

“Get used to this rowdiness,” Jeonghan said in a hushed voice. “It’s always like this. It’ll become the best part though.”

“I highly doubt that,” Jihoon scoffed as he stood to get more food. Still caressing Seungcheol’s head though, Jeonghan laughed. 

“You trust me, right?” Jeonghan looked down to Seungcheol expectantly. 

“For some reason, yeah.” 

Jeonghan pat Seungcheol’s shoulder twice. “Good.” Then he was off to dote on Chan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Okay, so I guess you can say this is the end of the intro of sorts. When I was first writing this, I was gonna make this intro one long ass chapter but I was like no, that's too long so I split it up into four. But it's done now! I hope you guys are liking the characters so far! 
> 
> Also, each couple are gonna have some type of story line, so sometimes, the point of view may be from one of the other characters' point of view. And I know that a few members of Seventeen are missing but trust me, they're coming! 
> 
> Love ya!


	5. Chapter 5

As soon as Seungcheol stepped under the steaming spray of the shower water, he couldn’t help but let out the softest of moans. He’d been needing a shower since this morning and with all of the stress he went through today, it felt like it had all built up in the muscles of his neck and back. 

For a moment, he just stood there, allowing the heat of the water to slowly relax his body. But he knew that he couldn’t get too comfortable because he had a party to go to tonight that he, in all honesty,  _ didn’t _ feel like going to. 

But this is what he’d asked for isn’t it? Some friends. Something to do other than cuddle with his parents. Something to curve his loneliness. So, he’d suck it up and go.

Grabbing his body wash and a towel, he lathered it up until it was insanely soapy, just like he liked it. Childish? Yes. But it was only because his mom always told him as a kid that “extra bubbles meant extra clean.” 

Plus, it was just fun. 

In the middle of him cleaning his toes, there was a knock on the door that could only belong to his dad. He always knocked like he was the damn police. 

“Yeah!” Seungcheol shouted over the running water. 

“Someone’s here for you,” his dad said. “Your mom told him to wait in your room.” 

It took Seungcheol a moment to figure that it was probably Seokmin. He had become  _ that _ accustomed to no one visiting him or even bothering him that he had completely forgotten that he’d given Seokmin his address earlier that day. The latter had apparently wanted to walk with him back to the house this evening.

“Okay! Tell him I’ll be out in a second.” 

“Okay.” 

He only needed five more minutes to finish before he turned off the running water and hopped out of the shower to dry off. Usually, he would blow dry his hair, but he didn’t want to keep Seokmin waiting so he just dried it to the best of his ability with the towel. Which didn’t do much. 

Gosh, he  _ hated _ the feeling of having wet hair. He felt like a wet dog. 

Nonetheless, he pulled on his boxers and wrapped his lower half in a towel and left the bathroom. He hadn’t even made it two steps out of the bathroom before his mom caught his attention with a soft hand on his naked shoulder. 

“I know this goes without saying, but me and your father are so happy to see that you’re getting back out there. Getting some friends.” 

“C’mon, Ma. You’re so sentimental sometimes,” Seungcheol grunted, yet the blush that crossed his cheeks gave his true feelings away. “I love you.” He sighed, deeming his cover blown anyway because of his stupid, uncontrollable habit of blushing. 

“ _ C’mon, Cheol _ ,” she said in a deep voice, mocking her son. They shared a laugh. “Anway, I love you too.” 

Seungcheol could see in his mom’s eyes the actual happiness as she turned to go back down the hall. It made him happy too. But he didn’t dwell on his mother too much, remembering that Seokmin was waiting in the room or him. 

“Hey, sorry to keep you waiting,” Seungcheol said as he entered his room and shut the door behind him. 

“It’s fine,” a voice that  _ definitely  _ wasn’t Seokmin said, with a grin that Seungcheol could hear clearly in the soft voice. 

“J-Jeonghan?” He sputtered when he turned around to see the other sitting patiently on the bed.

“Yeah, I know Seokmin was supposed to come, but he got caught up.” 

“With?” Seungcheol suddenly felt kind of exposed with just a towel loosely tied around his waist. 

“Clothes. He doesn’t know what to wear,” Jeonghan hummed in amusement. Upon the mention of clothes, Seungcheol took in the way Jeonghan was practically draped in a cream colored sweater and realized his own lack of clothing. 

“I should probably put some on, huh?” Seungcheol said in between nervous huffs of laughter. He didn’t know why he felt so weird. Almost like Jeonghan was just staring at him. 

“I’m not gonna eat you,” Jeonghan said out of the blue. 

“Huh?”

“I can control myself around shirtless men, ya know. I’m not gonna eat you.”

“Oh, yeah. I know… Yeah, sorry. I swear, I didn’t mean-”

“I’ll let it slide this time,” Jeonghan said, waving his worries away with a gesture of his arm. “So let’s find you something good to wear. And, Wonwoo told me to tell you that you should throw those jeans you had on earlier, away.” 

Seungcheol scratched at the nape of his neck and Jeonghan followed him to the closet. “I haven’t restocked my closet in a while. All of this is from high school.”

Jeonghan scoffed. “Don’t tell Minghao that. If it’s one thing he loves more than being annoying, it’s clothes.” 

“It seems like all of you have a thing for clothes,” Seungcheol hummed truthfully. Jeonghan stopped rummaging through the closet for a moment to whip around and look at him. If it weren’t for the bright smile on his face, Seungcheol would’ve thought he was upset at him.

“Was that a gay joke?” Jeonghan openly laughed. 

It actually wasn’t. Judging by the the fact that Seokmin stayed behind just because he couldn’t find an outfit, Wonwoo told him to throw a pair of perfectly fine jeans away, Minghao was a fashionista who loved clothes, and Jeonghan was standing here making an oversized sweater look like Gucci, Seungcheol just made an educated assumption. But he still slowly uttered… “Yeah?”

“It was funny… for a straight guy.” 

“You got jokes, hm?” Seungcheol bantered, his voice taking on a tone that was lighter and more playful. 

“Yup. I got even more about these clothes in your closet. Absolutely atrocious, Cheol,” Jeonghan laughed, all the while pulling an ancient sweater vest from Seungcheol’s closet that he was sure he’d hidden from his dad in the first place because he thought it was ugly as hell.

“Oooh, except this,” Jeonghan marveled, holding it up for Seungcheol to see. “Or this simple graphic tee, here.” Jeonghan hummed, pulling a black shirt with some band on it that he didn’t listen to from the closet. “I have a striped turtle neck at home you can wear under it.” 

Before Seungcheol could stop the words from falling from his mouth, he blurted, “You have the style of a lesbian, you know that.”

“That’s a compliment,” Jeonghan said. “So thank you very much. Now pick.” 

“The graphic tee,” Seungcheol sighed.

“Okay. A nice pair of black jeans should work with this.” Seungcheol didn’t even try to put his input anymore. It seemed like Jeonghan had this all under control. So he just busied himself by moisturizing his skin with his favorite lotion. 

By the time he was done, Jeonghan was tossing clothes in his lap. “Put these on. We’ll dry your hair at the house. I think Minghao has a bucket hat you can wear with it.” 

“Ugh, not a bucket hat. Those things are ugly as hell.” 

Jeonghan rolled his eyes at him, and again, waved him off. “Just get ready. If you’re nice to me, I’ll consider it.” 

Despite the fact that it sounded quite backwards that Jeonghan was going to  _ consider  _ allowing him to do anything, he laughed anyway. He knew that Jeonghan wouldn’t force him to do anything. 

His pleasantness was all in his voice. 

***

Once the two of them left the house, it was practically pitch black outside as if it was midnight even though it was just 8:30. Unlike earlier-- when it was hot as hell outside-- a slightly cool breeze was blowing about around them.

Neither of them were talking, Seungcheol not knowing what to say and currently overthinking the situation like he always did. It was always a chance that Jeonghan just didn’t want to talk to him. What if Seungcheol said something and without him knowing it, he was actually annoying Jeonghan. What if-

“Sorry. I don’t know what the hell to talk about,” Jeonghan confessed, giggling at himself, but Seungcheol knew the laugh wasn’t because he found it funny. “I’m not like Seokmin or Seungkwan. Instead, I kind of just go with the natural flow of the conversation.” 

“Me too,” Seungcheol admitted. 

Jeonghan laughed, this time, it actually seemed like one of amusement. “Now, we’ve got a situation,” he ran a hand through his hair. “It’s like running back to a room with a guy and it turns out that we’re both bottoms.” 

Seungcheol wasn’t really familiar with what ‘bottom’ even meant but he was able to take another guess, too scared that he’d look stupid by asking. 

“D-Does it happen to you a lot?”

“What?”

“You know… meeting up with other bottoms and stuff, by mistake.”  
“Well. Not really,” Jeonghan answered after pondering for a moment. “It happens to Wonwoo a lot. Well, it’s not like he gets much anyway.” Jeonghan clapped both hands over his mouth after saying that as if he had opened Pandora’s Box with his words. “Don’t tell him I told you that though.” 

“I mean, if it comes up in a conversation, I just might let it slip.” 

“Okay, and I  _ just might  _ let my fist slip across your face if you do,” Jeonghan threatened. The howl of laughter that left Seungcheol’s throat was genuine as ever. Jeonghan threatening to punch him in the face was so out of character-- his voice just not fitting with the malice of that promise-- that it was actually funny. 

“You’re laughing but I’m serious.” 

“Okay. Okay. I won’t. It’ll be our little secret.” 

“Good.”

The rest of the fifteen minute walk went by quickly thanks to their constant flow of conversation. It was awkward sometimes, and there was a lot of extended bits of silence between them before one of them would ask a question and another conversation would continue. 

When they had walked up to the door-- it was already unlocked so they just walked in-- the shouting was as prevalent as Seungcheol had ever heard it. He was about to chuckle and tell a quick joke, but the way Jeonghan’s face contorted with sudden worry let him know that the yelling coming from upstairs wasn't because they were having fun. . 

“They’re arguing,” Jeonghan said, quickly kicked off his shoes and was darting up the stairs before Seungcheol couldn’t even get one shoe off. When he finally made it upstairs, he followed Jeonghan’s voice into a room that was to his right. 

“-No one else talk!” Jeonghan demanded. The rumble of voices fell silent instantly. “Now, Wonwoo. Tell me.” 

“Minghao’s same bullshit.” Those three words seemed to be enough for Jeonghan to understand as he sighed in disappointment. Damn, he really had the ‘disappointed sigh’ down. “He’s been targeting Jun all day,” Wonwoo continued, “And Jun finally said something about it and then-”

“Shit hit the fan,” Mingyu finished for him, getting an elbow in the hip from Jihoon who was standing next to him eating a popsicle. Seungcheol wondered where he could get one, but knew that it was far from the time to ask for one.

Everyone else was standing around the room watching like a live action show, tucked in little corners, Soonyoung and Seungkwan lying in the bunk beds that Seungcheol assumed belonged to them; Junhui, however, was standing with his back to all of them, facing the closet instead, while Minghao stood on the completely opposite side of the room.

“Minghao, we talked about this, haven’t we?” Jeonghan sighed. 

“That’s my girlfriend though!” 

“Who cheated on you!” Jun spun around to shout. “Did you ever think about maybe, just  _ for a second,  _ I had no idea that she had a boyfriend?”

Just as Minghao was about to answer, Jeonghan stopped him. “Have you?” 

“Nope,” Chan answered. Despite being behind Jeonghan, Seungcheol was also shaking his head. 

“No,” Minghao murmured. “I hadn’t. I was just so mad.” 

“Anybody would be,” Jun said. “But be mad at her. Not me. And trust me, I don’t want your girlfriend anyway.”

“Wait,” Jihoon blurted, holding up one of his hands. “Why are you still with her anyway?” Honestly, it was a question that Seungcheol was sure ran through everyone’s mind at least once. 

“I don’t know,” Minghao slowly answered, bringing his thumb up to his lips to nibble on. He must’ve not done that often because unlike Seungcheol, who’s fingernails have become nothing more than numbs from being an afternoon snack every other day, Minghao’s nails were long and healthy looking. 

“Hetero relationships are a disaster,” Seungkwan commented, shaking his head as if he was disappointed. “Could never be me.”

“It ‘ _ could never be you _ ’ because you’ve never been in a relationship,” Seokmin said. Seungkwan’s jaw dropped as the rest of them all laughed. Mingyu even stumbled over to Seokmin just to laugh on his shoulder. Jeonghan visibly tried to keep his laughter inside but failed as a few chuckles slipped past his lips he tried to keep tightly pressed together. 

“Fuck y’all,” Seungkwan declared. 

“A-Anyway,” Jeonghan managed as he tried to regain his composure. “Both of you should apologize to each other. Don’t let this ruin tonight. Please.” 

Junhui and Minghao both nodded, heeding and thinking over Jeonghan’s words. The apologies were short but sweet, full of something so genuine that Seungcheol knew that they weren’t fake, especially when they both gently smiled and Minghao approached Jun for a hug.

“Oh, and Minghao…” 

“Yeah?” He answered, pulling away from Junhui. 

“Break up with your girlfriend, please.” 

It was followed by a chorus of everyone, even Seungcheol, uttering their own pleas that he leave his girlfriend. “I’m sick of hearing about her,” Jihoon muttered. “And I’ve only heard about her today.”

“Imagine how tired we are,” Soonyoung sighed. 

“Anyway!” Seokmin announced loudly. “I have to go and continue finding an outfit.” Seokmin crossed the room, Seungcheol only just noticing that he was still in pajamas, and as he passed Seungcheol to leave the room, he grabbed his arm and pulled him along to the room across the hall. 

“You think a simple long sleeve will work?” Seokmin asked in a rush. “I can’t find anything to go nice to go with my new jeans except this. I knew I should’ve bought that shirt I saw.” 

“This would look fine, Min. And honestly, no one’s gonna look at your clothes at a party when all everyone is looking for is the alcohol.” 

“What if some guy is like, ‘Damn, he’s fine’ when he looks at me. Then, he sees my outfit and he’s like ‘nope’ because I look like a bum.”

“You don’t look like a bum, dude,” Seungcheol laughed. “You’re just being paranoid.”

“Yeah. You’re right. I just need some dick, you know.”

Seungcheol nearly choked, causing Seokmin to double over in laughter as he grabbed the long sleeve shirt from the hanger and threw it on the bottom bunk bed in this room. “I’m just playing,” he snorted as he reached for the hem of his shirt to pull over his head.

While Seokmin said he was playing, a part of Seungcheol was sure that he wasn’t at all. Suddenly, as Seungcheol was trying to recuperate from his good friend just blurting that he needed some dick, there was something thrown over his shoulder.

“Han said you should put this on under your shirt,” a deep voice that could belong to no one other than Wonwoo said. Snatching the shirt from his shoulder, he saw it was the black and white turtle neck that Jeonghan had mentioned earlier. 

“Tell him thank you.”

Wonwoo nodded and instead of leaving the room, he went to one of the side tables and started rummaging through it. So Wonwoo and Seokmin must share a room. Eventually, Wonwoo grabbed a comb, which Seungcheol felt like he didn’t really need. His hair was silky, curled, and somehow messily thrown about on his head in a way that seemed intentional. 

Not wasting anymore time, Seungcheol pulled his own shirt from over his head to put on the turtleneck afterwards.

“I’m surprised Jeonghan gave you a turtleneck and didn’t try to force you into a thrift store sweater that looked like it belonged to somebody’s grandma,” Seokmin laughed. 

“For real,” Wonwoo scoffed as he used the comb to lay down some parts of his hair, nothing too much though.

“He tried,” Seungcheol confessed. “It’s just his style I guess.” 

“No one can pull off those ugly ass sweaters except him anyway,” Wonwoo said with an eye roll. Without a word of warning, he approached Seungcheol from behind and started combing his hair too. 

“You looked ridiculous with your hair all over your head.”

But Wonwoo’s claim was proven quite untrue when they all gathered downstairs and Jihoon was in a hoodie that was much too big for his body. Soonyoung was already cooing, risking getting punched. 

“Alright. So me, Wonwoo, and Minghao will be the designated drivers,” Jeonghan stated. “Which means, Minghao-”

“I know, I know. I can’t drink tonight,” Minghao huffed, but still uttered. “What about just one drink.” 

“No. You drive like a maniac when you’re sober so what makes you think you can drive with a little bit of booze in you,” Chan scoffed.

“Shut up, asshole. I’m gonna beat you up when Jeonghan isn't looking,” Minghao groaned as they all made their way out of the house. 

Seungcheol didn’t mind who he rode with but he just knew that it wasn’t going to drive with Minghao who didn’t once attempt to say he  _ didn’t  _ drive like a maniac. Sure, seungcheol was lonely, but he didn’t wanna die yet. Not before he could see where this club would bring him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This took a bit long because I'm trying to stay a couple chapters ahead of the ones I'm posting. Next chapter is the party and because I'm sure you guys are looking for them, Vernon and Joshua are in the next chapter too! 
> 
> I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. 
> 
> Love ya!


	6. Chapter 6

Seungcheol practically had to cling to Jeonghan in order to get a seat in the car with him. But it looked like he wasn’t the only one not wanting to drive with Minghao though. So while everyone was ambling towards the cars, giggling and some of them even yelling (pretty sure that was Seungkwan’s voice), Seungcheol rushed to the passenger’s seat and threw himself inside. 

Just as he moved to pull the door closed, a hand caught it. 

“Move, Cheol!” Chan snarled, his voice serious. “I want to ride in the front.” 

“Why?” Seungcheol asked, not budging. “If Jihoon can sit in the backseat, you can too. You guys are the same height anyway.”

“That was a comment about my height that didn’t need to be made,” Jihoon started from the backseat. “Make it again. I dare you.” 

“Sorry ‘bout that,” Seungcheol said over his shoulder before turning back to a scowling Chan who looked like he was just seconds away from jumping on him. He reminded Seungcheol of what he always _thought_ having younger siblings would be like. 

Just as Seungcheol was mentally counting down from three until when Chan would jump on him, Jeonghan approached. “On the way home,” was all Jeonghan had to say, along with a reassuring pat on the shoulder for Chan to give up and begrudgingly go to the back seat.

“Chan’s a little bratty because he usually gets what he wants all of the time,” Jeonghan came closer to whisper. “Give it five minutes and he’ll be fine.” 

“It’s about time someone stood up to him anyway,” Seokmin grumbled. Judging by the pained “Ah, shit!” that left Seokmin’s lips just seconds after he slipped into the last open seat of the backseat, Chan heard him.

“You guys really are something else,” Jihoon uttered from the other side, leaning his head against the window of the car. When Jeonghan opened the driver’s seat door-- finally, after yelling at Minghao and Wonwoo to be safe-- Seungcheol pulled his car door shut. 

With an exhausted sigh, Jeonghan got in. With a sense of paternal charm, Jeonghan turned to look at all of them. “Ready?”

Seokmin and Chan responded almost as if it was part of their fight or flight responses, but Jihoon and Seungcheol fell slightly behind, much to Jeonghan’s amusement and endearment. 

Seungcheol had no idea where this party was supposed to be taking place at. He was hoping that someone else would have asked, but everyone else in the car was too busy chatting it up about their most hated classes and teachers. So, Seungcheol didn’t bother asking. 

Just as he started listening to Chan rant about his History of Modern Dance class which Seungcheol agreed was incredibly useless, a vibration ran down his leg most likely being his phone. It wasn’t just his phone that _dinged_ from a notification.

“Must be that stupid group chat,” Jeonghan uttered not taking his eyes from the road. And indeed it was a group chat through that same messaging app that he downloaded for a final group project last year and never got around to deleting.

**_[9:08)_ **

**Kwan:** Welcome Jun, Jihoon, and Cheol! 

**Kwan:** This is the club’s group chat

**Kwan:** Please respond promptly at all times

**Hoshiiii:** We use it mostly for when we go to parties so we can all be in touch

**Hoshiiii:** And for when I have memes

**Mingyu Sunbaenim:** That aren’t even fucking funny

**Mingyu Sunbaenim:** Still wondering when someone’s gonna change this stupid ass nickname

**Seokie:** Never

“I’ll never get tired of calling him that,” Seungcheol heard Chan laugh from the backseat. 

**Jihoon:** I’m not big on group chats

**Junhui:** I’ve never been in one

**Seungcheol:** I’ve only done it for group projects 

**Kwan:** Well get used to it! We use it a lot

**Jihoon:** Don’t count on it 

Seungcheol chuckled at the response. 

“It’s not like I’m lying,” Jihoon uttered. Jeonghan shook his head in disbelief. “I like your attitude.”

“Thanks.” The grin on Jihoon’s face could be heard clearly. 

As the messages in the group chat continued to turn his phone into a constantly vibrating mess, Seungcheol turned to Jeonghan. 

“What’s up?” Jeonghan chuckled apprehensively when he realised-- more like felt-- the fact that Seungcheol was looking at him. “I have something on my face?’ 

“No. I just wanted to ask-” 

Seokmin and Chan let out a loud bark of laughter, surprisingly, Jihoon was laughing loudly with them. For Jihoon to be laughing, it really must’ve been funny. 

“Anyway,” Seungcheol laughed. “Where are we going?” 

“A party.” 

“Well obviously,” he groaned. The roll of his eyes and his annoyed tone was actually quite serious but Jeonghan didn’t seem to catch on and just laughed instead. “Which campus?” 

“Somewhere none of us will be remembered. It’s something that a lot of LGBT people at school do?” 

“There’s more of you guys?” It slipped. It really did. He hadn’t meant to say it like they were some type of plague or-

“I actually forgot that you were a het for a second,” Chan said from the back. 

“But thanks for reminding us,” Jihoon said before he added under his breath. “Straight people never fail to amaze me with what they say.” 

Without any reason or motive, Seungcheol glanced back at Seokmin. Maybe to torture himself by looking at the disappointed look written on Seokmin’s face, that Seungcheol could clearly see even through the darkness of the car. 

“Yes, Cheol,” Jeonghan sighed, after taking a moment to regroup his thoughts after they had all suddenly come tumbling down after Seungcheol’s… choice of words, he guessed. “There are way more LGBT people than just us on our campus of thousands of students. We are not _that_ much of an anomaly.” 

“I know… I didn’t mean for it to come off that way. I-”

“Cheol…” Jeonghan hummed, his voice taking on a feigned sweetness that a mother would give to her little child when she wanted them to leave but didn’t want to say it directly. 

“Yeah?”

“No more talking,” Jeonghan glanced his way sweetly. “‘Kay?” 

“Oh… yeah. Okay.” 

***

After another fifteen minutes of staying silent as he was asked, Jeonghan had finally parked somewhere. “Cheol. What’s the best way for gays to party without outing themselves to the people closest to them?” Jeonghan asked as he took his key from the ignition. 

Chan and Seokmin began to hum the tune to _Jeopardy,_ waiting for his answer too. Jihoon was just as curious about what he was going to say. Seungcheol hated to let his anxiety get the best of his thoughts, but he was starting to feel like the butt of their jokes.

“Um… not go?” Seungcheol said unsurely. 

“We go to a party that’s forty minutes away from campus so we can be our best gay selves without anyone recognizing who we are,” Jeonghan laughed. Without warning, Jeonghan lightly tapped Seungcheol’s nose. “You’re lucky you’re cute as hell.” 

They all chuckled-- well except Seungcheol who coughed more than chuckled-- and then they were throwing open their doors to exit the car. Wonwoo was parked across the street and Minghao was parked a couple of cars behind. 

“I’m so ready to get smashed tonight,” Wonwoo sighed, throwing his arm around Soonyoung almost as if to annoy him.

“I hope you’re talking about alcohol,” Soonyoung mumbled. It wasn’t until he saw the way Soonyoung’s face twisted that he remembered that the latter was asexual. 

Can someone really not like sex? All of his science classes always made it seem like reproduction was something that all people wanted and even needed in some cases. But he was quite literally pulled from his thoughts when there was a tight hand on his forearm and was yanked along. 

“Come on, be excited.” It was Mingyu. “I’m sure there are some heteros here.” 

It wasn’t until they all started ambling through the campus to wherever this party was supposed to take place that Seungcheol had noticed the familiarity of it all. He’d been to the campus several times… to see Nayoung. 

“Wonwoo, try not to pick up a bottom today,” Jeonghan laughed. 

“Shade has been thrown,” Seungkwan singsonged. 

“It’s not my fault I give off top energy,” Wonwoo sighed, seemingly not caring about the insult but just as disappointed that he couldn’t find anyone to top him either. “I just need some.” 

Seokmin agreed loudly, just as he did earlier, and practically jumped on Seungcheol’s back. Not knowing how to tell the other to get off, Seungcheol carried Seokmin the rest of the way to the sorority house where the party was already started. 

Before they could go in, Jeonghan yelled. “Make sure all of you check your phone regularly. Wonwoo and Minghao, no drinking. Chan… you either.” 

“Aww man,” Chan uttered from somewhere on Seungcheol’s right. 

“And have fun. Text the group chat if you need anything.” Gosh, he was such a parent. And they were all like his children. His point was only proven more when they all started running towards the house only when Jeonghan allowed them. 

Seokmin practically hopped off his back and once again, Seungcheol was being yanked into the house. He caught only a glimpse of the smile adorning Jeonghan’s face as he followed everyone else inside. 

Almost immediately they all dispersed inside of the house. Luckily, the sorority house was spacious enough so everyone wasn’t pushed up against each other and they could actually move around freely. Thank the heavens. 

He didn’t have any idea what song was playing but it was loud, rendering it difficult for Seungcheol to hear his own thoughts. But he was grateful for it. Having your thoughts silenced was a wish that most people with anxiety hoped for on the daily. 

Thankfully, Seokmin stayed closeby, reading Seungcheol like an open book. “First things first,” Seokmin said, bringing his mouth close to Seungcheol’s ear for him to hear clearly. 

“Alcohol,” Seungcheol said without thinking. Unlike earlier, he seemed to have actually gotten that correct. 

“Exactly. Let’s get smashed,” Seokmin exclaimed. “And yes, in every meaning of the word.” 

Seungcheol didn’t know about the sex part-- he wasn’t really in the mood-- but he could definitely use some alcohol. A lot of it. 

***

“One drink, two drink… red drink, blue drink,” Seokmin uttered as the both slowly broke down into a fit of laughs along with Seokmin. It wasn’t even that funny, but the alcohol coursing through his blood and gradually slowing his thoughts. He wasn’t drunk by far, but he was definitely in a tipsy daze that felt so _good._

“Gimmie the blue one,” Seungcheol said, pointing at the glass filled with a blue liquid. “It looks like the fucking ocean.” 

“That’s the one I wanted,” Seokmin gasped.

“I picked it first. P-Plus, dude, the guys will t-think you’re sexy drinking the red one,” Seungcheol hummed. The two of them were sitting in the corner at a table sharing probably their second-- and they agreed it was their last-- drink. They had been eating a lot of snacks too that Soonyoung had brought over after finally convincing Jihoon to dance. With the way Jihoon’s face was flushed a fire engine red, Seungcheol and Seokmin were sure that getting Jihoon to ‘loosen up’ included a few cups of alcohol. 

“You’re fucking right,” Seokmin gasped. “Hey, Cheol. Come on.”

“What? Where we going?” Seungcheol brought his glass up to his lips and took a sip. “This tastes disgusting, but it tastes great.” 

“Such a lightweight,” Seokmin chuckled. “Anyway, I want more snacks from the kitchen.” 

Seungcheol sucked his teeth and stood up, clutching his drink close. “You’re lucky I’m hungry too.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Seokmin brushed him off and led Seungcheol back into the kitchen. Seungcheol had to admit, he hadn’t seen so many lgbt people in one place. Girls kissing girls. Men kissing men. People just doing whatever they wanted. Wow, LGBT+ weren’t as scarce as he thought. 

As they made it to the kitchen, Seungcheol stood there and swayed to the music, taking slow sips of his drink, as Seokmin got snacks. His mind and eyes were just wandering around when he caught a glimpse of a familiar face. Two actually. 

Nayoung and Kyulkyung? 

Kissing? 

Seungcheol blinked a few times, even squinting his eyes to somehow get a better look. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say that Nayoung looked like Kyulkyung was her girlfriend or something.

“Hey,” a voice said from beside him. Just as Seungcheol turned to look, he realized that this person was looking at Seokmin. 

“Oh, what’s up?” Seokmin chuckled, forgetting all about his new bowl of chips and leaning back against the countertop and swishing the blood red drink around in the clear cup. 

“I just saw you around earlier,” the guy said, his voice only a little timid but mostly confident. “I hope you’ve seen me too.” While they talked, Seungcheol refilled his blue drink again.

“I have,” Seokmin hummed. “I just didn’t know how to approach someone like you. Where do I even start? What do I even say?”

“Your name?” 

“Seokmin.”

“Nice… I’m Joshua. Or Jisoo. Or Josh, any one of those are fine with me.” 

“Okay, Josh,” Seokmin said. Seungcheol didn’t get to hear whatever else he said-- which he was probably grateful for-- because Seokmin lowered his voice to a whisper and said something in this Josh guy’s ear, making them both giggle. 

Okay so that was his cue to leave. At least Seokmin was gonna get the dick he’s been talking about. Seungcheol wished his friend good luck and was off wandering the house for someone that he knew. He was tempted to just go to Nayoung but she was still busy, obviously flirting with her roommate. Plus, he wouldn’t even know what to say.

“Seungcheol!” He heard his name being called. Spinning on his heel, he noticed Jeonghan waving him over to the corner he was sitting in by himself, no doubt sipping on that fruit punch they had. “Having fun?” Jeonghan practically yelled over the hip hop song that just came on. 

“Yeah!” Seungcheol shouted back. “You want a sip? It’s good.” He held up his already half drank cup. 

“You know I can’t drink tonight,” he laughed. “I’ll have a drink when I get home.” 

“So responsible,” Seungcheol griped. “That’s why everyone loves you so much.”

“I guess so.” Jeonghan took another gulp of his punch, chewing on one of the grapes that slipped into his mouth. “It’s not always a blessing.”

“Why not?” Seungcheol found himself asking.

“Minghao and Junhui just came over here and told me, in way too much detail, what they were about to go and do in the car.”

It took Seungcheol a moment for it to click in his mind but when it did, he inhaled sharply and let out a quiet “ew.”

“Yup.”

“But weren’t they just fighting at the house?”

“Exactly. But us, gays, have a much different way of doing things, so I can’t say that I haven’t seen it several times before. I’ve done it myself once, admittedly”. 

“I guess that’s why Nayoung is over there sucking the life out of her roommate,” Seungcheol hummed. For no reason at all, Seungcheol threw the rest of the drink to the back of his throat and gulped the rest down. 

Jeonghan was quiet for a moment before asking, “Girlfriend problems?”

“Not my girlfriend,” Seungcheol corrected, a little more bite in his tone than he intended. Jeonghan shrugged it off, deeming it because of the alcohol. “She’s just someone I mess around with from time to time. But now she’s fucking a girl… How does that even work?” 

“Sounds like she’s bi,” Jeonghan said simply. “Or maybe exploring herself.” 

“Why?”

“What type of question is that?”

“She never told me that.” 

“She doesn’t have to,” Jeonghan snapped before clearing his throat and trying again. “She can come out whenever she’s ready. Plus if all you’re doing is messing around, why would she come out to you?” 

“Okay,” Seungcheol sighed dismissively, still not understanding anyway. 

Jeonghan gulped down a lump in his throat and sighed. _He’s a het, he doesn’t get it. He’s a het, he doesn’t get it._ He tried to remind himself that Seungcheol didn’t understand how insulting he was being at the moment. 

Fuck it. 

“Seungcheol, let’s go dance,” he suggested. Not giving him much of a choice, Seungcheol was pulled out into the middle of the floor where people were mostly dancing. Turning to Seungcheol. He laughed noticing the latter’s apprehension. “You’re so stiff! Come on, sway a little. Let loose, Cheol. No one’s watching but me.” 

Jeonghan placed his hands on Seungcheol’s hips and forcibly made Seungcheol begin to sway along with himself and the beat of the song. While Jeonghan was laughing the entire time, Seungcheol was doing the opposite, startled by the position.

“Han,” Seungcheol said, turning around to face him.

“What’s up?”

“Look, you know… I’m not gay and all… So-”

Jeonghan’s smile instantly dissipated and was replaced with a look of anger and contempt, but mostly exhaustion. “I know you aren’t implying that I’m hitting on you.” 

Seungcheol’s eyes widened. Isn’t that… what he was doing? 

Jeonghan scoffed, narrowing his eyes at the other. “Fuck you, Cheol… Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean that I want you in any way. Get off your high horse. You looked a bit bummed about that girl so I tried to help.” As much as Jeonghan wanted to shout, he didn’t want to bring attention to the two of them. Anxiety was one son of a bitch. “Anyway. Fuck off. You’re such an ass...” 

Jeonghan didn’t even give him the time to explain or even touch him because soon as Seungcheol reached for his arm, Jeonghan jerked away.

Ouch… 

Seungcheol was standing in the middle of all of the dancing people, looking around. Thank God for the alcohol in his system because if it weren’t there, he probably would’ve broken down into a panic attack. 

Just as he decided to just go sit outside and make sense of what _the hell_ just happened, he locked eyes with Mingyu from across the room. Seungkwan who was standing next to him also seemed to know too. 

It only occurred to him just then. That he’d upset Jeonghan. 

***

“Hey, Hansol. I actually have to go,” Seungkwan said in a rush, cutting off the poor guy from whatever he was talking about. “I’m so sorry. I have your number and you have mine, right?”

“U-Um… Yeah. We do.” 

“Then I’ll call. And we’ll continue with this conversation.” Seungkwan swiped a thumb across Hansol’s face and gave an endearing, apologetic smile. “A friend needs my help and I have to go. I’m sorry.” 

“No problem. Just keep your promise and text me.” 

“You know I will.” 

When Hansol had finally wandered away, he turned to Mingyu. “No hitting, please.”

“I can’t guarantee,” Mingyu said as they made their way through the crowd together. Suddenly, Seungkwan felt a vibration run up his leg. Must be a notification from the group chat. 

**HaoHao:** Um..

**HaoHao:** Me ad Jun just saw Jeonghan get into a car

**HaoHao:** He’s not going anywhere 

**HaoHao:** But I can tell he’s practically fuming

**Mother:** Don’t come and bother me

Seungkwan rolled his eyes. 

Of course they were gonna bother him. It’s what they did best. Maybe after they dealt with Seungcheol. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you enjoyed. Seungcheol is still learning, lol. 
> 
> Love you!


	7. Chapter 7

Jeonghan was fuming, his head practically throbbing with the annoyance flowing through his veins. Man, he could really use a drink. As the parent of their club, Jeonghan had admirable patience. If he could sit for hours and remain calm while attempting to explain to Seungkwan why his anger wasn’t an excuse to hit someone, he could explain to Seungcheol why he was being offensive. 

But… it was just so annoying. This was personal to him. It was like he was being invalidated every single time Seungcheol opened his mouth. He’d been doing a good job of not taking offense to Seungcheol all day, reminding himself that Cheol just needed a little educating. He had no problem teaching him either.

He didn’t know how that would work out now. Instead of being patient and understanding the way he should’ve been, he blew up. 

“Fuck,” Jeonghan sighed, letting his head fall to hit the steering wheel, a bit too hard but he didn’t complain. He kind of deserved it. “I overreacted, didn’t I?” He asked himself.

Almost as if in response to his question, there was a tapping on the car window above him. It startled Jeonghan at first, his heart jumping nearly up to his throat, but that feeling instantly shifted to annoyance when he noticed Minghao waving at him, Junhui right behind him.

“Unlock the door,” Minghao said, his breath fogging up the window from how close he was.

“I told you to leave me alone,” Jeonghan huffed loudly. 

“You know that’s impossible.” Minghao tapped on the window again. 

“Please,” Junhui pleaded from behind him. “We just wanna talk to you.”

Rolling his eyes, Jeonghan folded his arms across his chest defiantly, but no more taps came. Mostly because Minghao knew that Jeonghan would give in sooner or later. No matter how much he wouldn’t want to receive it, Jeonghan enjoyed receiving the same love and affection that he gave the rest of them.

Losing the mental battle within himself almost immediately, Jeonghan begrudgingly pressed the button to unlock the car doors. Minghao and Junhui climbed into the backseat of the car immediately. 

“So,” Minghao hummed. “You here beating yourself up or what?” 

“Of course I am,” Jeonghan said truthfully. No use in lying to them. 

“What happened anyway?” Junhui questioned, his voice soft, it being his first time having to deal with a quarrel in the group. Jeonghan would have to apologize for that later. 

Jeonghan dragged a hand across his face and sighed for what seemed like the twentieth time. “Seungcheol.” 

“We assumed,” Minghao uttered. 

“I mean, it shouldn’t have pissed me off so much because I expect that from him but it just…” 

“Pissed you off?” Jun finished. 

“Yes!” Jeonghan exclaimed with a small chuckle. “First, he makes it seem like he’s obligated for someone to come out to him. Like, does he know how important that is?”  
“Sounds like a friend I had in high school.” Minghao shook his head in disbelief. 

“Same,” Jun added. 

“And then when I try to be a decent friend and dance with him, he implies I’m hitting on him. Like, come  _ on _ ! I don’t hit on straight guys anyway!” Jeonghan’s anger was rising once again as he talked about it. “I swear, it just gets on my last nerve. I thought I had escaped all the straight people that thought like that when I graduated high school.”

But just as it had when he first got in the car, Jeonghan’s anger simmered and quickly shifted to something akin to shame. “But, I think I overreacted. I doubt he meant any of that offensively. I’m such an ass.”

“Even if he didn’t,” Minghao started. “It doesn’t mean that you can’t be upset about something so personal. All Seungcheol has to do is apologize.” 

“If they let him live long enough to do so,” Jeonghan said under his breath, a completely different problem materializing. “I gotta go stop them before there’s a homicide.” 

Just as Jeonghan was reaching for the door, Minghao stopped him. “Let them throw him around a bit, teaches him to not upset you.” 

Jeonghan almost forgot that Minghao was one of the main advocates for the creation of the “no upsetting Jeonghan.” Of course, he would want that. 

Seeing the exasperated look on Jeonghan’s face, Junhui jumped in quickly to mend the situation. “We’ll think of another way that  _ isn’t _ trying to beat him up. We’re his friends. Right, Minghao?” 

“I don’t know how I feel about him now,” he shrugged. “He upset Hannie.”

“I’m fine,” Jeonghan said, finally pushing the car door open to get out. “I’m gonna go get Seungcheol before Mingyu tries to beat him to a pulp. You guys go back to your car, please.” 

“Only because you said please-”

Before Minghao could finish whatever smart comment he had conjured up, Jeonghan shut the car door and was off down the road back to the campus. 

***

Seungcheol was half stumbling, half storming out of the door when he realized that Mingyu and Seungkwan were looking his way. There was no doubt that they-- and the other members-- would be coming to confront him. They were moving like a gang would. 

Watching him. Intimidating him. Warning him.

He really didn’t want any trouble, especially when he didn’t even know what the fuck was going on. 

His mind was fuzzy and slow moving when he finally made it outside of the house, replaying the scene in his mind several times to figure out where he could’ve gone wrong. Before he could even begin apologizing, he had to know what he did wrong. 

All he did was tell Jeonghan not to hit on him and remind him that he was straight. Was that such a crime? It wasn’t really his fault that Jeonghan took offense to it. It wasn’t his intentions anyway. 

Running his hands through his hair and linking his hands behind his head, he stopped on the sidewalk and clasped his eyes shut. Think. Think. Think… 

Okay. He could just apologize for-

“Cheol!” 

Seungcheol huffed out a sigh of both relief and stress. “Yeah, Min?” He turned around and watched as Seokmin practically jumped from the porch and jogged to meet him on the sidewalk.

“What the hell happened?” He asked. “You upset Jeonghan?”

“I didn’t mean to,” Seungcheol clarified quickly in defense. “He just got pissed for no reason.”

“What?” Seungcheol sharply inhaled a breath at the look that crossed Seokmin’s face, an expression that was akin to the face Jeonghan made when he walked away. “Jeonghan doesn’t get mad for no reason, Cheol. Just tell me what you did.”

“Being a dumbass apparently,” Wonwoo said, approaching from beside them with Soonyoung and Jihoon with him. It wasn’t long before Seungkwan and Mingyu came out too, followed by Chan. “And slightly homophobic if I must add.” 

“Apparently,” Chan practically sang.

“How?” This was really beginning to upset him now. He would rather them just jump him.

“Gosh, you’re so upsetting,” Soonyoung huffed. “Not every gay person wants to be with you. We have standards, you know.”

“And coming out isn’t easy,” came Jihoon’s clipped response. 

“So entitled.” Seungkwan’s voice was laced with great annoyance.

The comments just kept coming, hitting Seungcheol straight in the chest like strong punches from each of them. “I… I said I didn’t mean it. I don’t even know what you guys are talking about.” 

“Of course you don’t,” Wonwoo sighed. “Anyway, you need to apologize to Jeonghan. Rule 1 is that you don’t upset him. You broke that rule.”

Just when Seungcheol was beginning to back away and possibly even run away, the humiliation threatening to make him hurl, there was a soft yet firm voice that stopped them. 

“Guys,” Jeonghan sounded a bit tired. “What are you doing?”

“Refraining from hitting him for upsetting you,” Mingyu grumbled. 

“Y’all are acting like he beat me up or something,” Jeonghan chuckled as he moved closer to all of them, even unexpectedly throwing a tightlipped smile Seungcheol’s way. “Anyway, go back inside.” 

“But-” 

“I think Seungcheol has had quite the verbal beating, don’t ya think?” That was something that none of them could argue with. “Exactly. So go back inside. Have fun while you can… I’ll deal with this. Please.”

Almost like stubborn children, they all reluctantly backed away and dispersed, most likely not going very far or attempting to have much more fun. Eyes wide and shock still prevalent in his chest, Seungcheol simply looked at Jeonghan. 

“Come on,” Jeonghan gestured with a tilt of his head to follow him back the way he came, presumably back to the car. With nothing else to do and nowhere else to go, Seungcheol silently followed. 

***

Jeonghan wanted to say something on the walk back to the car, but he had no idea what to say. Like he said before, he wasn’t a conversation starter. Plus, Seungcheol looked as if he was deep in thought so Jeonghan didn’t even try to bother him. 

It wasn’t until they finally got to the car when Jeonghan muttered, “You wanna sit in the back seat and talk?” 

Seungcheol wordlessly shrugged and rounded the car to climb into the backseat, leaving Jeonghan standing in front of the car alone. Clearing his throat, Jeonghan looked around, no sign of Junhui or Minghao in sight. They must’ve gone back to whatever they were doing. 

Seungcheol was already sitting in the backseat when Jeonghan opened the car door to slide in too. Expecting to be the leader of the conversation since Seungcheol was so silent, Jeonghan was startled nearly out of his skin when Seungcheol suddenly blurted, “I’m so sorry” as soon as he shut the door behind him.

Seungcheol’s eyes were filled with sympathy and plea, his bottom lip quivering as he tried to fight back whatever feeling that was making him want to break down into tears. It was like all of the mortification he was feeling was finally catching up to him. 

“I don’t even know what I did to upset you so much… but I’m really sorry, Jeonghan,” Seungcheol looked to Jeonghan apologetically, his gaze never flickering anywhere else. It shocked Jeonghan to see him so upset. 

“I’m sorry too,” Jeonghan began. Seungcheol’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“You didn’t do anything.” 

“I overreacted,” he said simply. “Instead, I should’ve explained… So…” 

Without warning, Jeonghan reached over and grabbed Seungcheol’s hand, interlocking their fingers and then squeezing tight. “I’m an affectionate person. I like hand holding, hugging, cuddling, and even caressing. I do it to all of my friends. A lot of us do. It doesn’t mean we’re into you.”

Jeonghan let their hands fall limp between them in the middle seat. 

“Is that what upset you?”

“One of them. It’s insulting to gay people when straight people  _ constantly  _ think we’re trying to hit on them. Even when we’re just trying to be nice. It’s bad enough that we’re sexualized and people think all we’re good for is clothes, sucking dick, having sex, and hitting on straight guys, which by the way isn’t true. We have hopes and dreams. We get jobs, have families, and everything else. Plus, straight guys are… Ew, so I don’t hit on them.” 

Seungcheol didn’t chuckle like Jeonghan did, too focused on making it all make sense in his head. He’d sexualized and stereotyped Jeonghan without even trying to. 

“I didn’t know,” was all Seungcheol managed. “I’m sorry.”

“I know. And it’s okay.”

“W-What else did I do?” Seungcheol asked bashfully, a small, guilty smile gracing his face nonetheless. “I know that I had to do a lot more to make you so mad.”

“Well, what you said about that girl not coming out to you pissed me off  _ just a little bit, _ ” Jeonghan chuckled. 

“ _ Sure _ ,” Seungcheol said sarcastically. “A little bit.” He rolled his eyes and shifted around in the seat to get comfortable. Jeonghan was already sitting cross legged in his seat. Was that comfortable to him? 

“Coming out is huge to us,” Jeonghan elaborated. “I guess, when I heard you talk about it as if it didn’t matter, it just made me so upset. It reminded me what a friend told me in high school. Coming out… it’s hard.”

“I didn’t think of it that way,” Seungcheol said, his gaze falling to where their still interlocked hands sat between them. “I was just wondering why she hadn’t told me.”

“There could be several reasons why she hasn’t told you,” Jeonghan admitted. “She could’ve forgotten to tell you for all we know. But her sexuality is her business and coming out should be on her own time. The fear that comes with coming out… it’s indescribable.”

Seungcheol nodded. After all of this explained, he could see how he offended Jeonghan. If he would’ve said any of that to Seokmin, who he was closest to at the moment, Seungcheol was sure that he would’ve been offended too. It answered the lingering, jarring question in his mind about why all of them were so upset at him. Sure, it could’ve been because he’d upset Jeonghan, but he could feel through the strength in their harsh words just how personal they felt about the situation. 

“I’ll get everyone to apologize. They probably feel like they overreacted too. But in the meantime…” Jeonghan looked to Seungcheol with a grin that resembled one that his mother would give him when she had a good idea. “You can ask me any question about the LGBT community. There are no dumb questions.”

Seungcheol broke out into a smile and laughed at how serious Jeonghan looked about this. “Any question?” 

“Yup.”

“Anything at all?” He challenged.

“Yes. Anything.” The look in Jeonghan’s eyes let him know that he was accepting the challenge for all it was worth. 

“Why are you gay?”

The question was meant to be a joke and luckily, Jeonghan caught onto that and scoffed loudly. “Why’re you straight?” He asked between laughs. 

“Fair,” Seungcheol nodded as they continued to laugh. “So what exactly is asexuality? I heard that human sexuality is influenced by their innate desire to reproduce so how can someone  _ not _ want sex? Is it actually a thing?” 

This was a question that Seungcheol that had been plaguing his mind ever since Soonyoung explained that he was asexual.”

“Well, last time I checked, Soonyoung  _ does _ exist, so yes asexuality is actually a thing,” Jeonghan chuckled and leaned his head back to rest against the cushion of the seat. “But honestly, that’s just a theory about humans wanting to reproduce blah, blah, blah. I’m pretty sure it was made by straight people who believe that being straight is the only acceptable option. LGBT+ people have been around forever. So have people who don’t want children at all, but want sex. No one really knows why sexuality is a thing. But, that theory, is a dumb one and should be left in the 1900s.”

“I guess when you put it like that…” Seungcheol trailed off.

“Soonyoung has always told us that he just isn’t interested in sex… You should ask him about it. I don’t think he’ll mind telling you.”

“Okay. So another question… Is being called a het or a hetero an insult?”

“Sometimes,” Jeonghan uttered before his face contorted in thought. “From me, it’s an insult all the time. But,  _ please-”  _ Jeonghan moved to clasp his other hand around Seungcheol’s hand that he was already holding. “Don’t  _ ever  _ try to say it’s heterophobic.  _ Ever. _ And if I ever hear you say anything is heterophobic, I’m gonna cut your tongue off.”

Seungcheol couldn’t help the laughter that began bubbling in his chest at the serious look on Jeonghan’s face. He thought that was just what people said on Twitter after they thought they were being discriminated against. 

Sure, he didn’t know much about the LGBT community, but he wasn’t stupid. 

“The girls quite like my tongue so you have my word.”

Jeonghan dropped Seungcheol’s hand in disgust almost immediately and scrambled up against the car door as if Seungcheol was shifting into some disgusting monster. “I’m gonna make you ride with Minghao tonight if you say that again.” 

“Okay, okay,” Seungcheol gave in. As much as the girls liked his tongue-- well Nayoung and his ex since they were the only ones he’d had sex with-- he liked his life. He didn’t wanna risk it riding with Minghao. “So… I have one last question.” 

“What is it?” Jeonghan settled slowly back into his seat, eyeing Seungcheol suspiciously, warning him that his threat of forcing him to ride with Minghao was a serious one.

“Can I live in the house with you guys?”

Jeonghan looked a bit taken aback for a moment but then a bright smile graced his face. “Of course, hetero,” he giggled. “Well, I should at least let you know… You’re not gonna be a hetero much longer if you’re living in the house with us.”

“Is that a threat?’

“No, Cheollie. It’s a warning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seungcheol's redeems himself! Anyway, as a gay you wouldn't believe the amount of times I've had to explain why certain things were offensive. But anyway! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I really do like Jeonghan and Seungcheol's dynamic but in the future chapters, you'll get to see a lot of the other relationships since he'll be living in the house now. 
> 
> ANyway! 
> 
> Love ya!


	8. Chapter 8

_ Three weeks later  _

Even though it was 7 in the morning on a Monday, Jeonghan was finding it hard to get sleep. He sat up out of bed to check-- more like squint at-- the white board that he wrote all of the next day’s tasks on every night, wondering if that was why he couldn’t sleep. Despite not being able to read what he wrote, he knew it wasn’t too many things. Not enough to keep him up. 

Letting his head fall back onto his pillow, he tried for about ten more minutes to fall back into slumber but ultimately failed miserably. With a low groan, he kicked the blankets from over his body and stretched, careful not to wake up Jihoon who was sound asleep in the top bunk. In these last three weeks of sharing a room with him, Jeonghan has learned that Jihoon is really grumpy in the morning. It was kind of cute. 

Being awake so early in the morning didn’t bother him too much because he had his three easiest classes on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. It was Tuesdays and Thursdays that made him question whether or not he really wanted to be a dentist and was it worth the mental stress. 

So instead of sulking, Jeonghan got out of bed and slipped on his slippers and made his way downstairs towards the kitchen. To occupy himself, he decided to be kind and make everyone’s favorite morning drink. 

Checking the paper on the fridge, Jeonghan got to work.

Seokmin, Seungkwan, Mingyu, and Minghao loved coffee in the morning, so Jeonghan had prepped the coffee maker and pressed the on button. He hummed to himself to fill the silence surrounding him as the sun continued to rise outside. 

Wonwoo and Junhui had an 8:30 class so he poured a cup of milk for Wonwoo and a cup of orange juice for Junhui. Soonyoung, Chan, and Jihoon preferred apple juice though. 

Seungcheol liked hot chocolate with extra marshmallows. Jeonghan only wanted a glass of milk this morning, so as he worked, maneuvering around the kitchen expertly, he took quick sips of milk. 

“Someone’s in a good mood. I thought you only did this as a welcome gift during our first week here,” Junhui said, as he walked in the kitchen fully dressed for class. Sleep was still evident in his eyes and voice but he sounded lively nonetheless. “Had a good sleep?”

“Not really,” Jeonghan admitted, placing the glass of orange juice in front of Junhui as the latter leaned against the countertop. “Couldn’t go back to sleep so I just got up and decided to be sweet.”

“Well thanks, Han. You know, we should get married one day,” he bantered before taking a long, hearty sip of juice. 

“You never know,” Jeonghan teased. “And I don’t think Minghao will take that lightly.”

“He doesn’t have to know.” 

They chuckled together as Jeonghan made his way back to the fridge to refill his glass with milk. Just as the fridge door shut, Wonwoo dragged himself into the kitchen. Fully dressed but he looked like he’d just woken up only seconds before. Jeonghan wouldn’t exactly put it past him either. 

“I hate myself for picking a 8:30 class,” Wonwoo whined groggily. “It’s so unfair.”

“You want a cup of coffee instead to wake you up a bit?” Jeonghan questioned. Normally he would’ve made fun of the younger, but he honestly felt a bit sympathetic towards him. Jeonghan was tired as hell too. 

“Ew. No,” Wonwoo said, taking his milk instead. “Oh, and remember that Mingyu likes a lot of creamer but-”

“Not a lot of sugar, I know,” Jeonghan finished for him. “You’re whipped as hell.”

“Shut up,” Wonwoo grumbled, 

“So you  _ do  _ have a crush on Mingyu?” Junhui asked, his eyes widening more than they had been since he’d first come downstairs. “I fucking knew it! You look like you wanna devour him sometimes. You might wanna fix that though. Well, nevermind, Mingyu’s head is empty 60% of the time.”

“He wants Mingyu to devour him. Remember, Wonwoo is a bottom.” 

Wonwoo glared at the both of them. “It’s too early for this shit. And Junhui, if you ever tell Mingyu, I’ll kill you.”

“Why not tell him?” Junhui questioned. Jeonghan let out a deep sigh. Usually, next would come Wonwoo’s long, drawn out explanation-- more like an excuse-- for why him confessing to Mingyu would ruin his friendship and the whole house’s dynamic. So Jeonghan decided to cut it short. 

“Wonwoo thinks the whole house is gonna blow up,” Jeonghan said simply. It sounded like he was being overdramatic, but if Wonwoo would have explained it, Jeonghan was sure that it would sound ten times worse than that. 

“Mingyu doesn’t like me. You see the people who he hooks up with? None of them are like me. None. Plus-”

“Look,” Junhui stopped him. “I won’t say anything but don’t wait too long. You don’t want someone else to get him before you do.” 

Wonwoo scoffed. “As if I have a chance anyway.” 

For the next ten minutes or so, Wonwoo and Junhui kept Jeonghan company in the kitchen, all of the gradually and slowly waking up as the time went by. When they finally had left, Jeonghan could hear the shuffling around upstairs, assuming more and more of them were waking up. 

Just as Jeonghan was leaving the kitchen, Mingyu came practically tumbling down the stairs, stopping halfway down the stairs when he saw Jeonghan. “Did I miss Wonwoo?” 

“Yeah, he left not too long ago.”

Mingyu gave an expression akin to a puppy dog pout and let his head drop. 

“Ming, why don’t you just tell him you like him already?” 

“The house will blow up. Literally.” 

Jeonghan knew that it was a joke but judging by the sternness in Mingyu’s voice and expression, he knew there was some truth to his words. 

“I hate you.”

“I hate me too,” Mingyu said casually as Jeonghan ascended the stairs. 

“The coffee is brewed and hot.” 

Mingyu practically jumped down the rest of the stairs. 

***

“I think Cheol is dead,” Soonyoung’s voice came as the door to Seungcheol and Mingyu’s room opened and a few other pairs of footsteps walked in. Seungcheol didn’t move, however, choosing to keep up his facade that he was asleep. “I’ve been trying to get him up for the last thirty minutes or so. You handle him.” He shut the door behind him. 

“Cheol!” Seokmin shouted above him. “It’s almost 11:30. We have class in an hour.” 

Seungcheol was going to do what he did to everyone else who came in here and tried to wake him, shrug them off and pretend he was still asleep. But in reality, he just didn’t want to get out of bed. 

He had no motivation to do anything at all, not even to stand up. He was sure that anyone else with this little motivation would immediately worry, pondering on whether it was a small sickness, if they just hadn’t had their morning coffee yet, having a bad day, or even worse, and they were experiencing the first sign of depression. 

But Seungcheol, he knew. 

Another stupid depressive episode had snuck up on him in the middle of the night. But as used to this gnawing emptiness as he was, he never thought he’d get used to feeling so badly. He hated it so much. 

It was when Seokmin practically started shaking him, nearly throwing him out of the bed that Seungcheol finally budged, sitting up after hours of just lying there. “What the hell, Seokmin?” 

“We have class in a few.”

“I’m skipping.” 

“Cheol,” Seokmin sighed. 

In these last three weeks of him living with the rest of the members, he had become just as familiar with them as they had become with him. And something that they knew about Seungcheol was that he was serious about his classes. Well his parents were and Seungcheol never wanted to disappoint them.

But they also knew about his depressive episodes. 

After the party a few weeks ago, everyone had gathered in the living room the next morning since most of them were dead tired when they got home. They all apologized to Seungcheol and he did so in return. But because he’d upset Jeonghan, he was in charge of washing dishes for a week. 

But they weren’t ruthless. Every night while he was busy cleaning, one or two of them would come downstairs to help. A conversation with Seokmin and Mingyu one night somehow turned into a session about their feelings and he’d let his depression slip. They’d also let their own mental problems slip so he wasn’t too worried. 

Seokmin had trauma from his past experiences with his church as a child and Mingyu had no family to go home too. If anything, the both of them understood intense sadness and melancholy more than he did. 

“Depression?” Mingyu questioned from the closet. 

“Yeah,” Seungcheol hummed, letting his body flop back onto the mattress. It was a relief and quite comforting when he didn’t have to take so much time trying to explain his depression. All he had to do was say the word and they understood. 

“You wanna cuddle?” Seokmin asked. But even though he’d asked, he didn’t even wait for Seungcheol’s answer as he climbed into bed next to him. 

“Sure,” he sighed, staring vacantly at the boards of wood that creates the bunk bed and holds up Mingyu’s own mattress so it doesn’t fall on top of him in his sleep. And while Mingyu’s mattress isn’t what flops on top of him, Seokmin does, knocking the breath from Seungcheol’s lungs. 

“Sorry ‘bout that,” came Seokmin’s ginger, sympathetic voice. 

Seungcheol does hear Mingyu’s footsteps patter-- more like stomp-- around the room but it doesn’t stop him from being startled by the extra weight that settles on the left side of his body. “I can’t just miss this cuddle session, can I?”

“I guess not,” Seungcheol forced out in a struggle due to all of the weight on his chest restricting him. 

It was uncomfortable, he wasn’t going to lie. So, he was pretty shocked when his eyelids had gotten heavy and he had slowly begun to be pulled back into the confines of slumber. It could be from his lack of motivation to even stay awake or the fact that his mind was at ease with being surrounded by two people that understood him. However, he was never really able to figure that out because sleep had finally overtaken him. 

Jeonghan was shoving his phone charger into his backpack when Jihoon peeked into the room. “Seokmin wanted me to tell you that Seungcheol’s not going to class today.”

“Depression again?” Jeonghan questioned without much worry in his voice even though he could practically feel his heart rate spike in empathy. 

“Yeah.”

“I keep telling him that he should get help,” Jeonghan muttered under his breath before zipping his bag up and turning to Jihoon again. “He needs to email his teachers about not going.”

“Seokmin did that for him.”

“Okay, good.”

“Alright. Well I’m off to class.”

As Jihoon was about to shut the door, Jeonghan let out a deep sigh. He couldn’t skip class-- the professor only allowed three and he’d already used one-- but he didn’t want Seungcheol here by himself either. Yeah, the latter wasn’t a child, but he was definitely in need. 

But there was nothing he could really do, so he just hoped that everything would be okay as he exited his room. Most of the house was empty save for Seungkwan, Seungcheol, and Chan, but the youngest was patiently waiting for his toast to finish in the toaster before he would run off to class himself. 

A lot of them had 12:30 classes, it was easiest to attend. In fact, all of them except Seungkwan had them because he’d chosen to have an 11:30 class instead. A bit of Jeonghan’s worry was appeased knowing that Seungkwan was at least be here, but he knew that Seungkwan wasn’t really the epitome of a doting, caring person when someone was sick. He was either too distant and completely forgot that he had a person under his care or he would be too overbearing. 

But if it was the best he was going to get, then Jeonghan was thankful. 

“I’m leaving now, Chan,” he said when he passed by the archway that led to the kitchen. 

“Wait for me! We can walk together!” Chan forced his lightly toasted bread from the toaster and was running to beat him to the door. “My next class is in the philosophy building.”

“I’m in the Literature building. So I’ll drop you off there.” 

Seungcheol woke up to his phone vibrating under his body. He’d thought it was a call but when he groaned and shifted around in his bed in order to check, he was only met with the option to either turn off his alarm or hit the snooze button. 

Who’d set an alarm for him?

But once he’d turned off his alarm, he was met with silence. When was the last time he’d heard silence in the middle of the day like this? He’d have to skip his 12:30 social psych class more often if this is what it was like. 

Still suffering from a severe lack of motivation, Seungcheol realized that it was a little better than this morning. He could actually get up now. Feeling like his stomach was caving in from not eating since midday yesterday, Seungcheol kicked the blankets away and sat up. 

Only to be met with a face that he’d never seen before, sitting across the room at Mingyu’s desk. But what surprised Seungcheol the most was the fact that the guy was staring at him, looking just as perplexed as Seungcheol was as if he wasn’t in  _ his  _ room. 

“Um, hi?” The guy more like questioned than stated. 

“Hey, who’re you?”

“Hansol. Or Vernon, whichever you wanna call me.” 

Seungcheol had actually heard one of the members talk about a ‘Hansol’ before but he couldn’t remember who, his mind processing it all too slow from just waking up. But not much more thought was needed when his door opened again and Seungkwan walked in with a steaming mug of something. 

“You’re awake,” Seungkwan smiled as he came to set the mug on Seungcheol’s side table. “I set your alarm so you’d wake up around the time the hot chocolate should’ve been ready. Which seems to have worked.” 

Among seeing the plethora of marshmallows, sitting at the top of the cup, Seungcheol sighed in relief. He could really use this. Picking up the cup and sipping very slowly, Seungcheol looked to Seungkwan and then to Hansol and back again. 

“Oh! This is my friend, Hansol. He’s helping me with a project,” Seungkwan said. “You don’t have to worry though, we’ll be as quiet as possible.”

“You don’t have to. I’m not really that tired anymore,” Seungcheol admitted. “I just don’t wanna leave the house.”

“I’m not gonna let you leave either.” Seungkwan settled back in the chair that was pulled up next to Hansol. “I need to prove to Jeonghan that I actually can take care of you guys when I’m told to.” 

“After what you told me you did last time, I wouldn’t exactly trust you either,” Hansol commented with a sly yet amused grin. 

“What’d you do?” Seungcheol asked.

“Well, Chan had the flu once and when he’s sick, he sleeps for like hours at a time,” Seungkawn said in defense. “Sooo, I forgot that he was there and then I left to go eat out and stuff.” 

“I thought he was a freshman,” Seungcheol asked. 

“He was in high school at the time,” Seungkwan hummed. “Which was even worse. They don’t trust me anymore.” 

“I wouldn’t either honestly,” Seungcheol uttered, taking another sip of the scorching hot drink. 

“He was old enough to take care of himself!” Seungkwan huffed. “Anyway, we’re about to do this project, just scream if you need something?”

“Scream?” 

“You know what I meant.”

Seungcheol giggled and nodded. “Will do.” 

In the meantime, he decided to silently catch up on homework, snuggled up in his blankets, while sneakily watching the two. If he remembered correctly, Seungkwan was whipped for this guy Hansol, but for some reason he couldn’t act on it. 

He’d stopped listening to that conversation after that. 

But whenever Seungcheol did look, Seungkwan was practically staring so sweetly at the guy’s face that Seungcheol wouldn’t find it hard to believe that the secrets to love was written right there. 

Seungkwan was the type of person that couldn’t just date anybody. He was someone who wanted to date someone he loved, someone who made him feel like he was sitting on top of the word whenever they were together. It was probably why he never had a boyfriend. So, Seungcheol surely hoped that Hansol would return his feelings. 

It hurt his own heart if Seungkwan’s heart got broken for the first time. Because with how Seungkwan was looking now, Seungcheol knew that he’d probably never felt this way before. The look in his eyes was too pure for it not to be. 

Seungcheol grinned to himself and focused on his philosophy book, which would be the next class he’d be going to if he would’ve felt like getting out of bed. 

“-I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course.” 

“Good. Later.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll call Or text. Whichever is okay. You need me to walk you out?” 

“I got it. Thanks.”

Seungcheol had just begun to wake up from the nap he didn’t even know that he’d taken. He was beginning to wonder if he was actually getting sick. He never slept so much. In fact, it was actually the opposite when he was going through a depressive episode, he usually couldn’t get any sleep. 

He scratched his head and sat up again, noticing that all of his books were neatly closed and set on his side table. Also, he only then registered the fact that Seungkwan was practically pacing his room after the door shut. Hansol must’ve left jst now. 

“What’s the problem?” Seungcheol moaned as he contorted his body in a full body stretch that he oh so needed. 

“He’s closeted,” Seungkwan uttered, stopping his pacing and sitting at the end of Seungcheol’s bed. “And he’s never been with a guy before.” 

“Okay, and?” 

“ _ And _ , I don’t know what he wants. What if he isn’t ready to be with a guy?”

“That’s okay, right?” 

“Of course,” Seungkwan sighed. “But I like him so much. We talk everyday. He’s so sweet and kind. Have you seen that smile? Or his voice when he speaks in English. He’s so sexy. Oh my fuck, Cheol.”

“Did you ask him how he felt about dating a guy?”

“No. Of course not. I can’t.”

Seungcheol settled back into bed and smiled up at Seungkwan. “Well, in my opinion, I think he likes you.”

“Really?”

“Yup. For real.”

“That’s just wishful thinking,” Seungkwan declared. “The chances of me getting with Hansol are lower than the chances of Wonwoo actually hooking up with someone who isn’t a bottom. And that’s ultra low.”

Seungcheol had heard all of the stories about that. Wonwoo had the shittiest luck when it came to luck, it probably why he doesn’t do it anymore. 

“If you wanna look at it that way, then I think you have a better chance than that. Because everybody seems to have better luck than Wonwoo does.” 

“True. For his birthday, I’ll get someone to top him. Think he’ll appreciate it?”

“He’ll be offended but I think he’ll take it.” 

Despite the fact that they sounded like they were having a serious and deep conversation, they broke out into laughter. 

“You’re cool for a straight guy,” Seungkwan said as he finished laughing. “I’m glad we kept you.”

“I’m a dog now?” 

“Yup.” 

“Okay. Guess that’s better than being called a het every second.”

Almost as if just to spite him, his roommate, Mingyu, came hurtling into the room. “What’s up, hetero. How was your day?”

Seungkwan and Seungcheol chuckled at the irony of it and proceeded to tell him about the day they’d had. 

For the first time, Seungcheol actually felt some type of relief during his depression. No one tiptoed around him yet they didn’t leave him alone either. Seungcheol never thought the place he felt most accepted was in a house full of LGBT+ people. Maybe they weren’t as different as he initially thought. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Verkwan and Meanie are my babies. That's it. 
> 
> Seungcheol doesn't know the reason he fits in so well with them yet. Lol


	9. Chapter 9

“CHEOL!” 

Seungcheol was in the bathroom, fresh out of the shower and just finished blow drying his hair, when his name was shouted. It had to be no one other than Chan and Seungcheol knew exactly what that scream was for. 

“I NEED HELP PUTTING THIS THING ON THE WALL.” 

Securing the towel around his waist, Seungcheol pulled open the door and stuck his head out to yell back “Ask someone else!”

“No! Everyone else is short! And Mingyu is downstairs cooking.”

“I’m the same height as some of them!”

“SO!”

Seungcheol didn’t bother yelling back at Chan’s stubborn ass. He wouldn’t care anyway and just insist that he did it anyway. Instead of wasting any breath, he just huffed out a loud sigh of breath to let Chan know just how aggravating he was. Judging by the sly giggle from his room, Chan was very well aware. 

“Why isn’t anyone else volunteering to help his tiny ass?” Seungcheol huffed at his reflection in the mirror. “Small people, I swear.” 

He sighed again. Seungcheol was slowly but surely getting used to not living at home. The walk back to his parents’ home was only ten minutes and he visited pretty much twice every week. He had become pretty used to living here in the house with so many different guys, despite how different it was living at home with his parents as the only child. 

But one thing he didn’t think he would get used to was having Chan as a younger sibling. He was glad that his parents never took him seriously when he used to beg for a sibling as a young child. 

Pulling on some clothes, Seungcheol cleaned up after himself-- knowing how much everyone else hated a dirty bathroom-- and went to help Chan. 

“Finally,” Chan groaned when Seungcheol came into his room that he shared with Junhui and Minghao. “What do you do in the bathroom anyway?”

“Shower,” Seungcheol said shortly. 

“ _ Sure _ . Anywayyy,” Chan said before Seungcheol could argue. “I need help putting these pride flags up.” Chan pointed at the two flags spread out on his bed. One was what he thought was the bisexual flag. He’d seen it once. 

But the other one… 

“It’s the bi flag and the pan flag,” Chan explained. “I don’t know which one I identify with more so I bought both of them.”

“Pan?” Seungcheol furrowed his brows together in utter confusion. Maybe he heard that wrong. 

“Pan as in pansexual,” Chan explained, picking up the flag that was pink, yellow, and blue. “It’s similar to bisexual… but it’s different. More fluid. Someone who doesn’t care much about gender in general… I guess.” 

Seungcheol didn’t feel as bad about not knowing because it seemed like Chan was struggling with it too. 

“Look,” Chan said. “I’m a baby gay, I don’t know everything yet. I haven’t even been to my first pride yet. Ask an expert, like Wonwoo, not me. But anyway, I feel like my sexuality fits into one of these, so let’s put them over my bed.” 

“Why couldn’t anyone else help you with this again?” Seungcheol asked. 

“Because everyone else is either downstairs, not here, or asleep.” Chan stepped carefully onto his bed that was on the opposite side of the room. Minghao and Junhui must have the bunk bed then. “Look, all you have to do is hold up this side while I put these push pins in it. Stop being an ass.” 

“You’re gonna stop insulting me,” Seungcheol said yet still stood next to Chan’s bed to hold up the one end of the bisexual flag. 

“Sure, I will. Ask Soonyoung and Seungkwan how long I can go without insulting them.” 

Seungcheol just rolled his eyes and continued to lend the smaller a helping hand, listening to Chan tell him about random things that he did in dance class. And somewhere in their conversation, Seungcheol had gotten invited to go to dance practice with Chan one day. 

He wasn’t really fond of dancing because he didn’t like the idea of looking stupid, but Seungcheol agreed anyway. He could at least watch Chan do what he loved and bond with him in a way that wasn’t insults. 

***

“Can someone help me get the groceries from the car?” Minghao asked loudly, bursting in through the front door knowing that his announcement would catch everyone's attention. And, indeed, it did. Everyone was roaming around the house but those who were in the living room and even in the kitchen and dining room, definitely looked at Minghao in question. 

Even Jeonghan. 

You see… groceries were quite rare in the house. They were all broke college students and their meal swipes provided by the school was the only way they could eat. Of course, Jeonghan or maybe even Wonwoo would bring in some boxes of ramen to eat periodically-- the typical diet of every college student. Sometimes Junhui, who Jeonghan only recently found out came from a rich family, would sometimes use his allowance to bring home some rare, exquisite things. 

And by ‘rare, exquisite things,’ Jeonghan meant ice cream sandwiches, bags of chips, and, Wonwoo’s favorite, popsicles. But those things never required more than one person to get things from the car. 

Soonyoung, Seungkwan, and Wonwoo all stood up to help with the bags. Jeonghan and Junhui stayed sitting on the couch just watching with wide eyes as Minghao cockily walked further into the house. 

“Did you rob someone?” Junhui turned around to question.

“Of course not,” Minghao rolled his eyes. “ I’m skinny. I can’t mug anybody. Do you know how easy it is to body slam me?”

“Oh, trust me, I know that,” Junhui chuckled suggestively earning him a giggle from Minghao. Jeonghan grimaced. 

“I didn’t need to hear that,” Jeonghan groaned. “If you guys put me in the middle of one of your disgusting comments, I’m gonna make you switch rooms.”

“I don’t know which one is worse honestly,” Minghao said. “Sharing a room with Chan or being split up.” 

“Chan would be so hurt to hear that,” Jeonghan said with feigned disappointment laced through his tone. “He loves you guys so much.”

“Sure he does,” Junhui murmured. “He insults us every chance he gets.”

“He does that to everybody,” Jeonghan said on behalf of the youngest. The only person Chan didn’t insult was him, but according to all of them, he was some sort of special so that was expected. 

He didn’t understand why any of them held him to such high standards as if Jeonghan was this angel. He was a human like all of them were. Until this day, Jeonghan doesn’t know the real reason why they treat Jeonghan so highly. Sure, they always attempted to explain it but it always sounded like a bunch of bs. 

“He’s a cute little brat,” Minghao said, coming to sit on the side of the couch as the others carried grocery bags inside. The large amount of bags made Jeonghan’s heart jump. 

“Hey. You still haven’t told me how you get money for groceries,” Jeonghan said. “Was it illegal?”

“Of course not. I’m a disasterous bisexual, skinny ass, college student. I wouldn’t ruin my life for some food,” Minghao huffed. “I’m offended as fuck.”

“Then give us a straight answer,” Soonyoung said as he kicked the front door closed, his forearms lined with plastic bags. 

“I mean… the answer is anything but straight,” Minghao said, a smile breaking out across his face. Junhui’s face twisted into a confused, perplexed frown. 

“What’re you talking about?” 

The smirk on Soonyoung’s face was all knowing and quite amusing. Junhui was a new member, he didn’t know Minghao like the older members knew him. 

“You’re a stripper, aren’t you?” Jeonghan hummed, relaxing back onto the sofa with a grin. Soonyoung chuckled as he crossed the arch into the kitchen. 

“Part time, part time.” Minghao reassured them. “You know my friend BamBam? He dances sometimes at this club sometimes. After breaking up with my ex, I told myself that I would like to have some fun. BamBam invited me to dance sometimes, so I did it last night. I’m only gonna dance whenever I want to, it’s not like a job or anything. Just some fun.”

“You’re popular?” Junhui laughed, surprisingly amused. 

“Very. Even after buying food, I still have some left over. You guys should come visit sometimes. Maybe for your birthday, Hannie.” 

“I don’t think I want to see you strip for my birthday.” 

“I’ll give you a free lap dance.”

“I’ll pass.” 

“You’ll change your mind,” Minghao smiled. “It’ll be fun. You can probably dance too. Get a little birthday money.”

Soonyoung, Seungkwan, and Wonwoo all came back from the kitchen, Mingyu close behind. “Minghao, who’d you rob for these groceries?”

“Some old lady,” Minghao said, feigning seriousness. “She was on her way to the car and then I pushed her down and ran with her basket.” 

“I wouldn’t put it past you,” Seungkwan said, coming back to sit on the couch, already pulling open a bag of chips. “But thanks.” 

“Heard you were stripping now,” Soonyoung laughed. “You have no ass, what do you even shake?”

“Not all the time. And this nonexistent ass just got us groceries so be happy. Ungrateful bitch. It deserves a thank you.”

Wonwoo kneeled down and pulled Minghao up from the side of the couch and turned him around. “Thank you, Minghao’s nonexistent ass. I was getting so tired of eating ramen and that cafeteria food. I would kiss you but I don’t eat ass.” Giving it two slaps, Wonwoo bowed slightly and got back to his feet.

“Mingyu does,” Jeonghan found himself saying. Both, Mingyu and Wonwoo, sent him a warning glare that was telling him to not say anything more. Jeonghan huffed out a tired breath. 

“I want a popsicle,” Wonwoo announced just to get away from the situation.

So dense. The both of them. 

“I have to go wake up Jihoon?” Jeonghan said looking at the time on his phone. “He has a music seminar in a bit. He wanted me to wake him up-”

“I can do it,” Soonyoung offered. “He wakes up easily when I do it.” 

Jeonghan was skeptical at first but agreed after a moment. He knew that Soonyoung would be careful and wouldn’t annoy Jihoon too much. The guy just wanted to get as much sleep as he could which was understandable. 

“Okay. But don’t be too loud. He doesn’t like that.” 

“I know.” Soonyoung was on his feet in moments and was running towards the staircase that Seungcheol and Chan just so happened to be descending at the same time. 

“What’re you running for?” Seungcheol asked but his question went unanswered.

“Did you put your flags up?” Jeonghan asked when Chan practically skipped towards him and threw himself over the back of the couch. 

“Yup.”

“Wait so you guys knew that he needed help but you still made him ask me?”

“We didn’t make him do anything,” Jeonghan said. 

“Yup. I even asked if he wanted my help and he said he didn’t need it,” Mingyu said. 

Seungcheol looked to Chan who was hiding behind Junhui and Jeonghan’s bodies, quietly giggling to himself. But the light, cute giggling somehow caused Seungcheol’s annoyance to evaporate. Chan truly was like a younger brother. 

Annoying as hell but just one good look at him made it difficult to ever truly be mad at him. 

“Don’t be mad, Cheollie. Just him loving you,” Minghao said, moving to sit on Jeonghan’s lap instead of the side of the sofa, lowly complaining about “Damn, my ass is killing me.”

“It’s because all you’re sitting on is bones,” Seungkwan chuckled. 

“Look not everyone can have an ass like you, alright?” Junhui said. 

“I mean… Cheol, turn around,” Mingyu said. Before Seungcheol could protest, Mingyu was spinning him around so everyone could check out his ass. “Yeah, Seungkwan’s the only one with ass around here.” 

Seungcheol sucked his teeth and moved away from Mingyu. “I have more of an ass than a lot of you though.”

“Shots fired,” Mingyu laughed. “Let’s measure and see.” 

“Our asses?” Jeonghan questioned lightheartedly. 

“Of course,” Mingyu said shamelessly. “Wonwoo! Get the measuring tape.”

***

“Thank you so much for that,” Seokmin uttered as he tilted his cup to the side to catch the ice cream that had melted while he was eating onto his spoon. He wouldn’t let any of this delicious ice cream go to waste. 

“No, thank you for helping me with that. We’re only a month and a half into school and assignments have already started kicking my ass,” Demi-- a girl that he had his Civics class with-- said. “I said I’d buy you ice cream if you helped, didn’t I? I’m a woman of my word.”

“You sound like someone I know,” Seokmin said fondly. Judging by the kind smile that spread across the plains of Seokmin’s face, Demi could see just how close this person was to him. 

It brought her some semblance of fear since she had something important to tell him considering this person. 

“Is that someone… Seungcheol?”

Seokmin’s eyes lit up “Yeah! Do you know him? I’m so glad that he’s making friends-”

“He doesn’t deserve friends, Min,” Demi said quietly, honestly not wanting to hear him speak highly about him. “He’s the ex I was telling you about.”

Seokmin stopped mid sentence and thought for a moment. When Demi had told him about how much of a horrible person her ex was, he had imagined someone different than the Seungcheol he knew. He’d imagined… Maybe someone like one of Demi’s guy friends who were openly homophobic, racist, and quite frankly entitled assholes. Seokmin was sure that they had some good qualities unless they would have no friends, but homophobia and racism were two things that Seokmin couldn’t accept. 

He didn’t care how sweet they were. 

But Demi’s horrible boyfriend that, according to her, faked his depression, cheated on her, and verbally abused her was Seungcheol? Couldn’t be. 

“For real?” Was all Seokmin managed to say. “But…” 

“I know he seems sweet at first, but trust me…” 

“Demi. Maybe you got the wrong idea from him,” Seokmin tried, but the offended, pained look that crossed her face, stopped him. “I’m sorry. He just seems so nice. I can’t imagine him doing half of the things you said he did, but-”

“I’m leaving,” Demi said suddenly. “Thanks for the help.”

Seokmin didn’t bother trying to stop her. He was always on her side when it came to her situation with her ex, but… Seungcheol wasn’t like that… right? Sitting here thinking about it wasn’t going to do him any good. 

Gathering his laptop and all of his things, he put everything back into his backpack and stood to leave. For another perspective to this, he’d just have to go home and ask Seungcheol and hope that he’d tell him the truth. 

The walk back to the house was slow and slightly unpleasant as he thought about a way to approach it when he got home. But all of that thinking went out of the window when he opened the door to the house and everyone was gathered downstairs. Mingyu was kneeling next to Jihoon who was begrudgingly standing next to him allowing the other to wrap measuring tape around his hips and ass. 

Several shouts and yells were heard, half because Mingyu yelled out the measurement and half because they were greeting him. 

“We missed you so much,” Jeonghan said. 

“Seokmin!” Seungcheol laughed, waving to the other to come join him on the couch. “We’re trying to see who has the best ass.” Seokmin’s eyes widened in shock. He didn’t know why because their usual games were a lot weirder than this. 

“I got next,” Seokmin blurted, choosing to have that conversation with Seungcheol later. After these last few days of Seungcheol being down and submerged in melancholy, it was uplifting to see him smiling.

He was just hoping that the smile that they all had come to know and love wasn’t just some facade that was concealing a person that was actually hideous underneath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love seeing all of them get along. It's cute.


	10. Chapter 10

He had measured his friends’ asses. He had dinner. He took his shower. In the end, Jeonghan could happily say that he had a good day. But now that it was night time, he knew that it was time to get some homework done before bed. Jeonghan didn’t like doing homework at night, preferring to do it when he woke up in the morning. 

But that’s what happened when he procrastinated. He had to stay up into the middle of the night to do homework that was due the next day. 

_Great._

After finishing up his nightly skin care routine, Jeonghan went into his room, ignoring the lingering noise that was from the guys who weren’t awake. He grabbed his backpack from his bed and settled into his chair by his desk. With some thought, Jeonghan decided to start with his philosophy homework and work his way to his calculus. Starting with calculus would drain his confidence and motivation almost immediately. 

Opening his book, Jeonghan grabbed his highlighter and a lollipop that he had on his desk for sometime and got to work. 

“Hannie… -han… wake up.” 

He’d heard the voices but he hadn’t jolted up from his sleep until there was a sudden and heavy hand on his shoulder. 

“You fell asleep,” came Seokmin’s amused yet calm voice. “Philosophy?” 

Gradually realizing what happened, Jeonghan looked up at Seokmin and slowly nodded. “Yeah…”

“I told you to use the internet to your advantage,” he hummed as he moved to grab the spare chair from Jihoon’s desk and slide it next to Jeonghan. “But you wanna go the old fashioned route and _read._ Ugh.”

“Shut up,” Jeonghan said, rubbing his eyes so he could wake up with one hand and using the other to give Seokmin the middle finger. Seokmin only attempted to bite Jeonghan’s finger, only barely missing. 

He didn’t even know when he fell asleep. But he wasn’t that surprised. It was philosophy after all. “Pull up the website,” he sighed, pointing weakly at his laptop that was on his pillow. 

“With pleasure,” Seokmin said. But as he stood to get Jeonghan’s laptop, he added, “We gotta talk about something.” 

“What?”

“Seungcheol.” 

Jeonghan just waited for the explanation, surprisingly alert now. “Did he do something?”

“No. I think…” Seokmin sat next to Jeonghan once again and opened the laptop. “I went out with my friend Demi earlier and her ex boyfriend is Seungcheol. But she had told me horrible things about her ex. I mean, at one point, I wanted to beat the guy’s ass but she wouldn’t tell me his name… What if Seungcheol’s been lying to us?”

Jeonghan furrowed his brow. “Are we talking about the same Seungcheol?” Demi was more Seokmin’s friend than his, but he had also heard about this ‘horrible, abusive ex’ of hers. But that guy being Seungcheol just didn’t add up and he wouldn’t believe it. 

Even if Seungcheol himself told him that he was the abusive and horrible ex boyfriend Demi was referring to, Jeonghan still wouldn’t believe it. 

It actually angered him a bit that Seokmin was even questioning that Seungcheol could lie to them for long. How could all those laughs and smiles be fake. Seungcheol was nothing but genuine. But as much as Jeonghan wanted to scold Seokmin, he knew that it would be pointless. 

Seokmin wasn’t exactly wrong. He had every right to suspect that Seungcheol was lying. 

Seokmin sighed. “Maybe that’s why he was always alone before he came to the club.”

“Maybe you should ask Seungcheol too,” Jeonghan said instead, voice a bit too rushed and firm. “He has a side of the situation too and he deserves to be heard.”

“What if he lies?”

“What if Demi’s lying?” 

Sensing Jeonghan’s rising anger in his voice alone, Seokmin pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded. “Alright. I’ll ask him.” 

Jeonghan hadn’t noticed that he had been so tense until he had sighed and relaxed. He didn’t say anything more until Seokmin had pulled up the website.

“Okay, so. Here you go,” Seokmin said awkwardly. “Um… let me tell you about Joshua.” It was a desperate attempt to change the subject but Jeonghan didn’t say anything of it. 

***

Was it just Seungcheol or were Wonwoo and Mingyu flirting? Right in front of his salad too… 

With a defeated sigh, Seungcheol picked up his bowl of fruit salad and left the dining room, leaving the two alone. With nowhere else to go, he went upstairs and went into Soonyoung and Seungkwan’s room where Jihoon, Seungkwan, and Soonyoung were.

“I was wondering when you would leave the dining room,” Seungkwan said. “I was worried you were gonna suffocate from the thick sexual tension.” 

“So I wasn’t the only one that noticed,” Seungcheol sighed in relief, finding salvation and a safe place in the room to eat his salad.

“You have to be just as blind as they are if you don’t realize that those two like each other,” Jihoon scoffed from up on Soonyoung’s bed. “I expect it from Mingyu… he’s dumb… but Wonwoo, I expect more from him.”

“We all did,” Soonyoung said.

“Right?” Seungcheol snickered but Jihoon was quick to stop him. 

“You don’t get to laugh until you talk to that Nayoung girl again,” Jihoon said. “You’re just as dumb.”

Seungcheol only pursed his lips. He didn’t wanna talk about it. 

Seungkwan smirked and patted the space in his bed next to him, motioning to Seungcheol. “Come sit, my favorite het.”

With no hesitation, Seungcheol went to lay in bed with Seungkwan as asked. 

“Who the fuck eats fruits in college?” Seungkwan asked when he saw the bowl full of different fruits. Nonetheless, he still stuck his hand into the bowl to grab a few for himself. 

“I’m trying to be healthy,” Seungcheol said. 

“A bowl of fruit ain’t gonna do it.”

“When was the last time you ate a fruit?” Seungcheol huffed. “At least I’m trying.”

“Fuck you,” Seungkwan said after a moment of thinking, realizing that he had no comeback. “I’m gay.”

“That’s an excuse?” Seungcheol asked.

From above came Soonyoung’s response: “Yup. We don’t know how but it is.” 

Seungcheol grinned and stretched out in Seungkwan’s bed, making himself comfortable since he had nothing else better to do. It looked like Seungkwan was working on an assignment just like Jihoon and Soonyoung were.

“Since you aren’t doing anything, how about you think about something to do for Hannie’s birthday,” Seungkwan said, his primary focus still being on his laptop. 

“Minghao said he was gonna take him to the club,” Seungcheol hummed, sighing as he bit into a particularly juicy grape. Yum. 

“That’s more of something that we’re gonna laugh at,” Jihoon admitted, his head leaning over the top bunk to look down at them. “We have to think of something he’s going to actually like too in order to compensate for us bullying him on his birthday.”

Seungcheol grunted in understanding. “Wait, is it a gay strip club?”

“Of course.”

“Duh.”

“We’re gay.” 

Came all three of their responses at the same time. 

“So where will I go?” Seungcheol questioned, a pout forming on his lips. 

“You’re coming with us,” Seungkwan said, reaching for more fruit. 

Seungcheol’s eyes widened. He wasn’t expecting that answer. 

“You’re gonna love it.” 

While he didn’t say anything more of it, Seungcheol was sure that he wouldn’t. 

***

Minghao was uncharacteristically sad. He had a good day, but once he’d settled down in his bed after a shower, his mood just hit rock bottom. He knew instantly that it was his ex, Biyu.

Yeah, she had cheated on him several times and, yes, he was still furious at her. But it didn’t take away from the fact that he was hurt. It was taking him some time to get over it. 

It didn’t help that Chan had brought to his attention that he was practically using Junhui to feel better. With a loud groan, Minghao buried his face into his pillow. He’d actually managed to drift off to sleep until there was a shouting that suddenly stopped. But it was too late because Minghao was already awake. 

Turning to look at the door, Minghao was met eye to eye with the culprit, Junhui, who was standing there with both hands clasped over his mouth.

“I didn’t think you would be asleep, Hao,” Junhui said apologetically, his eyes sad in genuine sympathy. He couldn’t be mad at that. Now if it were Chan… Well, Minghao couldn't be mad at him either. 

“It’s okay,” Minghao grumbled before letting his head fall back onto the pillow. 

“What’s wrong?” Junhui gasped running to be at his side. “You look like someone stole your dog.” 

Minghao chuckled. “Why that analogy?”

“It’s the same face I made when someone stole my dog,” Junhui admitted as he settled down.

Minghao shoved him lightly causing Junhui to chuckle too.. “You’re stupid, you know.” 

“Is it your ex?” Junhui folded his arms on the edge of the bed and rested his chin on them. As he relaxed, he began to speak in Chinese. “You haven’t really grieved about it yet.” 

Minghao didn’t say anything for a moment, thinking about the fact that the last person who had spoken Chinese with him was Biyu. 

“How’d you know? You read minds now?”

“No, I just used my intuition.”

Minghao had an idea that it was just a guess, but he didn’t ask anything more. Instead, he just sighed, feeling some unusual comfort from hearing Chinese spill from Junhui’s lips. “I’m sorry for using you.”

“What are you talking about?” Junhui reached to pinch Minghao’s arm. “We had sex twice. And from what I remember, you enjoyed it.” 

“I did. I did,” Minghao giggled-- yes, he giggled. “But I feel like I did it just because I was feeling down. You deserve more than that”

“I wanted it too. We both got something out of it.”

“What’d you get?” 

“Well… I’m confident that I can now proudly use the term bisexual and not just fluid. After that great sex, I know for sure that I like men. So here’s a reward for that.” Leaving Minghao for a moment, Junhui leaned over to press a kiss to Minghao’s lips. 

But it was too quick for Minghao’s liking, but when Junhui pulled away, he couldn’t find it within himself to ask for more. 

“So how about this,” Junhui said, a soft smile gracing the soft plains of his face. “Whenever you think about your ex, you come to me. I know that the worst thing to do is be alone with the thoughts that hurt you. So I'll be there for you.”

“I would love that,” Minghao said. 

“Okay so.” Junhui raised his pinky finger and waved it in front of Minghao. “It’s a promise.”

Wrapping his pinky around the other’s, they both smiled. It was only then that Minghao mustered up the courage to pull Junhui in for another kiss. Butterflies seemed to erupt for Minghao, but he wondered if it was because he felt wanted or because of Junhui. All he did know was that Junhui's lips were soft as the clouds in the sky.

Both knew that it was a display of their mutual attraction to one another. No doubt. But being adults, they knew that beginning a relationship when one was in pain was never a good idea. But it didn’t change the fact that there was something blooming between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to put a small (mostly) fluffy chapter. I love fluff.


	11. Chapter 11

“We’re leaving!” Seokmin shouted as he and Seungcheol made their way towards the front door of the house. Incredibly used to the yelling by now, Seungcheol didn’t even wince at Seokmin’s yelling. That’s progress. 

Instead, he focused on reading his mom’s several text messages. 

**[11:40]**

**My One and Only (Mom):** Have a good day! 

**My One and Only (Mom):** Come visit sometime 

**My One and Only (Mom):** Me and your father miss you so much

**My One and Only (Mom):** Mommy loves you

With a warm smile, Seungcheol sent back a series of messages, promising that he’d try to have a good day, that he loved them too, and that he’d definitely come see them later on that day. He could even bring Jeonghan and the actual Seokmin with him. His mom had been bugging him about meeting him properly anyway. 

“Alright! We’re ordering pizza tonight so if you wanna pick the toppings, you gotta be here,” Mingyu shouted back, his voice booming and echoing off of the walls. Seungcheol could easily see why he acted as Jeonghan’s bullhorn sometimes. 

“Got it!” Seokmin said. 

“See ya later,” Seungcheol said, waving at Chan who was in the kitchen making a sandwich for himself. He would yell, but he’d only woken up not that long ago. So, no yelling. 

Closing and locking the door behind the two of them, they started on their usual journey back to and across campus to get to the science building. Seokmin and Seungcheol fit together like puzzle pieces in a way. Seokmin led the conversation and Seungcheol followed along obediently. 

Of course, that realization turned into the conversation that they were having now. 

“You know, if you were gay, you’d be a bottom, I think,” Seokmin quipped, tensing his body already knowing that a punch was coming to his arm. 

“What? Why?” Seungcheol wasn’t offended or anything. Just disagreed that he would be a bottom. Yeah, he was anxious and liked others to take the lead, but he was confident in his abilities, okay. “I’m a top… If I were gay.”

“Okay, maybe a switch,” Seokmin said after a bit of evaluation and thought. “That’s like someone who can be a top and a bottom. You’ve had sex with girls so you aren’t a strict bottom”

“I’m not a switch either!” Seungcheol shoved Seokmin a little harder than he’d intended, but Seokmin still burst into laughter. 

“Oh yes, you would.”

“I’m gonna show you,” Seungcheol huffed.

“Sure you will,” Seokmin teased, tugging playfully at his ear. Seungcheol gave up his retort because this was gonna go nowhere. But as they went into class and ambled towards their seats, Seungcheol couldn’t help but think about whether or not he actually looked like a bottom or not. 

He wondered what everyone else thought. But then again, Seungcheol knew that wondering what others thought about him would only trigger his anxiety. He knew his triggers and he knew them well. It was why he hadn’t had a panic attack in so long. 

So when class started, he instead focused on blending in with the crowd as best as possible, which was a skill he’d long ago acquired. 

***   
  


“You understood any of that?” Seokmin whispered as they began to pack up their notebooks and leave class again. He had another class soon after this, so he made sure that he had the right notebook this time. It bothered him the whole time that he was taking notes that he had to write his math notes in his global history notebook. 

“Somewhat,” Seungcheol uttered. “We can look over the textbook later on.”

“Okay, I’m gonna run to the library and print my civics paper. She’s one of those old professors that doesn’t know how to work the internet.”

“Alright. I’ll see you at the house.”

“Kay. Meet me in my room when you get there.”

They both went their separate ways as they left the classroom, Seungcheol going right and Seokmin going left. Usually the latter walked him to class, so Seungcheol had to admit that he was a bit lonely as he hauled himself towards his least favorite class: pre calculus. 

And Jeonghan took calculus. Seungcheol didn’t know how he did that without wanting to pitch his textbooks out of the nearest window. No, all Jeonghan ever did was fall asleep when things got too boring or too difficult. 

“Seungcheol,” a voice called him. It made him stop in his tracks and his breath caught in his throat. “So you were avoiding me?” 

Nayoung read him all too well. She was leaning on the wall and a few feet away from the entrance of the east wing of the mathematics building. Nayoung had his entire schedule and had been on his campus enough to know where each building was. He’d completely forgotten about that.

Why didn’t he go in through the west wing of the building today?

“No,” Seungcheol said as he approached her, his hands stuffed anxiously in the pockets of his jeans. 

“Why haven’t you responded to my texts then?” Nayoung pushed herself off of the wall and neared Seungcheol. 

“I haven’t really known what to say really…” Seungcheol said quietly, finally meeting her accusing glare. There was no use lying to Nayoung. He was a terrible liar, and he respected her too much to blatantly lie to her anyway. 

“What about ‘hey’ or ‘how are you,’” she shrugged. Her tone was nonchalant but Seungcheol didn’t miss the hint of annoyance there either. “You’ve been acting like I was a stranger ever since the party.”

“I know. I- Wait. What?” Had she seen him there? 

“Yeah, asshole. I saw you at the party,” she planted her hands on her hips and scowled up at him. “I was with Kyulkyung. I’m sure you saw me and her.”

“Yeah. I did,” Seungcheol said shortly. 

“You a homophobe?” She gestured her head at him and raised one of her eyebrows in questioning. “Or were you jealous?”

“N-Neither,” Seungcheol sputtered. “I was just… confused.”

“About what? You upset because I like girls too? It doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

“Just… Why didn’t you tell me?” Seungcheol murmured. Now that Seungcheol was confronting the feeling head on right now, he thinks that the reason he was so upset was because she hadn’t told him. Did she think he would laugh at her? Did she have that little faith in him? 

“I was experimenting. I don’t think I have to tell you that. We aren’t dating.” 

She had a point. 

“And I was going to tell you,” Nayoung continued. “I’ve been feeling a bit curious about girls and I tried it with Kyulkyung because I trust her. But you haven’t talked to me in fucking weeks so how was I supposed to tell you?”

“I’m sorry…” 

“You should be,” she spat before letting her voice soften a bit after a deep inhale of breath. “Seungcheol, you know I trust you. We mess around here and there, but you’re still one of the closest friends I’ve got.”

Seungcheol nodded and wordlessly pulled Nayoung in for a hug. He held her tight and squeezed, hoping that she would be able to see just how sorry he was. The giggle that she emitted made him smile. 

“So…” 

“So… I’m a bisexual woman,” she announced, pulling away from Seungcheol with a bright smile. When was the last time Seungcheol had seen her smile so happily. If he looked hard enough, he could see the relief wash over her as she said it. Did coming out really do that to people?

“Congratulations, Na.” He didn’t know why but he felt like it was only right to congratulate her, if her new sense of confidence and pride were to go by. “Um… what about Kyulkyung?”

Despite her confused expression at first, she bursted into a fit of giggles. “I may have a tiny crush on her.” 

Seungcheol took a quick please at the time, seeing that he only had about ten minutes to spare before class. He had enough time. 

“A tiny one?”

“Yup,” she laughed, popping the ‘p’ at the end. “Wish me luck.”

“I’m crossing my fingers.” 

They talked for a few more minutes, Nayoung walking him to class when they had two minutes until pre cal started. She left him with a kiss on the cheek and some pleasant parting words: “We may not be able to mess around as much anymore, but I’ll always give you kisses and hold you when you need them.” 

Seungcheol didn’t exactly know why but he had a feeling that he wouldn’t truly be needing them for too long. It sort of seemed like his future would be a bright one. Well, his future after pre calculus would be a bright one because as soon as his professor started talking, he found it hard to follow along. 

***

“Hannie! Seokmin needs you!” Chan said unnecessarily loudly since Jeonghan was the only one in his room. He was trying to write up some reports for Minki about the members, their grades and an overall review of how they’ve settled into the house. It was a check in that was meant to follow the trend in the members’ grades and wellbeing. Minki and Jeonghan believed in catching the problem before it had gotten too bad and blew up in their faces. 

The real meetings came at the end of every month though. With the end of September approaching this week, it meant two things. One being that he had to call a mandatory meeting on Friday or Saturday. The other being that his birthday was coming. 

Jeonghan loved his birthday and cherished it a lot. But in this house, birthdays were a recipe for a chaotic night. He’d have to start mentally preparing right now to truly be ready.

“Tell him come here. I’m busy.”

“Okay,” Chan said, shutting the door again, it only opened again a few minutes later when Seokmin came in. 

“What’s up?” Jeonghan asked. “If this is about the pizza, then you’re gonna have to wait. You know what happened last time I let one of you pick one of the toppings before everyone else.” 

“It’s not that,” Seokmin chuckled. “I need you to talk to Seungcheol for me. You’re the president, after all.” 

Jeonghan glared up at Seokmin, seeing straight through that sweet, pleading grin of his. Seokmin didn’t want to upset Seungcheol so he wanted him to do it. That’s kind of low. 

“I’m scared,” Seokmin finally admitted after giving in under Jeonghan’s angry stare. “What if it’s true? But what if it’s not and I hurt his feelings. He has anxiety and depression and I don’t want to possibly trigger anything.”

Jeonghan sighed. He could understand the fear in that. Seungcheol was quite sensitive and they didn’t know just how hurt he was by the situation either. But he had stuff to do. 

“Can’t you ask Jihoon to help you?”

Jihoon was quite the mediator when Jeonghan didn’t have to do it. While he wasn’t soft spoken about it, something about the way Jihoon said things bluntly and kind of forced them to understand each other, just worked. 

“I didn’t tell anyone else yet. I don’t wanna spread any stupid rumours.”

Another sigh. “Alright. I’ll ask him.” 

“Thank you so much! I’ll tell him to come talk to you when he comes in,” Seokmin pressed a quick kiss to Jeonghan’s head. “I’ll clean the kitchen for you when it’s your turn.”

“You should’ve led with that,” Jeonghan laughed, bringing a hand up to pat Seokmin’s shoulder. “And you’re welcome.” 

***

When Seungcheol entered the house, it was uncharacteristically quiet. It wasn’t silent-- it never was-- but it was kind of quiet. 

He kicked off his shoes and made his way towards the staircase where the noise soon met him. It was so quiet because no one was downstairs. He saw that as a good sign meaning he didn’t miss the pizza toppings vote. 

“Seungkwan likes Hansol!” That was Mingyu for sure. 

“He’s in my Civics class.” Seokmin’s voice. “I can get his number for you.”

“Ugh! Guys, leave me alone.” 

Seungcheol went into his room, planning on changing into more comfortable clothes and then going into Wonwoo and Seokmin’s room to join in on the fun teasing. When he was mid way through pulling off his shirt, his phone chimed. 

**Mother Han:** Can you come to my room please

He didn’t bother sending a text back. He’d just ask Jeonghan to come with him to visit his parents when he went in there. He crossed the hall again to get to Jeonghan’s and Jihoon’s room. The soft lamp was on and Jeonghan was sitting on his bed with his laptop sitting on his crossed legs. 

“Hey,” Seungcheol waved pleasantly, as he kicked the door closed behind him and went to lie in bed next to the other. Yeah, he’s gotten pretty close to everyone in the house, so he found himself lying in others’ beds quite often. “Whatcha up to?” 

“Just finishing up this check-in thing for Minki,” Jeonghan hummed. Seungcheol looked up at Jeonghan, wanting to see if he looked as exhausted as his soft voice was implying. But it wasn’t exhaustion, it looked like something was racing through his mind or some gears were turning. 

“What’re you thinking about?”

“I-” Jeonghan inhaled sharply and exhaled again. He placed his laptop aside and shifted around so Seungcheol’s head was lying on his lap. Channeling his inner parent, Jeonghan carded his hand through Seungcheol’s hair, making the latter chuckle. 

“Do you know a girl named Demi?” 

In the next few moments, the expression on Seungcheol’s face goes from confused to shocked to hurt to angry. “How do you know Demi?”

“Well, she’s a friend of… mine.” Jeonghan decided not to include Seokmin in the situation. “She told me that you faked your depression, you were verbally abusive towards her, cheated, and just overall a bad person. Now, I know you haven’t faked your depression, but I wanted to ask if any of these other things were true.”

“Of course not,” Seungcheol scoffed, raising up off of Jeonghan’s bed and standing. He honestly didn’t wanna be touched. “I…” 

Jeonghan looked at him closely, as if he was waiting for the response. No, hoping and pleading for a response was more like it. 

“I wouldn’t do that…” Seungcheol murmured, his emotions alternating between anger and sadness. “I never cheated on her. I didn’t fake my depression. I also  _ never  _ abused her. I mean, sure, I told her some mean things when we would fight, but I always apologize. I tried to be the best boyfriend I could to her. She… She… How many people know about this? Is that why all my old friends hate me so much? Because she’s been saying shit like  _ this. _ ”

“I’m not sure about your old friends. I don’t know how many people she’s told,” Jeonghan started. “But this is what she’s said. I wanted to just ask you about it. first” 

“What else did she say?” 

Jeonghan paused, not wanting to say it. But with a sigh, he did.

“You refused to allow her to leave you when she asked to break up…”

Seungcheol scoffed in disbelief. He felt something retched in his chest as he thought about the amount of people that Demi could have possibly told. Had this rumour spread without him even noticing? Did everyone hate him now?

“Cheol,” Jeonghan called softly, moving to stand also. “I don’t know what’s going through your mind right now, but I want you to know that it’s okay. Your old friends weren’t really your friends if they wouldn’t even give you a chance to explain. Don’t think about it too much or you’ll trigger a panic attack.” 

Seungcheol looked at Jeonghan, tears gathering in the rims of his reddening eyes, and scoffed again, more hurt this time. “She told you about this too?” He whispered. “Do you believe her…”

“Of course not,” Jeonghan rushed. “I asked you because I don’t believe this. I wanted to know your stance on the situation.” 

“I didn’t let her leave because… I wanted to explain that I hadn’t cheated on her. That I didn’t fake my depression,” Seungcheol explained weakly, wiping the tears before they had the chance to fall but more gathered anyway. “But she wouldn’t listen to me. It isn’t what it sounds like. I promise, it’s not.”

“I know,” Jeonghan said, even softer this time. “Just let me-” When Jeonghan tried to grab for Seungcheol’s hands, the latter stepped back to dodge him. 

“I-I’m gonna go for a walk.” 

“Seungcheol… stay.”

It was a plea, Seungcheol knew it was. But he didn’t want to stay here and make a fool of himself by crying.

“I’m gonna take a walk,” he repeated and left the room. 

A part of Jeonghan wanted to chase after him, but he knew deep down that Seungcheol just needed a moment. And as much as he didn’t want to, Jeonghan had to keep Seungcheol’s wellbeing in mind. 

It was hard to know exactly what you wanted when your mind was racing faster than your body could take. Jeonghan knew that feeling all too well. So he’d wait a moment before he called. 

Jeonghan sat back on his bed and sighed. 

***

Why did bad things keep happening to him? Was he that bad of a person that the world just had to keep punishing him? 

The battle in his mind continued to rage on as Seungcheol wandered back onto the campus. As the sun steadily crept down creating an orange and pink in the sky, the more the campus felt peaceful. Less people were there and it was less lively, the few people that were ambling around like Seungcheol quietly walking to their destination. 

Seungcheol just settled for the same bench he always came to for some reason. Sitting down, he buried his face in his palms and inhaled sharply, groaning at the headache he was giving himself. 

Part of himself was ensuring himself that he knew that this rumour was a lie. That Jeonghan was right about his friends being shitty for not listening to his side of the story. That he wasn’t a bad person. But the other side was questioning his validity. Questioning whether or not his memories were skewed and he’d actually hurt her. Maybe he was that bad of a person that he had convinced himself that he was the victim. 

What if this rumour was actually the truth about him? 

Balling his fingers in his hair, Seungcheol resisted the strong urge to just pull. He thought of his mother’s voice, soothing him and calming him whenever he got in these moods. He thought of all of the members at the house that would believe him. His new friends. 

Seungcheol slumped into himself in utter exhaustion. It had only been about ten minutes since he’d left the house and his body was beginning to feel like he’d run a marathon in those.

With his eyes shut so tightly, it was no wonder why he didn’t sense the approaching person, jumping nearly half way out of his own skin when the person touched him. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” the voice said in a panicked rush. Looking up at the person, Seungcheol furrowed his brows in questioning. 

“Hansol?”

“Yeah,” the aforementioned chuckled, raising his head to scratch sheepishly at the back of his neck. “You look like you were going through something so… here I am.” 

“Yeah. I am…” Seungcheol sighed. Hansol took it upon himself to slowly sit down next to Seungcheol, lying his backpack on the ground between his legs. They sat there for a moment in silence before Hansol reached in his bag. Seungcheol watched the latter as he rummaged through it for a second before pulling out a chocolate bar, one that just so happened to be Seungcheol’s favorite. 

Hansol held it out for Seungcheol. “You can have it. I can always go back and get another before I go home.” 

On any other day, Seungcheol would deny it out of not wanting to be a burden on Hansol. But right now, he could admit that he could really use some chocolate so he took it. “Thanks,” Seungcheol murmured, giving a thankful smile.

“No problem.” 

Opening the chocolate, Seungcheol bit into it with a sigh. Hansol laughed. 

“So… Is this about Demi?”

Seungcheol looked at Hansol with widened eyes, still chewing quietly. “How’d you know?”

“I hear everything,” Hansol said, leaning back onto the bench and stretching out his legs. He looked serious about it too. But when Seungcheol just continued to stare at him, not accepting that as an answer, Hansol gave in. “I heard her talking about it. Pissed that one of her friends knows you. I don’t know which friend, but Demi…” Hansol sighed. “She was pissed. Said she felt betrayed.”

“So… you heard about all that stuff too?” Seungcheol asked catiously. 

“Yeah. It was hard not to.”

Seungcheol felt his stomach churn. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted this chocolate anymore. Seeing the way Seungcheol reacted, Hansol threw an arm around him. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not… I had no friends at the beginning of the year. Just imagine the things that people are thinking about me when I walk by.”

“Who cares what they think?”

“I do,” Seungcheol said through clenched teeth. “I care.” He hated to admit it but it was the truth. People thinking that he was horrible or any other embarrassing thing, terrified him. Horrified him. It only worsened the feeling in his chest that made him feel like some impending danger was following him every day of his life. 

His doctor called it anxiety. Seungcheol called it living a nightmare. 

Seungcheol scoffed at himself. Maybe, he really did need to refill his prescription again.

Seemingly beginning to understand, Hansol nodded. “Okay. Well how about this. If I hear anyone talking about it, I’ll stick up for you. And you know, since you’re Seungkwan’s favorite straight guy, I’m sure he’ll happily do the same.” 

Seungcheol genuinely laughed this time. “I can’t remember the last time I’d been called a straight guy instead of ‘het’ or ‘hetero.’”

“I think I might call you that too,” Hansol hummed. 

“Don’t.”

“Too late. It’s already engraved in my brain.” 

The two laughed for a moment longer before Seungcheol settled down and uttered, “Thanks a lot. I really do appreciate this.”

“No problem. I think you should talk to your friends though. It’ll feel better than bottling everything inside.” 

Seungcheol nodded. “I think I will.” 

“You better.”

***

“Cheol!” Seokmin was the first to jump off of the sofa and threw himself at Seungcheol when he came through the front door. “We were so worried.”

Seungcheol awaited the chorus of “No, we weren’t” to sound but it didn’t. Everyone was downstairs sitting in the circle, similar to the way they usually do when they were getting ready to vote for pizza toppings. But they hadn’t started obviously because no one was yelling. 

“You okay?” Wonwoo called from the living chair that he was sitting-- if you can even call that sitting-- in. 

Seungcheol sighed and smiled. “I’ll tell you about it after we pick pizza toppings.”

“Ugh! Yes!” Mingyu shouted. “I’m starving.”

“We all are,” Junhui said. “Alright, Hannie. Let’s start the vote.”

With Seokmin guiding him, Seungcheol went to sit with the rest of the members, all of them huddled around the coffee table where Jeonghan had a pen and paper. Jeonghan and Seungcheol shared a quick glance that ended with the both of them smiling at the other. 

Jeonghan was glad that Seungcheol was okay. 

“Alright! So who wants pepperoni?” 

Hands shot up immediately. “Jihoon, raise your hand,” Soonyoung said, prodding at the smaller’s arm.

“I want cheese.”

Seungcheol grimaced. “Who just eats cheese.”

“Me,” Jihoon said. 

***

“We believe you,” Seungkwan said. 

“Yeah,” Chan added. “I knew it was kind of iffy. Like you of all people wouldn’t fake depression.” 

“Fuck all of your old friends too,” Minghao scoffed. “They didn’t even give you a chance. Stupid.” 

Seungcheol couldn’t really say he was too surprised by the overwhelming support he’d gotten after he’d explained everything to them. The rumour and his side of the story. It was like everyone had gotten angry on Seungcheol’s behalf, sharing his anger and pain and venting everything by yelling until the pizza arrived. It was comforting. 

“Can’t trust the heteros,” Wonwoo sang. 

“I’m sure gay people do it too,” Seungcheol said and for the first time, no one objected. 

“You’re actually right,” Jeonghan said. “I got outed once by a gay person. It was my first job. I wanted to punch him sooo bad.”

“Don’t get me started on the biphobic gay people,” Minghao said.

Mingyu faked a gag. “Don’t mention that. I’m allergic to biphobic gay people.” 

Seungcheol laughed as Mingyu slumped his large body over Seungcheol back. “Save me from the biphobia, Cheol.” 

“I will,” Seungcheol said. But just as he said it, the doorbell had rang. And just like that Mingyu was perfectly fine. 

“FINALLY.”

“Mingyu,” Jeonghan warned. “Stop yelling.”

“Loud son of bitch,” Seungkwan grimaced, only earning him the middle finger from Mingyu. 

“When?” Seungkwan shouted back. 

“Right after this pizza,” Mingyu said with a slightly sultry laugh. “You better ask somebody. Don’t get yourself into something you’d regret.”

“Oh, please.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes and scoffed. 

“I will. Just you wait.” 

They all knew it was a joke. Soonyoung wouldn’t be so okay with them having this conversation around him if it weren’t. But Wonwoo still gulped a bit. Seungcheol didn’t know if it was out of jealousy or arousal. 

Either way, everyone was just excited for this pizza. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can somebody please give me a chocolate brand please. I'm indecisive, and I don't know what to make Seungcheol's favorite chocolate bar. I'm tired of putting 'chocolate bar." So someone give me a random chocolate.
> 
> Give Wonwoo strength. Protect the Cheol. 
> 
> Anyway! I love you!


	12. Chapter 12

Jeonghan was in the middle of his chemistry class when his phone vibrated. At first he didn’t pay it any mind, refocusing his attention on the example on the board. Midterms were coming up in the middle of October, and it was a test along with a lab, so Jeonghan was taking as many notes as possible. 

Chemistry was difficult enough. If he wanted to pass, he needed to get at least a C on this midterm. 

He ignored the second vibration too. It wasn’t until his phone vibrated for the third time that he opened his laptop and hid his phone behind the screen. He usually sat in the front of the classroom during his science classes, meaning that he could easily get caught when being on his phone. 

Quickly unlocking his phone, he saw that it was from his mom.

Immediately, he closed it and picked up his pencil again. 

He loved his mom. She was one of his biggest role models in his life and someone he trusted, but she also had very bad timing. Once, she called three times in the middle of sex just to tell him about something that happened at work that day. 

But hopefully, she kept that patience she always had to wait until he could respond. 

Jeonghan was halfway out of the classroom when his phone started ranging. With a sharp inhale of annoyance, he pulled his phone from his pocket. 

“Hello, mother,” Jeonghan said through clenched teeth, trying to calm his voice. His mom didn’t mean to be annoying… but it didn’t stop her from being it.   
“Hey, honey! Did you get my text messages?” His mom’s voice was ecstatic and automatically infectious. How could he not smile at how excited she was to talk to him. 

“I was in class so I didn’t get to see it just yet. You called as soon as you got out of class.”

“Oh, so I have the best timing, huh?” She giggled. 

Jeonghan breathed heavily through his nose. “Sure you do, Mama.” 

“Anywayyy,” she sang. “I looked at my schedule and it seems like it’s time to go to the optometrist again. Get those beautiful eyes checked.” 

His mom was actually the reason Jeonghan was so organized. While growing up, he watched his single mother raise him by keeping a white board in the kitchen that she wrote everything she needed to do. She even left sweet notes and messages for him sometimes for when he got home from school.

“Okay, so what day and where should I meet you?” He questioned as he made his way towards the west stairwell that was usually empty so he could hear his mother better.

“I made the appointment for tomorrow at 2,” she said. “And, I won’t be able to make it tomorrow. I have to go to work.”

“But Mama!” Jeonghan gasped. “I can’t go to the optometrist without you. I’m gonna be scared.” He whispered the last part, not wanting anyone to hear that. No one knew that except for his mom.

“You can do it, Han.”

“No, I _can’t_!” He whimpered, lowering his voice down to a scared whisper. “They’re gonna put eye drops in my eyes,” he whimpered. 

“Bring a friend with you, honey. You’ll be fine,” she reassured. Jeonghan huffed out a deep breath, just so his mom could hear it. 

He knew what she was doing. She was testing him. 

His mom always told him about not being scared of the optometrist. That he should conquer his fears. Knowing his mom, she’d probably gotten some advice from one of her friends that convinced her to send him alone to the eye doctor. Her friends were always the culprit for his mom trying new parenting techniques on him. Jeonghan hated it. 

“But-” 

“Nope.” His mother was quick to stop him. Jeonghan could clearly imagine her holding her hand up in front of his face like he always did when he was attempting to retaliate. “I believe in you. And I’ll call you afterwards. Mommy loves you.”

“Yeah, sure,” he grumbled, pushing open the door and immediately being engulfed by a nice breeze. 

“Okay. Kisses. Bye bye.” 

Usually, his mother would wait for his ‘kisses’ in return but she didn’t, knowing that her son was incredibly unhappy with this. Pocketing his phone again, he began to think about which of his friends would be the best to bring along to the optometrist with him. 

It had to be someone who would comfort him when he needed it. He knew that he could count on everyone to do that… 

It also had to be someone who wouldn’t tease him. Yeah… he could count on no one to do that… 

Looks like he’ll have to weigh the pros and cons before his next class and pick that way.

***

Chocolate. 

Seungcheol loved chocolate. Fruity candies were good but not as good as chocolate was. Cadbury. Lotte Ghana. Kit Kats. Twix. You name it. But Seungcheol’s favorite chocolate had to be Snickers. 

A Snickers bar was the answer to all of his problems. 

Anyone who knew Seungcheol well knew about his obsession with it was almost as intense as his love for hot chocolate. And of course the people who knew him best were his parents. 

They knew how it made him feel better. How, ever since he was a child, a mention of a Snicker’s bar made him smile and excited. It was mostly why he came to his parents with all of his problems, knowing that they’d just place a Snickers bar on his bedside table when he was asleep.

So when Seungcheol went home to confide in his parents about the rumours, they insisted that he stay home for a few days. And as much as Seungcheol loved being in the house with his friends, he couldn’t deny that he’d missed his bed and his parents every time he had to leave again. 

When Friday came around and Seungcheol had to go back to the S.∆.T. house, he had woken up to three Snickers bars placed next to his lamp. It was obviously put there by his dad. His mom was a lot more meticulous when doing sweet things like that. But they were all just thrown there without much care… yet with all the care in the world. Something that only his father could do. 

Seungcheol smiled tiredly and grabbed the three Snickers to throw in his backpack that was just on the side of his bed.

Well… maybe he’ll eat one on the way to school. 

Throwing his feet out of bed, he raised his arms above his head and thoroughly stretched every muscle he could, emitting an inhuman sound as he did so. In the end, he’d collapsed back with a sigh. 

“Okay,” he said. The one word being all of the encouragement he needed to get himself up and out of bed. Mornings like these were rare, so he tried to enjoy them whenever it was possible to. 

When he was dressed and ready to go, he went into the kitchen where his parents should’ve been eating breakfast to greet them before he left for class. As soon as he’d walk through the archway, his parents were out of their chairs and covering him with all of the love that they felt like he would need throughout the day. 

“Are you sure that you have to leave today?” His mom sighed, reaching up to ruffle her hand in her beloved son’s hair. 

“I have a mandatory meeting with my honor’s society today so yeah,” Seungcheol said before he was pulled into his father’s chest for a second hug. 

“I’m proud of you,” his dad uttered unexpectedly. It was short and sweet. His dad was always a man of few words, choosing to get right to the point rather than talk about it thoroughly. Because of that, the man was a great listener but definitely not the best at giving advice.

Seungcheol loved him nonetheless. Because the man loved him. It was the only way he could truly repay him. 

“Thanks, dad.” Seungcheol paused, alternating his fond gaze between his mom and dad. “I love you guys.”

“We love you too, sweetheart.” 

His dad grunted and shook his head. It meant “love you too, you big sap.” 

Seungcheol smiled and got a kiss on the cheek from his mom. “Oh! One of my friend’s daughter’s wedding in January and I was hoping you could come. So get prepared. Bring someone too, okay.” 

“Okay. I guess I’ll be wearing one of dad’s suits,” Seungcheol chuckled. “Don’t forget I’m a broke college student, Mama.” 

“I almost did forget, didn’t I,” she laughed. “Well, we’ll figure something out. You just work on finding someone to bring.”

“Alright. I’ll text you later.” 

Moments later, he was running out of the house to start his ten minute commute to his campus where a few of his friends promised they’d be waiting to get coffee. 

***

When Seungkwan invited Seungcheol to have coffee together that morning, he didn’t expect Seokmin, Soonyoung, Jihoon, and Chan to come along too. Not that there was a problem, he just couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone out for coffee in a big group like this. His heart swelled a bit at the thought they enjoyed his company that much.

“It’s about time you showed up,” Chan said, waving the older over to their booth, as soon as he saw Seungcheol enter the coffee shop and come their way. 

“We’ve only been here for about ten minutes,” Seokmin reassured. Before anyone else could, Seokmin scotted over in the rounded corner booth. Jihoon frowned but moved over begrudgingly anyway. 

Conversation between all of them went smoothly and effortlessly. It always did. It had mostly been about what they were going to do for Jeonghan’s birthday. A couple ideas had been planned. 

A trip to the club that Minghao suggested, complete with a lot of Jeonghan’s favorite alcohol. A large birthday cake that Mingyu had apparently ordered last night. They all agreed that they should even get up in the early morning like Jeonghan did sometimes and cook breakfast for him.

He didn’t say this outloud, but Seungcheol was thinking about gettingJeonghan a gift of his own. One that was specifically from Seungcheol to express how much gratitude he held in his heart for Jeonghan. 

He just didn’t know what it would be just yet since he had no money.

His morning had been going smoothly until a face that he hadn’t seen directly in months approached their table, a heavy scowl playing on her lips. Her angry gaze fixated on Seungcheol, whose own gaze was set upon the wood of the table they were sitting around. 

Then she looked to Seokmin. 

“I thought I was your friend,” Demi said, voice firm. 

“I am,” Seokmin said, his usually loud voice falling flat. “But-”

“ _But_ , you’re just talking to him as if you don’t know the horrible things he’s done to me.”

Seungcheol frowned and shook his head. “I didn’t do anything to you…”

“Shut up, liar,” she spat. “What’d you tell them? I’m sure you told them some made up sob story to get them to feel sorry for you when in reality you’re nothing more than someone who deserves to be alone. You’re a liar. A cheater. A horrible person for taking my kindness for weakness.”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” Seungcheol said under his breath, trying to keep his composure and attention focused on… this table. He knew his friends were looking at him. 

His skin on his face instantly turned red at the idea of being humiliated so horribly. “I don’t know why you find it so hard to believe me, but I told the truth. I didn’t lie. I didn’t cheat and-” 

“Whatever,” she dismissed. Seungcheol inhaled sharply, hoping that she would just walk away now. But all she did was turn to Seokmin. “I can’t believe you’d just talk to him as if you don’t even care about how this might make me feel.” 

“Demi, I-”

“Sorry to comment on something isn’t my business, but can you just leave us alone,” Soonyoung said. Seungcheol glanced at him, seeing that the latter was looking at him too. It wasn’t until Seokmin placed a hand on his shoulder that he realized that he was practically trembling. “You’re causing a lot of trouble that we don’t want.” 

Demi scowled and shook her head in utter disbelief. 

“We don’t know what happened, but we trust Seungcheol,” Seungkwan said. 

“Plus, I think there’s a much better way to handle a situation than just coming over here and causing trouble,” Jihoon said, after sipping on his cup of boba tea he ordered. “Now, if you aren’t here to sit down and talk, please leave.” 

“I hope you’re happy, Seungcheol.”

“We hope so too,” Chan uttered. “That’s why we want you to leave.” 

Demi scoffed, shifted her bag on her shoulder again and stormed away. Even after she left, Seungcheol found it hard to breathe. “Is anyone looking at us?” His eyes shut tight and his breath coming in difficult, strangled. 

“There's not many people here and the shop is big, you know,” Soonyoung said calmly. “If anyone did notice, it’s not too many. So don’t worry.” 

Seungcheol practically pried his eyes open. 

“You okay?” Seokmin asked, giving a sweet smile.

“Yeah…”

“I don’t like her,” Jihoon stated simply. “I can’t stand people who can’t see a situation from anyone’s perspective but their own.”

There was a quiet hum of agreements that circled around the table. “Come on, let’s go for a walk until it’s time for class.”

***

“Okay,” Jeonghan clapped his hands together. “So now the last part of the meeting…” He looked down at his notebook that he wrote everything that he needed to cover during the meeting, just to make sure, tapping his pencil on his cheek in thought.

“Oh! Grades.” 

There was a gruff sigh when he said that. But since everyone except Jeonghan was eating, greedily eating the pasta that Mingyu cooked, no one was able to tell who it was. 

“Everyone is doing fine in their classes except… Mingyu.” 

“I know,” he murmured, his face twisting into one of sadness. “I’m trying really hard in Anatomy. But it’s so _hard_!”

“I took it too,” Wonwoo said, bringing his bowl down from his face. “It is pretty hard.”

“Same. So that’s why I got information from a tutor on campus for you. Me or Wonwoo could tutor, just talk to one of us.” 

Mingyu hummed and reached forward to take the pamphlet that Jeonghan held out for him.

“Okay,” Jeonghan said before continuing. Seungcheol envied Jeonghan’s ability to take position as a leader. It was easy to see why Jeonghan was so cherished among them all, and why upsetting the man was strictly off limits. 

“Cheol.”

“Yeah?”

“I have the information for the school’s therapist. I think you should go sometimes whenever you have the time.” Jeonghan held out a similar pamphlet for Seungcheol to take. “I worry about you sometimes and I think this’ll help.”

Seungcheol nodded and smiled, taking the pamphlet from the other. Jeonghan went on until he’d mentioned everyone, either suggesting something to change or something they should keep doing. 

“I also wanted to ask if two of you are free tomorrow to come to the optometrist with me,” Jeonghan asked, a soft smile on his lips as he innocently asked for help. He should’ve expected it but Jeonghan still jumped a bit when everyone had called out that they would love to come with him. 

“I only need two people,” Jeonghan said.

“Hannie, I’m an optometry major,” Wonwoo boasted. “I’m obviously the most fit to come.”

“I’m your favorite,” Chan said brazenly. Who’d told him that? Jeonghan wondered. 

“I can actually drive,” Seungcheol said. “We all know the gays can’t.”

“But he’s a hetero,” Mingyu scoffed. 

“I really wanna come,” Jihoon said, pressing his hand over Junhui’s mouth before they could say anything to add to the noise. 

“Okay. Okay. Which one of you _won’t_ tease me about it?” 

The room fell silent. 

“Seriously guys?” Jeonghan whined. “Do you have to be so mean to me?”

“Well if you don’t wanna be teased, don’t bring Chan,” Soonyoung said. Chan smacked his teeth. 

“True… Look, I’ll pick and tell you guys tomorrow. Chan, you’re already out.”

“I thought you loved me, Hannie. I feel betrayed.”

Once everything was done and they stopped yelling, Jeonghan dropped his notebook on the floor. 

It was something he did after every meeting. Jeonghan despised meetings more than the rest of them did.. 

“I’m starving,” he huffed as he turned on his heel to get his plate that they stored in the microwave. Once he’d returned everyone was pretty much finished with their own food but they stayed sitting there. “So, what’d you guys do today.”

“That girl came and confronted Seungcheol this morning,” Chan said, chuckling in amusement. 

“No it wasn’t. It was traumatizing,” Seungcheol corrected.

“I’ve never wanted to hit a girl so bad in my life,” Jihoon said letting his body relax back into the cushions of the couch. “Such a punchable face.”

“I can’t believe I missed the drama,” Minghao sighed. 

“Seriously,” Jeonghan laughed. “All drama isn’t the good type of drama, Hao.”

“Lies,” Minghao declared. “All drama is good drama.”

“True,” Seokmin uttered just before he brought his cup to his lips. 

“I mean you can’t say that you aren’t interested in what happened too,” Junhui chuckled. Jeonghan shrugged his shoulders and nodded his head. All it took was that for Seungkwan to begin the story, as if it was his to tell. 

Beginning his storytelling with the same phrase he always used: 

“So what had happened was…” 

Almost like little toddlers, all of them were drawn into the story, reacting whenever necessary. It was almost like the story wasn’t as horrible when Seungkwan told it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of you guys picked Snickers so Seungcheol likes Snickers now. Lol! 
> 
> I'm so happy that so many of you love this book. It makes me so happy. I'm not sure when I'm going to update next time since I have finals this week. I've been studying super hard, but I still like to write whenever I feel stressed. Thank you for all of the comments and kudos!
> 
> Love you!


	13. Chapter 13

Seungcheol was teetering on the barrier between sleeping and consciousness. His body was relaxed and his mind was clouded but not enough to be considered sleeping. He could clearly hear the low draft of wind as the air conditioner blew and Mingyu’s very light snoring that sounded so similar to a small kitten purring in its sleep. 

Just as the sounds soon began to fade into white noise and the beautiful blanket of darkness called slumber began to overtake him, there was a tapping on his forehead. It was so soft that Seungcheol actually thought it was a dream. 

But then it happened again. Seungcheol raised his heavy eyelids just a bit to see Jeonghan’s face leaning above him, smiling that warm smile of his, bright eyes peering into his own lidded ones. “You’re coming with me. We’re leaving at 1:30.” 

Seungcheol grunted.

And just like a thief in the night, or better put, an angel, Jeonghan was gone. Shifting around to lie on his side, Seungcheol had fallen asleep for another hour or so, only waking up when his stomach growled and the sensation of it caving in on itself pained him. 

He was out of bed immediately, ignoring the fact that he was missing pants. When he’d gone downstairs to get yogurt, Jeonghan was there absently chewing on a bagel. It was then that he’d learned that he and Wonwoo were the ones he’d picked to come along with him. Apparently, Seungcheol was the best at driving, and Wonwoo’s intensive knowledge about optometry and eyes would probably calm him down.

“You’re not wearing any pants,” Jeonghan chuckled as he moved past Seungcheol to get to the trash can. As if to strengthen the other’s statement, there was a rather firm swat to Seungcheol’s ass, causing him to pretty much yelp. 

“Sorry, it was just tempting me,” Jeonghan explained, glancing over his shoulder to smirk at Seungcheol. 

“I should go back to sleep and let you go to the eye doctor all by yourself.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“And why not?” Seungcheol challenged, watching Jeonghan closely. 

“Because…” Jeonghan stopped at the archway of the kitchen where he was just about to go back upstairs, casting another glance over his shoulder to grin at Seungcheol. “You’re a man of your word, aren’t you?”

Seungcheol gulped. For what reason? Seungcheol had no idea but he knew for a fact that he gulped. 

“Of course I am.” His voice betrayed him, going soft and weak. 

“Okay then.” Jeonghan laughed and then continued to leave the kitchen. Instead of laughing along, Seungcheol was left wondering why that felt so much like flirting. 

After eating two cups of yogurt and a bag of chips, Seungcheol ascended the stairs and decided that with nothing better to do, he should just get ready a little bit early. Licking the lingering cheese dust of those chips from his fingers, Seungcheol approached the bathroom and knocked twice. 

“Come in.” It was Wonwoo’s voice. 

“Hey,” Seungcheol waved, slipping into the bathroom and quickly shutting the door behind him when he saw that Wonwoo was only covered with white towel tied loosely around his waist. 

When he’d turned around again, he was met with Wonwoo lightly giggling at something. Just as he was about to ask, he saw Wonwoo’s gaze cast downward for a split second before breaking into yet another fit of giggles. Oh… his lack of pants. 

“Don’t make a comment about my ass,” Seungcheol warned as he stood next to Wonwoo in the mirror and grabbed for his toothbrush.

“It’s nice.” 

“Shut up.” 

“It is,” Wonwoo insisted. 

“Did I ask though?”

Laughing again, Wonwoo leaned over the sink to wet his face before washing it. There was silence between them for a moment with Seungcheol brushing his teeth and Wonwoo’s face in the sink, voice likely to be drowned out by the rush of running water even if he were to speak. 

It wasn’t until Wonwoo turned off the water and reached for his face soap that he’d uttered, “Am I stupid?”

Seungcheol gave him a perplexed look. “Whuh?” 

Wonwoo sighed, his fingertips working the soap into the supple skin of his face. “Promise not to tell anyone what I’m about to tell you.” 

Wonwoo met Seungcheol’s gaze in the mirror, sharing a silent agreement. Just as Seungcheol went down to spit in the sink, Wonwoo murmured, “IkissedMingyulastnight.”

It was rushed and practically all became one long word, but Seungcheol still heard it. Leaning back up, he gave Wonwoo a look, staying silent for a moment. Wonwoo pursed his lips, his hands freezing on his cheeks, and now Wonwoo looked as if he was cosplaying a frightened ghost. 

“ _You di_ _wha?_ ” Seungcheol chuckled. He just wanted to hear him say it. 

“I-- Ugh! Don’t make me say it again!” Wonwoo groaned, moving to rinse the soap from his face. 

Seungcheol continued brushing his teeth, laughter swirling in his chest. When Wonwoo stood up, grabbing a towel to pat his face dry, Seungcheol hurriedly finished brushing his teeth before turning to Wonwoo. 

“Stop looking at me,” Wonwoo whined.

“Not until you tell me what happened,” Seungcheol said. “You kissed Mingyu…” 

“Stop saying it!”

“You KISSED Ming-” Wonwoo practically jumped halfway across the bathroom to press his hand over Seungcheol’s mouth, pressing his forehead against Seungcheol. 

“Iwanna kill you so bad, hetero… But fine, I’ll tell you.” Wonwoo stepped away cautiously, rolling his eyes when Seungcheol gave him an obnoxious smirk. “Last night, Mingyu got kind of drunk, you know.” 

“Yeah, I remember,” Seungcheol said, pulling himself up on the countertop to get comfortable. He might as well because Wonwoo was practically fidgeting and pacing around the small space as he massaged moisturizer onto his face.

“Well… he asked me to shower with him…”

“You guys fucked in the shower?” 

“ _ No…  _ Sadly,” Wonwoo admitted. “But I only showered with him because I didn’t want him to slip or anything. It’s not like it was the first time we’d showered together either. So…” Wonwoo started quietly chuckling in nervousness. 

Seungcheol decided to clear his throat as a sign of warning. Not just for the fact that he was waiting but also to let him know that he had no problem yelling and allowing the entire house to hear about it.

“Alright, alright,” Wonwoo whimpered. “He’s a pretty talkative drunk, you know. So I had to practically force him to shower. And by force, I mean give him a shower myself. And… God, he was so hot. I wanted to just suck him off right then and there.” 

Seungcheol scoffed. 

“He… He said I looked cute without my glasses on,” Wonwoo sighed, his deep voice not quite matching the ginger tone of his voice. “So, my dumbass kissed him.” 

“Did he kiss you back?”

“Yes, but only because he was drunk! I took advantage of my best friend and I hate myself for it.”

Leave it to Wonwoo to scrutinize himself so much that he would rather believe that he took advantage of Mingyu before he believed that Mingyu actually likes him in return.

“You act like he was shitfaced drunk. He was just a little bit tipsy,” Seungcheol hummed, but Wonwoo shook his head, not hearing any of it. 

“What if he didn’t like it though? What if he’s just thinking of ways to let me down easy or something?” 

Seungcheol wanted to just hop off of this countertop, drag Wonwoo to Seungcheol and Mingyu’s room and force them to confess to each other. It had crossed everyone’s mind at least once. But it was always Jeonghan who acted as the voice of reason, telling them that Wonwoo and Mingyu were the only ones that had rights to their feelings and when those feelings get voiced. 

But it was always so tempting when Wonwoo and Mingyu acted this way.

So, Seungcheol hopped off of the counter and instead of dragging the guy, he pulled him into a comforting hug. “You’re hopeless, Wonwoo.” 

“Takes one to know one, you know.” The tenseness that was seemingly packed into all of Wonwoo’s muscles seemed to melt the longer Seungcheol held him. 

“True,” Seungcheol hummed. “But you’re valuable, loving, kind hearted, and a billion other things that I don’t feel like listing right now. I think Mingyu knows that too. And even if he doesn’t feel the same way, at least you’ll be able to truly move on instead of wondering everyday if he likes you back. But I don’t think it’s something you’ll have to worry about.”

“Did he say that?” Wonwoo gasped and pulled out of Seungcheol embrace. 

Seungcheol wanted to tell him the truth but instead he just shrugged his shoulders. “Not that I heard of. But I just have a hunch.”

A hopeful yet bashful smile graced Wonwoo’s face as he reached to put his glasses on again. He was kind of cute without them but Seungcheol preferred them on for some reason. There was more comfort on his face when he had his glasses on. 

Probably because he could see. 

Maybe Wonwoo wasn’t hopeless… he was just a hopeless romantic.

***

“Why are you so scared?” Wonwoo questioned from the backseat, his voice full of amusement. 

“I told you not to mock me,” Jeonghan said quietly. He was persistently chewing on his bottom lip, and he could not keep still even if someone paid him to do so, anxiousness seeping its way into his entire being. 

Jeonghan always prided himself at being able to conquer whatever difficulties he faced. Academically, he’d always been able to pass without much of a problem. With a little extra pushing and studying, he was able to leave the most challenging classes feeling satisfied and as if he’d genuinely learned something new. 

He wasn’t a natural born leader, but he’d mastered the ability to feign confidence and calm his racing thoughts until meetings were over and he could indulge in the satisfying chant of “I did it.”

But his fears. No. 

Jeonghan was practically a slave to his fears. Any type of doctor, whether it be the dentist, optometrist, or just his regular doctor that he saw for check ups, terrified him. 

Shots and needles did too. Until today, anytime Jeonghan went to get a flu shot, he cried himself into a panic attack, clutching onto his mother’s arm. It was embarrassing but his fear scared him so much that mortification was the last thing on his mind.

“I’m not mocking you. I’m just asking.”

“Because I am,” Jeonghan said shortly. 

Seungcheol came to a slow and steady stop at the redlight. Jeonghan had to admit that it did seem like Seungcheol was the best driver among them. 

“We’re almost there,” Seungcheol said softly, careful not to scare Jeonghan even more. Nonetheless, Jeonghan still flinched. “But you’ll be fine. You know your optometrist well, and I’m sure he’ll be very careful and gentle.”

The light turned green. Jeonghan closed his eyes and seemingly curled into himself. Jeonghan knew this street. They were close. All they had to do was take one more left. 

“You sure you’re not gonna combust, Han?” Wonwoo asked. He actually sounded quite concerned this time. 

His mom usually held his hand, but Jeonghan refused to allow himself to be the laughstock of the next week because he had to hold their hand when going into the optometrist.

Seungcheol pulled into the parking lot of the small clinic, easily finding a parking space since it was a Saturday evening. Jeonghan was probably the last patient of the day. By the time Seungcheol had turned into a parking space and put the car in park, tears were already gathering in Jeonghan's eyes, his cheeks and nose inflamed.

“I can do it.”

Despite what he’d thought a few moments ago, just as they’d gotten out of the car, Jeonghan’s hand found Seungcheol’s as they entered the small clinic where his optometrist Dr. Kang was waiting. 

Dr. Kang had been his optometrist ever since he was a kid. While Dr. Kang was a nice and gentle man, Jeonghan still cried. After every session though, Dr. Kang soothed him with “you did better than last time.” Even if it were just a sweet, white lie, Jeonghan still smiled every time.

“Um… I’m here for an appointment for Yoon Jeonghan…” Jeonghan said, his voice unintentionally forceful. He didn’t want to sound like he was on the verge of tears but his voice wavered despite his efforts.

The familiar receptionist nodded. “Last appointment of the day,” she smiled. Jeonghan nodded, feeling just a bit of relief when Wonwoo and Seungcheol placed comforting hands on his shoulders and lower back. 

“Just a moment,” the woman said, picking up the phone next to her computer and dialing a few numbers. “Dr. Kang, your last appointment Mr. Yoon is here… Yes. Okay.” Hanging the phone up again, she nodded to the three of them. 

In moments, a door towards the right of them opened and a rather man that looked to be in his mid to late thirties walked out, his white lab coat looked a bit too big on him making him look just a bit smaller. 

“How are you, Jeonghan?”

“Take a wild guess,” Jeonghan chuckled forcibly as he stiffly approached the man. “These are my friends, Seungcheol and Wonwoo. My mom didn’t come so I brought them.”

“That’s great,” Dr. Kang said and led them to the back where all of the equipment was. Seungcheol could understand how one could be so horrified since all of these machines looked so intimidating. “You two can sit here,” Dr. Kang advised, gesturing at the four chairs lined up against the wall.

So cautiously, Wonwoo and Seungcheol sat down, watching as Dr. Kang began explaining to Jeonghan in a soft voice what was going to be happening and what each machine did. It all sounded rehearsed. 

All the while, Jeonghan uncontrollably let tears fall and sniffled yet gave weak ‘okays’ and ‘alrights’ whenever necessary. It went by smoothly for the most part. Jeonghan flinching when Dr. Kang shined a dim light in his eyes and nearly jumped out of his chair in tears when the machine shot a small blow of air in his eyes. 

It went without saying, but Seungcheol had never seen Jeonghan so scared of something. Yet he hadn’t fought and stayed as brave as he could. To Seungcheol and Wonwoo, the optometrist was merely a speedbump, uncomfortable and annoying at times but bearable. To Jeonghan, it seemed like a brick wall, never getting easier no matter how many times he’s faced it. 

Reaching into the pocket of his lab coat, Dr. Kang pulled out eye drops. Jeonghan burst into tears almost immediately at the sight of it. “I can’t, Dr. Kang,” he wept. 

“Come sit with your friends,” Dr. Kang said, his voice just as leveled and calm as it’d been the whole time. He was probably used to this after all of these years. Jeonghan shakily stood from the chair and sat in the chair that sat between Wonwoo and Seungcheol. 

“Now I know you’re scared, but it won’t hurt. It never does,” Dr. Kang reassured. 

“Yeah, I put eye drops in my eyes all the time,” Wonwoo said. “It’ll be okay.”

“These are just dilating drops. I put these in your eyes in order to get your eye to dilate and I can get a better look at your eye when we go in the back room.” 

“I-I…” Jeonghan cried for just a few moments longer before grabbing for both of his friends’ hands and grounding himself. “W-Will it be q-quick?”

“I always try to be, don’t I?” It sounded like a trustworthy and genuine response. With a tissue he grabbed from the box on the table behind him, Dr. Kang, pat Jeonghan’s face and eyes dry. “Look up, and follow my instruction, okay.”

Hesitantly, Jeonghan tilted his head back, squeezing and holding onto Seungcheol and Wonwoo for dear life. 

“Inhale,” Dr. Kang said, positioning the tiny bottle above him. Jeonghan inhaled. So did Seungcheol, Wonwoo, and even Dr. Kang. “Exhale.” And just as they all did, Jeonghan gasped and flinched.

Dr. Kang must’ve had timed it perfectly, catching Jeonghan completely off guard before he had the time to react. 

“See? That wasn’t bad at all.”

Even though Jeonghan still quietly wept, he angled his head back again, awaiting the next and last one. “You’re doing a really good job,” Seungcheol whispered. Jeonghan gave the slightest of smiles as he endured the next drop with a pained and sad cry as he blinked excessively. 

“Good job, Jeonghan. You’re all done with the hard part.” Dr. Kang eagerly placed the drops in his pocket again. “I’m gonna prepare the mechanism in the back. You come whenever you’re ready.”

It wasn’t until Dr. Kang had left that Jeonghan finally relaxed. “Are you okay?” Wonwoo asked softly. 

“Yeah,” Jeonghan said, his voice seemingly broken. “I’m sorry for being overdramatic.”

“You were just scared,” Seungcheol said. Without much thought, Seungcheol weaved his fingers through Jeonghan’s hair and soothed him. 

“Don’t tell anyone about this.”

“Of course not,” Seungcheol said.

“Fine,” Wonwoo huffed, breaking out into a small bit of laughter right afterwards. Jeonghan took a moment to recuperate and regain the energy he’d lost from the worry and crying before he got up and went into the room. Seungcheol and Wonwoo stayed sitting there waiting. 

“Why was he so scared?” Wonwoo absently asked. 

“I don’t think he even knows why he was so afraid,” Seungcheol said. “A lot of people are just… scared. There’s not necessarily even a reason. Like Seungkwan’s terrified of spiders even though he’s never gotten bit by one or even been close to a spider. You just… are. I can’t tell you the amount of things I worry about so pointlessly throughout the day. And even though I worry about everything, I can’t tell you why.”

“True.”

In ten minutes, Jeonghan and Dr. Kang came back. Jeonghan had a gold star sticker under his right eye. His entire being radiating an innocence that Seungcheol hadn’t seen in a long time.

“You did much better than last time,” Dr. Kang prided, patting Jeonghan on the back. “I’m proud.”

“Thanks so much,” Jeonghan sighed. That hour and a half of attempting to break down a brick wall was finally over, and he was safe for yet another year. 

“You’re welcome. Make sure you stop by Wednesday to pick up your reading glasses.”

“Ah, so Jeonghan’s gonna join me?” Wonwoo laughed. “Now you can’t make jokes about how I can’t see.”

“It’s reading glasses. My eyes are still great, just need a little bit of help,” Jeonghan said, that smile so genuine and proud on his face. It filled Seungcheol with so much pride and fervent delight at being able to see Jeonghan get through something that was so hard for him. 

“They are great,” Seungcheol murmured. Jeonghan really did have beautiful eyes. 

“What?” Jeonghan said, that playfully condescending glare daring him to say something rude, assuming that Seungcheol made a sly comment under his breath “Say it again, Cheol. I dare you.”

Seungcheol rolled his eyes. “Come on. Let’s go.”

***

“I had a dream that I kissed Wonwoo,” Mingyu said blankly. “But I don’t remember some of it. Which sucks because I’m sure it was a great wet dream.”

“I don’t remember asking you what your wet dream with Wonwoo was like,” Minghao rasped, having just woken up a ten minutes ago. “Nasty.” They were sitting at the dining table with Junhui, Seokmin, Soonyoung, and Chan roaming around the kitchen but definitely in earshot of their conversation. Jihoon was probably upstairs being interviewed by Seungkwan for the latter’s journalism project.

“Is it weird that I’ve never had a wet dream,” Chan asked, attention most focused on the toaster as he waited for his beloved toast. “I wonder what it’s like.”

“It’s not worth the hype,” Soonyoung said, sipping slowly on heavily creamed coffee. 

“Aren’t you a biased source?” Seokmin laughed. 

Soonyoung shrugged. “I said what I said and I meant it.”

Just as their discussion about wet dreams properly started up, they heard the front door open. “I’m home!”

Mingyu was the first one from his chair. “Mother Han!”

“What’d I tell you about calling me that?” Jeonghan laughed, yet still allowed himself to be enveloped in the ever welcoming warmth that was Mingyu’s chest. Seungcheol looked to Wonwoo who looked immediately tense, even as Mingyu moved to hug him next. 

“Hey, Wonwoo. I wanted to say thanks.”

“You… You aren’t mad at me?” Wonwoo asked, the corners of his mouth tilting downward into a pout.

“Of course not!” Mingyu laughed. “Seungkwan told me that you helped me take a shower and get in bed last night. I don’t remember everything but I’m grateful as always.”

“Oh… Yeah. I did. Always count on me…” 

Seungcheol sighed, feeling kind of bad for Wonwoo. This doesn’t seem to really be working for him. 

“Seungcheollll,” Jeonghan said from the kitchen. “Tell these idiots that I did fine today at the optometrist.” 

Seungcheol gave Jeonghan an all knowing look. Jeonghan gave a silent look of plea in return. 

“Jeonghan was probably crying his heart out,” Seokmin laughed. Well, he was but… 

“He was brave. He did great actually.” 

“Told you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I know this chapter was kind of pointless but I thought it would be nice for you guys to see another part of Jeonghan's character, just how much he fears the optometrist and how he got through it in the end. The next chapter is Jeonghan's birthday. Depending on how long the chapter might be, I might just split it up into two parts. 
> 
> Fun fact: I'm terrified of shots and there always has to be an extra nurse in the room so I can hold onto her and cry. Lol
> 
> Love you!


	14. Chapter 14

You’d think it was Soonyoung’s birthday and not Jeonghan’s judging by how hard it was for Soonyoung to get some sleep. He’d fallen asleep easily last night but he’d woken up at three in the morning and was wide awake for some reason. 

“Seungkwan?” He called out. However, he was only met with the brief sound of Seungkwan shifting around in the top bunk. With a sigh, Soonyoung just shut his eyes, giving it one last try. Unsurprisingly, that didn’t work either.

So with nothing better to do at 3 in the morning, Soonyoung got out of bed and grabbed for his backpack. He did have a paper for his Buddhism class that was due in a week and he hadn’t even started. Might as well get a head start. 

“Fuck…” he mumured when he noticed all of the clutter on his desk. He would turn on the light and clean it up, but Seungkwan was quite the light sleeper. No matter how much Seungkwan annoyed him, he respected him and wouldn’t stoop as low to disrupt his sleep. 

Soonyoung was well aware of how much Seungkwan worked on a daily basis and the fact that his roommate was a recovering insomniac. So instead, he grabbed his backpack and decided that his best bet was doing it in the bathroom or downstairs. 

Downstairs it was.

Oddly energized, Soonyoung cautiously moved around the top floor of the house to get to one of the two staircases. He never really notices just how big this house actually was until he had to navigate it in the pitch black. Taking way too long to get down the staircase, Soonyoung turned to go to the dining room , only to find the light on already.

Was Jeonghan up cooking this early for his birthday? Mingyu better be in there with him unless Soonyoung was going to smother Jeonghan back to sleep.

But instead of finding Jeonghan gracefully moving around the kitchen, humming along to a tne that was only playing in his own head, Soonyoung only found Jihoon sitting at the dining table. His head was buried in his cupped hands and in the silent darkness engulfing every part of the house except the kitchen and dining room, Soonyoung could hear what sounded like crying.

“Jihoon?”

Just as he heard his name called, Jihoon’s crying came to an abrupt end. Failing miserably to hide his tears as if his pale skin wasn’t almost a fiery red right now. 

“Are you okay?” Soonyoung set his backpack down on the other end of the table and sat down next to Jihoon. He’d never seen him like this. Has anyone ever seen Jihoon like this?

“I’m fine,” Jihoon stated in a leveled voice. “I just needed to cry.”

“Talk to me…” Soonyoung pleaded in a whisper, hesitantly grabbing for Jihoon’s hand. Surprisingly, Jihoon didn’t pull away. Instead, accepting the gesture with a sense of eagerness.

Jihoon didn’t say anything at first. Only continued wiping the tears that kept managing to break past the confines that Jihoon was attempting to build right now. He knew he looked a mess. Like a fool, sitting down here crying alone. 

Soonyoung didn’t push him to say anything either, rendering them both silent and slightly hesitant about what to do next. 

“I…” Jihoon began, his voice a lot less calm and put together yet a lot more genuine. Soonyoung could hear his pain clearly and thoroughly. . “I major in music composition.”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung nodded.

“I’m scared that… That I’m wasting my time. All my scholarships and my family’s money is going into something as  _ stupid  _ as fucking music composition. I’m such a dumbass.”

Soonyoung giggled quietly, catching Jihoon’s attention. “What?”

“As a dance major… I can relate. Heavily,” Soongyoung laughed again. “Chan does too. We’re not majoring in anything that your parents would be proud to say. Like ‘oh, my son majors in pre med dentistry’ is a lot better than saying he majors in ‘dance.’”

Jihoon nodded, feeling a bit of relief. He’d forgotten that he wasn’t the only one in this house that majored in a liberal arts major instead of something science related.

“But… My parents always told me that doing what I love is worth any amount of money to them. They’re gonna flip when I tell them I’m asexual and like men and women, but I’ll deal with that when the time comes. But Jihoon, I think you’ll do something amazing one day. Produce amazing songs. Or even become a teacher. You’re gonna be successful because you have the passion to do that.”

“But… what if I don’t… What if I’m wasting these four years and I fail my family and I fail myself. I don’t wanna fail.” 

Soonyoung lightly swatted at Jihoon’s hand that he was holding. “You won’t. I can’t think of any future where you fail. So, you don’t think of it either. Me and Chan are dance majors. Don’t you believe in us?”  
“Of course,” Jihoon scoffed. “I’ve seen you guys dance. You guys are going places and-”

“You should let me hear something you’ve produced or wrote.” 

“No,” Jihoon said sternly before following up with a soft, “No one has ever listened to my stuff before.” Just so he didn’t have to look at that fond grin that spread across Soonyoung’s face, Jihoon stood up and ambled towards the refrigerator, pulling out the carton of apple juice. 

It was only then that Soonyoung realized that Jihoon was only in his boxers. It seemed like Seungcheol wasn’t the only one who slept without pants on. Jihoon had quite a small body. While Soonyoung was letting himself marvel at Jihoon’s small legs, he’d caught sight of some familiar scars on his right thigh. The placement was random, some cuts deeper than others. It looked like it was done in a fit of rage. 

Soonyoung only knew them so well because of his single experience with it. He looked down at the single cut on his left arm. He’d tried one time but found himself too scared and never did it again. He looked back at Jihoon again. 

There was no doubt that they were self inflicted cuts. No doubt. 

But it wasn’t really surprising to Soonyoung that Jihoon had never mentioned it. In fact, Jihoon rarely opened up to them about what he was feeling deep inside. They all knew the basics about Jihoon but not what lied within his heart. His fears. What he loved. His darkest times in his life. It was understandable though. Not everyone adjusted in the same way.

“Jihoon?”

“Yeah?” Jihoon grunted after discarding his styrofoam cup into the trash. As he approached, he gave a catlike yawn. Soonyoung couldn’t find it within himself to bring up anything when Jihoon looked so relieved and calm. 

“You wanna go upstairs and sleep in my bed with me?” Soonyoung offered instead. He didn’t know where the request came from. 

Jihoon chuckled and then gestured towards Soonyoung’s bag that was on the other side of the table. “I doubt you brought your backpack along just to comfort me.”

“I just wanted to pass the time,” Soonyoung said. “Come on, everyone needs a good cuddle.” 

Jihoon laughed and shrugged. “I guess you’re right. You’re too fucking cute for your own good. Let’s go.” 

Soonyoung inhaled and stood from his chair, following Jihoon back up the stairs. 

***

“Don’t look, Hannie!” He was sure that that was Chan’s voice. 

“How could I if Mingyu has his hands over my face?” Jeonghan laughed, paying more attention to where he was walking and not so much what everyone around him was shouting about. Every once in a while, he’d catch what one of them said and respond accordingly, but he really didn’t want to go tumbling to the ground. 

“Are we almost to the kitchen?” Jeonghan questioned. 

“We’re right here,” Wonwoo said from his side. “Take a right.”

He’d known when he’d stepped into the kitchen because a heavenly smell suddenly wafted into his nostrils. The scent was pleasantly familiar. Damn, he hadn’t realized how much he missed Mingyu’s hotteok. 

He kept his eyes closed despite the sudden spike in his heart rate. 

“Okay. Ready?” Mingyu asked. 

“Yup,” Jeonghan chirped. 

“He probably already smells it.” That was Jihoon’s voice. 

Jeonghan shrugged, not bothering to deny what has already been confirmed. As soon as Mingyu removed his hands from Jeonghan’s line of sight, he was met with yells and howls of birthday wishes and everyone’s happy yet tired faces smiling at him. If someone would have told Jeonghan last night they were planning to do something so cheesy, he would have refused it. 

But living it now seemed so fantastic and unbelievable. But what gave him the most joy was when Seokmin stepped forward with a plate stacked with hotteok on it. Of course, there was a single, purple candle stuck in the middle of the dough.

“Blow out the candle,” Seungcheol laughed, looking over Jeonghan’s shoulder just to get the slightest glance at that happy smile. 

Taking the plate from Soekmin, Jeonghan blew out the candle and instantly discarded it into the trash. “I haven’t had hotteok in forever,” Jeonghan said as he made his way towards the table. One by one, the others began to fill the other seats at the table as they came with their own plates of hotteok. 

After last year, Jeonghan was hoping that he’d be able to celebrate his birthday a bit more calmly. And going by how pleasant this morning was, he actually was looking forward to the day. Maybe he really could trust his friends. 

***

Seungcheol was in charge of driving Jeonghan to the gay club… He never thought he’d have to say a phrase like that before. If you told Seungcheol last year that he’d be on his way to a gay club with all of LGBT+ friends for his gay friend’s birthday, he would’ve broke down in confused yet amused laughter. But yet, here he was, typing in the address of a gay bar called “Highlight” into his GPS. 

“Sooo,” Jeonghan hummed when Seungcheol started the car. He’d just gotten the text from Mingyu that he, Chan, Junhui, and Jihoon had just picked up the cake and they would meet them at the club. “Where are we going?” 

“I’m not supposed to tell you that,” Seungcheol laughed, keeping his eyes on the blue car that he was sure Seungkwan was driving. Luckily, Minghao was already at the club so there was no swerving of any cars.

“Ugh! Cheol, please.” Jeonghan reached over to grab softly at Seungcheol’s forearm that wasn’t on the wheel and resting on the arm rest, giving his best pout. Seungcheol only gave a chuckle. 

Jeonghan felt his way up Seungcheol’s arm and then back down to his hand. Slowly. Deliberately. Seungcheol wanted to shiver but held back as much as he could. 

“You drive with one hand on the wheel?” Jeonghan smirked. “I never noticed. It’s sexy.” 

Seungcheol let out a surprised cough that quickly morphed into nervous laughter. “Stop flirting with me…”

“But it’s my birthday.” Jeonghan gave another pout, one that was a lot more teasing than before. “Play with me for my birthday… Please.”

Despite the fact that he was trying to keep his right hand relaxed, Seungcheol was gripping the steering wheel with everything in him with his left hand. Blinking persistently and trying to calm his suddenly labored breathing all the while trying to focus on the road proved to be difficult. 

Seungcheol glanced out of the corner of his eye to catch a quick glimpse of the blinded Jeonghan. Just above the stitching of the blindfold, Seungcheol could see the way Jeonghan’s eyebrows raised just a bit, as if he was teasingly waiting for his response.

“Han, I-”

Before he could get out any other words, Jeonghan bursted into laughter, filling the space of the car with his euphonious laugh. “I can’t even see you but I could just feel the confusion radiating off of your body. Were you trying to tell me that you’re still a hetero? Huh? That you didn’t wanna  _ play _ ?”

Jeonghan was a tease when he wanted to be. Seungcheol had seen it when he did to others like caressing Jihoon or when he’d nip at Seokmin’s earlobe. But he’d rarely directed his teasing towards him like this. 

He wondered if the others’ hearts would jump when he did that. He couldn’t imagine having Jeonghan nip at his ear or caress his chin without having a heart attack. He blamed his anxiousness.

Seungcheol forced his laughing to sound more amused, taking advantage of the fact that Jeonghan couldn’t  _ see  _ him sweating right now. “Yeah… I was worried… that you were serious.” 

“I know,” Jeonghan said as his laughter died down. “But you’re my favorite hetero besides my mom. I wouldn’t make you uncomfortable on purpose like that.”

“Thanks.” 

The hand that Jeonghan had on Seungcheol’s forearm hasn't moved yet though. Instead, it stayed there, caressing the skin of his wrist. “Thank you, Seungcheol. For being here with me today. For being a part of the house. For being so good to us.” 

Seungcheol’s tenseness melted away as Jeonghan’s words sunk into his being. He wanted to say something but for some reason, he couldn’t say anything else. So with a simple sigh and a smile, Seungcheol uttered, “Happy birthday, Jeonghan. You know, since I didn’t get to say it earlier… by myself.”

That hand of Jeonghan’s slid down to tightly grasp Seungcheol’s own hand. “You’re gonna make me really wanna play with you if you don’t stop.”

“Sure…” 

***

Jeonghan took back what he’d said earlier. 

Of course, he couldn’t trust his friends. Jeonghan had thought he could for a while until they got out of the car and he’d heard the faint sound of music playing. The club. 

Jeonghan didn’t think anything of it when Seungkwan had come downstairs and told him to get dressed. He expected that they’d be going out. And given the fact that Jeonghan was wearing his fluffy, cozy turtleneck that was more fit for a coffee date than a club outing, no one had told him anything about it. So he’d just assumed that they weren’t going to the club. 

So he obediently put on the blindfold and got in the car with Seungcheol. Just as Seungcheol had opened his door and helped him out of the car and he’d heard the faint bass of EDM music, Jeonghan’s expectant smile drooped into a frown. 

“Didn’t I tell you guys not to take me to a club?” Jeonghan huffed, moving to drop Seungcheol’s hand that he was holding only for Seungcheol to hold on tighter.

“You did  _ but  _ Minghao found a little loophole to that,” Seungcheol said. Jeonghan couldn’t see him but he could hear that smirk. 

“Can I take this stupid blindfold off now? I already know where we are.”

“No!” Another voice shouted that had to be Junhui. “Come on, Hannie. It’ll be fun.” There was a hint of plea there in his voice and another set of pleas from a chorus of other voices. 

Jeonghan sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes even if he couldn’t see them. “Fine.” 

***

Still holding hands with Jeonghan, Seungcheol followed the group into the club. He’d known the music was loud but once they’d made it past security and made it into the club, the bass from the speakers and booming music made Seungcheol’s core tremble. Yet he found the flashing strobe lights and the set up interesting and not entirely unfamiliar. The few men ambling around that he did catch a glimpse of also drew his attention and succeeded in making his cheeks turn an impossible red. Thankfully, no one would notice.

Seungcheol was simply just following now, keeping his eyes trained on the ground, not wanting to combust. Minghao led them across the club and into a hallway. 

Jeonghan wanted to go home. 

“Jeonghan, ready?”

“No,” he said shortly.

“Whatever.” Soonyoung’s voice sighed before someone reached over and pulled the blindfold from Jeonghan’s face and pushed him into the room.

“We know you hate the club  _ sooo _ we rented out a private room just for your birthday,” Minghao said pushing him even further into the room. An elevated stage with a pole, a couple tables and couches here and there. Jeonghan quickly spotted bottles of alcohol, including his favorite, on the table across the room. The large cake wasn’t really hard to miss either.

“This must’ve cost a fortune,” Jeonghan said, impressed. 

“I begged my parents for money for most of it,” Junhui admitted. Oh, he forgot that Junhui had rich parents.

Jeonghan sighed as he watched all of his friends file into the room. He couldn’t be mad when they obviously put so much thought into it. 

So he guessed he’d just have to suck it up, which wouldn’t be hard when there was his favorite alcohol here. He found himself at the table with a cup in his hand before he’d even sat down. 

  
  


“Ew! The fuck is that?” Seungkwan practically shouted over the music when he’d taken a sip of Seokmin’s drink. “Did you put any juice in that shit? It’s bitter as hell.”

“You’re just a lightweight,” Seokmin slurred, waving Seungkwan off and taking another sip. Jeonghan gestured for the cup. “Lemme try.”

Seokmin took one more sip and then held it forward for him to try. Everyone looked to Jeonghan for his opinion. They trusted Jeonghan’s opinion more than Seungkwan’s because it was true, Seungkwan’s drinks were mostly juice and barely alcohol.

Jeonghan gagged. “Damn, Min. That’s strong.” 

Seokmin huffed. “Seungcheol, here.” He forced the cup into a slightly spaced out Seungcheol. “Tell them they’re just tripping.”

“What makes you think I’m any different? I don’t drink that much anyway.”

“Just taste it!” Chan egged him on, downing the rest of whatever juice was in his cup since he was one of the drivers. Seungcheol tilted the cup, just to get a tiny sip, and-

“Oh shit,” Seungcheol coughed when the sip made its way down his throat, burning his taste buds, his throat, and even his nose. “That burns. Gimme some water. Oh fuck.” 

All of them laughing, Jihoon slid a bottle of water across the table that Seungcheol quickly took. It didn’t help much but it did something to somewhat soothe the disgusting taste and feeling. 

“Damn, Min. You’re about to kill our het,” Mingyu said, patting Seungcheol on the back as if that would help any. Out of the corner of his eye, Seungcheol realized that Mingyu’s nose was steadily growing redder as time went by. He wasn’t the only one who noticed though. 

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, Rudolph. You might wanna slow down,” Seokmin said in response, reaching over to tap Mingyu’s nose. 

“Tell that to Wonwoo,” Mingyu shouted, pointing at Wonwoo who was swaying to the music while pouring himself another drink. 

“How many drinks have you had?” Soonyoung yelled. He was probably the loudest drunks out of all of them. 

“Three… maybe. But I’ll be alright. This one is mostly juice.” 

“Wonwoo, come sit,” Jeonghan said waving the aforementioned over. “No more drinking.”

“Mmm. Alright.”

Yeah, he was definitely tipsy. It was the only time when his brain was too fuzzy to think and worry. Matter of fact, every one of them were tipsy. Jihoon was practically asleep and a lot of them were getting up to dance around.

“Guys!” Minghao called bursting into the room again after supposedly going to the bathroom. “I went behind the bar to get more chips and then I saw the salt. So let’s do body shots.” 

“Isn’t that just an excuse for heteros to lick on each other,” Wonwoo sniffed. “I never even did body shots.”

“I’ve done them,” Mingyu spoke up.

“Yeah, because you’re half het,” Jeonghan piped up, twirling Seokmin as he swayed and danced to the music.

Mingyu gasped and pressed his hand to his chest. “Just because it’s your birthday, doesn’t mean you can insult me like that.”

“Seungcheol, have you done body shots before,” Minghao asked. Seungcheol watched as he made his way to the table of alcohol and grabbed a bottle of what he assumed to be tequila. 

“I’ve seen it done a couple times,” Seungcheol shrugged. “Never did it though.”

“Oh! Oh! Let’s do Jihoon first since he’s falling asleep,” Chan said.

Jihoon just sucked his teeth. “Fuck y’all,” he called. Just as he was trying to get comfortable, Seungcheol watched as Chan pulled Jihoon up from the sofa he was curled up on. 

Despite everyone’s reluctance to do it at first, Jihoon still found himself lying on his back on a table with Junhui’s mouth and tongue swiping silly patterns into his stomach. Junhui was also a designated driver so he hadn’t been drinking at all tonight but participated anyway. Jihoon had started giggling at first but now he was laughing so hard to the point where he could barely breathe. “I-It tickles!” 

“Stop laughing so I can get the rest,” Junhui snorted, tequila on the tip of his nose and cheeks. 

“I’m trying!” Jihoon tried between gasps for breath as he continued to laugh. Seungcheol had watched people do this before. It was so sloppy and sexual most of the time, a game that he felt like he shouldn’t be watching. You knew who would be sneaking off to a room after the game ended.

But watching them do it was different. It was more laughing than licking. More taunting than kissing. That was honestly what made it so fun. Seungcheol found himself shouting and whooping along with the rest of them.

“Alright, Wonwoo and Mingyu,” Seokmin said when Junhui finally finished and Jihoon rolled off of the table with tears lining his eyes. “You guys are next.”

The two of them who were usually much more hesitant and anxious if they were sober, immediately jumped up from the couch. And even when Wonwoo was laying on the table and Minghao poured salt and tequila on his stomach, the usual sexual tension had been nowhere to be found. Only laughing and shouting. 

Gosh, when was the last time Seungcheol had had this much fun?

Mingyu seemed like a pro, slurping up the alcohol faster than Wonwoo could cough out a laugh. He was sure that the extra licks were just for show but who cared. 

Everyone had gone except Soonyoung and Seungcheol, their sexualities being the perfect excuse for the time being. Soonyoung was asexual so of course they weren’t gonna toy with him. But Seungcheol was a ‘hetero,’ and therefore, permitted to be toyed with. 

It wasn’t long before Minghao was pulling at Seungcheol’s arm and pushing him only to the table with a rough shove. Seungcheol was too out of it to really fight back. 

“Last one. Last one,” Minghao reassured. “Come on, Seokmin. You’re closest to him.”

“I don’t wannnaaa.” But Seungcheol’s pleas went ignored, drowning out between the music and voices. 

Seokmin shook his head vigorously. “No. Nu uh. I can’t drink no more.”

“That’s because you drink alcohol straight up like some maniac,” Chan said, pulling Seokmin so he collapsed on the sofa next to him. 

“Hey,” Jeonghan said. If it weren’t for the fact that his gaze was shaky, Seungcheol would probably think that he was sober. “Minghao, don’t you owe me a lap dance?”

“You sure you aren’t just trying to save Seungcheol?” Junhui chuckled, prodding at Jeonghan’s side. 

“Maybe I am. But I remember precisely that I was supposed to be given a lap dance. Yet we’ve been here for about 2 hours yet I see nothing. Come on.” 

One lap dance from Minghao turned into one from Seungkwan and another from Seokmin, all of them trying hard to impress the birthday boy, which gave them an idea to use the stage.

Yeah. 

And that’s how Seungcheol ended up watching Chan work the pole like a pro. Any other day, all of them would probably have ran to get Chan down from there, but not now. Just as expected of a drunk Soonyoung, he’s climbing on the stage and joining in. Seungcheol looked towards his left where Jeonghan was sitting. It seemed like he was loving it. They all were. 

It isn’t long before most of them are up off of the couch and all over the stage. 

Seungcheol does what he does at most of these parties. He sat there watching everyone else. But there was a difference right now. He didn’t feel like there was a wall between himself and the rest of them. While they danced, they acknowledged his presence, smiling his way every once in a while whenever they caught his eye.

Plus, Jihoon was lying next to him, somehow sleeping through all of this.

“Cheol! Come on, dance with me,” Jeonghan ran over and plopped down on the couch next to him. There’s something so familiar about the situation. 

“I don’t feel like standing up,” Seungcheol huffed truthfully. If it weren’t so loud, he might’ve been sound asleep just like Jihoon here. Just as Jeonghan pulled at his arm in pleading, the song switched to something slower. While everyone kept going as if there hadn’t been a song change at all, Jeonghan grinned. 

“What if I dance for you instead?”

Seungcheol raised an eyebrow in questioning. 

“You’ll still be sitting and I’ll be dancing so we both get what we want.”

“How come you aren’t drunk?” Seungcheol asked, his body suddenly feeling hot. 

“I’m tipsy,” Jeonghan admitted. 

“So that’s why you’re insisting on giving me a lap dance.”

“You can say no if you want,” Jeonghan reassured, his face falling serious for a moment. But Seungcheol already knew that. He trusted Jeonghan with all he had. 

“It’s your birthday. Shouldn’t I give you a lap dance?”

Almost too quickly, Jeonghan shifted and parted his legs. “Come on, I’m ready. I wanna see if you can do a better job than Minghao.”

Seungcheol was honestly surprised by Jeonghan’s eagerness. He guessed that alcohol loosened them both up a little bit more than they liked. They both laughed and then paused, watching the rest of them now, as if they were a couple of parents watching their children have fun. 

“I thought you were gonna dance for me,” Seungcheol blurted as a result of a rare moment of brazenness. “Yet, no one’s dancing,” Seungcheol said, taking on Jeonghan’s own choice of words earlier. 

“All you had to do was ask.” Jeonghan chuckled as he stood. “Come sit here. I don’t want to give you a lap dance when Jihoon is sleeping right there.” 

Seungcheol heard a voice in his head ask him what the hell he was doing. It was probably his usual conscience, the one that filled his head with anxiety all of the time. But it was faint. It could be the alcohol, but it was also the fact that right now he couldn’t hear much of anything when Jeonghan climbed on top of him, straddling him. 

“Tell me to stop whenever you like, okay?”

Seungcheol nodded, feeling too breathless to say anything. Jeonghan smirked at that, and let the alcohol coursing through his veins take the lead in this. 

He wasn’t a pro at lap dances or dancing in general. He’d only do it when they were playing games or having fun, nothing serious. And at first, this lap dance was exactly that. Fun. 

Him and Seungcheol laughed and giggled at first. It was just like when he’d given one to Mingyu that one time because he’d promised to do so if he passed his test. He’d done it and they laughed about it and then it was over. 

But there was something about the way Seungcheol was looking at him. Something that possessed him to grind onto Seungcheol and bring his face so close to his that they could have kissed. He wanted to. Especially when he could feel his heavy breath.

He refused to kiss Seungcheol though. Not without his sober permission to. 

Seungcheol’s eyes were boring into his own, saying something but keeping something perfectly hidden at the same time. He should’ve probably gotten up by now, but he didn’t want to. Not until Seungcheol at least… touched him. Jeonghan so desperately wanted Seungcheol to touch him. Running a soft hand through Seungcheol’s hair, Jeonghan caressed the back of Seungcheol’s neck, not being able to escape his attentive nature. 

When he settled down in Seungcheol’s lap, opening his mouth to begin to apologize for going so far, he felt something prod at his thigh. It seemed that Seungcheol realized his own just as Jeonghan became aware of it. A wave of something washed over Seungcheol's face as he shot up, causing Jeonghan to fall to the ground. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Seungcheol scurried away, not even waiting for Jeonghan to say his own apologies. Seungcheol was already out of the room before Jeonghan could even pick himself up off of the floor. Again, the situation was familiar but the one running away this time was Seungcheol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes:  
> I never did body shots before I'm sorry if it's wrong.   
> I laughed while writing this because boners are funny to me.   
> Josh's coming!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys liked this chapter! I liked writing it lol.


	15. Chapter 15

There were two soft knocks on the bathroom door. Seungcheol was sure that it was just someone probably needing to use the bathroom since it was 1 in the morning. He couldn’t sleep so instead, he just came to relax in the bath. 

“I’m taking a bath,” Seungcheol called.

“I know… But I was hoping I could talk to you.” 

Seungcheol sighed heavily. Guess Jeonghan couldn’t sleep either. 

“Come in.” There was no use avoiding Jeonghan like his initial plan was. Jeonghan wasn’t the type of person to just let things go without talking about it. It was how you avoided unnecessary conflicts. 

Jeonghan was still dressed in his clothes from earlier, the red in his face still faint from the alcohol. They shared an awkward smile. 

“So?” Seungcheol shifted, pulling his knees up to his chest, resting his head on top. “What’s up?”

Jeonghan gave a small hum as he settled on the rug next to the bathtub, so they were at the same level, simply looking at each other. “I’m sorry.” 

“No, I should be sorry… It was my boner. It just popped up.” Seungcheol had meant it seriously but when Jeonghan laughed he couldn’t help but do the same. It was just that contagious.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Jeonghan said, looking off towards the bathroom door at nothing in particular. “We have several drunk stories like that. Trust me. Making out. Lap dances. Drunken blowjobs.” Jeonghan laughed as he thought back on the several occasions that they still laugh about to this day.

“Who?” Seungcheol gasped, eyes going wide. 

“I can’t tell you that,” Jeonghan shrugged teasingly. “But I said that because it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We had fun. Now it’s a fun story we get to tell next year when we get new members and stuff. But I don’t want this to make anything awkward between us.” 

“Yeah…” Seungcheol managed to get out. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint why, but there was a certain tightness in his chest. A prickling pain. A feeling that hurt in a way that he couldn’t exactly explain or put a name too. 

So he ignored it. 

“Did you have fun?”

“Yeah… So much fun…” Seungcheol ended with a nervous laugh and shifting in the tub, just to fill the silence with the noise of water shirting. 

Jeonghan chuckled but looked at Seungcheol with that smile of reassurance. Why did he have to look at him that way all the time? Make his stomach churn and his heart jump. He wanted to reach over and run his hand through his hair. The same way Jeonghan did to him all the time and even earlier.

“Well, okay.”

“Can I ask you something?” Seungcheol reached out to stop Jeonghan from getting to his feet. 

Jeonghan settled back on the rug and got comfortable again. “You know you can. Anything.”

“Can I… Can you… Um… I’m...” Seungcheol looked down at his knees, wondering why the hell he even stopped Jeonghan in the first place.

“You’re questioning your sexuality after earlier, right?”

Seungcheol scoffed, still not looking up from his knees, then nodded, almost shamefully. “Yeah… I am.”

“I expected as much,” Jeonghan said as he moved to kneel next to the tub and lean on the edge of it. Seungcheol was overly aware of how close his face was now. “That’s okay.”

“It’s not.” 

“It’s happened to everyone in this house.”

“But… Not to me.”

“Seungcheol.”

“What?”

“Can I kiss you?” Jeonghan asked in a whisper. 

Seungcheol's gaze snapped to Jeonghan’s. “Is it because I’m naked?” His voice low and curious.

Jeonghan giggled. “No, silly. You said you’re questioning, so I want to help.”

“By kissing me?” Seungcheol questioned with genuine confusion. 

“If you want. Yes.” 

Jeonghan spoke about this as if he was asking him about his day, smiling at him as if they were having coffee and not discussing his sexual orientation that was in shambles right now. All because of this man sitting in front of him. 

A part of him honestly hated Jeonghan. Hated the way he made him feel and how he was questioning his sexuality all because of Jeonghan. But a large part of him wanted Jeonghan to kiss him, wondering what it felt like to kiss the same lips that formed all of the comforting words that kept him going on some of his worst days. Jeonghan’s lips may be the key to so many things, and every single part of Seungcheol’s being wanted to test that theory. 

So, Seungcheol neared Jeonghan slowly and thoughtfully, giving Jeonghan the time to pull away if he wanted to. A gesture that asked for permission.

But he didn’t, just looked into Seungcheol’s eyes and murmured, “It’s okay.” 

Was that for Seungcheol or was that for himself? Jeonghan didn’t know the answer either. 

But what he did come to know at that moment was how sweet and soft Seungcheol’s lips were. Jeonghan wasn’t aware of the fact that he’d ever thought about this until he felt a feeling of satisfaction in his chest as if he’d just found the answer to the question he’d been asking for months. 

Jeonghan cautiously placed his hand on Seungcheol’s cheek, pressing his lips into Seungcheol just a bit more firmly. He caressed the heated skin of Seungcheol’s cheek with a sincerity that he hoped conveyed all of the comfort he knew Seungcheol’s heart needed. 

His own first kiss with a boy filled him with so much self hatred. He didn’t want Seungcheol to feel that. Ever. 

When Jeonghan found the strength within himself to pull away, he found Seungcheol’s eyes closed and his shoulders tense as if he was holding his breath. 

“Why’d you stop?” His eyes still closed, Seungcheol placed his wet, cold hand on Jeonghan’s clothed shoulder. And like Seungcheol had been yearning to do since earlier, he placed his hand on the nap of Jeonghan’s neck and caressed the soft skin there.

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan found himself whispering unsurely, but he closed the gap between them anyway. With Seungcheol’s hand on his neck, Jeonghan found the courage to grab Seungcheol with both hands, kissing him with a new fervent desire. 

This wouldn’t hit Seungcheol until he’d fallen asleep and woke up. Then it’ll all dawn on him and reality would hit like a brick to the face. But he couldn’t and wouldn’t try to find that worry right now. 

When the kiss broke the second time, they both were out of breath. “I hope…” Jeonghan inhaled, opening his eyes to find Seungcheol’s own already open and staring at him, a soft smile of his own gracing his face. He felt the need to inhale just at the sight of it. “That this helped you.”

“Yeah, it did.” Honestly, no it didn’t. It plunged his poor heart right into more confusion than before, but he couldn’t find it within himself to be upset about it at the moment.

They were silent for a while before Jeonghan hummed, always being the one to end awkward silence. 

“I’m gonna get some sleep, kay.”

“Yeah.” 

“Good night, Seungcheol.”

“Night, Jeonghan.” 

***

“Well. Guess you had an eventful night,” Joshua said as soon as he opened the door to his small apartment to find Seokmin there swaying and slurring his words. 

“Hey,  _ you _ ,” Seokmin greeted as Josh stepped aside and allowed the man to stumble into his apartment. “And yes, I did. We had so much cake and we danced and stuff. Joshie, baby, you should’ve been therrre.”

Josh grimaced at the nickname “Joshie” but didn’t say anything of it. Seokmin was an affectionate drunk, he knew that. “Okay, so how’d you get here,” he asked, grabbing at Seokmin’s elbow before he could bump into a side table, guiding him to the bedroom.

“I told my friends to drop me off,” Seokmin said, continuing to laugh at nothing at all as he obediently sat down on the edge of the bed. “You know, surprise my boyfriend and stuff.”

“I don’t remember you asking me to be your boyfriend,” Josh teased, nudging Seokmin to lay back. He went to his dresser to find Seokmin something to wear to bed while only half listening to Seokmin's blabbering. 

“Joshua,” Seokmin said, shortly, his aimless talking coming to an abrupt end. “Be my boyfriend.”

“I’ll answer that in the morning when you’re sober,” he giggled. Despite his answer, he couldn’t help the burning of his cheeks. “Let’s get you into something so you can go to bed.”

“But, I wanted to fuckkkkk.”

“You want to sleeeeep,” Josh whined in the same voice as he pulled Seokmin’s pants and socks off. Luckily Seokmin wasn’t dead drunk and was able to lift his hips and help Josh out as he changed his clothes for him. 

“You’re so mean. Come here.” Seokmin pulled Josh on top of him, trapping him there by locking his ankles around his waist. Seokmin pressed a sweet yet sloppy kiss on the corner of his lips. “You can be the top tonight,” he whispered, his breath reeking of so much alcohol that Josh could have gagged. “Shove that big-”

“As good as that sounds,” Josh hummed before Seokmin could say something he’d regret in the morning. “I’m not in the mood.”

“You know you want some of this ass.”

“Seokmin…” Josh said, sternly, wiggling out of Seokmin’s hold. 

Seokmin pouted. “Well, can we at least cuddle.”

“Of course,” Josh said. He still had to take a shower since his class began at 8:30, but he was sure that Seokmin would be asleep just five minutes after he settled into bed. “Come on.”

Josh watched as Seokmin crawled up the bed and snuggled up into his chest. Usually, it was the other way around but Josh didn’t mind being the big spoon from time to time. Just as Josh expected, it took him no more than a couple of minutes for Seokmin to be fast asleep. 

Not wanting to disrupt the man’s peaceful sleep, he didn’t move, deciding to set his alarm for twenty minutes earlier so he could shower in the morning. 

When Seokmin woke up the next morning, he felt the effects of all of his drinking almost immediately. A familiar pain ripping through his head as soon as he tried to move his head. He didn’t dare open his eyes, knowing that the light would cause him that much more pain.

On his right, he heard the sound of a door opening and then a light yet mocking voice. 

“Seokminnie, baby.” 

Seokmin groaned. He could only imagine the dumb shit he’d said that night before. 

“Josh,” Seokmin whimpered. “My head hurts.” He felt the mattress dip next to him and a slightly cold hand on his forehead. 

“I know. Here, I have some medicine for you.” 

“Thank you so much.” With a grunt, Josh helped Seokmin sit up as the latter focused on slowly opening one of his eyes. He was met with a wave of sunlight but also of a beautiful image of Josh only in a towel.

“Sexy,” Seokmin croaked. 

“Shut up and deal with your hangover,” Josh chuckled, giving Seokmin two pills and the bottle of water on his side table. Despite his banter, Josh pressed a kiss to Seokmin’s forehead. “I have to get ready for class.”

“Can’t you skip and take care of me?” Seokmin asked, throwing the pills into his mouth. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Josh said.. He went to his closet and rummaged through it until he found a pair of jeans and a shirt. “You also need to go to class at 12:30. So just lay here until then. There’s leftover kimchi in the microwave, so just eat it whenever you can.” 

Seokmin leaned back on the headboard and relaxed his head yet kept his gaze on Josh. This was so domestic and something he could definitely get used to. 

“You trust me to be in your apartment all alone?” Seokmin teased. “What if I steal your stuff and run.” 

Josh chuckled. “You wouldn’t steal a pen from a store, let alone steal stuff from me. Your  _ boyfriend _ , huh?” 

Seokmin shook his head and laughed. He must’ve said something about it last night. “Well, I have been thinking about it.”

“Asking me to be your boyfriend?” Josh dropped the towel around his waist onto the floor and pulled on a pair of boxers. 

“Yeah. It’s been months since we first started talking. I mean look at us, we’re practically already dating and stuff.” 

Josh shrugged, continuing to get dressed. “True. Wanna make it official?”

“Of course, but my head still hurts so you might have to ride me, you know-” Suddenly, there was a towel thrown at Seokmin’s face. 

“I’m not talking about sex, asshole,” Josh quipped. “After your class, I’ll send you an address to a church and I want you to come meet me.” 

“A church?” No… 

“I’ll explain to you when you get there, okay.” 

Seokmin’s words caught in his throat and all he was stuck doing was staring and smiling. Seeing the deadpanned look that crossed Seokmin’s face, Josh gave a sultry grin and made a show of climbing his way up the bed to catch Seokmin’s lips. 

“I’ll see you later…” he whispered against his lips before adding, “Seokminnie, baby.” With one more quick kiss, Josh rolled off of Seokmin and was on his feet again.

Seokmin sucked his teeth. “Oh, give me a break!” He shouted after Josh as he left the room in a fit of giggles and chuckles.

“Only when it stops being funny,” he shouted over his shoulder before he spun around to say something more. “Oh, and there’s an extra key in the small bowl by the door. You can take that and lock the door for me. See you later.” 

Josh even blew him a kiss.

“Later!” Seokmin exhaled and waited until he heard the front door open and close. With another smile, to himself, he slowly shuffled around the bed to get comfortable again. His heart full, Seokmin fell into slumber easily. 

***

When Seungcheol said he was gonna feel it when he woke up that morning, he wasn’t lying. In fact, he was underestimating just how hard it would do so. 

“Fuck this,” Seungcheol said, kicking the covers from off of his body. 

“Hey there, hetero,” Mingyu said from his side of the closet, shooting a grin over his shoulder. “Well, don’t know if I can say that anymore.” 

Seungcheol glared holes into the back of Mingyu’s head. “Thanks,” he spat rather sarcastically. Seungcheol rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and forced himself to get out of bed. 

“Ah, don’t be like that.” Mingyu came over and wrapped Seungcheol in a hug. One that Seungcheol really didn’t want right now but didn’t retaliate. Mingyu pulled away after a few moments, patting his back a couple times.

“You’re still a het. Wonwoo has slept with woman but he’s gay. It’s not about what you do, it’s about what you feel that should judge what your sexuality or label is. Plus, you were drunk. Cross it off your bucket list or something.” 

Mingyu made it sound simple but knew it wasn’t. Both of them knew that. 

If it were just a drunken mistake, then yeah, Seungcheol actually would’ve taken that advice to heart and brushed it off. That lap dance may have been a drunken mishap.

But.

Last night happened. He liked it. Hell, he loved it. 

That’s what he couldn’t just brush off. 

“I’m hungry,” Seungcheol stated absentmindedly, justifying his leaving as he made his way towards the door. It was like everything around him became a blur as all of his attention focused on the problem at hand and all of the worries that came with it. All of the weight piling itself on his chest until he found himself standing in front of Jeonghan while the others pelted them with jokes and banter. 

“Okay, okay,” Jihoon said, his face still red yet steadily recovering. “Let’s give them a break.”

“Thank you, Jihoon,” Jeonghan sighed heavily. “Damn. You guys are ruthless.”

“For real,” Seungcheol added.

“That’s not even half of the teasing me and Soonyoung got after our incident,” Seungkwan retorted.

“Please, don’t bring it up again,” Soonyoung pleaded, his voice going low and quiet in shame. “I don’t want to relive it.” 

Seungcheol raised an eyebrow only for Jeonghan to wave the two of them off, mouthing the words,  _ don’t ask  _ before pulling him out of the kitchen and away from the noise. “So I’m about to go and pick up my glasses from the clinic. You wanna come?”

“No.” The answer was so plain and simple, and the face that Jeonghan made let Seungcheol know that it was also unexpected but mostly painful to hear. “I mean… I just don’t wanna go. I just woke up and stuff.” 

“Okay. Yeah,” Jeonghan nodded so Seungcheol shook his head too. “I’ll see you later.” Visibly swallowing, Jeonghan gave a quick smile. One that was more polite than it was soft and kind. Without another word, he rushed off towards the direction of the door. 

Seungcheol didn’t know what else to do at that moment. He felt lost and… he blamed Jeonghan for it. 

Seungcheol sighed. “Can someone cuddle with me. Please?”

It was just a complaint that he’d made aloud to himself but it was just seconds before someone was on his back. Judging by how light this person was, Seungcheol knew it was Jihoon.

“I heard you called for my services,” he said in his ear, looking over Seungcheol’s shoulder to smile as he settled on his back comfortably. With a scoff and a heavy heart, Seungcheol nodded. 

“You were the last person that I thought would come.” 

“Soonyoung said he’d buy me ramen. It’s a win-win situation.”

“I guess.”

***

His heart was stinging it seemed, the sensation spreading instead of fading.

Jeonghan shut the front door behind him and stood there for a moment in thought, wondering if he should blame himself for the sudden change in his and Seungcheol’s relationship. 

Was it selfish to kiss Seungcheol knowing the situation already?

But he thought he did the right thing. 

He thought that he’d helped. 

Now, Jeonghan couldn’t help but feel as if he took advantage of Seungcheol’s feelings just to act on a thought he’d been having for a while. 

Ever since their moment in the back seat of his car where he got to teach Seungcheol about the community he was so heavily involved in, watching the other listen, laugh, and learn, Jeonghan had become fond of Seungcheol. He’d had the honor of watching Seungcheol broaden his horizons in life. It was the beginning of a chapter in Seungcheol’s life and Jeonghan was honored to be a part of it.

In all honesty, Jeonghan wanted to kiss him that day too. 

Feeling the burning his eyes begin, Jeonghan shook his head and headed for the car. All gay people knew the rule. That one rule that so many of them seemed to fail at. 

You don’t fall for a straight person. It was a one way ticket to heartbreak, yet here Jeonghan was, sitting first class on that same exact train. He was already strapped in and he was already falling. 

Hard. 

“I’m such a dumbass,” Jeonghan laughed at himself as he pulled on his seat belt and started the car. It actually sounded like a genuine laugh when all Jeonghan was laughing at was his patheticness as tears well in his eye at the harsh realization that he’d fallen for Seungcheol. 

***

Chan was sitting in Wonwoo’s bed watching Wonwoo and Mingyu talk on the floor. He was supposed to be reading this book for his literature class, but in reality he was just eavesdropping. 

Their awkward conversation was way more interesting than whatever the hell that book was about. He couldn’t tease the book about its stupidity later like he could these two dummies. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seungcheol's process is going to be like a roller coaster so let's bare with him. Lol. 
> 
> Josh and Seokmin are so cute together. I'm crying.


	16. Chapter 16

“You’re actually here? I knew I could trust you guys.” Seokmin left his classroom to find Minghao and Junhui waiting by the wall just like he’d asked them to. If the lack of response from the both of them when he texted was to go by, Seokmin initially thought they had ignored him. 

“Yeah, yeah. What do you want?” Minghao stood and swung his backpack on his right shoulder. He knew that Minghao must’ve been in one of those moods where he didn’t want to be bothered because all the guy had on was a pair of sweatpants and an oversized shirt. It wouldn’t have drawn a reaction out of Seokmin if it weren’t Minghao. The guy who never even visited the grocery store in nothing less than an outfit that he had to have planned the night before. 

“Are we going to get food?” Junhui asked, his demeanor a lot more pleasant than Minghao’s. Seokmin’s gaze flicked to Minghao again, wondering why he was feeling so melancholic, but Junhui narrowed his eyes Seokmin’s way, the look in his eyes telling him not to bring it up. 

Seokmin obliged, albeit reluctantly. “We can stop for some food on the way back but I need you guys to come to this church with me.” 

“Since when do you go to church?” Minghao led the way toward the staircase, seemingly dragging himself all the while. 

“Never. But Josh told me to meet him there for some reason though,” Seokmin elaborated, the gnawing need to comfort Minghao was strong but he knew that now wasn’t the time for that. 

“Josh either has to be giving it to you real good or has to be hella cute for you to actually go to a church for him.” Jun scoffed, a heavy sigh following afterwards. Seokmin’s past experiences with his church as a young boy was no secret to his friends. So, indeed, Seokmin going to church for anybody meant that something about them had to be special. 

“You left out that maybe I care about him,” Seokmin corrected. “You think I’m a hoe?” 

“Don’t go jumping to conclusions on me when I didn’t say anything like that,” Jun said, hand on his chest in mock offense as they approached their street where the car was presumably parked. “Anyway, I’m driving.” 

Not feeling like driving in the first place, Minghao tossed the keys to Junhui which, somehow, he caught without paying much attention.

“Send me the address when we get in the car.”

Seokmin knew the church as soon as Junhui made a right turn on a familiar street. He passed it sometimes when he was on the bus and on the way to or back from Josh’s university campus. He didn’t know it because he always marveled at it. No. He knew this church because whenever he did pass it by, he made sure to look the other way and pay it no mind, instead paying an immense amount of attention to whatever he had to occupy himself while he was on the bus. 

But now, he couldn’t simply look the other way or pretend that the church didn’t exist as that was the place in which he had been going now. 

He hoped that the reason Josh is here is just to do community service. But it was important to note that Seokmin’s hopes and wishes almost never came to be.

When Junhui slowed to a stop and, albeit sloppily, parked in a space in front of the church, Seokmin felt like the oxygen in the car had slowly become less and less available. Either that or his throat was steadily closing from the anxiousness filling his entire being to the point where there was no more space for something as seemingly inferior to that as air. 

The sky was grey, large clouds making their way over.

Seokmin pushed the car door open for air and even though it was muggy outside it’ll have to do for the moment. Leaning halfway out of the car, Seokmin sent a quick text to Joshua, telling him that he was outside. 

And that he would wait for him there. 

A response came immediately. 

**Josh:** Come in then! 

Seokmin inhaled sharply and let his head fall into his hands. 

“Can you guys come in with me?” Seokmin asked. 

Junhui and Minghao didn’t answer right away. In fact, they didn’t answer at all, just pushed open their doors. Seokmin didn’t know if the lack of an answer was out of aggravation or if it was just the automatic support that they didn’t feel the need to respond with anything but action and love. Either way, Seokmin was ever appreciative. 

With Minghao walking to the right of him and Jun to his left, Seokmin felt some type of stability with the two of them acting as metaphorical walls to his vulnerable heart as he stepped into the place that was the home of a great deal of his trauma from his childhood. 

Why was he doing this to himself?

Did he like Josh this much? 

They entered the main part of the church where not too many people were gathered. Towards the front, there was a slightly elevated part and a podium that was for the pastor or priest, he wasn’t religious enough to tell the difference. There was a piano up there, and the man who must be the pastor or priest that was leading the church was up there too. Towards the right, there were several people standing in robes. Must be the choir. 

He recalled being in the choir as a child. How much he loved it. The cute boy he crushed on that got him into that started the horrendous domino effect that plunged him into this traumatic mess… 

The three of them stood in the back corner of the large room, huddling together.

Seokmin was struggling to breathe. 

“Where is he?” Jun sighed, scanning the small crowd at the front. 

“Smells like old people in here,” Minghao complained. “What does he look like? I did volunteer work here for a class last semester, and I might remember his face.”

Seokmin pulled out his phone to call but before he could even press Josh’s contact, there was a light tapping on his shoulder. 

“Hm?” 

“Is that him?” 

When Seokmin raised his head, there was no way he could have missed the guy towards the front, dressed in one of the same choir robes, waving so ecstatically at them. He looked so happy to him as if he thought Seokmin wouldn’t have shown up.

“Jisoo?” Minghao checked. Then he scoffed. “The choir director and priest’s son. Damn, didn’t know you were  _ that _ good, Min.”

“You’re fucking the priest’s  _ son _ ?” Junhui gaped. “Wait… That’s kind of backwards.”

Seokmin didn’t even get to properly respond because Josh was running up to him, a beaming smile on his face and he honestly didn’t even have the breath to chastise him. “I thought you weren’t gonna come.”

“I wasn’t, but I made it,” Seokmin said, forcing a chuckle. “Um, these are my friends Minghao and Junhui.” 

“I don’t think I’ve met you before,” Josh said, shaking Junhui’s hand a little bit too roughly. “But I definitely remember you.” Minghao was pulled in for a hug without warning, squeezing him roughly too. 

“I’m glad you remember me. People usually forget my face.” Minghao’s voice was a lot lighter after that hug though. Maybe he actually needed that.

“Of course. You were the kids’ favorite volunteer when you were here.” Seokmin rarely saw Josh interact with others but he couldn’t deny that he was a ray of sunshine. Even more so than he was. “Anyway.” Josh turned to Seokmin. “Are you gonna stay?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry,” Seokmin murmured. He’d begun to reach for Josh’s hand but refrained from doing so, knowing that they were in public and most importantly in a church. An act that he’d been punished thoroughly for as a kid.

“Why?”

“Because I feel like I’m gonna throw up,” Seokmin attempted to explain. He couldn’t seem to form more than a couple of words every time he opened his mouth. Honestly, he was wondering how much he even trusted Josh. However, the short and random answer seemed to make Joshua even more confused. 

“Seokmin and church don’t mix very well,” Jun said on his behalf, trying to be as vague as possible. It was Seokmin’s tragedy and he should explain it on his own when ready. 

“Oh… a lot of LGBT+ people don’t mix with church.” Josh looked around briefly before reaching for Seokmin’s hand, the wide sleeve of his robe covering the action as a whole. It was comforting. “But how about you go back to my apartment and wait for me there?”

“Why’d you invite me here in the first place?” Seokmin found himself asking.

“To meet the choir, really. I’m really close to them,” Josh shrugged, forcing his voice to sound nonchalant. Seokmin watched as the more their conversation progressed, Josh’s mood became increasingly dampenned. “My dad is also here. I wanted you to meet people close to me.”

“Oh,” was all Seokmin could manage. He felt a bit guilty for still wanting to run out of this church and never come back. Almost as if he could sense the urge, Josh squeezed his hand again. 

“I’m sorry for putting you in this situation. Go back and get rest, okay. I’ll be there as soon as service is done.” 

Seokmin wanted to kiss Josh but he didn’t. Instead, he just settled for hugging him for a brief moment. “Okay.”

“It was nice to meet you and nice to see you again,” Josh turned to Junhui and then Minghao with a restored smile that only someone who came in contact with people all of the time could do. That was a well practiced mask of a smile, but Junhui and Minghao both appreciated the efforts. “I’ll see you later.” 

When the three of them made it back to the car, they sat there in what seemed like an hour of silence. Junhui just sitting in the driver’s seat, both hands gripping the wheel. Minghao had his head leaned against the window, mouth agape. Seokmin was lying across the backseat. All of them basking unpleasantly in the tense atmosphere.

“Are you gonna be alright dating him?” Minghao asked slowly, holding his breath unknowingly in the end. It was the question silently lingering in the air among them. When Minghao said it aloud however, it seemed like it all became more real. More solidified. Personified even. 

“I’m gonna need time to think about it.” 

***

Seungcheol missed hanging out with Nayoung, And this time, instead of him going with the intention of having sex with her in the end, it seemed like he was acting more like a wingman instead. Or maybe even a third wheel. Surprisingly, there were no ill feelings he held towards Nayoung and Kyulkyung. All he felt was pride and happiness. 

“Nayoung was the only person that stayed by my side after my break up,” Seungcheol elaborated. 

“I guess you’re just everyone’s support pillow, huh?” Kyulkyung nudged Nayoung softly and almost flirtatiously. The soju that she was drinking was definitely getting to her now, her usually erect posture slowly beginning to slump. 

“It’s an honor to be trusted,” Nayoung said gingerly, her movements increasingly dramatic.

After this morning’s cuddle session with Jihoon, Seungcheol went to class and texted Seokmin that he needed to talk. But instead, he got a text from Minghao telling him that Seokmin had a rough day. So instead, he called Nayoung and she invited him to come to her dorm for a take out dinner. 

It was more of a pajama party though so that’s how he ended up in one of Nayoung’s nightgowns after she decided that “he can’t come in unless he’s in pajamas.” The take out they ordered was great but when they pulled out the soju, Seungcheol had to decline. He just wasn’t in the mood to drink so soon after what happened last time he got drunk. 

“You seem like you’ve been going through it since the beginning of the school year,” Kyulkyung observed, grabbing for her half eaten egg roll that she’d put down about half an hour earlier. “All I can really say is sorry.”

“Sometimes I wonder if the universe is punishing me, you know?” Seungcheol pondered aloud. “Maybe I was a serial killer in my last life and paying for all of my murders with unnecessary problems.”

“What’s the latest problem besides your ex spreading rumours?” Kyulkyung asked.

“I never liked Demi.” Nayoung’s voice was louder than necessary with all of them sitting in a circle on the floor of their rather small dorm room, but Seungcheol was sure she didn’t even realize it. “Her mere presence annoyed me. I was so glad when you guys broke up. When she kept saying that you were faking your depression, I had to distance myself completely because I just wanted to kick her.”

“Yeah…” Seungcheol inhaled and then exhaled, letting his body relax against the side of Nayoung’s bed. It wasn’t really a secret to him that Nayoung wasn’t fond of Demi. The majority of the expressions that crossed Nayoung’s face when Demi was around always was one of disgust. Demi always thought it was jealousy, but Seungcheol always knew that it was simply that. Disgust. 

“Wanna know all about my newest problem?” 

Kyulkyung and Nayoung were eager to listen. As he spoke about his problems, he somehow ended with a cup of soju in hand and both girls commenting on his problems every chance they got. It was so similar to what the guys did at the house, and he wasn’t sure if that was why he was so comfortable that he kept talking. He described the situation in detail, letting everything he could remember spew from his mouth. It was like the definition of word vomit. 

Yet, the more he talked, the more relieved he felt. 

“-then I kissed him yesterday night. It was so good… But now I’m confused and I feel like I’m sitting in the dark.” 

“What would you tell someone else in this situation?” Kyulkyung asked. Seungcheol knew this tactic. She wanted him to think and follow his own advice. And if he were being honest, if one of his friends--well one of his old friends-- were to tell him that he kissed a guy and he liked it, Seungcheol would simply tell him “You like guys. There. That’s it.”

He didn’t know if that was just his stupidity or his lack of empathy talking though because he’d told himself that same exact thing enough times to know that that didn’t make him feel any sort of relief. 

“I don’t know,” he hummed. He truly didn’t know anymore. 

“Well,” Nayoung said, voice still loud. “I would tell you to take your time. Think about it. It’s your identity.”

“When I was confused about my sexuality, it took me a few weeks. I went from ‘I’m a straight girl who thinks girls are adorable’ to ‘I might kiss a girl’ to ‘No. I wouldn’t.’ It jumped between those two for a while, basically just in denial. In the end, you’ll know because you’ll feel more relieved then ever.” 

“But I always thought I was straight.”

“I thought I wanted to be a doctor until I got to college and took a bio class and failed it miserably,” Nayoung shrugged. Despite her nonchalance now, Seungcheol vividly remembered Nayoung crying day in and day out about her failing biology and having to change her major. She described it as feeling as if the ground fell away beneath her feet. That what she had thought she knew, wasn’t the truth at all and now she was stuck trying to decipher what was written in the darkness. What was she meant to do or be if this failed?

Seungcheol understood almost too well now. 

But he recalled what he always told her when she called crying. 

“It’ll take time to accept and come to terms with but it’ll be alright.” And judging by how confident and happy Nayoung was as a journalism major, his words seemed to have become a reality for her.

But Seungcheol was probably a serial killer in his past life and he wasn’t as fortunate as Nayoung was. 

“If you want an easy answer, just suck his dick,” Kyulkyung said as a last resort. 

“Or have him suck yours,” Nayoung added almost as if she had an epiphany and this idea was the best. Seungcheol couldn’t help but roll his eyes at them but the image still materialized itself in the back of Seungcheol’s mind. 

Jeonghan on his knees in front of him. Instead of that sweet smile on his face, it was a grin. A presumptuous grin similar to the one he kept giving Seungcheol in the car with the blindfold on… That blindfold. That  _ fucking _ blindfold was going to be death of him. Jeonghan was the epitome of everything sweet and kind, but Seungcheol couldn’t help but wonder about how dirty Jeonghan could be when those times came.

“-Cheol, I know you aren’t thinking about it,” Nayoung’s voice slowly faded and Seungcheol instantly burned red. 

“No! I-I wasn’t,” he sputtered. He would’ve gotten up to run into their bathroom, but Nayoung was already throwing herself across his lap in a drunken attempt to stop him. 

“Liar!”

“Na, you fantasize all the time,” Kyulkyung said, a scoff following soon after. “You have no room to talk.”

“Remember this next time you want me to sit on your face,” Nayoung gasped, flipping her hair almost as if to cement her point. But Kyulkyung simply laughed as if she knew that it was all a front. 

Seungcheol just watched the situation between them unfold, chuckling yet not giving any of his own input, still frozen by his embarrassment.

***

Mingyu had happened to fall asleep only moments after he’d finished tutoring with Jeonghan, who didn’t have much trouble when he took anatomy. Instead of using Mingyu’s notes-- that honestly didn’t really make much sense-- Jeonghan went to find his own flashcards and they used those instead. 

He also made a mental note to find his old notebook for anatomy and give it to Mingyu. Being a pre med dentistry major, Jeonghan was sure that Mingyu would need it much more than he would since he was a physical therapy major and all. 

With nothing better to do, Jeonghan had planned to join Wonwoo and Soonyoung downstairs where they were watching anime. When was the last time he’d just sat down and did nothing? Must’ve been a while if Jeonghan couldn’t remember. 

After convincing a heavy and barely awake Mingyu to climb into his own bed, Jeonghan had begun to leave the room before he was startled by a loud and sudden ringing of someone’s phone. Even though his phone was going off at its highest volume right next to his pillow, Mingyu didn’t budge even a bit. Mingyu could probably sleep through an earthquake and then get up the next day talking about his ‘oddly realistic’ dream that there was an earthquake. 

Taking a quick peek, Jeonghan caught a glimpse of Seungcheol’s contact name in Mingyu’s phone. 

**Hetero (?)**

Jeonghan chuckled at the question mark and picked up the phone. A part of him was advising him to put the phone down or even wake Mingyu up instead. It was just yelling and screaming at him not to answer the phone like the rest of himself was telling him to do. But as the ringing continued, the loud and slightly obnoxious tune getting annoying, Jeonghan answered the phone. 

“Dude, please come pick me up, it’s raining like hell,” Seungcheol rushed on the other end of the phone. Jeonghan glanced at the window in their room, listening intently at the patter of the rain and distantly wondered if the melody of rain was why Mingyu was wisted away into slumber so quickly. 

“Um, Mingyu’s asleep,” Jeonghan said. “But I can wake him up if you want me to.”

“Jeonghan?” There was suddenly a loud gush of wind that Jeonghan could hear clearly over the phone. “Can you come pick me up then? It’s late. And the bus isn’t here. And I'm tired. And I’m kind of scared. Please.” 

“I’ll be there as fast as I can,” Jeonghan promised. “Send me your address and get somewhere dry.” 

“Okay. Thank you so much.”

***

The rain had somehow worsened since Jeonghan left the house. Lightening and frequent thunder claps only made the heavy pouring rain seem even worse. He could only hope that Seungcheol was okay. It didn’t seem very likely though since only a few minutes before, Seungcheol called Jeonghan’s phone and sounded, simply put, terrified. 

With the rain harshly battering against the material of the car causing much too much noise, Jeonghan muted the music on the radio and let out a sigh, slowing to a stop at a red light. According to his GPS, Jeonghan was only five minutes away so he sent Seungcheol a quick text and impatiently continued to wait for the light to turn green. 

The only thing that kept running through his mind was Seungcheol. Seungcheol.  _ Seungcheol.  _ It was only then when Jeonghan was swept away in a daydream of only Seungcheol did the light finally turn. 

He came to a stop near the bus stop sign. Not really being able to see outside of the window, Jeonghan picked up his phone to call Seungcheol. However, there was no need for that because before he could even fully unlock his phone, the car door was swung open, revealing a thoroughly drenched Seungcheol as he threw himself in the car. 

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asked, reaching into the backseat for the towel and extra shirt he had brought with him. 

“No,” Seungcheol said simply, breathing heavy. “But I am now. Thanks.” 

“No problem,” Jeonghan laughed, watching as Seungcheol roughly dragged the towel through his hair and over his face. With an exhausted sigh, Seungcheol tossed the towel in the back seat and began to peel his shirt off. 

Jeonghan quickly snapped his gaze down to his hands and twiddling fingers. He probably shouldn’t look, not wanting to risk the last bit of stability of their friendship. 

“Hannie.” 

“Hm?” Jeonghan didn’t look up from his fingers at first. It wasn’t until only expectant silence followed that Jeonghan looked up to see Seungcheol looking at him, torso completely bare , eyes low and red, and small droplets of water making its way down the sides of his face from his damp hair. Jeonghan reached forward, using his thumb to wipe the drops of water away. 

“You’re burning up,” Jeonghan noted, allowing his hand to linger on his cheek for a couple more seconds. Seungcheol visibly relaxed. “Let’s get home. Get you some tea and soup before you get sick.” 

Jeonghan’s eyes wandered, taking a glimpse of the smooth skin of Seungcheol’s chest before the latter opened his mouth to say something. It was impossible to sit in silence with the rain and thunder claps that kept making an appearance. 

“I need time, okay,” Seungcheol said. It sounded as if he had been forcing the words out. “I just need to think.”

Jeonghan let his hand fall from Seungcheol’s face and repositioned himself in his seat. “The kiss was just to help you.” He knew it wasn’t true, but it wasn’t necessarily a lie either. It was meant to help him. “Nothing more… nothing less. Just a friend helping a friend, okay.” 

“Yeah…” 

It didn’t sit well with either of them. But… 

“Don’t let the kiss change what we have. I’ll always cherish you and this relationship or friendship, whatever you wanna call it.” 

Seungcheol nodded and even smiled. Jeonghan mirrored the same gesture and started the car. Despite the unpleasantness gnawing at their insides, the both of them could truthfully say that they were happy that their relationship didn’t have to be so complicated anymore.

“Now, we still have to get home to get you some soup, don’t we? Can’t have you sick, can we?”

Seungcheol relaxed into the seat, sighing in relief. The list of things Seungcheol liked about Jeonghan was a long one, but one of his favorite things had to be how easy it was for things to be pleasant between them. How his smile filled him. “It wouldn’t be that bad, right? It’ll be a valid excuse for me not to go to class.”

“I’ll leave Chan in charge of you,” Jeonghan chuckled, attention more focused on getting out of the parking spot he was in without hitting anything. 

“Yeah I think I’d just rather go to class.” Seungcheol saw the slightest hint of a grin spread across Jeonghan’s face. 

On the way home and the midst of their conversation, Seungcheol got a text. 

**Nayoung:** Did you take our advice yet? 

**Me:** Don’t you have a face to sit on?

**Nayoung:** Bold of you to assume that I didn’t just finish doing so

He didn’t even bother responding. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I was writing this, I realized how much I really wanted to happen in this fic so It's probably gonna be a lot longer than I first intended. Lol. I hope you guys' will stay with me through all of this. ^^


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentioning of sexual assault and abuse in a religious context.   
> Be careful pls lovelys

Seokmin was pacing the hardwood floors of Josh’s living room. It was practically pouring outside now, and Josh still hadn’t made it back from the church. He didn’t know if the tedious worry and anxiousness clawing at his chest was because Seokmin feared Josh’s safety or he feared what he would have to tell Josh when he got there. Maybe it was a combination of the two.

All Seokmin knew was that his heart was pounding. Hard. 

There was another loud clap of thunder. Menacing yet gloomy. The atmosphere lacking the particular sweetness and calmness from earlier this morning. Seokmin sighed. 

He paced for what felt like hours more but in reality it was only about ten more minutes before there was a slight wiggle of the doorknob and sound of keys rattling on the other side of the door and the door was kicked open.

“Why aren’t you in bed, love?” Josh questioned, his clothes and hair soaked alike as a shiver racked through his body and he shut the front door. Despite that, Josh’s smile still persisted. 

“I-I was worried about you,” Seokmin said sheepishly as he lightly scratched at the nape of his neck. 

“I could say the same thing about you,” Josh said, leaning against the wall in order to pull off his shoes and then wrestle off his dripping jacket. “I didn’t mention it earlier but while you were at the church, you looked like someone was holding a gun up to your head the entire time. I know a lot of LGBT+ people aren’t comfortable with church and religion but you…”

“Yeah,” Seokmin confirmed when Josh trailed off, unbuttoning his shirt all the while. “I have some horrible memories when I used to go to church. I mean, I don’t understand how you seem so happy at church. Don’t they… criticize you? Discriminate against you? Make you feel so much fucking shame for being who you are that you just want to… die?”

Josh looked at Seokmin with somber eyes and tightly pressed lips. “My dad knows I’m gay,” he said shortly, the previous jubiliance gone, instead taking on a more calm, sympathetic tone. “My friends in choir know I’m gay too.” 

Seokmin inhaled, looking into Josh’s eyes with a look that can only be described as perplexity as if what he’d said was an entirely different language. It might as well have been because Seokmin didn’t understand it at all. 

“How?” Seokmin murmured, his voice coming out so low that he’d barely heard himself. If the thunderclap that came just seconds after he’d asked had materialized just a tad earlier, Josh wouldn’t have heard him. 

“Because not everyone who’s religious is a discriminatory asshole,” Josh scoffed before it morphed into another sigh. “Some people are. And I’m sorry that you had to deal with those types of people. But, I’m loved by the people in my church. Because love and acceptance of all people are important to us.” 

“Oh.” Seokmin gulped, feeling as if there was another shortage of air again. He couldn’t help the feeling of bitterness that crept its way into his chest, threatening to tear threw him. Just when Seokmin feared that he was going to spat something horrible at Josh-- misery loved company--the latter broke out into a kind smile. 

Josh wasn’t one to just allow silence to linger. Seokmin chuckled softly at how much Joshua was reminding him of Jeonghan right now. It was only a bit amusing when he thought about it. 

“Talk to me.” Three simple words. Three comforting, encouraging words…

Seokmin inhaled. Then struggled to exhale as tears welled in the rims of his eyes, blurring his vision. And just like he would if it were Jeonghan talking to him, Seokmin actually felt the urge to talk about something that he usually tried with all of his might to forget. 

Upon seeing the tears Josh hurriedly brought Seokmin to his bedroom. He motioned for Seokmin to sit on the bed while he made quick work of discarding the rest of his wet clothes. 

“My church abused me,” Seokmin said, his voice coming out in rather difficult and forced breaths in between the sniffing. “I… used to love church. I was in the choir too so most of my friends were there. I learned a lot there. Got tutored there… And stuff.” Seokmin roughly wiped his tears with his forearm before gathering the breath to speak again. 

“There was this boy who was in the choir with me named Jaehyun. I think I was thirteen at the time. And… Now that I think about it, he wasn’t really that cute.” Seokmin broke into a fit of quiet chuckles, naturally causing Josh to laugh too. When Josh had finally got into his pajamas, he forgot about his wet hair and sat on the bed next to Seokmin. 

“We always realize that our crushes really aren’t that great after the feelings leave,” Josh sighed. Seokmin nodded. That was so fucking true. 

“Me and him flirted from time to time. I knew liking him was wrong but at the time, I couldn’t care less. I was so happy. One day, he invited me to his house… We were sitting there on his bed watching t.v.”

Seokmin recalled the memory like it only happened the other day. As if the memory was one that was pleasant. But unfortunately, he learned that only the memories you desperately want to forget stay engraved in your mind. So instead of struggling to remember what happened like he would with any good memory, his mind easily and clearly painted the picture over again. He was so aware. 

“A straight couple on the show we were watching kissed. Me and him both gagged just to be funny.” Seokmin looked down at his fingers. They were trembling a little bit. “Then he asked if I had my first kiss. I told him I didn’t. Then he started going on and on about all the girls he kissed. I knew it was a lie though. I think he actually wanted to see if I would be jealous or not.” 

“Probably,” Josh added on. 

“A few more minutes had passed of us just watching t.v., you know. And then he turned to me. I could see him looking at me out of the corner of my eye.” Seokmin recalled how he tried to ignore it. How his heart was racing for the boy sitting next to him. It was the first time he had felt something like that before. He could somewhat understand why those people on the show had kissed. 

But that was a man and a woman. Would it be okay if two boys kissed?

Seokmin soon got his answer. 

“He kissed me and of course I kissed him back. After that, me and him kept kissing whenever we could. After choir practice. When I went to his house. When he came over to mine… But then, one day, he started avoiding me. He wouldn’t even look at me.” 

Seokmin teared up again, his voice cracking. Josh quickly wiped the tears away that began to fall. 

“Then, his parents came to my parents one day when we were about to leave the church, talking about how Jaehyun told them that I kissed him. Of course leaving out that he’d kissed me too. When my parents looked at me-” Seokmin broke down in what seemed like a never ending river of tears. Josh pulled him into his side; his empathy was making him want to shed a few tears himself. “I never saw them look so disappointed in me!” It tore through his chest, his throat, and out of his mouth when he said it. 

Seokmin never let himself cry about it before, only hiding his pain with laughter. 

His mom and dad had given them a look that little Seokmin hadn’t known a human face could even make. Let alone direct that face towards their own son. They looked more than disappointed. It was disgust. Aborhence. Horrified at the idea that their son was kissing boys. 

Josh started to rock him, holding the hiccuping and weeping Seokmin as close as he possibly could. He didn’t bother with saying that it was okay. It wasn’t. Instead he wanted to remind Seokmin that he will heal.

“They told the pastor. They started doing this thing where the members of the church would pray over me every week. Tell me that the devil had implanted himself in me. Constant reminders that I would go to hell if I didn’t fix myself. And…” 

Seokmin curled into Josh’s body. “And…” He couldn’t say it. He’d never told anybody. Not even Jeonghan and all of his amazing friends at the  S. ∆ . T. house. 

“The pastor’s wife. She-She…” 

Josh inhaled, having an idea of what Seokmin was trying to say. “She sexually assaulted you?” He asked in a soft whisper, but Seokmin flinched as if he’d yelled it then he frantically shook his head, crying even harder. 

“She kept saying t-that it would… h-help me. T-that she was trying to get the devil out of me. I felt so  _ disgusting _ . So  _ ashamed _ of myself.” 

The words hit Josh like two bullets in the heart. 

Tears finally broke past the confines as Josh held Seokmin tighter, rocking him and pressing kisses to the crown of his head. 

After everything that happened in the church, he stopped going. Like he’d developed an aversion to the place. His parents seemed to hate him for it, hurling insults his way whenever Seokmin refused to go with them. His father went as far as to beat him, but Seokmin didn’t budge. 

“I understand. You’ll heal. You’ll feel better one day. And when that happens, I’ll be there,” Josh promised as he slowly laid back on the bed, so he and Seokmin were lying together. Josh stared at the ceiling. 

He continued to soothe Seokmin, persistently repeating his promises into the space just above them. Josh nor Seokmin knew how long they laid that way. Josh’s mind had wandered, only coming back when Seokmin finally said something. 

“I need time to think about this relationship.” 

Josh had expected that. He wouldn’t lie… it hurt. But he understood. Church was a part of Joshua’s life and of course, they both wanted to accept every part of each other’s life. It was how they were going to make the relationship strong. 

“This isn’t goodbye,” Seokmin said. His voice was determined and firm, a promise. “Just a pause. I still want to see you. Please.”

“Of course,” Josh smiled. “I’ll be here. Always.”

***

“I know Minghao doesn’t have an ass, but it has to be doing something since he always has more money,” Chan said joyfully as he rolled the basket past the automatic doors and into the grocery store. 

“Minghao’s sexy. I’m sure what he lacks in ass, he makes up for in just looks and charm,” Jeonghan admitted, reaching into his coat pocket for the list of stuff they were supposed to buy today. The forecast this morning didn’t call for a storm like a few days ago but Jeonghan still brought a coat just in case. He loathed getting caught in the rain with a fervent passion. 

“Would you pay for a lap dance from Minghao, Cheol?” Chan called behind his shoulder. Seungcheool quickly shushed him. They were in a crowded store. He shouldn’t be asking it so loudly. 

Seungcheol still shrugged though, knowing that if he were being honest… “I might.” 

“I’d pay for it,” Chan said shamelessly, leading the way towards the part of the store where things like toothpaste would be, since that’s what he needed especially. Chan suffered from overly sensitive teeth so when his dentist recommended a certain toothpaste, he jumped at the opportunity to get some. 

Back to eating ice cream without worrying about his teeth aching. 

They ambled around the store, checking things off of the list that was mostly filled with things that Minghao wanted. But since it was his money, he got priorities when it came to what was bought. Jeonghan had no problem with that, of course. As long as there was food and snacks, he was good.

Chan and Seungcheol occasionally picked up things that they didn’t need which resulted in Jeonghan having to throw it back on the shelf. They’d done it one too many times so Chan and Seungcheol had gotten an unprecedented slap to the back of the head. 

When they paid for their groceries, Seungcheol only then decided to tell him that he needed to stop at the bathroom.

“Why didn’t you say that before?” Chan groaned.

“Oh, shut up,” Seungcheol said, nudging the smaller in the head. “You’d probably do the same. Jeonghan only chuckled, nodding in agreement. It was definitely something Chan would pull. 

With a smack of his teeth, Chan shrugged. “Whatever. We’re gonna bring the groceries to the car and wait for you in the car.”

Seungcheol frowned and began chewing on the inside of his cheek. Jeonghan didn’t even need to ask for him to know what the problem was. Seungcheol most likely had no idea where the car was parked. 

Jeonghan rolled his eyes. “Chan, here take the keys,” he tossed the keys to Chan only for him to flinch letting the keys drop instead of watching them. These two were hopeless. Why hadn’t he just brought Soonyoung, Jeonghan found himself asking. 

“Put the groceries in the car for me. I’ll wait here for Cheol.” 

Chan picked up the car keys from the ground and set off with the basket while Seungcheol rushed into the bathroom, leaving Jeonghan to stand some distance away from the bathroom against the wall that wasn’t already occupied by people. Any other time, Jeonghan may actually feel horribly out of place just standing here alone while the grocery store bustled in a way that would usually make his head spin. 

But he’d just spent about two hours with Seungcheol and Chan who spent most of the time bickering and annoying him. He didn’t even have the mental capacity to feel uneasy right now. So instead, Jeonghan let his eyes slide shut as he rested. 

It was only about a minute before he felt someone’s presence approach him. The lecture about the importance of washing his hands when he left the bathroom instantly formed on Jeonghan’s tongue. There was no way Seungcheol could be done so quickly. 

But when he opened his eyes, he came face to face with a cheeky grin that he hadn’t seen since high school. 

“Jisoo?”

The aforementioned did something of a dramatic bow and began to laugh. “Yup. I was hoping I could catch you before you left the store. Those two guys with you looked like they were driving you crazy.”

Jeonghan scoffed, folding his arms across his chest. “That’s an understatement. I think my hand has gone numb from slapping those dummies so much,”

“You love them though,” Jisoo said, nudging him as he came to stand next to him on the wall, only the few grocery bags full of ingredients that his mom sent him to get for a family dinner. “Anyway. How have you been? I miss your nagging.” 

Jeonghan gave him a glare of disbelief. “Sure you did. You have my number.”

“I’m pretty sure you have mine too and last time I checked, I never got a call from you either.”

“That’s different because  _ you _ asked for my number. I never got even one call from you since we graduated though, yet I find out you’re sleeping with one of my friends. That’s just low, Jisoo. Even for you.” Jeonghan had started to laugh, expecting to hear a bout of the other’s own charming chuckles, but instead Jisoo had slightly flinched and grimaced at the mentioning of Seokmin, Jeonghan trailed off. 

“Something happened?” His tone taking on a more serious and sympathetic tone. 

Jisoo chewed on his lip for a moment in thought. “Seokmin and church…” 

It was all that needed to be said before Jeonghan inhaled and let out a knowing, “Ohhh” as everything clicked in Jeonghan’s mind. If he remembered correctly, Jisoo’s dad was a pastor, and Jisoo was always really involved in the church. With Seokmin’s trauma, it definitely wouldn’t work out too well. 

When Seokmin had told Jeonghan all about this guy he’d met named Joshua, he actually had no idea he was talking about Jisoo. It wasn’t until Seokmin had randomly showed Jeonghan a picture of Josh that he’d scoffed, uttering “Small world” without telling Seokmin that history he and Jisoo  _ almost  _ had. 

“Yeah,” Jisoo sighed in disappointment. “It’s a shame. I really like him, you know.”

Jeonghan was a mother at heart. He was admittedly more of a person that followed his heart in lieu of following logic and reason. He had common sense, a hell of a lot of it actually, but his heart took the lead in most of the decision he made. It was why he made such an amazing leader without having the necessary assertiveness and decisiveness that comes with natural leaders. Jeonghan cared a little too much. 

Now, it wasn’t truly necessary for him to mention his own situation, but as the saying goes, misery loves company. While Jeonghan didn’t use phrase in the correct context, he found that it applied when it came to sharing how he related in a situation, letting them know that they weren’t alone. 

“I’m kind of in a similar situation,” Jeonghan sighed. “The guy I like is straight.”

Jisoo’s hand flew to cover his mouth that had fallen open, eyes blown wide as he completely forgot about his own problem. “For real? What the hell? Are you alright?”

Jeonghan guessed that in this instance, the phrase should go ‘misery loves a distraction’ instead. 

“Yeah. I’m managing,” Jeonghan said truthfully. With a glance to his right, he saw Seungcheol approaching them. Jisoo followed his line of sight. 

“Is that him?” Jisoo laughed using his eyes instead of any of his limbs to gesture at Seungcheol, but he was already dramatically gasping and laughing without the answer. “We’re really in some bullshit, huh?”

“Yeah.” Jeonghan sighed, pushing himself off of the wall. When Seungcheol finally approached, Jisoo’s laughing finally stopped and he politely smiled at Seungcheol, reaching forward to firmly shake his hand. 

“Hey!” Josh greeted joyfully. 

“Um, hey.” Seungcheol found it odd that he was so happy. Had Jeonghan made him so ecstatic? 

Jisoo then turned back to Jeonghan. 

“I’ll tell you what,” Jisoo said. That smile… Admittedly, Jeonghan had easily got lost in it. Just like in high school. “I’ll text you and we can go out to eat whenever you’re free. Catch up on the last two years. Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” Jeonghan let an almost giddy, innocent giggle fall from his lip. “That’s great.” 

Seungcheol frowned, watching the interaction.

“Okay.” Jisoo leaned down to pick up the bags that he’d sat on the ground earlier. He sent one last, polite smile to Seungcheol before turning to leave the grocery store. Seungcheol attempted to swallow down the unpalatable feeling that was swirling in his chest, plaguing the spaces there. 

“Wasn’t that Seokmin’s boyfriend or something?” Seungcheol asked. He was curious about that but also wondering about another question that he wouldn’t allow himself to ask. 

Jeonghan sighed and gestured to Seungcheol to follow him out of the store too. “Yeah, but don’t tell Seokmin, okay. I think it’ll be for the best.”

Seungcheol narrowed his eyes at the back of Jeonghan’s head and proceeded to swallow the rest of the questions he wanted to ask. No use in asking them when Jeonghan looked like he was practically floating. 

Damn, he could really use a Snickers bar… 

***

“WHO?!” Seungkwan yelled from the living room, only for him to come rushing in just seconds later to join Wonwoo and Soonyoung at the table. “Did I just hear that correctly?”

Wonwoo chuckled and looked at the table sheepishly, fixing his glasses on his face. That was all the answer he needed. Seungkwan gasped and climbed and situated himself on top of the dining room table, as if there weren’t several chairs open for him to sit in. 

“Why’re you guys acting so shocked?” Wonwoo said, trying to sound annoyed but it proved to be difficult as another smile broke through as Soonyoung pat him on the back again. 

“Well, we’re just happy to see you actually get some action,” Soonyoung said, bringing his laptop screen down halfway. “You’re so far up Mingyu’s ass all of the time, I was starting to get worried if you could breathe.”

Wonwoo let out a contemplating hum. 

“No! Don’t let your crush on Mingyu stop you from this potentially hot guy that wants to take you out on a date,” Seungkwan demanded. Wonwoo sighed in defeat. 

On his way out of class, this guy that he had a couple classes with came up to him and asked if he could tutor him some time. And while Wonwoo didn’t think anything more of it, when he’d told Soonyoung-- and Seungkwan too apparently who was all the way in the living room at the time--the simple tutor session became a potential date. 

Sure, the guy was cute, but his heart was with Mingyu. 

There was no doubt about it. That was the only acceptable reason for the horrid feeling of betrayal in his chest as he actually considered the fact that it might be a date. And even worse, he might actually be okay with it. 

He’d spent about a year pining over Mingyu, who’d had several flings of his own, so Seungkwan and Soonyoung had a point that the ever-logical Wonwoo was truly considering. 

He was deserving of some fun just like Mingyu was. 

“Come on, have fun, Wonwoo,” Soonyoung continued to encourage, his resistance waning and becoming more and more weakened. 

“This is peer pressure,” Wonwoo acknowledged with a smug look that showed the two that he had finally made his decision. Seungkwan was ecstatic, almost as if someone had told him that his own crush had actually shown signs of returning his feelings. 

Yeah, that was a whole other situation. 

“I’m telling Han as soon as he gets here!”

“About what?” Jihoon’s voice sounded from the kitchen. 

“Wonwoo’s about to get some dick,” Soonyoung surmised as he leaned back in his chair. Wonwoo shot him a glare. 

“No! I-”

Jihoon gave an uncharacteristic gasp as he opened the refrigerator. “Is that even possible?” 

Wonwoo gave another defeated sigh. There was no use trying to talk to them right now, so he allowed himself to be smothered by the constant praise and sarcastic ‘finally’s and pats on the back. He hated to admit it, but he was excited. 

***

Junhui and Minghao had a date planned for that night. They’d helped each other pick clothes and even combed each other’s hair. It was cheesy and definitely outside of what either of them would usually do, but it was no doubt refreshing. 

Their chemistry, their similarities, and the thing they loved the most, the fact that they could easily speak to each other in Chinese. It gave them a sense of relief they didn’t know they needed at first. Speaking Korean was becoming more and more like a second nature to them but nothing felt as natural as speaking in their native language. 

They had been on their way to the door, hand in hand, when they saw Seokmin on the couch eating a popsicle. It wouldn’t have been weird if he hadn’t been alone and not staring at a blank t.v. 

Minghao and Junhui exchanged a glance. 

“Invite him?” Junhui uttered in Chinese. He didn’t bother to whisper knowing that Seokmin wouldn’t understand anyway. 

“Min, we’re going to go out to a BBQ restaurant, you wanna come?” 

Seokmin initially looked taken aback by the suggestion only for him to relax and give a soft smile. He was here. At home. His true home was here. Seokmin let his gaze fall to his lap, where only Minghao and Junhui only then realized that someone was lying in his lap. 

Seokmin stroked Seungcheol’s head that was peacefully in his lap as the latter peacefully snoozed there. “Aren’t you guys going on a date?”

“We could make it a threesome,” Junhui chuckled. Seokmin tried to find any hint of reluctance in their voices. Anything to tell him that the two actually didn’t want him to come along, but he found nothing. 

“I don’t have a problem with that,” Seokmin smirked. Minghao rolled his eyes. 

“Then I guess it’s settled,” Minghao said. “Let’s get Cheol up to his bed and then get you into something better and get going.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't fight meeee, lol. 
> 
> Because I love interacting with you guys, can y'all help me pick who the special guy is gonna be. I wanted it to be someone from Monsta X but as you already know, I'm indecisive. Help me pleaseee.


	18. Chapter 18

Seokmin had given up on trying to dress as nicely as Junhui and Minghao had. Despite them continuously repeating that anything was fine, Seokmin still felt like he had to put on  _ something  _ decent. Otherwise, he’d look like trash compared to those two. 

But with only about fifteen minutes to prepare, he settled for his favorite shirt and a pair of black jeans and followed the two out of the house. Before they left the house, Seokmin attempted to do damage control. Yeah, they told him that it wasn’t a problem that he tag along but he knew that he’d kind of ruined their first official date night. 

So he grabbed them by the hand and firmly told them, “Don’t let me change anything.”

“We won’t,” Junhui promised, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Don’t you worry about that, kay?”

Minghao nodded off towards the side of him and suddenly pulled him along. There was a restaurant to get to and food to eat.

They weren’t lying when they said it though. 

With Seokmin sitting in the back seat and the two of them casually chatting it up in the front seat, he felt something like a third wheel at times. However, they kept their flirtatious comments to a whisper and sent small air kisses instead of actually indulging in one another’s lips. 

Seokmin didn’t complain at all, had no room to really, they made attempts at including him quite frequently actually. The effort was appreciated greatly, but even if they decided to fuck in the backseat and make him drive, Seokmin would still be grateful for them taking him along. 

“Gosh, I’m fucking starving,” Minghao sang as Junhui pulled into a parking spot, albeit sloppy and a bit crooked, Minghao and Seokmin doubted they could do much better. “Been wanting to come here forever.” 

“Same.” 

All of the outward affection immediately ceased when they’d gotten out of the car. No matter how affectionate and loving they were in confined spaces, it was important that they come off as just a couple of friends hanging out. It deflected potential danger. 

Seokmin walked between the two, him being their silently agreed upon wedge to stop the temptation of grabbing each other’s hands or touching a bit too much that it may draw attention. They were aware that not everyone around them was a homophobe and that the chances of being targeted and beaten up were considerably low. 

But there was still a chance. A chance that wouldn’t be there if they weren’t two people of the same sex, so they took the precautions nonetheless.

“Do you have your card with you?” Junhui asked. 

“Yes,” Minghao drawled. “I have my card. You’ve asked me that like three times in the car.” 

“I’m just being careful,” Junhui said, shooting the other a glare. Seokmin felt awkward being in the middle of their quarrel, but it was funny. So funny that he almost bursted into laughter and tripped over the elevated floor as they entered the restaurant. 

“Dummy,” Minghao laughed under his breath. 

“Table for three?” The restaurant receptionist asked, a professional, rehearsed smile on her face. There was the low bustle of the restaurant, the lighting somewhat dim rendering the restaurant’s atmosphere more welcoming.

“Yes, please.” 

“Lucky for you, a table just opened up a few moments ago,” she giggled. “Right this way.” 

***

“How does someone like plain, white rice so much?” Seokmin questioned as he watched Junhui shovel rice into his mouth from the rice bowl. “Doesn’t it just take like… white?”

“What the hell does  _ white  _ taste like?” Junhui said after swallowing, then taking a break from the rice and reaching over for the utensil to flip the beef sitting on the grill. However, Minghao was too quick. 

“Told you that I was gonna take care of grilling,” he warned, cutely nudging his date with his elbow. Seokmin snorted at the two as they smiled gingerly at each other. With him sitting across the table, it felt like he was watching a romantic comedy. 

“Anyway.” Junhui picked up the rice bowl again. “What happened? Today has been pretty eventful for you, huh?”

Seokmin instantly deflated, letting his shoulders droop as he took a dumpling between his chopsticks.. “You have no idea. But I told Josh about my past though.” 

Minghao and Junhui nodded, both inhaling a sharp intake of breath. 

“And?” Minghao pushed as he flipped the strips of beef over one more time. They were close to being done. 

“We aren’t in a relationship,” Seokmin surmised shortly, knowing that it was what they wanted to know mostly. But judging by them nodding again, it seemed like they’d expected that. “I told him I needed some time to think.”

“Abou whuh?” Junhui said through a mouthful of rice. Seokmin scoffed in relief when Junhui finally placed the empty rice bowl to the side. It was getting increasingly weird watching him eat it so passionately as if it were a feast of sorts and not just a simple bowl of rice. 

“I just need the time to get used to the fact that he’s so involved in his religion. Maybe, I’ll be able to tolerate it after a while.” 

“Min, you don’t get used to trauma.” While Minghao looked to Seokmin with a gaze that Seokmin couldn’t truly decipher, Junhui quickly began to distribute the meat from the grill and onto their plates. When Minghao tried to make a grab for the utensil, Junhui shifted his body so he was blocking Minghao’s attempts. They both burst into soft yet somehow boisterous laughter that naturally extended to Seokmin, making him laugh a little too. 

“Finish talking to Minnie, I got this,” Junhui said. This time, he reached for the uncooked bulgogi to grill next. Minghao groaned but gave in anyway. 

“As I was saying. If you could just simply get over trauma by just ‘getting used to it,’ it wouldn’t be trauma. You gotta heal.” 

Seokmin sighed at the familiar word choice. It sounded so much easier than it really was. “How?”

“Honesty. Acceptance. Forgiveness. Patience. All those things,” Minghao listed. “I know I sound like a therapist and shit but trust me. Trying to force down your memories will get you nowhere. You’ll never forget what happened to you sadly, but the least you could do is just accept it and try to move on.”

“Yeah, it doesn’t have to rule you.” Minghao reached across the table and tapped his hand a few times. “This trauma is literally stopping you from being with someone you really really like. You’re missing out on happiness because of this.” 

That was true. Seokmin wanted nothing more than to be with Joshua. Hold his hand. Kiss his lips. Return that loving smile and those comforting words when he needed them most. Now, it was like there was a mental roadblock stopping the progress of their relationship, and Seokmin was so afraid of it that he was willing to give up the relationship completely if it meant he didn’t have to face it head on. 

But when Minghao put it that way, Seokmin wanted to do something about it.

“We’ll be right here by your side. Everybody will.”

“Here, take some more dumplings.” As Junhui was placing some on Seokmin’s plate, their waiter approached. 

“Is everything okay here? Can I get you guys something else?”

“Can I have another bowl of rice please?” Junhui smiled. Seokmin broke out of his train of thought just to groan again. That being Junhui’s third bowl of rice, the waiter chuckled. 

“That’ll be right out for you,” he said. “Anything else?” 

“Some soju, please?” Seokmin asked.

“Oh! Make that three. Me and him want some too,” Minghao said, pointing to himself and then to Junhui.

“Okay!” The waiter didn’t bother writing it down. With another kind smile that mirrored the one he had when he walked up, he was off down the broad aisle from which he came.

“I can’t drink tonight. I’m driving,” Junhui said, his eyebrows narrowed towards his date as he checked the steadily grilling bulgogi.

“Oh. They’re for me,” he corrected shamelessly. “I didn’t want him to think I was weird too. You already ordered three bowls of rice. You look weird enough for all three of us.” 

“I just really like rice,” Junhui pouted. “It’s  _ good _ .”

“It’s nasty,” Seokmin added, causing Junhui to gasp, utterly offended. But the smile playing on his lips that he was obviously trying to supress gave away his amusement. 

“Fuck y’all. I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” 

As Junhui stood and strutted out, Minghao took a not so subtle look at Junhui’s ass. 

“You’re disgusting,” Seokmin scoffed.

“I know I said he could top tonight, but I think I might change my mind on that though.” Minghao’s tongue lightly trailed over his bottom lip before he caught it between his teeth. Seokmin grimaced. He rarely used to word “eye-fucking” but that was definitely what Minghao just did. 

“Gayest thing I’ve heard all day,” Seokmin marveled. “But still, I could’ve gone peacefully through my life without knowing that.”

“You signed up for this when you agreed to this threesome.”

“You’re smitten,” Seokmin grumbled. “Completely whipped”

Minghao shrugged and gave a content smile as he began to remove the bulgogi from the grill. “Can’t deny that.” 

Seokmin chuckled and continued eating. Any further questions Seomin had about the fondness in Minghao’s voice was cut short as the waiter returned with their soju and Junhui bowl of rice. The waiter, Seokmin, and Minghao chuckled as they realized that this bowl of rice was filled with more rice than the previous two. 

***

It was dark and warm. Like a midnight cuddle from his parents. Oh, how much he missed those. Or being wrapped up in a cocoon of the softest blankets. He would  _ love that. _

But unlike a cuddle, that warmth had continued to increase until his skin was burning, a coat of sweat forming like an entire second layer of skin. The musky air caused Seungcheol to shift around uncomfortably.

At least he had tried to, but a pair of hands clasped at his thighs, keeping him in place. A breathless gasp forcing its way through his throat at the cold hands on his heated skin.

“You don’t want this?” A soft voice said from in between his legs. The person’s breath lightly grazed his naked thigh and his grip on them tightened even more. Seungcheol could hear the pout playing on the person’s lips. “Look at me.”

The words “I can’t” were just at the tip of his tongue but light steadily and slowly enveloped the darkness. Had his eyes been closed? Probably so. His mind registered the wooden boards that made up the foundation of Mingyu’s mattress on the top bunk. He was in bed.

“Look,” the voice beckoned again. 

Obediently, Seungcheol raised his head, his gaze locking with soft, almond shaped eyes that could only belong to Jeonghan. 

“I- Huh?” 

More words were lost in a gasp as Jeonghan’s pink tongue peeked out from between his lips and dragged up the expanse of his thigh. Only when Jeonghan neared the fabric of his boxers did he stop and met Seungcheol’s eyes with a sultry smirk. 

“Can I make you feel good, Cheol,” Jeonghan asked. 

Out of a sudden burst of curiosity, Seungcheol sat up just to run his fingers through Jeonghan’s hair, outright moaning when Jeonghan practically purred. 

“When did the universe decide to reward me?” Seungcheol said in a hushed whisper. Jeonghan chuckled and let his nimble fingers hook on the band of his boxers. 

“The universe isn’t rewarding you, I am,” Jeonghan moved to press a kiss to Seungchheol’s lower stomach, just where traces of hair would begin. “I deserve my credit for making you so hard.”

“You do,” Seungcheol agreed. Without much thought, the caressing movements he’d been doing to Jeonghan’s scalp turned in a kind grip. Not too hard, not too soft. The way Jeonghan’s eyes rolled had Seungcheol wondering once again how he’d gotten so lucky. 

He’d began to guide the other’s face to exactly where he wanted it to be, not wanting to be teased any longer by this beautiful, handsome, just simply fucking fantastically amazing man kneeling between his spread legs on the bed. 

Just when Jeonghan teasingly began to drag the constricting fabric down his legs, suddenly--

  
  


“Seungcheol! Wake uppppppp.” 

Still reeling from trying to figure out what the hell he was dreaming about, Seungcheol didn’t even possess the strength to wave Seungkwan away. Seungcheol just stared at him for a few moments, mind a completely clean slate. 

“Are you awake now?” Seungkwan questioned again, lightly tapping his face. 

“What?” Seungcheol croaked, still not registering much of what was going on. 

“The blow dryer. Where is it?” Seungkwan waited patiently, yet no doubt slightly annoyed. Seungcheol blinked a couple more times, his mind finally catching up and registering the question.

“Ask Wonwoo. I think he had it last.”

“ Ugh!He always keeps things in his room,” Seungkwan groaned before heading for the door, throwing a quick apology for waking him up over his shoulder, leaving Seungcheol alone to think. 

He took a quick glimpse at his phone. 

12:37

He usually slept until 12 or 1 when he drank the night before. Luckily, it was Saturday. Last night wasn’t anything heavy. Jihoon had brought home an assortment of liquor filled chocolates and Seungcheol and Seokmin were practically addicted from the first one. Despite being the one who brought them home, Jihoon gagged from just one and left the rest on the table for the rest of them to eat. 

Mingyu ate one and wound up spitting it out, downing two whole bottles of water to get the taste out of his mouth. While not being the best thing he’s ever tasted, Seungcheol slowly indulged in them. And Seokmin, a big fan of strong alcohol, loved them.

After a week and a half of asking, thanks to the chocolates, Seungcheol finally got Seokmin to open up to him about why he’d been so bummed lately. Despite being only a bit tipsy, it loosened Seokmin’s lips enough to talk and Seungcheol was able to listen for the most part, giving a bit more unnecessary comments than he would on a usual day. 

It was an unfortunate situation and Seungcheol drunkenly pressed reassuring kisses to Seokmin’s head. 

While they were eating the ramen Mingyu so kindly made last night, Seungcheol thought he also overheard that Wonwoo had some date coming up in a few days. That must have been a part of his weird alcohol induced dream. Wonwoo getting a date was about as unbelievable as Jeonghan giving him a blowjob. 

Yeah, so it was definitely a dream. 

***

“Dammit!” Chan yelled, nearly throwing his controller from his hand from the sudden flailing. “How’d you pass me up at the last second?!”

“That’s why I told you to get a bike,” Jeonghan shrugged, reaching over to pat Chan’s shoulder with a smug grin. “Good game.” 

“No! You cheated! I had a kart so I automatically won.” Even Chan had to know that the excuse was weak because he still passed his controller to Soonyoung. When Jeonghan caught a glimpse of Seungcheol descending the stairs, he waved the other over to him. 

“You wanna play? I’m hungry,” Jeonghan said waving the controller at Seungcheol. It was tempting. 

“Sure. But I wanna play against you since you seem to be the Mario Kart champion.” Seungcheol said as he dragged himself over to the couch to flop on top of Jihoon who was munching on toast and scrolling through his phone. 

“Well, I am,” Jeonghan scoffed as he got to his feet. “We’ll play after I eat breakfast really quickly.”

Before going to the kitchen, Jeonghan lightly tapped Seungcheol’s nose, to which Seungcheol didn’t react. He was much more focused on not meeting Jeonghan’s eyes, keeping his gaze on anything else whenever Jeonghan was talking to him. 

Eventually, everyone was downstairs and their little Mario Kart tournament turned into a scream fest where it just seemed like everyone was just yelling to be heard over the next person. Seungcheol was just glad that there were so many distractions. 

“You guys really can’t beat Jeonghan?” Jihoon scoffed from above Seungcheol, who was lounging his head in the smaller’s lap. Since he wasn’t yelling like the rest of them, it was like Jihoon whispered it but Seungcheol still heard him. 

“You try,” Seungcheol challenged. He considered himself a pretty avid player of Mario Kart but he still lost to Jeonghan. Only person who came close was Chan and Wonwoo. 

“I’ve been asking to play this whole time but it seems like you assholes are too loud to hear me.” 

Soonyoung who was sitting on the other side of Jihoon seemed to have heard him that time and immediately snatched the controller from Mingyu-- poor guy didn’t even seem to notice-- and put it in Jihoon’s lap. “You should’ve yelled that it was your turn.”

“I’m gonna leave the yelling to you idiots.” 

As easy as it was to simply not look Jeonghan directly in the eye, it wasn’t as easy to pretend like he wasn’t bothered when Jeonghan suddenly scrambled to his feet.

“Where ya going?” Seungkwan asked, reaching for the other’s arm in an attempt to pull him back to the ground. Seungcheol distantly hoped that he’d stay. 

“An old friend asked me to meet him,” Jeonghan said, caressing Seungkwan’s hand to get the boy to let go. It was the opposite of what anyone else would’ve done. “He promised ice cream.” 

Seungcheol’s mood deflated immediately as he let out a deep sigh. It had to be that Joshua guy that he’d seen at the grocery a week ago. Wouldn’t it be wrong to date the guy that Seokmin liked? Just because things weren’t working out at the moment didn’t mean it was Jeonghan’s opening to flirt with the guy himself. 

That would normally have been at the forefront of Jeonghan’s mind, Seungcheol was sure of that. So, he wondered just how deep Jeonghan’s fondness of Joshua went to cause him to be so careless of Seokmin’s feelings. 

Seungcheol wasn’t feeling like himself. More angry. More irritable. More lost.

If it were even possible, Seungcheol’s face twisted into an even tighter frown. Luckily, everyone’s attention was on Jeonghan. Or if it wasn’t and one of them did see, no one said anything. 

***

“Those assholes,” Wonwoo said through a deep sigh as he followed the concrete path to the science building. He checked his phone for what seemed like the fifth time since he’d left the house. And that had only been about ten minutes ago. 

Wonwoo had a terrible case of self doubt. No matter how many times he looked at the room number in which him and Changkyun were supposed to be meeting in, the idea that he had possibly remembered wrong plagued his mind to the point where he had no choice but to check again. And again. And again. 

That was enough to make his heart race but now after all of the unnecessary reminders that this was a date (which it was  _ not _ ), Wonwoo was becoming flustered and anxious. Was his hair too messy today? He hadn’t bothered combing it because he had only gotten a few hours of sleep the night before. He’d spent all yesterday and well into the early hours of this Sunday morning, yelling about Mario Kart. So when Wonwoo’s alarm clock went off this morning, the message telling him that he had a tutoring session with Changkyun in an hour, he’d just taken a shower and thrown on some clothes. 

He hated his friends for filling his already plagued mind with even more stupid thoughts. 

But he guessed he could understand why. Even after he’d kissed Mingyu in the shower that one day, their relationship hadn’t progressed at all, the latter just passing the kiss off as a drunken dream. Wonwoo couldn’t help but ponder, was he really that forgettable?

So deep in his thoughts, his feet seemed to just have taken him straight to room 247. It was the second floor lounge where science students always were being tutored so it just became known as a tutoring space. 

Of course, since it’s Sunday at noon, the space is mostly vacant, except for a group of girls sitting in a far corner, laughing and eating lunch, and a very familiar guy sitting alone in the middle of the room at a table. His headphones were in his ears and his attention was focused intently on whatever he was doing on his laptop. 

Yet as soon as Wonwoo walked in, Changkyun looked up as if his name had been called, meeting Wonwoo’s confused look with a bright smile of his own. Maybe Wonwoo wasn’t  _ that _ forgettable.

“Hey!”

“Um, hey. I’m sorry if you were waiting too long.” Wonwoo said as he checked the time on his phone again. He got here ten minutes before 1 just so he didn’t keep him waiting. Maybe he took too long… 

“No, I got here super early to eat breakfast. I only got here ten minutes ago,” Changkyun reassured as he watched Wonwoo lay his bag on the table and sit down. “Thanks for tutoring me.”

“No problem. I think I’ll be able to benefit from this too. Chemistry is kicking everyone’s ass.”

“We still have three more courses of organic chem after this.” 

“Don’t remind me.” Wonwoo pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes as if trying to rid his mind of that thought. “Why are we torturing ourselves like this?”

“In order to be well prepared to care for people’s eyes in the future.” Changkyun said in a genuine voice. 

“True.” Wonwoo reached for his notebook, a pencil, and textbook from his bag. “So let’s get started with our homework. Then we’ll start with some studying for our midterms this week.”

“This week?”

“Yup.”

“ _ Perfect. _ ”

It was going well for the most part. Wonwoo wasn’t really experienced in being a tutor so sometimes he just didn’t know how to explain it. But with a little perseverance, they were able to find a different way until Changkyun would gasp “I  _ get it.”  _

After finishing their chem homework, Wonwoo and Changkyun both agreed that they could really use a break, especially their cramping fingers from all of that writing of formulas and drawing stupid Lewis structures. 

As Changkyun was digging through his bag, a couple of pins dangling on the front of it caught Wonwoo’s eye. Well, only the one of the bisexual flag did. 

“That’s so cool. I wish I had one,” Wonwoo said, pointing at the pin. Changkyun looked alarmed for a moment before following Wonwoo’s line of sight to his bag, then a knowing smile spread across his face. 

“Right? It took me forever to gain the courage to pin it on my bag though,” Changkyun told, forgetting all about whatever he was looking for at first. “But luckily, homophobes don’t know anything but the rainbow flag, not the bisexual one or any other flag, so I’m safe enough.”

“It’s still brave.” wonwoo continued to admire it, knowing that it would be a bit too dangerous if he were to do something like that. But his heart swelled at the display of pride. 

“You want one?” Changkyun smiled. 

“My flag is literally the rainbow one,” Wonwoo chuckled nervously. “I’d be asking for trouble.” 

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d come out so easily to someone. He honestly didn’t even know when the last time he came out to someone that wasn’t during the initiation. 

Outside of the house, if anyone were to ask, Wonwoo was a straight guy in a long distance with a girl whose name he usually made up on the spot. It was how he kept himself from drawing attention and any trouble. 

“Fair enough,” Changkyun shrugged. “We should go and look for something a lot more discreet one day.”

“That sounds like a lot of fun even though I’m sure that there’s nothing too discreet. It’s literally a rainbow.”

“We can think outside of the box.” 

Wonwoo narrowed his eyes at Changkyun’s persistence but he quickly decided that he liked that. “I like you so I’ll take you up on that offer.”

“I like you too so I’m glad you accepted.”

Wonwoo was in the middle of telling a story about Seokmin during one of their drunken nights at the bar last year, when there was suddenly a looming presence that quickly made itself known as the person flopped down in the seat next to him. Changkyun looked perplexed.

“What’s up, Wonwoo?” Mingyu greeted, a bit more cheerfully than Wonwoo was used to. 

“Hey,” Wonwoo uttered, instantly aware of how awkward it’d become between the three of them as Mingyu threw an arm around Wonwoo and pulled him close. Wonwoo could feel how tense Mingyu’s arm was on his shoulder. “We’re studying,” he said with telling eyes.

“Looked like you guys were laughing though,” Mingyu said, the little chuckle a bit more aggressive than Mingyu might have liked it to come off. “A date?”

“No. Studying,” Wonwoo corrected. He glanced at Changkyun again whose gaze was easily read as questioning who exactly Mingyu was. “It’s not any of your business anyway.” That came off  _ a lot _ more aggressive than Wonwoo wanted. 

Mingyu looked pained and then a smirk replaced it. Wonwoo was well acquainted with that smirk though. It was shielding his anger. “I just wanted to know, is all. Soonyoung sent me to spy on you.” 

Mingyu chuckled, meeting Changkyun’s gaze for a moment. 

Wonwoo inwardly sighed, wanting to hide now. It was an obvious lie to Wonwoo. He knew Mingyu too well to take that as the truth.

“Look, I’ll meet you later-”

“Nah, you don’t have to. I’ll see you later.” Mingyu stood up again. “Hope the tutoring goes well.” And then he was off towards the door that Wonwoo and Changkyun hadn’t seen him enter in the first place. 

“So… boyfriend?” Changkyun asked, a nervous chuckle falling from his lips. 

“Nonono,” Wonwoo rushed. “He’s just a friend of mine that I spend a lot of my time with. He’s not used to having me tending to him all of the time.” 

Changkyun shrugged. “You’re his rock?”

Wonwoo nodded despite it being a lie. He doubted highly that he was someone that kept Mingyu stable in any way. He was just his friend and no matter how much he wanted something more, he valued their friendship. 

It seemed like Mingyu valued it too if that obvious display of jealousy was to go by. 

Changkyun and Wonwoo shared a smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was starting to get long and I still had more to write lol so I just posted it like this for now. It's so much to get through but I hope you guys are still enjoying things! In the midst of a bunch of gay chaos, Minghao and Junhui just shine through. They're so cute together. 
> 
> Anyway, I'll try to upload soon! 
> 
> Love ya!


	19. Chapter 19 (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter was long so I decided to split it into two parts

**Nayoung:** We outside

**Nayoung:** Come be a gentleman and escort us in

“Hold on a second, Nayoung and Kyulkyung are here,” Seungcheol said, rolling out of Chan’s bed that he had been lying in with the youngest. He had been helping Chan study for his history midterm that was early tomorrow morning. Seungcheol actually had wanted to go and shower, but he felt some semblance of sympathy when he thought about the fact that Chan had a history test on a Monday morning. 

He also may or may not have been swayed by Chan’s persistent pouting, but that wasn’t the point. The least he could do was help him study.

“You think I’m ready?” Chan asked, relaxing after two hours of studying. 

Seungcheol thought for a second. “You need a little work on the Opium wars. But you should take a break for now.”

Chan shut his textbook and notebook without a second wasted. He definitely didn’t need to be told twice. He hated studying. It’s a shame that college required so much studying to begin with. 

“Okay, I’ll study more later,” Chan said through a deep, relieved sigh that made his words sound like an empty promise. “I’m looking forward to meeting your girlfriends.” 

Seungcheol gave him a pointed look. “Not my girlfriends.”

“Suuuree.” 

“Keep trying me, and I’ll rip your flags from the wall,” Seungcheol warned, gesturing up at the two pride flags above the bed. 

“That’s homophobic,” Chan said. 

“Everything that doesn’t go your way is homophobic, according to you.”

“Because it is!” 

Seungcheol just left the room without a response. Just as he stepped out of the room, Seungcheol was met with a loud bout of laughter and then Wonwoo dashing by him as he ran from Seungkwan who was close behind. 

It wasn’t surprising though. Hansol was here and of course, all of them were silently teasing Seungkwan, seeing as though the latter hadn’t sat down once since Hansol had shown up. Seungcheol went down the stairs, unknowingly chewing on the fingernail of his thumb where Seokmin, Josh, and Jeonghan were sitting. 

Seungcheol didn’t bother saying anything, too bothered by the fact that Jeonghan had on his glasses. He swore to himself that he was gonna hide those things. They should be illegal. 

Keeping his eyes trained forward, Seungcheol casually left out of the front door, to find Kyulkyung and Nayoung standing on the sidewalk, bundled in several layers. It wasn’t that cold out, only a chilly wind beginning to blow as the six o’clock sunset slowly turned into night, but Seungcheol knew how sensitive Nayoung was to the cold. 

“Why’re you just standing there?” Seungcheol asked as he leaned on the railing of the porch. “Come on. You could’ve just knocked.”

“I’d rather not just walk up to a random house full of a bunch of frat boys that are probably too horny for their own good,” Kyulkyung said loudly as she and Nayoung made their way up to the porch. Seungcheol scoffed. 

“This is an honor's society,” he corrected. 

“Ok, well a bunch of  _ nerdy _ boys that’re probably too horny for their own good,” Kyulkyung said. “That better?”

“Cheol wouldn’t invite us to anything where we’d be in danger,” Nayoung said. Just for that, Seungcheol pulled her in for a hug first. 

“Of course I wouldn’t. All of them are great people, trust me. You’ll love them,” Seungcheol reassured. Quickly thinking about all of his housemates, Seungcheol nodded again, trusting his word. “It might actually be one of the places, you’ll feel the safest.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kyulkyung said cautiously as she allowed herself to be pulled into Seungcheol’s arms. She was shivering, she must’ve been more sensitive to the cold than Nayoung was. 

“It’s an honor’s society for LGBT people,” Seungcheol elaborated. 

“That exists?!” Kyulkyung gasped, overtaken by a rather scarce bout of excitement to ask the question that ran through Nayoung’s mind immediately. 

“How’d you get in then?” Nayoung asked. 

“Long story.”

Seungcheol led them inside with a short scoff at the sudden recollection of his early days in  S.  ∆ . T., shutting the door softly behind them. Seokmin, Josh, and Jeonghan turned. Feeling the presence of more than just Seungcheol, all three of them gave a kind smile to the two women. It was Mingyu who was descending the stairs and on his way to the kitchen who oddly stared for a second as if the sight of seeing women was an anomaly in itself.

Tonight was planned by Jeonghan and this Minki guy that Seungcheol constantly heard about but never actually met before. Apparently it was going to be some type of game night where they relaxed and blew off some steam before the official start of a full week of midterms. It was on short notice-- Jeonghan told them yesterday-- but inviting people wasn’t hard because every college student in the city probably was doing nothing but cramming, eating, or getting ready for bed a couple of hours early. 

The pros did all three at the same time. 

Nayoung and Kyulkyung definitely jumped at the opportunity to leave their dorm and get away from the plague of their study notes. Just for a while. 

“So, is that everyone?” Jeonghan asked Seungcheol while getting to his feet. Seungcheol nodded briefly in response and led Nayoung and Kyulkyung, who were murmuring to themselves about the size of the house, to the sofa. 

“Okay,” Jeonghan sighed to himself. “Mingyu! I need you to get everyone down here for me.” 

“I’m getting something from on top of the fridge for Chan,” Mingyu shouted back from the kitchen. When  _ wasn’t _ Mingyu in the kitchen? “Club rules.”

Jeonghan had just been about to argue back before Mingyu said the two words that made Jeonghan simply trail off into a sigh. It was true. Rules were rules.

Mingyu trotted out of the kitchen, a pack of gummy bears tucked under his arm. “I’m about to yell so cover your ears if you want,” he warned the guests.

Seungcheol nudged both Kyulkyung and Nayoung who were sitting on either side of him on the sofa. “He’s not lying,” Seungcheol uttered. “He’s loud.”

“Doubt he’s the loudest,” Nayoung chuckled. “It’s a house full of boys, I doubt he’s the-”

Nayoung stopped abruptly, yelping when Mingyu cupped his hands beside his mouth and began to shout that same exact phrase as he always did: “HANNIE WANTS EVERYONE DOWNSTAIRS.”

Seokmin even had to apologize to a startled Josh while Jeonghan just laughed and took his usual place at the front of the room, directly in front of the television that desperately needed replacing. Jeonghan pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. It was a quick movement, one done subconsciously most likely, but Seungcheol found himself tensing up.

“Is that Jeonghan?” Kyulkyung asked in a whisper. 

Seungcheol nodded “How’d you know?”

“The look on your face.” 

Seungcheol sucked his teeth at the vagueness, only for Nayoung to follow in her girlfriend’s footsteps and embarrass him even further. 

“I’ve seen your aroused face enough to-”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Seungcheol didn’t want to hear the rest of that sentence. Everyone around him seemed to enjoy his discomfort. 

Yet, he paid it no mind as the precedent stampede of footsteps descended the stairs as the rest of the members flooded in. Some of them snickering to themselves, some wiping their eyes, and Jihoon fresh out of the shower with a white towel decorated with yellow ducks wrapped expertly around his head.

“I forgot girls existed,” Soonyoung said as he settled on Minghao’s lap right before Junhui could. “Sorry, Jun, this lap is mine tonight.” 

Minghao didn’t do much more than laugh at the situation, causing Jun to flip the other of them off as Soonyoung made a show of nuzzling into Minghao’s neck. 

“Fine, I’m gonna sit on Cheol’s lap then,” Junhui huffed before rushing to collapse on Seungcheol before the latter could even retaliate. 

“Seungcheol’s got two girlfriends and he just stole my boyfriend,” Minghao gaped. “Jeonghan, aren’t you gonna do something about it?”

“Hansol, I’m sorry my friends are idiots,” Seungcheol heard Seungkwan say quietly. 

Seungcheol glared at Chan who shrunk behind Mingyu. Before Seungcheol could clarify, Kyulkyung faked a gag. 

“I don’t date men.”

They looked to Nayoung next for her explanation. “I date men but I’m her girlfriend,” she said, a proud smile taking over her face. As if to solidify her pride, Nayoung stood to sit next to Kyulkyung instead of on the other side of Seungcheol while Junhui was busy shifting around to get comfortable on Seungcheol’s lap. 

“Shouldn’t you be doing this to your boyfriend?”

“You’re my boyfriend for now.” 

Seungcheol shrugged then turned his attention to Jeonghan who was still patiently waiting at the front of the room for everything to quiet down. 

“Anyway, time to pick the game,” Jeonghan gestured toward the bowl in the center of the coffee table. It was full of several slips of colored paper, folded in half. This morning while most of them were teasing Wonwoo, Jeonghan told them to recommend games for tonight. 

“Wait, where’s the alcohol?” Chan questioned. 

“Why would there be alcohol when it’s midterms week?” Wonwoo said. Chan yelped from the flick that hit his head without warning.

"I know we party and stuff but this is a honor's society first," Jeonghan said with a softness that was only reserved for Chan. "My priority is to make sure your grades stay up. A hangover is a perfect way to fail."

"What if we already know we're gonna fail?" Mingyu said. “Can I still get a little tipsy?” Seungcheol wondered if that was a joke or he was serious. 

"No. You'll do fine, Mingyu. How about you pick the first game,” Jeonghan offered. There was a chorus of groans, including a loud one from Hansol. 

“You planned that,” Hansol accused, folding his arms across his chest with a small huff. The teasing chuckle that Mingyu let out was proof enough that Hansol had easily fit in during that hour of teasing upstairs. 

Just as Mingyu was digging his considerably large hand into the bowl, a few anticipating hums breaking the silence, Seungkwan quickly jerked forward from his place on the floor. All eyes shot to him. 

“Before we start,” Seungkwan said. “I just need to know. Is anyone in this room straight?”

Seungcheol could only roll his eyes as Hansol and Josh shook their heads.   
“Okay, so everyone is LGBT, right?” Seungkwan asked again. Light laughter followed. As long as Seungkwan didn’t mention Seungcheol then- “Great. We don’t want another one of those situations.” 

Seungcheol instantly sucked his teeth and groaned as a couple of chuckles erupted across the room. Even when thinking about it now, Seungcheol could just as easily feel that same mortification and humiliation he felt that day. Just the thought pulled at something unpleasant in Seungcheol’s chest, but before those thoughts could become a plague, there were fingers carding through the thick hair at the nape of his neck. 

A silent gesture of reassurance to calm his anxiety before it became out of control. Junhui knew him better than Seungcheol had previously thought. 

“Thanks,” he whispered, resisting the urge to literally giggle at the feeling.

“You have soft hair,” Junhui said absently. 

Seungcheol absentmindedly tightened his hold on Junhui’s waist. When he didn’t think too much, things almost seemed… tolerable. Even just a couple hours away from anxiety and the persistent self loathing was enough for him. 

***

“I know this one!” 

“Then say it!”

“I forgot the name though!”

“Me too!” 

“I’m so glad we aren’t on their team.” Jihoon shook his head and nibbled on the rest of the pizza crust.

“Honestly, same.” Seungcheol couldn’t help but agree as he sat down on the floor again after putting another pizza box in the corner with the rest of empty pizza boxes. He watched as Soonyoung, Hansol, and Minghao gave each other questioning looks as a frustrated Nayoung did the choreography for the song. They had great team spirit but were honestly horrible at this game. It had to be true. Because even Jeonghan, who was also on their team, didn’t say anything to defend them.

Everyone had split up into different teams and they were playing an oh so simple game of charades, where they were guessing popular songs. The first game they played was simply karaoke and it was a lot more fun than Seungcheol would have imagined. 

His anxiety and phobia of embarrassment prevented him from playing, but luckily he wasn’t pressured to do anything and still had fun laughing at the rest of them. 

Hansol was the one who picked this game from the bowl. 

Team 1, the worst team, consisted of Hansol, Soonyoung, Nayoung, and Minghao.

Team 2 was Jihoon, Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Junhui, who was still refusing to move from Seungcheol’s lap after getting comfortable there once more.

Seokmin, Kyulkyung, Chan, and Mingyu, team 3, were in the lead right now. But Seungcheol was sure that was because they were cheating, somehow, because they literally had a Chan on their team. 

The last team was Wonwoo, Josh, and Seungkwan who had the absolute best teamwork and also kept score since they were the smallest group. But Seungcheol’s team had a Jeonghan, the most knowledgeable about all of the members. 

“Okay, times up,” Wonwoo said, waving his phone in the air showing everyone that the timer had run out. “Another team can steal.” 

The answer was obviously Hush by Miss A, but team 1 didn’t know that. The rest of them did though.

Everyone’s yelling and shouting almost immediately blended together into a horrible cacophony as they all begged and demanded that their team be picked. It wasn’t how the game was supposed to be played but everyone so desperately wanted to answer that Wonwoo came up with the idea of playing this way.

“What’s my favorite popsicle flavor?” Wonwoo asked. Whoever got the answer was the team that was able to attempt to steal. The noise dissolved into a chorus of disappointed sighs and groans.

“Who the fuck would know something like that?” Chan whined. “You never told anybody that!  
“We don’t even know you like that!” Kyulkyung grumbled. 

“Mingyu, come on. What’s his favorite flavor?” Seokmin nudged him only for Mingyu to shrug his shoulders defiantly.

“How do you put our own team at a disadvantage?” Seungkwan said, punching Wonwoo in the leg.

Seungcheol, Jihoon, and Junhui all looked to Jeonghan. “You know this?” Jihoon asked, leaning all of their heads in while the rest of the room complained. 

“I’m pretty sure it’s grape. It could be green apple though,” Jeonghan pondered, but Jihoon wasn’t having that as other teams started guessing random flavors. 

“We don’t got time for this. It’s grape!” He answered on behalf of the team. 

“Yup!” Wonwoo smirked. 

“How were we supposed to figure that out!” Soonyoung gasped, but it went completely unacknowledged as Jeonghan blurted, “The song is Hush by Miss A.”

“I think we should disqualify Jeonghan for the rest of the game…” Nayoung said as she begrudgingly joined her team again. 

“You get extra points, if you do the dance, Hannie.” 

Jeonghan was on his feet in moments, eager as if he was a dance major and not the pre med major he was. In moments, the chorus of the popular song was played and Seungcheol found himself enthralled by Jeonghan all over again. The room was overtaken by shouts, egging Jeonghan on, and someone yelling about how they wished they had some spare won to throw. 

Something in Seungcheol’s chest made him chuckle. 

***

“Okay, okay. Last game,” Jeonghan announced as he looked at the time. It was only 9, but they’ve been at this for four hours already and they all knew that they had some last minute studying to do. “Cheollie, you pick.” 

Jeonghan shoved the bowl with only three slips of paper left in Seungcheol's face and urged him to pick, which Seungcheol eagerly did.

“Never have I ever,” Seungcheol read aloud. 

“Back to high school,” Soonyoung said.

“I hated high school,” Hansol said miserably. 

“I think we all did,” Joshua agreed. 

“Okay,” Jeonghan said awkwardly. “Since we can’t use alcohol, we’ll do it the normal way and use our fingers. The winner gets the last box of pizza all to themselves. Fair?” 

“Yup.”

The game actually started off pretty slow but funny nonetheless. He got to learn that half of the people in this room had done something illegal before and had genuinely wished something horrible--death--on someone. Quite telling and unsettling but still… Funny. 

But when it got to Mingyu that’s when the whole atmosphere shifted. “Never have I ever done anything sexual in a public place.” 

A handful of people put one of their fingers down, but the most shocking was… 

“Soonyoung? Seriously?” 

“Just once,” he reassured. “It’s never happening again.” 

“Well you’re ace so… of course it won’t,” Seokmin said. 

“Is that what helped you find out that you were asexual?” Seungcheol found himself asking as he’d always wanted to know how discovering that even worked. 

“Nah. I thought I was just really against doing things in public. Then I thought I was just gay because I had sex with a girl and… Eww. And then I had sex with a guy and then it was still… Eww. So, I literally almost had a nervous breakdown until I saw the word, asexual, on the internet. Of course, that’s the simplified version of a nearly two year journey of being a proud asexual.” Soonyoung gave a proud nod and grin.

Seungcheol took a moment to internalize it while Jihoon went next. “Never have I ever… had sex.” 

Seungcheol actually gasped but didn’t find himself too surprised after he thought about it. It was Jihoon after all.

“I didn’t know you were still a virgin,” Chan gaped. “Now I don’t feel too bad about it.”

“Don’t rush it,” Kyulkyung said, reaching over to give Chan a few firm pats on the thigh. “The time will come.”

“I tell him that all the time,” Jeonghan said, letting his head lounge on Joshua’s shoulder. It could’ve been a subconscious action, a gesture with no meaning behind it, so Seungcheol tried to ignore it. Seokmin didn’t seem to mind so why should he. 

“It’s really not that great,” Soonyoung taunted. 

“Jihoon, if you ever wanna have sex, I’ll be happy to be your first,” Mingyu snickered, winking playfully at Jihoon who grimaced. 

“I’ll pass.”

The game goes around constantly, but no less entertaining. The longer they play, the louder they all become. Mingyu and Nayoung were the first ones out, seemingly the most sexually active out of all of them. Josh and Jeonghan were next to lose--who would’ve thought that Jeonghan and Wonwoo of all people had a threesome before-- and the rest of them slowly but surely followed. 

Seungcheol had put his last finger down when Wonwoo cheekily stated that he’d never had a girlfriend. Both Hansol and Seungcheol lost at that point so it was only Chan and Wonwoo left. 

With Chan being the inexperienced freshman he was, he was able to win with a simple “Never have I ever kissed someone. Boy or girl.” 

The room fell silent for a moment. Wonwoo had put his last finger down and Chan was officially the winner but that didn’t register to anyone just yet. The same train of thoughts runs through everyone’s mind for just a second. Chan was a virgin. But he also didn’t put any of his fingers down when Wonwoo said he’d never had a girlfriend. The same happened when Hansol said he never had a boyfriend. 

He’d never been in a relationship but Seungcheol would have at least assumed the guy had kissed someone before.

“Chan, you’ve never kissed anyone?” Jeonghan pouted. “My little bean sprout…” 

“Bean sprout?” Seokmin’s face twisted in confusion but Jeonghan didn’t respond, too busy pouting.

With a click of his tongue, Chan shook his head. “Nope.”

“Not even a peck?” Jihoon asked. 

“Well, there was that one time in elementary school but that was practically assault ‘cause I didn’t ask for that.” 

“Seungcheol, kiss Channie,” Kyulkyung decided while laughing, giving a rough shove to Seungcheol to almost send him flying off of the sofa. 

“Why me?!”

“Come on, Cheollie, be a sweetheart and be Chan’s first kiss,” Wonwoo pushed. 

“You want a kiss from Cheol, Chan?” Mingyu asked.

Seungcheol looked to Chan expectantly who was chuckling persistently. Chan pressed his index finger to his chin and pretended to ponder the thought for a moment. It scared Seungcheol for just a moment. 

“Nah, I’m fine. I’m fine,” Chan laughed. 

“What if I give you your first kiss?” Nayoung said as she came back from the kitchen with sodas in hand for her and Kyulkyung. The girls shared an affirming glance before Nayoung stepped over the several boys that were sitting and lounging about on the floor and proceeded to squat next to Chan. 

His face was steadily beginning to flush and even from across the room, Seungcheol could see the color change in his cheeks. 

“For real?”

“Yup,” Nayoung giggled. “If you want it. But it’ll just be a cute peck though. Nothing too serious.” 

Chan didn’t say anything more after that, just continued to stare at Nayoung’s face that was steadily getting closer to his own. Seungcheol was holding his breath. 

She grabbed Chan’s hand as a sign of reassurement for the obviously shaken Chan. 

“Yes or no?” 

Chan just chuckled. 

Just as Nayoung promised, she pressed her lightly glossed lips to Chan’s slightly quivering lips for just a couple of seconds. 

The room erupted once again into yelling. Even Jeonghan was screaming, burying his face into Minghao’s chest. 

“Nayoung, I haven’t had my first kiss yet either!” Soonyoung shouted. And when some of them looked at him, Soonyoung huffed. “I’m asexual, not aromantic. I love kisses.”

“Doesn’t matter. That’s my girlfriend, no one else kisses her,” Kyulkyung said, her tone playfully possessive. Leaving Chan still stunned and sitting on the floor, Nayoung returned to her girlfriend.

***

Nayoung and Kyulkyung were the first to leave. Chan, being enamoured by the girl he’d shared his first kiss with, allowed them to take a couple pieces of his winning pizza, which Seungcheol thought was unfair. Maybe, Seungcheol should’ve kissed him instead. 

Hansol was supposed to have taken the bus home but it was so late that the public transit probably wasn’t even running anymore. Seungkwan offered to drive his crush home after they finished cleaning. 

Seungcheol didn’t know what Joshua was going to do or how he was going to get home, and, quite frankly, he didn’t care. Something in him despised Josh. He was supposed to be dating Seokmin, yet Seungcheol couldn’t help but feel like Josh was flirting with Jeonghan every chance he got. And Jeonghan seemed to let him. 

Something unsettling and unpleasant pulled at the insides of Seungcheol again. 

But Seungcheol was sure that the shift in the mostly delightful aura to something a lot more tense wasn’t just him. 

It was Wonwoo and Mingyu. 

The usual tension that surrounded them was always a bit more sexual, but now, it felt like they both had something to say and they refused to say it. Jeonghan knew all of his members best. He was aware of all of the feelings both Mingyu and Wonwoo bottle up every single day. 

Today may be the day in which one of them bursts. And it wouldn’t be with love either. 

The tension probably had been there the whole night, just overshadowed by the entertainment that no one paid it much attention. 

“I’m gonna bring Hansol home if that’s okay,” Seungkwan said, after a couple of trips and to and from the kitchen. 

“Yeah,” Jeonghan said, a bit distracted but his smile was as genuine as ever. “Hansol, come around more often. We all had so much fun with you.”

“I’d love to,” Hansol smiled, blushing slightly. Jeonghan saw him glance briefly at Mingyu who brushed by him on his way to put a stack of empty pizza boxes in the kitchen, muttering his apologies half heartedly. 

“Don’t worry about him. He’s got a stick up his ass that he refuses to take out,” Seungkwan uttered. “Let’s go.” 

The rest of the members waved their goodbyes to Hansol and Josh even prompted the younger for a hug.

As they all cleaned up, a couple members spoke up and engaged in pointless conversation in an attempt to somehow fill the air, at least until Joshua left. 

“Wonwoo, tell me about the threesome you had,” Junhui asked, throwing himself on Wonwoo’s back as the latter tried to continue to sweep the floor. Jeonghan tried to get Junhui’s attention. It was not a question that needed to be asked, especially right now, but Soonyoung and Chan and Minghao seemed just as curious and his silent attempts to get their attention failed. 

“What’s wrong, Hannie?” Joshua asked. “You look like you just found out the world is about to end.”

“Mingyu. He’s hurting. Angry.” Jeonghan sighed, as he put the wet wipe down and pulled him to the side. “It’s a long story but I need to stay here with Mingyu. Can Seokmin take you home?”

“It’ll be awkward…” Josh scratched at the nape of his neck. 

“I know but…” Jeonghan sighed again, a lot deeper this time, before he noticed Seungcheol walking by. “Cheollie. Can you take Joshua home?”

“I have last minute studying to do.” It was quick and brief and Seungcheol continued toward the kitchen to put the rest of the leftover food away without even faltering for a second. Jeonghan swallowed thickly and looked at the rest of the members, most of whom were really bad at driving. Wonwoo was probably too upset to even drive. 

“Alright, just a moment.” 

Taking advantage of the fact that Wonwoo was surrounded, Jeonghan went into the kitchen where Mingyu was pacing around the dining table and Seungcheol in the fridge, tensely stocking up. 

“Cheol,” Jeonghan whispered. “Can you give me a moment to be with Mingyu alone?”

“Um, yeah. I tried talking to him, but he told me not to talk to him,” Seungcheol said in a hushed voice. Jeonghan took Seungcheol’s free hand in his own and squeezed lightly. 

“He’s just upset. I’ll take care of it.” 

For the first time in what seemed like days, Seungcheol gave Jeonghan a genuine smile and squeezed his hand just as tightly before he left the kitchen just as requested. With a preparatory sigh, Jeonghan approached Mingyu cautiously. 

“Mingyu, why’re you upset?” 

“Jeonghan, just-”

“I’m not leaving,” Jeonghan said firmly. Mingyu stopped his pacing and met Jeonghan’s gaze with one of his own. “Tell me why you’re upset. Talk to me.” 

“It’s Wonwoo…” Mingyu said through gritted teeth. 

“You’re jealous.”

“Yes!” Mingyu said loudly before lowering his voice again to where only he and Jeonghan could hear. “But that’s because he’s been acting like some fucking whore since this morning. I feel like I don’t even know who he is anymore!”

Mingyu quieted down only for a couple of words because when he had the audacity to call Wonwoo such a name, Jeonghan wasn’t the only one who’d managed to hear it. 

“Ming-” Jeonghan had started to reprimand but a shocked, pained scoff from behind them stopped him.

“Really? That’s what you think of me?” Wonwoo bitterly chuckled, dustpan in hand as he made his way to the trashcan to dump it. Despite the fact that his voice was low, the expression on his face showed just how hurt he was. It physically hurt Jeonghan to see Wonwoo’s loving face twisted in such pain, but Mingyu didn’t seem to share that feeling. 

“You haven’t done much for me not to think that way,” Mingyu said, forcing out a defiant laugh. “Since this morning, I felt like you were a completely different person.”

“Because I wasn’t up your ass all day? Because I finally do something that isn’t tending to you, I’m suddenly different? You’re selfish as fuck. And of all people, you call  _ me _ a whore?”

“What else should I call you then, huh? Naive? Innocent?  _ Not  _ a fucking liar like you are?”

Jeonghan knew he should stop it, especially as the others started to crowd by the archway between the living room and the kitchen, but he didn’t know how. What to do. What to say. All he did know was that he’d never seen Wonwoo so angry. Mingyu, yeah, but he didn’t even know Mingyu had the capacity to be upset at Wonwoo of all people. 

“Is this about the threesome that happened before I even met you?!”

“Yeah. That and when you went out with that guy this morning without even telling me. I thought I knew you better than that! Yet I didn’t know any of this.”

“I don’t have to tell you a damned thing!” Wonwoo shouted. It was a rare occurrence in itself that it even startled Jeonghan a bit. 

“Mingyu,” Jeonghan said, pulling at the taller’s arm. “Don’t say anything. Let’s just go upstairs.”

“No! You know what, fuck you, Wonwoo.” 

“Stop it!” Jeonghan tried yelling, but his voice was easily drowned out by Mingyu’s own voice. “Don’t talk to him that way!” Again, it didn’t seem like he was heard over incoherent yelling, so Jeonghan turned to Wonwoo. 

“Wonwoo, go!”

Jeonghan taking action seemed to motivate the others too luckily because Jeonghan doubted he could do this alone. 

“Hey, calm down, Woo,” Chan tried.

“Yeah, come on. Don’t do this,” Minghao followed, taking it upon himself to come and grab Wonwoo’s arm to pull him back. Luckily, he didn’t resist them. But he didn’t immediately go with them either. 

Instead, Wonwoo took off on his own, pushing his way through the crowd of his housemates and friends all the while whispering his apologies to them. 

Along with Mingyu’s heavy breathing, Jeonghan heard the front door slam shut. 

“Should one of us go after him?” Junhui asked. 

“No! Leave him.” 

“Shut up!” Jeonghan's voice hurt and strained but he completely fed up with being talked over and drowned out. “Jihoon, go after Wonwoo.” 

Wordlessly, Jihoon left. This time, the door shut a lot softer. 

With Mingyu’s wrist in a tight grip, Jeonghan used whatever strength he could muster to drag him out of the kitchen. None of them said anything as they passed. 

When they made it to Jeonghan and Jihoon’s room, Jeonghan shut the door and turned to Mingyu who was pacing the room again.

“I hope you feel better,” Jeonghan stated sarcastically. “Your jealousy really made you an asshole down there.” 

“You’re really acting like I don’t have the right to be jealous,” Mingyu said, hands rolling into fists. 

“You  _ don’t _ ,” Jeonghan said. “At all. What you did down there was selfish, uncalled for, and just stupid.”

Mingyu stopped his pacing and sat down on the edge of Jeonghan’s bed, a look of disbelief on his face. 

“If this were anyone else, you would at least try to understand,” Mingyu said. “It ain’t fair that you can baby Chan or kiss Cheol’s ass but can’t understand me.” The strain in his voice showed Jeonghan just how much Mingyu was attempting to not raise his voice at him. But it didn't matter at the moment. 

“I did try to understand while you were yelling insults at the guy you claim to love so much,” Jeonghan scorned. “I know you were jealous but that doesn’t mean you were right. This morning was a tutoring session. You act like you walked in on the two of them kissing. And even if you had, Wonwoo has every right to have fun just like you do.”

Mingyu shook his head. The statement wasn’t okay with him. He refused to even attempt to think that it was. Mingyu tried to drown Jeonghan’s voice out. He wanted to cover his eyes like a child and ball up into a ball to shield himself from Jeonghan’s words. The truth. If he didn’t love Jeonghan so much, Mingyu would have hit him, simply out of the frenzy of emotions he was feeling. 

Jeonghan kept going. Voice raising the more he continued to assess the situation for all it was worth. The more he thought about how fucked up Mingyu’s anger truly was, the more angry Jeonghan grew. His soft voice held very little intimidation, even when he yelled, but he hoped that Mingyu was listening. 

“You were wrong. In no way are you right. You are the most sexually active person in this house and you have the nerve to slut shame Wonwoo?”

“You don’t … get it!” Mingyu groaned. 

“I know jealousy. But, the fact still stands...” Jeonghan neared Mingyu, kneeling in front of the other who kept his head down so Jeonghan couldn’t see his face. “You were wrong. I’ve told you several times to tell Wonwoo how you felt. It was your choice not to tell him. Don’t blame him for your own cowardice… I’m disappointed.”

“Stop talking to me as if you’re my fucking parent or something.”

“In this house, I  _ am _ … I’m your big brother, a person that loves you and cares for you. I’m a brother to all of you in this house. And if I have to be your parent then so be it. It’s because I care about you and Wonwoo that I’m telling you that you’re wrong. So you’re gonna fix it. Apologize when he comes back.”

“Okay,” Mingyu whispered, barely audible. “

“I mean it,” Jeonghan said. 

“I know… I was just angry.” 

It was only then that Jeonghan calmed down enough to see the stray tear that fell. He couldn’t resist the urge to comfort him. That was a lot more in his nature than discipline and leadership. It felt right too. 

“Do you wanna be alone?” 

Mingyu nodded.

“Okay.” He pressed a firm kiss to the crown of Mingyu’s head, lingering around for a moment before heading towards the door, shutting it behind him. 

He ignored the sound of weeping that started as soon as the door clicked shut. 

With a deep sigh of both relief and exhaustion, Jeonghan descended the stairs where light chatter had instantly halted when Jeonghan reached the bottom step. 

“Josh, we can go now,” Jeonghan said, a tired smile on his lips. 

“Um okay.” Josh exchanged quiet and brief goodbyes with the others, giving a longing hug to Seokmin that ended quite awkwardly.

“So… Mingyu broke a rule,” Chan acknowledged. “He upset you.”

“A lot,” Seungcheol said. 

Jeonghan chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. “That rule is so stupid,” he moaned. “Anyway, you guys can come up with the consequence. I don’t feel like it.” 

“He should wash dishes for a week like I had to when I upset Jeonghan,” Seungcheol whimpered, his eyes trained on Josh as he lingered next to the door. 

“Okay. I’ll be back guys. Don’t wait up. Midterms are this week.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, this is gonna be two parts because it was getting long. Feel free to yell at me or Mingyu or anything else you want. 
> 
> Happy pride month! I hope everyone is happy and healthy and living there best lives (or at least on the path to living it).
> 
> Anywayyyy, love you!


	20. Chapter 19 (Part 2)

“I hope you had fun,” Seungkwan said, awkwardly starting the car and praying that he didn’t drive too horribly with Hansol in the car. Seungkwan didn’t usually drive anywhere. If it were anyone else, he’d demand that they drive but this was Hansol. Somebody he really wanted to impress. 

The GPS on his phone said the ride to his house was only 20 minutes max, so he swallowed his fear and reluctance and pulled out of the parking spot, albeit slowly. 

“Yeah. It was fantastic,” Hansol said. He pulled on his seatbelt and briefly glanced over at Seungkwan. It was dark and difficult to see, but he could vaguely make out the strap of leather over his chest. 

“I have on my seatbelt,” Seungkwan teased. “Thought you had more faith in me than that.” 

“I’m just protective,” Hansol corrected, tone still apologetic. “My sister never puts on her seatbelt. Well, now she does… after the accident.” 

Seungkwan could sense something in Hansol’s voice, but he didn’t do any pushing on the subject. “I’m sorry,” Seungkwan muttered, taking a quick glance at the GPS again and taking the necessary right. 

“Oh! No! She’s fine!” Hansol rectified, shaking his head fervently as he chuckled nervously. “Well, she has a big scar on her cheek from a cut but that’s it. No one else was hurt.” 

“Oh, good,” Seungkwan forced a huff of laughter that he hoped didn’t sound too awkward. Despite his hopes, he was sure it still did either way. “I was worried.” 

“You don’t have to worry.” Hansol said shortly.

With neither of them having anything else to say, they simply dissolved into a silence that was rather peaceful. Seungkwan was usually a man of many words, always having  _ something  _ to say, but now, he could think of anything. Any words that he did manage to conjure up didn’t stick because of the constant thought of Hansol intercepting them. 

But, Seungkwan wasn’t complaining. 

Especially because Hansol seemed content with the silence. The sound of the engine softly purring filled the air with white noise. Seungkwan wondered if he should put on any music but was too afraid to take one of his hands off of the wheel to do so. 

When Seungkwan stopped at a red light, he glanced at the GPS on his phone again. 

“You’re going the right way,” Hansol uttered. It sounded so meticulous that Seungkwan wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Hansol had thought over that same sentence about thirty times before saying it aloud. 

Again, with the wishful thinking. 

It wouldn’t be the first time that Seungkwan projected his own feelings onto his crush and ruined something that could be a beautiful friendship. It was probably the main reason he’d never been in a real relationship. 

It only happened twice but the sadness and embarrassment stuck with him. However, it never stopped his fluttering of his heart when he’d met Hansol for the first time. It wasn’t until Hansol confided in Seungkwan about his sexuality that his heart had been stolen.

Confession was on the tip of Seungkwan’s tongue. Clawing at his confines. Hammering at his reluctance. The time was perfect. Right? 

He was driving smoothly. The night was coming to an even smoother ending. And Seungkwan wanted to do was-

“Can I ask you something?” Hansol asked. He sounded embarrassed almost as he glued his gaze to the side of Seungkwan’s face.

“Anything,” he laughed softly. 

“What’s it like dating a guy?”

Seungkwan gave a quick chortle out of the blue as he turned onto a much quieter street that wasn’t bustling with cars and lights. They were close to Hansol’s house now.

“I doubt it’s any different from dating a girl,” Seungkwan said. “I can’t see any reasons why it would be.” 

Hansol reached to turn off Seungkwan’s GPS, pointing at a quaint home on the left side of the road. An orange light shone dimly behind the curtains blocking the window. “My mom’s probably waiting for me,” Hansol said but made no move to get out of the car. 

Seungkwan parked in front of the house, careful not too horribly and put the car in park. 

“So… Any more questions?” 

“Why’d you think that?”

“Well, you’re sitting here, aren’t you?” Seungkwan jeered. 

“You got a point there,” Hansol laughed, accepting defeat as he relaxed into the seat again. “I guess, I’m just wondering what it’s like. What to expect and stuff.”

“I’m guessing that dating anybody is different from the last, regardless of if they’re a boy or a girl.”

“You keep saying ‘you’re guessing.’ Hansol observed. Through the darkness, Hansol looked to Seungkwan, who looked a lot more relaxed when his hands weren’t gripping the steering wheel. “Like you don’t know.”

“Because I don’t.” Seungkwan smiled, the streetlight lending just enough light into the car for Hansol to see it clearly. “I’ve never had a relationship but this is common sense.” 

Taken aback by Seungkwan’s lack of relationship experience and the possibility that his common sense had just been insulted, Hansol forced a chuckle. “For real?”

“Yup. I’m sure it’s scary to date someone new, but trust me, I don’t think there’s anything that’s scary. Trust me… You trust me, right?”

“Shut up,” Hansol shook his head, causing Seungkwan to burst into laughter. “But yeah, I trust you.” Hansol looked towards his home again. The light was off now. 

“And if you still feel scared, then that’s okay. Just be patient with yourself.” The confession of his feelings had long ago died on his tongue and was replaced with only the thought of comforting Hansol. It was obvious that the latter still was not ready for a relationship with a guy. Despite never being in a relationship, Seungkwan knew how long it took him to accept that he wanted to date a guy in the first place. 

So, Seungkwan buried his feelings once more and refrained from saying anything else when Hansol began to nod. 

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Seungkwan chuckled. 

“...Okay,” Hansol whispered. 

“Hansol.”

“Yeah?”

“Go inside,” Seungkwan said between laughs, pushing Hansol by the arm. “You need a good night’s sleep.” 

“But I don’t wanna.” 

Seungkwan gave Hansol one final push before the latter gave in and unbuckled his seatbelt while groaning. He couldn’t lie, it hurt Seungkwan a little to watch Hansol leave. 

Just as Hansol was about to reach for the door, he turned back to Seungkwan. 

“Don’t-”

“Thanks,” Hansol said gingerly. “You truly are a fantastic friend to me. I’m glad we met.” 

“Me too. Now go,” Seungkwan said with an easy smile, unbeknownst to the both of them, Seungkwan’s hand lingered on Hansol’s shoulder until he pushed open the car door and climbed out. 

“Did he just friendzone me?” Seungkwan wondered aloud as he watched him walk around the car to get to the sidewalk. Hansol’s words ran through his mind a couple more times. 

Seungkwan started the car up again when Hansol was walking up the path to his front door. What Seungkwan didn’t see was the way Hansol chewed on his bottom lip in thought. Fists balling as something in him yelled that he was missing his chance. Neither did Seungkwan hear the way Hansol gasped when he heard the purr of the car engine disrupt the cool blow of wind. 

Instead of reaching in his pocket for his key, Hansol spun back around. 

Seungkwan hadn’t been planning on leaving until Hansol was safe and sound in his home. But he was still perplexed when he saw Hansol running back to the car as if he’d forgotten something. 

He put the window down when Hansol got closer. 

“Did you forget something at the house?” Seungkwan asked, grabbing for his phone. “I can ask one of them and ask them to put it in my room.”

“No. No…” Hansol gulped. Maybe he should have texted him this. “My sister is having a sleepover this Friday until Sunday.”

“Isn’t your sister still in high school. I doubt she’ll be okay with me coming.”

Hansol reached into the window to pinch Seungkwan’s cheek at the banter. “I’m supposed to babysit them for the weekend, and I was wondering if you would want to do it with me. Help out a little bit.”

“I’m not the best with kids-”

“They’re just four sixteen year old girls. It’ll be fine,” Hansol said. “And if you don’t like it, you can always leave early.” I’d just really like some company. Your company.” 

“Then how can I say no to that?” Seungkwan asked. “Fine. I’ll come.” 

“Good,” Hansol nodded with a grin. Standing straight again, he began to back away from the car, still looking at Seungkwan even though the sight wasn’t as clear. 

“You have something else to say?” Seungkwan shouted from his car teasingly when Hansol had stopped halfway up the concrete path. 

“Why you think that?”

“Because you still haven’t gotten your ass in the house yet!” 

Hansol broke out into laughter, completely disregarding the fact that it was 10 at night and the neighbors were likely trying to get some sleep. “I just wanna get a good look at you before our date.” 

It was a risk saying that without knowing exactly how Seungkwan felt about him. He thought that it was obvious but there was always that voice in the back of his head telling him that Seungkwan was probably a sweetheart to everyone he met. He’d paid attention all night to the way Seungkwan interacted with others. 

And while this could have been just Hansol being full of himself, he was sure that Seungkwan treated no one like he treated him. He couldn’t deny that it filled him with a sense of pride that he’d never felt before in his life.

The idea of dating a guy scared him but Hansol was willing to give it a try.

“You think you’re funny, huh?” Seungkwan asked. Hansol couldn’t see it from this far but he was sure Seungkwan was narrowing his eyes at him. 

“No.” Hansol’s voice was indifferent, laced with a practiced nonchalance, but his heartbeat was thumping harshly and his stomach was twisting. “I’m being serious.”

“Okay,” Seungkwan said after a bit of waiting. “It’s a date then.”

“Okay… I’m gonna go inside now.” 

“Then, go.” 

Both of them tried to keep a calm composure as they parted, only letting it go when Hansol was in the safety of his home and Seungkwan was driving down the road. 

***

Jihoon followed Wonwoo from a distance for a while. Wonwoo was very observant and aware of his surroundings so Jihoon knew that it was a great chance that he knew he was being followed, but it didn’t matter to Jihoon at least.

After what felt like ten minutes of trailing after Wonwoo’s aimless walking around the vacant campus, Jihoon sped up to a jog. Wonwoo had stopped stomping around, crushing stray leaves beneath his slippers, about five minutes before so Jihoon felt like he’d waited enough. 

“Wonwoo,” Jihoon said as he finally caught up. “Let’s sit down.” 

Wonwoo didn’t spare Jihoon a glance and just stopped in the middle of the patch of grass they were standing in and sat down there. Jihoon wasn’t a big fan of just grass or outside in general but he settled down anyway, cross legged in front of Wonwoo. The stray floor of leaves made it a little less bothersome.

It was dark and quiet, becoming cooler as the days went by, with the first days of November coming by the end of next week. 

Looking closely at Wonwoo’s face, Jihoon was surprised to find his face dry and emotionless. 

“You haven’t cried,” Jihoon stated absently. “That’s surprising.”

“I don’t usually cry when I’m mad,” Wonwoo said. He picked up a leaf and rubbed the pad of his thumb across it. 

“I wouldn’t know that since you’ve never been that upset before… Mingyu was an asshole.” 

“Yeah, he was,” Wonwoo agreed instantly. “But he didn’t mean it. He always says things he doesn’t mean when he’s mad.”

“Doesn’t mean he’s not an asshole.” Jihoon wasn’t one who made many excuses for people. He was empathetic, but that didn’t mean he had to be sympathetic. “What happened this morning anyway?”

“Mingyu saw me with Changkyun. It was only tutoring though. Even if I wanted it to be something more than that, I wouldn’t pursue him.” 

“Why not?” Jihoon groaned. The care that Jihoon held in his heart for Wonwoo and MIngyu ran deep. He wanted what was best for them and while, at first, it was funny and endearing to watch the two pine after each other, but it was getting old now. Wonwoo and Mingyu both deserved more than to bottle up their feelings for all this time. 

“Changkyun doesn’t deserve to be with someone that wants to be with someone else. No one deserves that,” Wonwoo said, meeting Jihoon’s gaze with a questioning look. “What’s wrong?”

“You are,” Jihoon said. “Seriously, if you won’t tell Mingyu how you feel, don’t you think it’s best to just move on with life? It pisses me off to see you stare at Mingyu like he’s the sun yet turn away from him all of the time.”

“I know but-”

“No,” Jihoon said, voice stern and unmoving. “You’re wasting your time when you could be out there doing something better with your time. You haven’t gotten laid in forever either.”

“What should I do then?” Wonwoo was truly in the dark here. 

“Say something!” Jihoon’s voice echoed into the emptiness of the night and in Wonwoo’s mind. “You’re an entire fucking package, Wonwoo. Smart, cute, funny as hell without even trying, and a lot more things that I don’t feel like saying because I’m sleepy. If Mingyu doesn’t like you, then you’ll feel free to move on with life.”

“It’s not that easy.” 

“Then I’ll tell him for you.”

“You can’t!”

“Well, one of them has to happen. Look.” Jihoon got to his knees and grabbed Wonwoo by the cheeks, forcing him to look at him. “I’m sick and tired of watching you do this. Jeonghan keeps telling us not to interfere and all that bullcrap but I’m gonna do this for your own good. Now, here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna let midterms go by, but next week, me and you are gonna work on trying to tell Mingyu how you feel.”

Wonwoo let out a wistful sigh. “Are we really gonna do this?” 

Jihoon squished Wonwoo’s cheeks even closer together, his lips pursing from the force. “Yes! Because it’s what you deserve.”

Despite the struggle, Wonwoo chuckled, prompting Jihoon to let go, fall back to sit on his heels, and laugh too. 

“Sorry for annoying you,” Wonwoo said after their laughter came to a slow ending. “You think the others are just as aggravated?”

“Not really,” Jihoon shrugged. “Plus, we have Soonyoung in the house. I doubt anyone is as annoying as him. Such a pest.” 

Wonwoo could agree that Soonyoung was quite the pest but he could also hear in just the tone of Jihoon’s voice that the annoyance came from a place of adoration. It always did with Jihoon; he wouldn’t have agreed to live with all these guys if he didn’t think he’d feel some type of relief when he was with them. 

“So are we gonna get going?”

“You can go,” Wonwoo said. “I think I wanna sit here just a bit longer. It’s calming. And I don’t want to talk to Mingyu just yet… He really called me a whore. It’s kind of funny when I think about it now.” 

Jihoon shook his head. “Don’t listen to him. I’ll sit here with you, but only for about ten minutes. Then I’m going back and getting sleep. I have my hardest midterm tomorrow.” 

“Same… I have chemistry…” 

“Good luck.” 

Jihoon exhaled what felt like a day's worth of stress.

***

“You did a good job,” Josh hummed from the passenger seat. 

Jeonghan didn’t know if he should take that compliment, feeling as if things could have been a lot smoother if he’d said something earlier and hadn’t frozen up like that. In fact, there were several things that could have gone differently if Jeonghan had just-

“Are you listening to me?” Came Josh’s voice between a few amused laughs. There was also an easy hand on Jeonghan’s shoulder, the pad of Josh’s thumb rubbing at the nape of his neck. 

Jeonghan chuckled, relaxing at the feeling of such a kind touch. 

“No, I wasn’t,” Jeonghan uttered truthfully. Despite being so deep in thought, his subconscious seemed to be expertly leading him the usual path to Josh’s apartment. He’d been over there enough times in the last few weeks. “But I am now.” 

“How do you do it?” Josh asked, his voice raising in genuine curiosity. “Those guys love you so much that there is even a rule not to upset you.” 

“It’s a stupid rule,” Jeonghan complained. “But they wouldn’t leave me alone about it so I just let them do what they wanted.”

“Such a parent,” Josh marveled yet jeered. 

Jeonghan held his head high, still swooning at the gentle caressing at his neck. “I love them all.” 

“And they love you back.” 

Jeonghan could have scoffed but instead he smiled. He and Josh were a lot alike and it was honestly refreshing. 

“Anyway, how’s things going with Seungcheol? The guy who I’m pretty sure hates me.” 

For the first time, Jeonghan turned to give Joshua a pointed look of disbelief. “Seungcheol doesn’t hate you!”

“Yeah, he does!” Josh argued, moving his hand from Jeonghan’s neck to grip the seat, much to Jeonghan’s dismay. “Have you seen the way he looks at me?”

“He was just upset that you were winning some of the games tonight.” 

“Bullshit.” 

“He’s competitive!” Jeonghan tried again, his voice failing as he dissolved into laughter.

“Even more bullshit.”

“Josh, shut up. Seungcheol likes you, okay.”

“Sure, he does,” Josh said, retracting his hand back to his lap. “Just answer the question.” 

Jeonghan sucked his teeth, tapping the steering wheel with a sigh. “He’s distant. But, of course he is. He’s questioning and I can only imagine how much he resents me for it.”

He hadn’t meant to let himself sound so disappointed but it was hard to ignore the burning feeling of guilt that rushed through him. Seungcheol and Jeonghan interacted like they always had, but Jeonghan knew he wasn’t imagining the way Seungcheol held back. The way Seungcheol almost visibly shrunk within himself when he realized he was getting too comfortable. 

It always hurt Jeonghan but it was an understandable reaction. 

“I’m sorry about that. You deserve a lot more than that.”

“My fault for falling for a het.” 

“True. Super irresponsible of you.” 

Jeonghan glared Josh’s way, both of them only being able to hold a hardened expression for a few moments before they burst into an uncontrollable bout of laughter again. Jeonghan came to a stop in front of Josh’s apartment complex just moments after. 

“Get out of my car,” Jeonghan said, a few lingering laughs failing to allow him to sound serious. 

“I don’t wanna,” Josh said, folding his arms across his chest defiantly and turning his nose up like a child. 

“Go or I’m gonna push you out.” 

“Make me. If it’s convincing enough, I might get out.” It sounded suggestive and Jeonghan had no idea if it was really intentional. However, he couldn’t say he was completely opposed to the suggestion either. 

“What do I have to do? Huh?”

Leaning up, Jeonghan let his cheek rest against the two hands gripping the top of the wheel. A soft smile crept across his face as he hoped to convey the message that they had very similar interests in mind It was almost forbidden to say or suggest outwardly. 

But it wasn’t exactly unwanted either. Jeonghan knew how to read cues and gestures. Josh must have known that. 

“Come here. Let me whisper it to you,” Josh grinned. 

The two met in the middle, breathing the same air, admiring each other with so little space in between. “You wanna come upstairs?” Josh asked, keeping his promise of whispering it to Jeonghan. 

“What’s the point of going with you when all I wanted was you out of the car?” Jeonghan teased in a light whisper.

“Think of it as a reward for getting me out of your car.” Josh brought a tantalizing and tempting hand up to Jeonghan’s face. It was sweet, suggestive, questioning but all the more promising. Jeonghan gave his thumb a firm kissm finding it hard to do anything more.

Maybe because a part of Jeonghan knew this was wrong. It would be a good answer behind the mystery that was Jeonghan’s reluctance. Josh and Seokmin had something beautiful budding and just because that process was on hold due to trauma of his close friend didn’t mean that Jeonghan should take advantage of that. 

But with his own pain and yearning for someone who didn’t even want to be in his presence, Jeonghan wanted this. 

Josh did too. 

To the both of them, it would be more of an escape than it would a beginning of a romantic relationship. Yet, it still didn’t mean that it would go without any consequences. 

“But Seokmin,” Jeonghan said, a little louder this time, more cautionary. “He’d be so hurt.”

“I know.” Josh didn’t say anything more. What else could he say? He’d considered that fact several times before. But as selfish as it was, Josh was hurting too. “You’re right. This is wrong.” 

Just as Josh began to pull away, Jeonghan quickly grabbed his hand that was on his face, keeping it there before taking the responsibility of kissing Josh first. The desperation and need was evident in just how hard Jeonghan captured Josh’s lips in his own. How quickly he tried to get his seatbelt off to get an easy angle to pull Josh closer. 

Jeonghan was far from being someone who was dominant but he couldn’t deny the passionate shiver that ran through him when Josh all but greedily moaned in his mouth. 

Josh was just as amazing of a kisser as Jeonghan had always imagined in high school. 

A heated gasp from his own mouth took Jeonghan by surprise when Josh ran his tongue over his lips, teasing him with promises and possibilities if this were to go further. Oh, how truly curious Jeonghan was about what he could truly do when they weren’t obstructed by the small space of this car. 

It wasn’t until Josh reached for the button and zipper of Jeonghan’s jeans that he pulled away. Out of breath and dazed, the two laughed. 

“I can’t come in. Not now,” Jeonghan said, between breaths. “They’ll know where I am if I stay. Plus… midterms. I’ll call you though… I’ll miss you.” 

“Me too. I’ll miss this so much.” Jeonghan couldn’t see the smirk, his eyes still closed and his forehead pressed against the other’s, but he could hear it. 

“Then I’ll call as soon as I can,” Jeonghan grinned, eyelids low.

“And I’ll answer.” 

***

When Jeonghan entered the house, everything was quiet and dark, except for the stray light in the kitchen that had to be from the refrigerator. He slipped off his slippers silently, hoping it was Wonwoo in the kitchen. He hadn’t had a chance to talk to him yet about earlier.

Swallowing whatever imaginary lump he felt was lodged in his throat, Jeonghan approached the kitchen and leaned against the archway. When the figure halfway in the fridge didn’t acknowledge his presence, Jeonghan flicked on the kitchen light, startling who came to be revealed as Seungcheol. 

“You scared the hell out of me,” Seungcheol whined as he went back to grabbing a few more snacks from the fridge. 

“I see that,” Jeonghan grinned, ignoring the guilt in his chest. “Did you get that last minute studying done?”

“Yeah,” Seungcheol hummed. Jeonghan had a feeling it was a lie but he didn’t push it too much. He just wanted to have a conversation with Seungcheol. 

“You know Josh feels like you don’t like him.” Jeonghan forced a chuckle. 

Seungcheol stood once again and shut the refrigerator door, cradling several different fruits. It was the middle of the night and Seungcheol knew he should be sleeping but his restlessness was preventing him from doing that. So he came to occupy himself by making a fruit salad. 

“I don’t.” It was simple and undisputable, leaving no room to guess what he meant. 

“Why not?” Jeonghan asked. The guilt seemed to sit even heavier on his chest. “He’s a nice person.”

“I don’t know why. I just don’t,” Seungcheol said pointedly. This time, Jeonghan couldn’t tell if this was a lie or not. “I’ll tell you when I find out.”

“Was that supposed to be funny?” 

Seungcheol hunched his shoulders again, causing Jeonghan to genuinely laugh, pushing himself off of the arch. “You don’t seem to know anything right now? You sure you’re awake?”

“My brain’s moving a little slow,” Seungcheol laughed truthfully as Jeonghan slid up next to him after grabbing a bowl from the cabinet from him. “You don’t want any fruit?”

“I’ll just take some of yours.” Albeit hesitantly, Jeonghan wrapped his arms around Seungcheol’s waist as the latter began to cut up an apple. He just wanted to see what Seuncheol would do, if he’d react at all. 

“Cheol?”

“Hmm?” Seungcheol hummed as he carefully carried on with cutting his apple. Jeonghan couldn’t see it but a red settled at the surfaces of Seungcheol’s cheeks feeling Jeonghan’s breaths on his shoulder.

“Do you like me?” Jeonghan asked. It was whispered right into his ear but Seungcheol still wondered if he misheard him. 

“What?”

“You can tell me if you don’t. I just want to know if you like me or not…” 

“I don’t know that either, Hannie. I’m… not done thinking about it.” It was only half true. Seungcheol had stopped thinking about it all together, finding the amount of self hatred that it filled him with too terrifying to think about it for more than a couple of minutes. And he was sure that he was just imagining the flirting and intimacy between Josh and Jeonghan. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry. I just wanted to know,” Jeonghan reassured, nuzzling him for a moment before letting his hold loosen. Seungcheol scrapped the apple slices into a bowl while Jeonghan pulled his phone from his pocket to check the time. “Anyway, let me help you with your fruit and then we can go upstairs and eat them together. Sounds good?”

Seungcheol turned to watch as Jeonghan looked through the drawers for a knife. He didn’t know what thoughts ran through his mind. Nor did he know what name to put to those feelings, he just knew that it didn’t exactly feel horrible. Rather, it was enticing and thrilling. 

“Yeah. Sounds good.” 

While Jeonghan continued to rummage through the kitchen, Seungcheol moved onto cutting up strawberries. He used a couple more since he’d be sharing with Hannie. So focused on not hurting his finger, Seungcheol almost missed the vibration of Jeonghan’s phone. 

Now, Seungcheol wasn’t one to insert himself in business that wasn’t his own. But he’d only taken a small glance he’d taken at Jeonghan’s phone and managed to see that it was Josh.

Seungcheol scoffed, not bothering to read the rest. He wondered if Josh was texting Seokmin at near midnight. Actually, he’d bet quite a lot of money on the fact that he didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will I write smut between Josh and Jeonghan? I don't even know because this wasn't even supposed to happen lol. But will this have big consequences? Of course. 
> 
> I hope everyone is enjoying this still. The next chapter may (or may not) be fluffy bc I miss fluff. ^^
> 
> (I'm so excited for their album too *tear*)


	21. Chapter 20

Midterms and finals were always the parts of Seungcheol’s life when his anxiety would be constantly shooting through the roof. No relief for an entire week. It felt like he was tip toeing on nails. After dealing with it every year since his first year of high school, Seungcheol resentfully expected it nowadays.

For the entire week, he would walk around feeling like something was lodged in his throat and an impending danger was around every corner. On the worst days, he’d feel on the edge of a panic attack throughout the entire day, the possibility of being triggered constantly worrying him. 

What Seungcheol wasn’t used to were people noticing and actively worrying about him during that time. Monday and Tuesday had gone by just as Seungcheol expected, a slowly dragging, nerve racking day. However, both days, his housemates gave him greetings laced with worry and curious looks every time he passed by. 

It was Tuesday night when Seungcheol was balled up in the corner of his bed trying to get his body to rest along with an already exhausted and fatigued mind. But he was restless. Chewing at his fingernails and gritting his teeth, Seungcheol endured it with a practiced, adept sense of durability. 

He’d fall asleep eventually. 

“Seungcheol?” His name was called softly and meticulously, with much thought. He wouldn’t be surprised if the person had sat outside the door wondering when to come in. 

“Hannie?”

“Yeah.” With Seungcheol squeezed into the corner of his bottom bunk, Jeonghan hadn’t realized Seungcheol was in the bed at all until he said something. Jeonghan kneeled next to the bed, making no moves to touch Seungcheol, who was already obviously on edge. “I think you should go home for the rest of the week.”

“Why?” Seungcheol responded, confused. 

“Everyone is worried that you're too stressed,” Jeonghan said gently. “I actually think that having so much happening around you isn’t good for you. Um… I also have this for you.” He waved a quite thick pamphlet in the air. In a large font was “Dealing with Anxiety.”

“Where’d you get that from?” 

“I walked to the mental health center and got it. I read some of it for you, and I think that it might help a little.” 

Seungcheol didn’t say anything at first, increasingly becoming aware of the aching in his jaw from clenching his teeth to stop the gritting. “I don’t want to leave the house right now.” 

He had no objections to going home, feeling suffocated by the amount of noise and people in the house at all times, but something in Seungcheol didn’t want to leave the house. His anxiety was at the forefront of his mind at times like these, leading his conscious and making all of his decisions for him despite rational thought. 

And his anxious thoughts were telling him that there was danger around. Something to worry about. He could _feel_ it course through his veins. How could he be wrong if the feeling was _this_ intense? 

So he couldn’t leave this house.

Jeonghan gave a delicate sigh and a smile to match it, trying to be as comforting to something that he didn’t quite understand all too well. As the leader of the house, he’d done a bit of research on anxiety when Seungcheol told him that it was something he struggled with. At first, it was hard to pinpoint what symptoms applied to Seungcheol, but it was obvious right now. Seungcheol’s anxiety was interfering with him being able to do something as simple as leave the house, even though there were no obvious stressors or triggers around. 

“Seungcheol, can I touch you? Can I hold your hand?” Jeonghan asked. 

Seungcheol thought for a second, watching the hand Jeonghan extended. He’d been avoiding physical contact all day, but… he guessed this once shouldn’t be bad. He grabbed Jeonghan’s hand. Jeonghan squeezed it tight but nothing too constricting. 

“If I hold your hand on the way to the car, can you leave the house?”

Seungcheol shook his head frantically. Jeonghan gave up on the attempt to compromise.

“How are you feeling right now?” Jeonghan would go through all he could remember from the small pamphlet off of the top of his head. He feared it would make him look unreliable if he just searched through the booklet right in front of Seungcheol.

“Like I’m gonna explode,” Seungcheol answered honestly. 

“Okay, let’s try again in the morning then.” 

And that’s how he ended up in his house, listening to his dad read that stupid pamphlet at 7 in the morning. 

“Dad, I don’t wanna hear that anymoreeee,” Seungcheol groaned. “How many pages is that thing? You know what, can I just go back to my room?” He was curled up in his mom and dad’s bed while the two of them laid on either side of him. There was actually nothing wrong with the verbal coddling and doting. 

Seungcheol would just rather not be trying to confront his anxiety right now. 

“Cheol, you didn’t tell us that your anxiety had been acting up again,” his mom scolded. She wanted to pinch him, but she respected her son’s wishes of not being touched. It would only make him feel more uncomfortable. 

“Your friend, Jeonghan, said you have an exam today at 2,” his dad said. “You have to be ready.”

“I know.”

“Okay, so let’s read a few more pages.” 

Before Seungcheol could stop him, his dad had already started reading where he’d been interrupted by Seungcheol before. “At least read the treatments.” 

“We’re getting there. Don’t be impatient,” his mother scorned. She was listening intently, even writing down a couple of notes in her journal where she usually wrote her grocery lists whenever his dad would highlight something. 

“I’m gonna make an appointment with-”

Seungcheol sighed heavily. He should have just stayed at the house. 

***

“I’m exhausted as fuck,” Seungcheol murmured beneath his breath, his groan turning into a sigh as he entered his home, hit by a gush of warm air and the aroma of something sweet. It was a nice change from the steadily declining temperatures outside. 

“Is that you, Cheollie- honey?” 

“Yeah,” he called back to his mom’s voice from the kitchen. 

She must be baking… without him? “How could you bake without me, Ma? I thought you cared about me more than that.”

“Just get in here, boy,” his dad huffed, his voice also coming from the kitchen. Quickly kicking off his shoes, Seungcheol rushed to go to the kitchen with his parents. He’d finally managed to get about an hour of sleep before he had to get up to take his history exam at 2. It was four now.

Focusing was harder than ever but even though he was the last person to finish, he still got through it without breaking down. It was all that mattered to him when his mind was racing a thousand miles a minute like this. 

“What’s up guys?” Seungcheol said. The rest of his greeting was interrupted when Seungcheol spotted a bunch of chocolate bars on the counter. It had to be for him so he practically jumped for them. 

“Hey! Who said that was yours?” His dad asked.. Seungcheol was actually going to apologize if it weren’t for the slight smirk that his dad was sporting. 

“I just did,” Seungcheol hummed, deciding to play along. 

“I’ll pitch this spoon at you,” he warned, raising the cooking spoon. “Right at your head.” Seungcheol braced for impact, not knowing whether or not his father was actually going to throw it. He could never be too safe with his dad.

“Stop it,” his mother scolded the both of them with a menacing look and a raised hand, threatening something much worse than a spoon: her hand. But Seungcheol knew that neither of their threats held any truth to them, so he laughed. 

Despite his anxiety being slightly more bearable, he still would rather not be touched very much, especially without warning. 

“Anyway, your dad started baking the cake.”

“Thanks, dad,” Seungcheol muttered sarcastically, earning a laugh from his dad.

“We’re gonna bake coffee brownies together,” Seungcheol’s dad finished. His mom was reaching over to push the various chocolate bars back over to Seungcheol, slapping her husband’s hand softly for not giving them to him earlier. 

“These are for you, Cheol-honey,” said his mom. “I don’t know why your dad is being weird.”

“What-”

“Shut up.” 

“I-”

“Shush.” 

Seungcheol watched as his parents went back and forth a few more times and then eventually his dad ended it with a quick kiss to get his mom to be quiet. 

Coffee brownies took some time to make when one of the people making it was too busy eating Twix and the other two were busy flirting as if they hadn’t been together for more than twenty years. Nonetheless, the process was therapeutic. Seungcheol’s favorite part was mixing the ingredients and eating the remains of the brownie batter. 

So after throwing all of the necessary ingredients into the bowl, Seungcheol got to mixing. 

“Is there anything else bothering you, Seungcheol?” 

Seungcheol looked up from the brown, lumpy mixture for a moment to give his mom an questioning look, one of his eyebrows hopping up the expanse of his forehead. 

“Hm?” He glanced at his dad expectantly yet his expression mirrored his mom’s. So this must be the ulterior motive behind this baking and family time. Seungcheol continued to stir. “Why?”

“Doesn’t matter,” his mom stated before his dad could even attempt to explain. “Can you please talk to us about your life?”

“We just want to know about your friends that you live with. Your classes. Have you gotten a girlfriend yet?” His dad elaborated. It wasn’t that his mom didn’t care about her tone, it was just that she was so worried that it never occurred to her that she was being forceful. 

Seungcheol hummed in understanding. The first thing that he wanted to say about his friends was “none of them are straight.” 

But instead, he skipped that part and said, “Just a bunch of guys living in a house together. Never a dull moment, that’s for sure.”

“I’m assuming that Jeonghan lives with you too.”

Seungcheol slightly faltered. Thankfully, he wasn’t talking because he was sure that he would have choked from the sudden intake of air. “Yeah,” he muttered. “He’s kind of like the parent of the house. It’s why he brought me here.”

“He was so worried about you. Keep him around. We all could use someone like that in our lives,” his dad spoke as he buttered the glass pan. 

“Yeah, I guess so,” Seungcheol chuckled. It was no lie, but something in Seungcheol usually didn’t want to admit the joy it brought to him when he was able to experience Jeonghan’s personality first hand. At least that’s what he usually felt. 

Now, all he could do was swallow down an unfamiliar sensation that prickled in his chest. 

“My classes are good too. Social psych is easy but statistics is probably the hardest. But I’ve been studying hard,” Seungcheol continued. His mom nodded, a proud smile on her face. It went without saying that his mom was incredibly proud of him. 

“What about a girlfriend?” His dad asked casually, only for his mom’s face to light up in elation. 

“Nope,” he said, finally setting the brownie batter to the side. With nothing else to focus on, Seungcheol trained his gaze down to the countertop of the kitchen island.

His mom pouted. “I think it’s time for you to get over Demi.”

That wasn’t the problem. Demi was the least of his worries right now. It was the mixture of his anxiety, depression, and his impatience with this self discovery bullshit that caused most of his problems. 

“I couldn’t care less about Demi.”

“I know she did horrible things to you and you lost most of your friends because of her lies.” Yeah, Seungcheol really didn’t need the reminder. “But you have to move on.”

He didn’t bother retaliating or repeating himself, he just licked away the stray brownie batter from the whisk while his mom continued to talk. Remembering how much he hurt from that break up, it came as no surprise to see his mother lecturing him about this now. It did take him the entire summer to want to leave his house again. 

His dad chuckled seeing the impatient expression Seungcheol was sporting. “Okay, I think he gets it.”

“Thanks, dad.” It earned him a glare from his mom but the gratitude was well deserved. 

“I’m sure he’ll be looking soon.”

“I just want my handsome boy to find someone. He’s too handsome to be single, right?”

Seungcheol rolled his eyes. Here she goes. His dad gestured for Seungcheol to pass him the bowl of brownie batter to pour it into the pain.

Moments like these were plentiful. But with his anxiety through the rough, it was always nice to remember them in order to remind himself that the world probably wasn’t ending like his mind was telling him. For a long time, nothing ever came close to putting him at such ease during his worst times. Only a place where he felt at home could do that. 

But for the first time, Seungcheol could confidently say that he’s felt this before with his friends. The house he lived in with his members could also be technically called a home then. 

A place he felt safest. 

“There’s someone I like… I think,” Seungcheol started. He had no idea where he was going with this or why he’d even begun, but he couldn’t stop now. His mom and dad were already looking at him expectantly. Well his mom more so since she was looking at him as if he had uttered the magic words that would remove all pain from the world. 

She was supposed to be taking the cake from the oven and putting the brownies in, but his dad did instead since she was busy waiting for an answer. 

“You _think_?” His mom questioned, sliding the bowl back over to Seungcheol to eat later. Seungcheol was a little too busy wondering why the hell he decided to say that. 

Well… 

“Yeah, I think… Um, this girl. She’s nice and all. We kissed actually, but I don’t know if my feelings for her are real.”

Telling his parents that this someone was actually a boy and probably even admitting that he was questioning-- or even worse, that he probably wasn’t straight-- was going to be a completely separate talk. Seungcheol had neither the time or energy to do that, so Jeonghan would just have to be a girl for now. 

“Then why not just give it a shot?” His dad asked. He set a fluffy, yellow cake on the counter, lightly pressing at the top. “If your feelings aren’t real then just end it there.”

That was actually something Seungcheol considered before but… 

“Dating her means that everything changes… Our friendship, I mean. Our friendship will change.” 

It wasn’t a lie. Just the withholding of the full truth, is all. 

Seungcheol liked his friendship with Jeonghan and it was true that he didn’t want that to change. But dating Jeonghan would mean that his identity would change completely. The kiss they shared already changed enough-- in himself and in their friendship-- so Seungcheol doubted he’d even be able to recognize himself if he dated Jeonghan. 

“Everything changes all the time!” His mom exclaimed. “All the time, every day. Don’t be such a coward, Cheol.”

“Soomin,” his dad warned with a soft call of his wife’s name. Seungcheol didn’t pay it any mind. It wasn’t the first time his mom insulted him out of love and good intentions.

“Sorry,” she uttered. 

“What were you saying?” His dad asked, lending more of a silent ear. 

“But there’s this guy… I think he likes her a lot.” Seungcheol found it hard not to speak about it. “It makes me so upset everytime I see him because… this guy is supposed to be dating a friend of mine. But he’s always talking to her… Smiling at her and stuff… And I’m jealous about the way she looks at him too. At least I think I am. It’s so frustrating.” 

It was the first time Seungcheol admitted his jealousy after trying to deny it for so long. Because jealousy meant that he had the answer he was so afraid of. 

He actually did like Jeonghan. 

“Well, sounds like you _do_ like her. And so does the other guy.” His dad’s voice was leveled. 

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“Change… But I’m scared of losing her too… I wouldn’t be surprised if I already did to that other guy.” 

Seungcheol finally looked up from the counter to grab for the bowl, a feeling of dread washing over him that he only wanted to drown out with licking brownie batter, only to find both of his parents staring at him. 

It was his dad that spoke up this time. “Things are already gonna change. So what’s the harm in trying?” 

***

“Did you find a venue for the Christmas event?” Jeonghan asked, eyes scanning his list of things that he and Kun made the last time they had a meeting. He was hoping that it would give him an excuse to not have to lock eyes with Kun. For a computer science major as smart as Kun was, he didn’t seem to be catching the hint just yet that Jeonghan wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. 

“A couple but I still haven’t picked one yet,” Kun grumbled along with an exasperated roll of his eyes. “I don’t want to get one too small. But I don’t want a venue with too much space either.”

“Could never go wrong with too much space, right?” Jeonghan forced a chuckle, gaze falling to the chipping wood of the picnic table they were sitting at.

“The one you showed us earlier seemed big enough,” Jihoon said. 

“True.” Kun gave it a second thought. “Okay, I’ll book it later on after my test.” He made a short note under the rest of the messily scribbled notes that could only be described as Kun’s meticulously organized mess. 

“Okay. So you have any ideas on the food?” He gestured to both Jeonghan and Jihoon. 

Jihoon simply shrugged while Jeonghan continued to play absently with the straw in his iced coffee. 

“Guess that’s a no,” Ten hummed, bringing the back of his pen to his lips to chew on it again. It took only a glare from Kun to make him drop it with a light “oops” and grab for his water instead. 

Kun was co-president of another division of S.∆.T on a different college campus. With the other president in the middle of taking a midterm, Ten was invited instead. Minki was usually the one to plan this event with Kun, but unfortunately this was a task that he also had left to Jeonghan. 

There were expectant stares settled on Jeonghan, who was a bit too deep in thought and lazily sipping through his straw to notice, a wistful look in his eyes all the while. 

“Food is easy to find,” Jihoon said, taking the initiative upon himself to end this meeting. It was obvious that Jeonghan was too emotionally occupied to talk about this, and Jihoon, himself, was just in the mod to go back to the house, eat something, and watch that movie Soonyoung promised to show him. “Me and Jeonghan will look together later on.” 

Kun and Ten nodded, attention now solely focused on Jeonghan. Jihoon joined them. 

“Han?” Kun asked, nudging the other under the table with the tip of his shoe. “What’s wrong?”

“Hm? Oh. Nothing.”

“Bullshit,” Jihoon declared. Jeonghan sucked his teeth and alternated his gaze between the three of them. Kun and Ten on the other side of the table and then to Jihoon who was sitting next to him. 

Jeonghan can’t seem to stop his guilt from constantly bugging him at all times of the day. He knew he deserved it and that thought alone made the guilt swirl in his chest and stomach even worse. After just a couple days, it seemed like it’d finally reached his core. 

“I kissed Josh.” It was more of a confession to Jihoon more than it was to Kun and Ten. But while they didn’t know who this “Josh” person was, they had enough sense to know that it wasn’t somebody he was supposed to be kissing. 

Jihoon could only stare at Jeonghan for a moment, speechless, before he let out a tired, exasperated sigh. “Seriously? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan said, expecting the speechlessness. Jihoon wasn’t too outwardly emotional, usually being quite serious at most times. But on the inside, he was always bursting with some type of emotion, whether it be a good one or a bad one. Expression was just one of the things he was inept at. 

“Wait. Who’s Josh?” Kun asked. 

“A boyfriend of a friend of ours,” Jihoon said, annoyed. 

“They’re not together.”

“Oh, so that’s what you’ve been telling yourself to run from the fact that you did something fucked up.” 

Jeonghan didn’t respond, pondering on the possibility for a moment. It didn’t take long for him to realize that that’s exactly what he’d been attempting to do all this time. 

Yet, he still uttered, “No.” 

Jihoon could only scoff, leaving room for Ten and Kun to ask questions of their own. It was nothing unexpected really. Questions that Jeonghan had reluctantly answered. 

How many times had he and Josh kissed. What made him do it? Who was Seungcheol and why couldn’t they be together? What ran through his mind when Seokmin was around, knowing that he’d kissed Josh more than once? 

The more Jeonghan answered the questions, the more their expressions changed. Jihoon became more and more annoyed. Ten was, simply put, shocked. Kun… disappointed. 

“You did that because Seungcheol doesn’t know if he likes you?” Jihoon surmised. But when he put it like that, Jeonghan felt even worse. Maybe that was the effect that Jihoon was aiming for. He continued to stare down at his fingers, avoiding the looks of his three friends. All it prompted was shame. 

Well deserved shame, he was well aware of. 

“What makes it even worse is that the only reason Seokmin and Josh aren’t together is because of his trauma. You and Josh went behind his back while he was _healing._ That… is unforgivable.” 

“But,” Kun tried but Jihoon was already throwing his things into his backpack to leave. He wasn’t in the mood to listen to any ‘buts’ about the situation. He’d already made up his mind. 

“Jihoon, you never gave me the chance to apologize,” Jeonghan said between deep inhales of breath. “I’m sorry about everything.” 

“Obviously. But tell that to Seokmin _after_ this week ends.” Ten and Kun watched as Jihoon angrily hauled his backpack over his shoulder and stepped away from the picnic table. Jeonghan just sighed, burying his face in cupped hands. He wanted to scream. 

“The whole house is going insane,” Jihoon groaned just before storming off. 

It was silent for a moment, save for the few students that were ambling about, leaves crunching under their shoes. Any other time, Jeonghan would revel in the satisfying sound. 

“Well, Jihoon wasn’t wrong,” Kun began, every word meticulously thought over. With being the parent and older brother of an entire house of his own, Kun was used to doing damage control. A lot like Jeonghan was. 

“I know that,” Jeonghan said, a dejected laugh falling from his lips as tears gathered and eventually fell from his eyes. 

“ _But_ I understand why you did it.” 

Ten uttered his own agreement. 

Jeonghan scoffed, shaking his head. 

“Seriously, I do,” Kun tried again. “Falling for someone who’s questioning is sometimes even harder than falling for someone’s who is straight.”

“You’re the only one that doesn’t call them hets. Such an uncultured gay,” Ten said quietly, causing Jeonghan to chuckle under his breath. 

When Jeonghan heard that low hiss from Ten’s side of the picnic table, he knew that Ten had likely been elbowed right in the ribs. Jeonghan had been on the receiving end of that pointy elbow too many times. 

“Anyway… people that’re questioning give us some type of hope that there actually might be a chance. At least straight people give us a definite answer.” 

Jeonghan looked at Kun through the slight gaps in between his fingers that were still covering his face. 

“It hurts,” Ten added.

“It really fucking does,” Jeonghan agreed. “So much.” 

“But he’s gotta be hurting just as much. We all know that treacherous journey of questioning is…” Kun didn’t even have much of a word. All he could do was sigh at the recollection of his own questioning phase. “I can’t imagine what he’s going through.”

“I know. So I possibly hurt Seungcheol along with Seokmin now. And Jihoon’s super pissed at me.” Jeonghan scoffed. “Great. I’m even more horrible… I don’t know why I did it. I just liked the feeling. I knew I was hurting Seokmin, but I… I don’t know anymore.”

“Love is just fucking you up, isn’t it?” Ten asked. 

Jeonghan let his hands fall and gave Ten a pointed look. “You have no idea.” 

“We have no time for that though. As leaders, we’re basically parents. They have to trust us more than anyone else if we can truly be good leaders. You did betray your friend’s trust but the least you could do is own up to it and apologize.”

Jeonghan nodded. 

Everyone in the house respected and trusted him. So much that they created a stupid rule to not upset him. It only made him feel worse that he’d betrayed that trust, not just of Seokmin but potentially all of them. 

Being a leader meant that his actions held much more weight. What was expected of him was even higher and it was the fact that Jeonghan always met those expectations that they all cherished him so much. 

Things would change, and it was terrifying. 

“And Hannie, if you want someone to release stress with, call me instead,” Kun laughed. 

“You’re stupid.” Jeonghan joined along in the laughter while the tears still slid down his reddened cheeks. He didn’t bother to wipe them, more would continue to fall either. 

But Kun stood and leaned across the table and ran his thumb across just below Jeonghan’s red, puffy eyes. “You’re too cute to cry, Hannie.” 

It only seemed to make Jeonghan cry more though as he coughed between laughs. “You’re so much better than I am, Kun.”

“I just said that you’re too cute to cry, didn’t I?” Kun feigned exasperation. “And just because I haven’t told you things that I’ve done, doesn’t mean I’m perfect. We’re leaders… but we’re also human.”

“And gay ass college students on top of that,” Ten huffed. “We’re all a chaotic mess. Just look at the way we’re sitting.” 

Jeonghan and Kun dissolved into laughter, their serious moment interrupted. 

Ten and Jeonghan were both sitting cross legged in the small space of the picnic table seats. Kun was the only one sitting normally, but that was because Kun was a rare type of gay. 

Jeonghan nor anyone else would have him any other way. 

***

To put it simply, Mingyu missed Wonwoo. He was right there yet he was so distant. 

It was a cliche phrase that he’d heard so many times in those stupid romance movies he watched with Soonyoung all the time, but he never would’ve imagined that he would be in this situation himself. 

Day by day had gone by and Wonwoo hadn’t spoken a word to him. Despite the yelling in his mind every time Wonwoo and him crossed paths, Mingyu kept his lips tightly shut every time. 

Hell, Mingyu didn’t even apologize for the bullshit he’d said yet. Of course Wonwoo wouldn’t talk to him. 

Mingyu loosened his grip on the steering wheel and unbuckled his seatbelt, deeply exhaling to rid his mind of bad thoughts. He’d just pulled up in front of Seungcheol’s house with Jihoon, Soonyoung, Seokmin, and Chan in the car with him. 

Since he was the one who proposed the idea of keeping Seungcheol company, the least he could do for his favorite het was to be there physically as well as mentally. But he wasn’t the only one in a bad mood. 

Jihoon was only feeling fine because Soonyoung and Chan wouldn’t shut up long enough for him to truly form any upsetting thoughts about earlier. Guess he was grateful for that though. 

“Junhui and Minghao just wanted to have sex so I left them alone,” Chan grumbled again after being scolded for the third time by Soonyoung for not forcing the couple to come along. He was going to, but he didn’t have the guts to burst into a room where the two were probably naked. 

Just the thought of that image made him cringe. 

“We’re here already anyway,” Jihoon said from the passenger seat. 

“Why’re we still sitting in the car,” Seokmin asked, his voice unusually groggy. 

“Did you just fall asleep?” Mingyu questioned, looking at Seokmin through the rearview mirror.

“Just for a moment.” 

“You should’ve stayed home,” Soonyoung said. “Know you had a long day.”

“I didn’t have an exam today. But I talked to my aunt today… about what happened to me. I guess I’m just exhausted after that conversation.” Seokmin let his head lean against the car window. “But Seungcheol needed me, so I couldn’t just stay home.” 

“Why didn’t you tell one of us to be there with you,” Mingyu said, whipping around in his seat to glare at Seokmin who didn’t seem to care much about it. 

“Josh was there with me the whole time.” 

Jihoon almost scoffed aloud if it weren’t for the fact that he was a lot more empathetic than he gave himself credit for. If it were up to Jihoon, he’d punch Josh straight in the face without any regrets, but he knew that now wasn’t the time to express that. 

So instead, he just absently nodded along in agreement to what Soonyoung was saying about being grateful for someone like Josh. But Jihoon could only pretend for so long before his brutal candidness wanted to just blurt out the truth.

“Let’s go. Cheol’s probably waiting for us,” Jihoon said, throwing open the passenger door. 

Seungcheol was actually curled up on the couch eating cup noodles under a warm blanket when there were a couple of hard knocks on the door. From his spot on the living room sofa, Seungcheol could easily hear the loud voices of his friends. 

Yet he still sat there, slurping noodles while staring at the door. He would get up eventually. 

“Cheol, why’re you just sitting there?” His mom asked. She was on her way to the kitchen when there was another series of knocks. “Aren’t these your friends?”

“Yeah… but I’m eating noodles,” Seungcheol said, mouthful of noodles almost as if to solidify his point. It earned him a slap to the back of the head along the way but at least his mom was going to open the door. 

He sat there and watched as his mother greeted his friends with a bright smile. Seungcheol was just hoping that she didn’t say something cheesy and embarrassing like, “Thank you for being my son’s friend.”

That smile on her face was doing a good job of conveying her excitement, but luckily Jihoon was the only observant one and he looked too tired to notice. 

“I’ll leave you to it then,” she said, giving one last look to Seungcheol and then going back to doing whatever she’d been doing before. 

“Jihoon, why do you look like that?” Seungcheol asked. “It’s a little more angry than usual.” 

The aforementioned flipped him off as he settled down on the couch next to Seungcheol. “I would make a joke about your anxiety but I’m not that much of an asshole,” Jihoon uttered. “So what’re we gonna watch?”

“A scary movie,” Soonyoung settled down on the floor just below Jihoon, who put his feet on his shoulders like a silent agreement between the two. Soonyoung was Jihoon’s favorite right now… well besides Seungcheol and Seokmin. 

“Seokmin, come sit with me,” Mingyu said, making space on the loveseat for him. “I’m gonna be scared all by myself.”

“You were given all that height for nothing,” Chan shook his head. In the same breath, he was nudging Seungcheol for a bite of the latter’s food. With an annoyed groan, Seungcheol gave in and fed Chan the last bit of his dinner. 

“I’m scary and proud,” Mingyu declared, lounging one of his legs over the side of the couch. Seungcheol guessed that was comfortable to him. Seokmin settled next to him. 

“Seungcheol, you pick?” Soonyoung said from the floor. 

“Sure,” Seungcheol said. Just as he started to get up, Seungcheol hesitated. He’d asked his parents earlier, but who was better to ask about his problem than those who’ve been through it themselves. 

“You okay?” Seokmin asked, voice cautious. 

“Yeah. But I wanted to ask you guys something.” Seungcheol struggled to swallow, poking holes into the styrofoam of his empty cup noodles. “This just me, a hetero asking you guys about it. I-”

“Cheol, you’re so gay,” Mingyu laughed. 

“I- What?” Seungcheol sputtered, completely bewildered as he looked towards the hallway to see if his parents were around. “What’re you talking about?”

“What kind of straight person calls themself a hetero?” Soonyoung chuckled. 

“Y-You guys are the ones always c-calling me a hetero!” Seungcheol said, anxiousness causing him to struggle to stay quiet. “It just rubbed off on me.” 

“Sure, it did,” Chan said. 

“Let him ask the question, guys,” Jihoon voiced. When it quieted down enough, they all turned their attention to Seungcheol again.

“How did you guys know… like… you know… that you weren’t straight?”

“That question is pretty gay too,” Soonyoung uttered.

“I’m just asking! I want to understand y’all better. Is that such a crime?” 

They all considered it for a moment and Seungcheol briefly glanced at Jihoon. He hoped that he wouldn’t see through his lie. 

“Well, you already know mine,” Seokmin said quietly. Seungcheol nodded. Of course he remembered Seokmin’s story, so he didn’t ask anything more of him. 

“For me, it was a crush,” Mingyu answered, eyes looking upward as if he were thinking about it. His pensive expression dissolved into a laugh. “I really fucking liked this guy.”

“Same,” Chan said. “I denied it for a long time. Such a shame, I bet his lips were soft too.” 

“A friend kissed me,” Jihoon shrugged. “I slapped him for not asking me, but I did like it a little bit. So I kissed a couple other people too.”

“Okay…” Seungcheol nodded, storing all of the information so he could hopelessly contemplate over it later while he was trying to sleep. 

“So, can we watch a movie now?” Soonyoung asked. 

“Yeah, I’ll-”

“Now I see where he gets it from,” a voice from behind them said, chuckling in amusement. 

“Hey, Mr. Choi!” Chan waved, prompting the rest of them to do the same. 

“What’re you talking about dad?” Seungcheol asked, wanting his dad to leave as soon as possible. He was sometimes just as embarrassing as his mom was. 

“The way you sit.” His dad gestured to Mingyu and Seokmin first. “Seungcheol hasn't sat like a regular person since he started living there.” 

“For real?” Soonyoung scoffed loudly. He turned to Seungcheol, giving him a knowing look. 

“ _Dad_ ,” Seungcheol groaned. “Why is that necessary to say?” 

“I’m just saying,” his dad said innocently. “Your mom was thinking about buying different chairs for the dining table since you sit cross legged on everything nowadays.” 

“It’s a thing that everyone in the house does,” Jihoon said. “It’s only natural that it rubs off on him.”

“I guess so. It’s nice to meet you guys.” 

“Nice to meet you too!” 

Seungcheol brought his legs up to his chest and let his head hang so he was hiding in his own imitation of a cocoon. He didn’t know when exactly his dad had left but when the room broke out into laughter, Seungcheol made a quick guess that he was long gone. 

“Shut up, guys.” 

“You’re so gay, Cheol.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took forever and I'm sorryyy. I've been so busy but I'm back again. :) 
> 
> Seungcheol... is a gay and we stan harder than ever before.


	22. Chapter 21

Midterms were finally over. Fucking finally. 

For Seungkwan, midterms flew by since he never had much of a problem with exams. He was confident in his abilities and his grades always reflected that. The reason he was rushing the week along was because of his ‘date’ with Hansol. 

He wasn’t sure what to call it exactly. Babysitting was an odd first date but Seungkwan couldn’t find it within himself to complain. He and Hansol always had fun no matter what they did. 

But today was  _ finally  _ Friday. 

“Where are you going?” Wonwoo asked. He initially just wanted to peek and then leavebut when he saw that Seungkwan was packing a bag, he’d gotten curious. 

“I have a date,” Seungkwan grinned, while folding a couple more shirts to pack. 

“You need extra clothes for a date?” Wonwoo hummed with a suggestive smirk. “I didn’t know you were into sex on the first date. I mean, I understand the desperation but-”

“Woo, you’re the desperate one, not me.” 

“True,” Wonwoo agreed shamelessly. He’d long ago accepted it. “Anyway, so why do you have extra clothes.”

“I’m staying over for the weekend because we’re babysitting together.”

Wonwoo grimaced. “Kids?”

“They’re sixteen year old girls,” Seungkwan chuckled. 

“Still. I don’t like kids,” Wonwoo mumbled, frown still prevalent as he sat down on Seungkwan’s bed. “But you do, so have fun. Don’t do anything nasty in front of the kids.”

“Again, that’s something only you would do.”

“Again. That’s true.” 

The two dissolved into laughter together. Seungkwan then began to pack socks. “So. Did you talk to Mingyu yet?” 

“No,” Wonwoo sighed, an immediate pout taking form on his lips. “I want to, but I don’t know how.”

“Jihoon’s gonna kill you two,” Seungkwan warned. Jihoon had confided in Seungkwan the other day while the latter was trying to study. Jihoon was pretty vague while venting but when he brought up Wonwoo and Mingyu, Seungkwan didn’t have to be a genius to figure out he was talking about the two avoiding each other. 

“I know. I honestly wish he would. I’m sick of my life.” 

“Me too,” Seungkwan mumbled. Wonwoo most likely heard him but probably didn’t care enough to retort. “How about you go out with them tonight? I heard they were going to dinner and then clubbing.”

“Who?”

“Minghao, Junhui, Mingyu, and I think a couple others,” Seungkwan listed. “I think it’ll be good for you to go.” 

“I’ll only make things awkward. Plus, I told Changkyun I’d celebrate the end of midterms with him tonight,” Wonwoo said, voice low in thought and pondering. He wasn’t one to cancel things, but Wonwoo genuinely wanted to make up with Mingyu soon. It was just never the right time it seemed. “Matter of fact, I should probably go and get dressed, right?” 

“Sure,” Seungkwan answered, slightly amused. 

“Not a date.”

“I didn’t say anything!” 

“You wanted to, asshole,” Wonwoo grumbled as he headed for the door. All of it was lighthearted joking so Wonwoo was completely expecting the “love you” shouted his way as he shut the door behind him and headed to his room that he shared with Seokmin. 

It reminded him of his relationship with his actual brother before Wonwoo came out. Nowadays, Wonwoo’s relationship with his brother was nothing more than an awkward mess. When would he finally understand that Wonwoo was still the same person that he’d always been while growing up? 

Wonwoo could only sigh thinking about this weekend. Three days with his pompous, hypercritical family felt like three weeks to someone as flawed as him. When he was young, he would always joke about how his older brother took all of the perfect genes and left Wonwoo with nothing at all. 

Main example: Hangyeol was straight, and Wonwoo was gay. Hangyeol was a thriving, upcoming business man, and Wonwoo was struggling to get a degree in pre med optometry. The list went on for what seemed like miles to Wonwoo. 

If he ever needed a reminder, his parents would happily provide it. 

He was leaving tomorrow evening yet he’d still found no one to help him with his problem. 

This weekend, his parents invited him to a work event that was important for their corporate business positions. Wonwoo would’ve loved to say that he was busy, but when his mom called and gave him the ‘invite,’ he knew that it meant that he’d  _ better  _ be there. 

“Bring a guy along if you have to,” she’d muttered. “Just make sure he doesn’t embarrass us.”

Wonwoo could go alone, but he didn’t think he’d be able to handle his family all by himself. 

While pulling out a random shirt from the closet, the sound of the door opening-- and the slight increase in volume of laughing in the hallway-- caught his attention. 

“They’re acting like they haven’t seen me in weeks,” Seungcheol complained. He closed the door behind him as if he had snuck away from all of the commotion. Wonwoo couldn’t blame him.

“We missed our het,” Wonwoo cooed, returning to his closet to look for a pair of jeans. 

“Doesn’t feel like it when you can’t even call me by name,” Seungcheol continued to grumble as he approached Wonwoo and snatched the shirt from his grasp. “I’m gonna start introducing myself as ‘hetero’ soon.”

“That’s-”

“Gay. I know… But I’m not gay.” 

“It’s a tragedy, for sure.” Wonwoo turned and tossed his pants at Seungcheol to catch. “But I was gonna say that that’s unnecessary. If you want them to stop, just tell Jeonghan and trust me, you’ll never hear another het joke.” 

Seungcheol only hummed. He knew that they all were jokes and that none of them held any truth. It was no secret that he was loved here. Straight or not. It was simply the fact that he would rather not think about his sexuality right now. 

“Sorry.”

“No problem,” Wonwoo shrugged as he began to shed himself of his clothes. 

“Where you going?” Seungcheol asked. “I thought they were going later.”

“I’m just celebrating the end of midterms with a friend.”

“Oh, I-”

“Seungcheol!” The door opened again, but it was Mingyu this time. “They’re looking for you downstairs.”

With a smack of his teeth, Seungcheol handed the bundle of clothes to a mostly naked Wonwoo and begrudgingly trudged past Mingyu and down the hall. Which meant that Mingyu and Wonwoo were left there alone. 

His words steadily becoming stuck in his throat, Mingyu only managed to move into the room and softly closed the door behind him. All the while, Wonwoo attempted to feign nonchalance as he continued to put his clothes on. 

In reality, Wonwoo was just as nervous. Not only had they not fought like this before, Wonwoo needed to ask a huge favor of Mingyu that involved this weekend with his family. He’d thought about all of his other housemates, wanting to avoid an awkward conversation with Mingyu like this. But when thinking about his family’s high standards, the only one that would come close to actually fitting their stupid criteria would be Mingyu. 

“Hey,” Mingyu said. It was actually his second time attempting to say it but the first time, nothing came out and only his lips moved. 

“Hey,” Wonwoo said, pulling on his shirt, making only the briefest of eye contact with the other. When it seemed like that was all Mingyu would manage to say no matter how much he was yelling at himself to say something, Wonwoo let out a deep sigh. 

“Can you come with me to this event this weekend? It’s with my family and I need someone to come with me.” Despite how confident Wonwoo came off to Mingyu, he had to admit that he was having trouble breathing, his fingers trembling slightly as he tried to button his jeans.

The things Mingyu did to him… 

“O-Of course,” Mingyu sputtered after a moment. “Yeah. Why would I say no?”

“I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend,” Wonwoo added. This time, his voice was close to a whisper, letting Mingyu finally see a sliver of just how Wonwoo was truly feeling. 

“I don’t mind that either,” Mingyu spoke softly. “You’re my best friend so I’d do anything for you.” 

Wonwoo didn’t answer immediately, a bit struck by being called his best friend, completely missing the hidden meaning behind the words. 

To Mingyu, Wonwoo was his best friend and the qualities that made him his best friend was also why he loved him. There was no difference to Mingyu. But, Wonwoo didn’t know that. 

“Yeah. Best friends,” Wonwoo uttered as he approached his desk for his brush, his back still facing Mingyu. “Um. Tomorrow, we’ll go buy something for us to wear.”

“Perfect,” Mingyu said. “And I wanna say that I’m sorry about last weekend. I was upset and jealous. You don’t deserve any of that bullshit that I said… I love you, Wonwoo. Don’t forget that.”

“I love you too… Wouldn’t be best friends if I didn’t, right?” Wonwoo turned around and gave his best smile to hide the pain. Mingyu could only laugh. 

“Yup.”

***

“Please?”

“No.”

“Please.”

“No.”

“Jihoon.”

“Soonyoung. I don’t wanna go,” Jihoon said firmly, having no choice but to put his notebook aside until Soonyoung left him alone. “Why does it matter if I go anyway?”

“I don’t know!” Soonyoung groaned truthfully, flopping back on Jihoon’s bunk. His legs kicked over the edge. “I just don’t want you here doing nothing.”

“I’m writing songs,” Jihoon said with a shake of his head. “I’m not gonna be alone either. Chan is gonna be here too. You just want me to come with you.”

“Yeah! I do,” Soonyoung whined. Jihoon struggled to hold back a laugh at Soonyoung’s honesty. “So, come on.”

“No.”

“You’re mean.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” Jihoon said sarcastically.

“How?” Soonyoung smirked ecstatically. Jihoon just rolled his eyes.

“We can cuddle tonight when you get back.”

Soonyoung hummed in thought. It wasn’t that he wasn’t going to take the cuddling, he just knew that Jihoon wasn’t a big cuddler. Sure, he did it sometimes, but other times Jihoon preferred his own space. “You sure?”

“I suggested it, didn’t I?”

“Right…” Soonyoung paused, causing Jihoon to give him a pointed and questioning look. 

“What is it?”

“Will you show me your lyrics too?”

“Hell to the no.” Jihoon clutched his notebook to his chest as if to solidify the fact that his notebook was for his eyes only. Jeonghan had to learn that the hard way after moving Jihoon’s notebook without permission. 

Soonyoung was expecting that, but didn’t let that stop him. “I’ll show you a dance I’ve been choreographing.”

“I don’t remember asking for that though.”

“But I know you wanna see it.” Soonyoung started poking at Jihoon’s pale feet that the latter quickly pulled away. There’s no doubt he’d feel horrible if he kicked Soonyoung straight in the face-- even if it’ll be kind of funny. 

“Soonyoung, I-”

“Just think about it, at least,” Soonyoung said before Jihoon could deny him yet again. Even if Jihoon didn’t let him read his lyrics, he’d still like him to review his choreography. Jihoon would be the most brutally honest out of all them. Giving him the truth, even if it might hurt his feelings. “Please.”

Soonyoung was whispering, all sweet and shit. Jihoon couldn’t help but grimace at him for a moment. “One day… I’m gonna shove my fist up your ass,” Jihoon said mockingly, leaning closer to utter it in the same type of whisper.

Soonyoung wiggled his eyebrows. Not one to back done from a fight, he shrugged. “I think I’ll pass on that one. Sexual activity isn’t my thing. Fisting is kind of intense anyway, but I do like kissing and cuddling if you’re interested.”

“In your motherfucking dreams.”

“Most definitely.” 

Jihoon rolled his eyes and relaxed back into his pillow. It only took a moment before a smile broke out on the usually stern softness that was Jihoon’s face. He didn’t want to give Soonyoung the satisfaction that his stupidity made him laugh but the more he thought about it, the funnier it became. 

***

Jeonghan closed his laptop immediately after ensuring that he’d sent the email concerning the food to Kun. Sure, he was stressed but he still had priorities and a list of things to do written on his whiteboard. After wiping that task off of the board, Jeonghan decided to check on Seokmin. 

After all, “Call Josh” was written in small letters, so Jeonghan only found that the only acceptable thing to do was to talk to Seokmin before doing so. At least, it was the only thing that would make him feel a little less guilty about it all. 

“Jihoon, where’s Seokmin?” Jeonghan turned to look at Jihoon who was busy writing in his notebook on his bunk. 

“Why? You finally gonna tell him about it?” Jihoon still didn’t look up from his notebook. Jeonghan, however, still gave him a pointed look. 

“Not yet,” he murmured, any other words dying on his tongue when he heard Jihoon scoff. All he could really do is swallow down the guilt. 

“He’s supposed to be taking a shower,” Jihoon said after a moment, feeling a bit of remorse for Jeonghan. 

“Thanks.” He wasn’t sure if it was loud enough for Jihoon to fully hear it but he wanted to escape the increasingly suffocating atmosphere that was slowly overwhelming Jeonghan as soon as possible. Yet the words still lingered, only becoming a little more faint once he knocked on the bathroom door and was met with a cheerful “Come in!” 

“Hey, Min,” Jeonghan said, slipping in quickly. Seokmin was standing in front of the mirror, a towel tied around his waist while he combed through his wet hair. “You’re going with them?” 

Seokmin shrugged. “I might as well. I have nothing better to do,” he chuckled. 

Jeonghan was lingering by the door when he saw a droplet of water slide down Seokmin’s neck, causing the latter to shiver in disgust. Grabbing another towel, Jeonghan approached him and draped it over Seokmin’s shoulders. 

“Thanks, I hate that feeling,” Seokmin hummed, still primarily focused on his hair. 

“I know.” With a gentle smile and a delicate touch to match, Jeonghan wrapped his arms around Seokmin’s waist and rested his chin upon his shoulder. Seokmin giggled, meeting Jeonghan’s gaze in the mirror. 

“Why so sweet all of a sudden?” 

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan hummed, tightening his embrace on Seokmin’s waist. “You’ve had a rough time since starting therapy so I just wanna be here for you.”

“Don’t worry about me too much,” Seokmin said. He even titled his head to rest on Jeonghan’s. 

“That’s like telling me not to breathe.” 

“You can even ask Josh. I’ve been handling it fine.”

“Why would I ask him?” 

“He said you guys were close,” Seokmin said, voice chipper. Jeonghan chuckled, one of relief and sudden anxiousness. 

“We are,” Jeonghan hummed. “But, I want to hear it from you.” A couple of pokes to the stomach Seokmin was laughing loud enough to alert the entire house if it weren’t for the fact that they were loud enough already. 

“I’m okay,” Seokmin reassured, now all of a sudden against the wall after shaking Jeonghan off of him to flee from the tickling. “I promise.”

Jeonghan nodded. “So. Are you gonna go with Minghao and them?”

“Yeah. You’re not coming?” A small pout followed. 

“I was gonna stay here, but if you want me to come then…” Jeonghan trailed off in a hopeful tone. 

“Bitch, of course I want you to come.”

“Bitch?” Jeonghan laughed. 

“Sorry. I’ve been hanging around Seungkwan a bit too much lately.”

“Okay well meet me in my room to help me get dressed when you’re done.” If Jeonghan were telling the truth, he honestly would much rather stay home. He was emotionally exhausted. However, even if Seokmin didn’t know it yet, Jeonghan was working to redeem himself before even admitting it to him.

Seokmin scoffed. “Not like you’ll end up wearing anything other than a sweater anyway.” 

“That’s true. But it’s a bonding moment.” 

Seokmin probably said something, that bright smile causing the guiltiness inside of Jeonghan to rage even harder. But Jeonghan wouldn’t know what he said because he’d already slipped out of the bathroom and was returning to his room. 

Soonyoung and Jihoon were in the top bunk together, quietly laughing. Soonyoung immediately perked at the sight of Jeonghan, but the latter didn’t register much of what was going on. Most of his attention was focused on quickly calling Joshua before Seokmin came in.

“Where you going, Hannie?” Soonyoung asked. He was just in the middle of talking.

“Gotta call my mom,” Jeonghan said shortly. Even though he hadn’t seen him, Jeonghan was sure that Jihoon had seen completely through that lie. 

Almost as if the other had been waiting for his call, Josh had answered on the second ring. Jeonghan leaned against the wall just outside of his room.

“What’s up?” Josh said. 

“You sound… exhausted,” Jeonghan chuckled quietly. “Last midterm went okay?” Two days before Jeonghan had gone over to Josh’s apartment, but that was the last time they’d spoken. 

“Yeah. Plus, I’m at dinner with my family, and it’s kind of annoying. But I stepped away so…” He trailed off, waiting for Jeonghan’s answer. 

“Hey, Hannie,” Mingyu greeted, as he ran up the stairs and peeked into a room that he was sure belonged to Wonwoo and Seokmin. 

“Seokmin,” Jeonghan said simply, once he ensured that no one else was around. “We need to tell him.”

It was quiet for a moment too long. “Yeah. We can tell him together.” 

“Yeah.” 

Seungcheol was the next one to walk by, smiling his way as a greeting since Jeonghan was on the phone, before he went down the stairs. 

“I’ll text you a time. Okay?”  
“Okay. Bye.” 

“Later.” 

Jeonghan hadn’t even gotten a chance to end the call on his own, especially since Seokmin was stepping out of the bathroom at the same time. “Why aren’t you looking for something!” 

“My mom called,” Jeonghan said. “But we have more important things to worry about.” 

***

“Stop chewing on your fingernails,” Minghao groaned. “You’re making me nervous.”

Seungcheol stopped and looked around for what seemed for about the tenth time in five minutes. 

“No one’s coming. What’d you do? Did you kill someone?” Chan gasped and almost punched the table from excitement. “Was it Demi?”

“What?” Seungcheol frowned. “No. Why would you be so excited about that?”

Minghao sighed in disappointment. “Tragic.”

“Look… you can’t tell anyone else about this for now. But I wanted to go somewhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have anything to say except thanks!


	23. Chapter 22

“You wanna go to a  _ what _ ?” Chan gaped, struggling to keep quiet, but was faced with no choice when Minghao pressed a clasped hand over his mouth. 

“Someone’s gonna hear you,” Seungcheol said, giving a slightly wilted look at the two. “Please, don’t make me regret telling you.” 

“Okay. Okay. I’m gonna be quiet.” Chan immediately put on the sternest expression he could muster up, no matter how much he wanted to giggle. Seungcheol could only roll his eyes. Minghao, on the other hand, had already understood the hidden severity of the situation despite the fact that he was smirking cunningly all the while. 

“What’re you looking like that for?” Seungcheol asked Minghao, not at all liking the look on his face. 

“Still wondering why you wanna go to a gay bar all of a sudden” 

“D-Don’t say it out loud,” Seungcheol whined, kicking Minghao under the dining table. “I should’ve asked someone else.” 

“You just said it though,” Chan said. 

“It’s different when I say it though.”

Seungcheol had no idea why he’d even asked in the first place but after his talk with his parents, he’d decided that it was time to just try it out. One could only sit and wallow there in mind numbing worry and anxiety for so long. 

He was surrounded by support yet instead of ever reaching out for the several hands that were open to him, Seungcheol hid. The stupid voice in the back of his mind telling him that he was nothing more than a burden on the people around him. Or even worse, what if he offended all of his friends? 

But Seungcheol’s sanity seemed to be on the line, here, and he didn’t want to sit by and watch it happen.

Talking about his problems got him only so far, yet it’ll be completely useless if Seungcheol didn’t take action, even if it was just a small step. 

So, he wanted to a gay bar to confirm his suspicions. 

***

Hansol was waiting outside, pacing in the dark, when Seokmin pulled up in front of his house. Seungkwan was in the passenger seat trying to master the skill of acting calm and collected in just a single ride. 

“You’re overreacting,” Seokmin groaned, side eyeing Seungkwan. 

“Well, sorry if I’m traumatized by the fact that all of the first dates I went on always ended in me being friendzoned,” Seungkwan sassed. He threw off his seatbelt, ready to get out of the car before Seokmin could even attempt to insult him more, but Seokmin grabbed him. 

“He called it a date,” Seokmin reminded him. 

Seungkwan sighed deeply, hand still gripping the door. “You’re right.”

“I know,” Seokmin smiled, loosening his hold on Seungkwan. “Now get out and get your things out of the backseat. I wanna go home.” 

“Lame. It’s a Friday night and you wanna go to sleep.”

“Shut up.”

When Seungkwan stepped out of the car, Hansol was hurrying down the path to meet him, an effervescent smile adorning his face. However, halfway there, something in Hansol told him that he was being much too eager. He probably looked stupid. 

Hoping that the dark was on his side, he stopped halfway and gave a composed wave, other hand stuffed in his pajama pants pocket,as he watched Seungkwan grab his bags from the backseat. 

Yeah. This was cool. 

“Hey!” Seungkwan chirped. Hansol could hear the smile in his enthusiastic voice. Meeting Hansol halfway down the concrete path, Seungkwan embraced him. “I hope it was okay for me to hug you,” he coughed awkwardly as he pulled away. 

“It’s fine. Promise,” Hansol reassured, briefly looking back at the car that peeled off down the road once again. 

“Are they here yet?” Seungkwan asked. 

A confused expression overtook Hansol for a moment before he realized that Seungkwan was talking about his sister and her friends. “Yeah. They’re inside trying to figure out what they want to eat for dinner. Oh! And one of her friends, Jinsol, has albinism so… don’t stare at her. She hates that.” 

Seungkwan nodded, swatting away a bug that flew by. “I wouldn’t stare at anyone like that by the way.”

“I know,” Hansol nervously chuckled, hoping that he hadn’t offended him. “I just wanted to make sure.”

Seungkwan smiled at Hansol’s anxiousness. “I know, but can we go inside? These bugs are annoying the hell out of me.” 

“Oh shit. Yeah. Let’s go before you get all bitten up.” Hansol was gonna make a joke but he knew it was a little bit too early for him to say things like that. He didn’t wanna fuck things up before they even had the chance to begin properly. 

When Hansol pushed open the door to the house, Seungkwan was met with the loud laughing of girls towards the right of them. However, Seungkwan was slightly busy taking in the lovely home, well what he could see of it at the moment. 

“This is Seungkwan. He’s gonna be helping me babysit, you annoying pests,” Hansol announced. All three of the girls looked their way, prominent frowns on their face at the insult.

“Hey!” A girl with a very noticeable scar on her left cheek that extended up to her left ear chimed. That must be Hansol’s sister. It was telling, not only by the scar Hansol mentioned, but also by the fact that she looked very similar to her older brother. 

“That’s my stupid sister, Yerim,” Hansol hummed in a sweetly sarcastic tone, earning him a hard middle finger from his sister. 

“Happy birthday,” Seungkwan grinned at the girl, which seemed to make her even more giddy. 

“Thanks! It’s technically tomorrow but still. I like you already!” 

“And that’s Sooyoung.” Hansol pointed at a girl with distinct, curly hair, tanned skin, and pretty white teeth that shone bright when she smiled. 

“You can call me, Eve, though,” she said, still lounging on the floor with her head perched on the girl who must’ve been Jinsol’s leg. 

Jinsol immediately stuck out, her skin, eyes, and hair all lacking pigment. Her glasses were on her forehead, but she quickly pulled them down over her icy blue eyes to grin and get a good look at Seungkwan.

Seungkwan followed through on his promise and returned the smile that Jinsol had given all the while trying to kick off his shoes.

“That’s Jinsol,” Hansol finished off as he locked the front door. “Okay, so did y’all figure out what you wanted to eat?”

“Chinese take out,” Yerim exclaimed, the tv remote in her grasp as she pointed it ecstatically at the ceiling.

“Don’t forget the eggrolls,” Eve sang. “And soy sauce.”

While Yerim and Eve continued to throw out their suggestions, Jinsol sat quietly, only speaking up when Eve looked up at her friend with a questioning pout. It turned out that Jinsol was simply waiting for her overzealous friends to quiet down in order to say what she wanted. 

“I wanted something spicy,” was all Jinsol said. Eve reached up to pinch her cheek. 

“So fucking cute,” she muttered to which Jinsol only rolled her eyes at. She’d heard that way too many times from her best friends. 

“Okay, so that’s it?” Hansol asked. The girls all nodded before their gazes all fell back on whatever anime was playing on the tv. “Let’s go to my room.” 

Seungkwan was led past the quaint kitchen area, into the hallway, and then followed Hansol into the door on the right. 

“I cleaned up before you got here,” Hansol said. The lightness in his voice gave away just how proud of himself he was. Seungkwan could understand that since he wasn’t much for cleaning up either. It was usually Mingyu and Jeonghan who cleaned up before anyone else had the chance to. Not like he was complaining though. 

“I’m flattered,” Seungkwan smirked as he set his bag on the floor. “Your room’s nice. It’s… you.” 

“Can tell a lot about a person by what’s in their room, right?” Hansol flopped back onto his bed, spread eagle. With a quick nod of his head, he gestured at Seungkwan to come closer. “Come lay with me.” 

It was then that Seungkwan noticed that he was simply standing awkwardly in the corner so he quickly obeyed, sitting at the foot of the bed. This way, he was looking down at Hansol, who pulled his phone from his pocket. 

“Thanks for not being weird with my sister and her friends,” Hansol sighed. 

“Don’t thank me for being a decent person,” Seungkwan huffed. “Makes it seem like it’s an accomplishment instead of something that should be expected.”

“True.” Hansol returned his attention to his phone. “You want anything?” 

“What?” Seungkwan stammered. 

“Food. You want anything?” Hansol elaborated. Then he was smirking. “You’re so dirty minded.” 

“I’m not!” Seungkwan insisted. Waving off the embarrassment, Seungkwan uttered that he would have whatever Yerim asked for. 

“Good choice.” Hansol folded his arm behind his head while his other hand searched through his contacts to find the number to his favorite Chinese take out restaurant. “We order take-out a lot,” Hansol explained as he pressed the contact number, a woman’s voice answering within a few rings. 

Seungkwan silently waited. Or at least he tried to until Hansol began prodding at his leg. Seungkwan poked Hansol back, on the nose this time. It went back and forth like that for a while as Hansol ordered what sounded like a rehearsed order. It progressed to a few childish hits as Hansol struggled to keep his voice leveled. 

“Stop it. What’re you? Five years old?” Seungkwan whispered, hoping up off of the bed to get away from Hansol’s light, playful punches, in an attempt to not disrupt the woman over the phone. But Hansol was on his feet in seconds, backing Seungkwan into a corner all the while with his phone pressed to his ear. 

“I’m gonna punch you,” Seungkwan mouthed, desperately holding back a laugh, as he was cornered. Hansol only raised his eyebrows, almost as if to silently provoke Seungkwan. 

“Yeah, yeah. Great,” Hansol said to the woman. “Thank you so much. Bye, bye.” 

When Hansol hung up the phone, the both of them broke out into laughter. “You’re so annoying!” Seungkwan groaned between laughs, pushing Hansol away. 

“I was just joking around,” Hansol drawled as he climbed back into his bed. This time, Seungkwan cautiously followed. 

“I see what type of person you are,” Seungkwan hummed as he settled on the other side of the bed. “You like to tease. I don’t know how I feel about that.” 

“Oh, don’t be like that,” Hansol pouted. “It’s our first date.”

“And you’re saying that  _ because? _ ” 

“Just wanted to say it again,” Hansol muttered under his breath. “I know it doesn’t feel like a date with my sister and her friends here.” 

Seungkwan shrugged. “They’re in there and we are in here. So technically, we’re alone.” 

“There you go being dirty again.” 

“I wasn’t being dirty minded!” Seungkwan growled as he gave a particularly hard punch to Hansol’s upper arm.

If Hansol were being honest, he wasn’t used to that. When girls usually hit him, it never hurt him. Sure, it might sting a little but only for a quick second before it faded and he was back to teasing. But Seungkwan hit a bit too hard, yet Hansol continued to laugh. 

He guessed that was another thing he had to watch out for while dating a guy. Or maybe it was just that Seungkwan was heavy handed. But another thing that he always thought about when pondering on what having a boyfriend was like was… 

“You wanna play video games?” Hansol asked, pointed at the assortment of different game consoles, messily set up under his television. Hansol was well aware that girls played video games too, but all of the girlfriends he’s had never really cared for video games. 

“Are you sure you wanna play?” Seungkwan said, his face twisting in what seemed like genuine concern. “Better yet, I should be asking if you’re ready for me to kick your ass in whatever game we play.” 

“That a challenge?” Hansol dared, shifting around in bed so that his head was pressed against his headboard. 

Seungkwan pretended to think, mimicking the face he usually made when he was deep in thought. “Yeah,” Seungkwan answered. “I actually think it is.” 

***

Wonwoo woke up early the next morning, finding it hard to sleep knowing that in just some hours, he’d be in the car on his way to his parents’ home that was a three hour drive away. Even worse, Mingyu was going to be with him. 

For a Saturday, which tended to be one of Wonwoo’s-- and any other college student’s-- favorite days of the week, today was going to be horrible. The least he could do for himself was start his day with some ice cream. 

“You look like shit,” a tired voice observed as soon as he entered the kitchen. 

“So do you,” Wonwoo retorted to Jeonghan, who was sleepily leaning against the counter, eating out of the bag of marshmallows. Jeonghan only grunted out his agreement that he was well aware of how bad he looked too. 

“Shitty Saturday?” Wonwoo questioned while digging in the fridge. 

“More or less,” Jeonghan admitted. ‘When you go upstairs, tell Seokmin that I’m taking him out tonight.” 

“Why?” 

Jeonghan shrugged. “He’s been going through a lot.” 

“Okay. I’ll tell him.”

***

“On a scale of one to ten, how homophobic are your parents?”

“Seriously?” 

“Yeah! Answer it,” Mingyu bellowed from the passenger seat. “I need to know for my own mental health.” 

Wonwoo sucked his teeth but couldn’t help but laugh, gripping the steering wheel as a reminder to himself to stay focused on the road no matter how funny Mingyu was. 

“You’re laughing, but I’m serious,” Mingyu continued, that same hilariously exasperated look on his face.   
When Wonwoo and Mingyu left just an hour ago, Wonwoo was dreading the car ride. Over and over again, he reminded himself of how awkward and internally vexing these three hours would be. 

But after going a week without talking to Mingyu, it seems like he’d forgotten a little bit about Mingyu.

Once Wonwoo had verbally accepted his apology, Mingyu was back to acting as if it hadn’t happened at all. It was one of the reasons Mingyu clicked so well with Wonwoo, who would still be constantly overthinking if Mingyu wanted him around even after the talk. Mingyu always put his best friend’s worrisome thoughts to rest without even trying. 

Wonwoo, too, had forgotten all about those thoughts as soon as Mingyu hit his head while trying to get in the car while they were leaving. 

“Okay, okay,” Wonwoo grumbled, still reeling from laughing. “A four or a five.” 

Mingyu looked genuinely confused. “Not what I expected from a family like yours. I expected like seven or eight.”

“They just say some homophobic things sometimes, but they didn’t kick me out or abuse me when I came out. But, I can’t tell you how many times they told me that it was a choice for me to be gay. And they constantly talk about how people will see me and the family because of it, but that’s not exactly anything new.” 

Wonwoo’s parents wanted perfection from their children. With a nice house to live in, few incidents where the family was in a financial bind, and ample opportunity to do whatever they liked, his parents saw no reason why Hangyeol and Wonwoo shouldn’t be perfect. All of his childhood, his mother and father preached about the importance of tough love and that it was pivotal that they were hard on Wonwoo and his older brother. 

But as he grew up, he noticed that this ‘tough love’ was just constant judgement and a bar set so high that Wonwoo feared he’d never be able to reach it. Yet, he still loved his parents, so he still worked and worked until he one day would be able to reach that bar. 

It made it even worse because it seemed like Hangyeol would be reaching that bar far before he would. 

“You think your parents are gonna judge me like they judge you and your older brother?” Mingyu asked curiously. 

“You want the truth?” Wonwoo didn’t take his eyes from the road. 

Mingyu nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

“Then, yes. They’re gonna judge you like you’re under a microscope. Point out your flaws and pick you apart… All with a loving smile on their face to make it seem like they want what’s best for you, so be careful.” 

  
  


Wonwoo pulled up in front of his house with an exhausted, somber sigh, while Mingyu was a bit too busy gaping at the house. It wasn’t a mansion or anything, far from it actually, but it was a beautiful home nonetheless. 

“You grew up here?” 

“Yeah,” Wonwoo confirmed, a lot less ecstatic than Mingyu’s own voice.

“I wanna play in the grass,” Mingyu declared, marveling at the large front lawn. 

“Later.”

As the two of them exited the car and made their way to the trunk, Mingyu spotted a handsome man, dressed in a loose, slight unbuttoned dress shirt, taking out the trash. He carried himself in a prim manner but Mingyu could definitely look past the slight snobbishness. Hidden mostly by the car, Mingyu took his sweet time checking him out. 

“Who is  _ that _ ?” Mingyu gawked.

Wonwoo took a quick peak as he slung his bag over his shoulder. “That’s Hangyeol.” Almost as if he’d heard his name mentioned, Hangyeol looked towards the car, locking eyes with his younger brother instantly. 

“Wonwoo?!” Hangyeol shouted. Tossing the trash bag into the garbage can, Hangyeol jogged over to greet Wonwoo with a hug. Mingyu stood aside attempting to look as presentable as possible.

“Uh, this is my boyfriend, Mingyu.” Wonwoo looked to his best friend with a kind, proud smile. Mingyu’s heart clenched tightly and fluttered so quickly that he almost forgot to greet Hangyeol, who had a hand outstretched for him. 

“Hey. You must be Hangyeol,” Mingyu said with a firm voice, shaking the man’s hand with a grip that was just as firm. 

“Wonwoo talks about me?” Hangyeol asked, seemingly surprised. “Shocking.” 

Mingyu chuckled. 

Wonwoo, on the other hand, simply grabbed Mingyu’s bag from the trunk too and reached to shut it. “Have no choice. You’re my brother,” Wonwoo mumbled as he began to lead the way to the front door of the house. To avoid the heartache from last time, Wonwoo didn’t allow himself to feel comforted by Hangyeol’s pleasantness. If he’d learned anything from his last visit, it was that this family was way too good at faking it. And that included him. 

It was actually the sole reason why Wonwoo was invited to come to the event the next day. His mom and dad wanted them all to pretend to be a nice, happy family.

When they stepped inside of the house, he and Mingyu busy taking off their shoes, Hangyeol took their bags and went deeper into the house. “Wonwoo and his partner are here,” he announced. “I’m gonna go and put their bags upstairs. I’ll be done in a second.”

Wonwoo rolled his eyes and groaned low under his breath. “Why does he get to have a ‘girlfriend’ and I have a ‘partner?’” 

Mingyu placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing a bit just for the extra bout of reassurance. Taking advantage of his role as a pretend boyfriend, Mingyu reached down to grab Wonwoo’s hand and bring it up to his lips to press a gentle kiss there. 

Wonwoo liked gentleness. Mingyu never got tired of seeing Wonwoo relax after being treated so gently. “It’ll be okay.” 

Only managing to grin sweetly, Wonwoo’s words were cut short by his mom coming into the living room. She glanced, slightly shocked, at Mingyu. “Wonwoo, you came just as me and your dad finished cooking lunch. Come on, introduce your partner to everyone.”

“Boyfriend,” Wonwoo corrected quietly. Whether his mom heard him or not, he didn’t know because she turned around and sauntered away like she hadn’t heard a thing. Hand in hand, Wonwoo and Mingyu followed the woman. 

In the dining room, a large table beautifully covered with food awaited them. Hangyeol, his girlfriend, Akari, his dad, and his mom sat waiting. 

From at the farther end of the table, his dad smiled. “Wonwoo, we missed you so much,” he smiled, the wrinkles in his face making him look so much more kind than that smile already did. 

How could a smile that genuine be fake? Mingyu wondered.

“I missed you too,” Wonwoo said. Before sitting down, he placed his hand on Mingyu’s shoulder. “This is my boyfriend, Mingyu.”

“Very handsome,” Akari nodded, being the one to usually end the awkward silence in the room. She’d been a part of the family long enough to know when her input or empty words were needed. 

“Yes, he is,” Wonwoo’s mom agreed, already digging into her food. 

“Thank you so much,” Mingyu smiled, wondering if he should bow or not. He ended up not as Wonwoo pushed down lightly on his shoulder to tell him to sit down. Soon after having a plate of food in front of both Wonwoo and Mingyu, the questions instantly began. 

“So Mingyu, what do you major in? Assuming that you actually go to college.”

“Physical therapy,” Mingyu answered, his hand uncharacteristically coming up to hide his mouth as he chewed. It wasn’t something that he usually did without having to think about it first. 

Wonwoo intently watched all of them. Hangyeol didn’t look too impressed, neither did his mom. It was his dad who looked completely disapproving. 

“Have you ever felt like you can do anything better than physical therapy?” His dad asked curiously. Mingyu’s eyebrows jumped up the expanse of his forehead at the forwardness of the question. 

“I guess,” Mingyu said, huffing out a small laugh like he always did at inappropriate times or when he felt nervous. 

“Dad,” Hangyeol said just before shoveling more food into his mouth. 

“It’s only a question.”

Wonwoo gritted his teeth. Despite being the one on the chopping block here, Mingyu grabbed Wonwoo’s hand under the table and left it there for a moment. 

“Anyway, Wonwoo,” his mom said, diverting attention away from the weird conversation. 

“Yeah?”

“Tomorrow, I’m going to do your hair before the event. Right now, it looks a mess, and we want you to look your best tomorrow.” 

“I can do my own hair,” Wonwoo smiled at his mom, who only smiled back. Both equally as fake. “I don’t need help.”

“Yes, you do.” 

“You’re right.” Wonwoo agreed. It was how all of his disagreements with his mother went. That was the reason why whenever she said that he’d chosen the ‘wrong lifestyle,’ he’d always ended up apologizing instead of truly getting her to understand that he hadn’t chosen this. 

Mid-bite, Wonwoo glanced at Mingyu and then to the clock set high upon the wall. It was only three o clock, much too early to be dealing with this.

***

“We’re going tonight,” Minghao announced as he peaked his head into the bathroom, only to see Seungcheol completely naked and desperately trying to cover himself. 

“Don’t just burst in here like that!” Seungcheol cried. “What if I was jerking off or something?”

“Then I’d ask which sexy guy you’re thinking about?” Minghao shrugged nonchalantly, not heeding Seungcheol’s words even a bit. 

Seungcheol sighed and gave up trying to hide himself and used the towel to dry his hair. “Why tonight?”

“Because I can’t wait for you to reach your full potential as one of us gays,” Minghao chortled. “And…” 

“What’d you do?” Seungcheol asked, narrowing his eyes at Minghao, who was still hiding mostly on the other side of the door. 

“I kind of invited the rest of them.” The door was closed before Seungcheol could even gasp. “Be ready at 6!” He heard Minghao’s faint yell.

“Why did I trust that son of a bitch?” Seungcheol found himself asking his reflection in the mirror. His reflection only stared back at him, a tiny pout on his lips. “At least I can get this over with though, right?”

***

Jeonghan and Seokmin leisurely sipped at their drinks, a table full of empty bowls and plates showing just how much of a good time the two were having. It was a small restaurant in the middle of Seoul. Always bustling with people, Jeonghan knew that he had to bring Seokmin here. 

Was it out of another guilt trip that had run Jeonghan up the wall since he’d woken up this morning? Of course it was. However, he still felt like Seokmin deserved it even without the guilt. 

“The food was fantastic,” Seokmin smiled.

“You ready to go home?” Jeonghan asked.

“I still want some desert though,” Seokmin said. “But I have a question for you.” 

“Ask me anything.”

That smile on Seokmin’s face stayed but a lot less kind and a lot more narrowed and cunning. It was a smile that was meant to be a mask that Jeonghan could see right through yet others sitting around them in the restaurant would see it as a simple, pleasant conversation. 

“When are you gonna cut the bullshit?”

“Huh?” Jeonghan’s heart dropped to his stomach. Eyes wide and air coming in too scarcely, Jeonghan lightly placed his cup down on the table again. Did Jihoon tell him?

“When are you gonna stop all of this coddling and tell me the truth about you and Josh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me for this cliffhanger lol
> 
> Someone commented that Seungcheol takes "am I gay" quizzes 3am in a cold sweat. I hereby declare that this is 100% true. 
> 
> Love youuu


	24. Chapter 23

Jeonghan shook his head, gaze darting around to anywhere that wasn’t Seokmin. 

“What?” His voice was small out of disbelief that he was being confronted with this right now. 

“Hannie, I’m not stupid,” Seokmin uttered. Unlike Jeonghan, Seokmin’s gaze stayed unyieldingly fixated on Jeonghan, who’s already weakened defenses were crumbling fast. If he weren’t so filled with rage, Seokmin may have actually softened at the sight of Jeonghan’s quivering look and sympathetic eyes. “Or you know what, maybe I am,” Seokmin decided. 

Jeonghan shook his head, swallowing thickly. “No you aren’t.”

“I might be because I trusted you,” he started, an expression that Jeonghan had never seen before. Seokmin kept his voice low, a small smile still present. “Everytime I thought something was up, I kept telling myself to trust you.  _ ‘Jeonghan wouldn’t do that.’  _ That’s what I kept telling myself. And if you ever did, I trusted that you’d tell me as soon as it happened.”

“I was going to tell you,” Jeonghan whispered. He was embarrassed. So mortified that he was being confronted, instead of the one doing the confronting. He felt so small. “I told Josh that we had to tell you.”

Seokmin let out a small scoff. “I’m definitely stupid. When I heard him flirt with you, I kept telling myself it’s the way you guys talk to each other. When he called you instead of me, I told myself it’s because you keep in contact with your friends like that. Even after I found your sweater, the one I bought you by the way, at his apartment, I still kept telling myself that it was a coincidence. But I knew it wasn’t. I knew something was up and the fact that you’ve been coddling me like crazy is all the confirmation I needed… I made every excuse for you.  _ That’s  _ how much I trusted you.”

“I’m sorry.” Jeonghan finally met eyes with Seokmin, his own soft gaze meeting the irritated gaze that Seokmin had, his jaw clenched. 

“Did you think about me?” Seokmin asked. “Before you guys did it.”

“I…” Jeonghan didn’t have an answer, but even if he had, he didn’t have the chance to say it before Seokmin raised a dismissive hand, telling him to not even respond. 

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t know what’ll hurt more: knowing that you didn’t think about me at all or knowing that you did think about me but decided that my feelings weren’t important enough for you and him to give a fuck about them.”

The tension rising in the air between them was becoming noticeable and it made Jeonghan want to hide. He wanted to leave, maybe even run right out of the door, but Jeonghan couldn’t find the voice within himself to tell Seokmin that they should go before others noticed something. 

“It’s not like that,” Jeonghan stammered. “Me and Josh care about you so much. We love you so much.”

“Sure, that’s why you fuck around behind my back while I’m dealing with my mental health that  _ you _ preach about all the time. Because you care.”

Jeonghan opened his mouth to say something, but Seokmin was on his feet and heading towards the door of the restaurant, not forgetting to bow and give a dazzling smile as thanks to the chefs and staff on his way out. Jeonghan was just a few steps behind him as they both exited the warm restaurant and into the chilly air of the steadily rising night. It seemed like a much more fitting atmosphere for the conversation. 

The sidewalk wasn’t full of people but it was enough of them to make Jeonghan not want to mention it aloud, but he stayed close to Seokmin, even if that meant that he had to jog to keep up. 

Neither said anything until they were near the car they came in. Seokmin got into the driver’s seat and Jeonghan slipped into the passenger seat. In the privacy of the car, Jeonghan finally found his voice. Albeit it was still shaky, soft, and small, it had to work. 

“I’m sorry, Min. I’m so, so sorry,” Jeonghan pleaded. “I failed you because I was sad. I put my own selfishness over your feelings and health. I made such a horrible mistake and I’m gonna do all I can to make it up to you. I love you so much and…” Jeonghan’s voice caught in his throat as tears began to burn the rims of his eyes. “Please believe me.”

“I believe you,” Seokmin muttered, hands stumbling with the car keys, seeming as if he were contemplating something. Seokmin tried to smile but to no avail.

Seokmin wasn’t one to show many negative emotions like sadness and anger. Sometimes Jeonghan wondered if his happiness was a facade at times. Of course he didn’t expect Seokmin to yell at him or even cry. Actually, he had no idea what to expect. “But I’m still upset so get out.” 

Jeonghan frowned, wiping the tears that managed to fall away with the backs of his hands. “What do you mean get out?” 

“Get out of the car, Jeonghan.”

“It’s… getting dark,” Jeonghan observed, timidly raising his finger to tap against the car window.

“I know.”

“You’re gonna leave me in the dark?”

“You did it to me, didn’t you? You left me in the dark while you did this behind my back. At least I have the fucking balls to do it to you face. Now, please,” Seokmin’s face softened for the first time since the conversation began. “Please, get out.” 

Jeonghan didn’t move for a moment. Several moments actually. Was he serious?

Still, Jeonghan slowly pushed the car door back open and stepped out. He wasn’t even fully standing when Seokmin started up the car.  _ Was he actually serious?  _

Jeonghan closed the door and almost immediately, the car had accelerated down the road, leaving him, tear-stricken, humiliated, and sorrowful. 

With the world still moving, fast paced and unstopping around him, Jeonghan sniffed and quickly wiped his face, dejectedly walking away in the opposite direction.

***

A call came through when Seungkwan lounging about in Hansol’s bed catching up on some reading for his Monday classes. He’d made himself at home last night after competing against Hansol in several games and winning a good bit of them. Yerim, Eve, and Jinsol all warmed up to him pretty quickly after he’d made breakfast this morning, so Seungkwan had settled in pretty quickly. 

Setting his book aside for a well needed break, Seungkwan looked at the caller id. 

“Why the hell is Chan calling?” Seungkwan muttered to himself as he answered. “What’s up?”

“What’re you doing?” 

“Doing homework until Hansol gets out of the shower,” Seungkwan responded, an eyebrow arched as he awaited Chan to tell him his reason for calling. Chan rarely ever answered the phone, and calling someone else was even more scarce. 

“Oh… Did you get some yet?” Chan snickered, making a couple of obscene noises over the phone.

Seungkwan rolled his eyes. “Of course, you’d wanna know. You had your first kiss a week ago.”

“Fuck off,” Chan huffed after a light gasp. “Just you wait, I’ll have all the girls and guys wanting me when I’m a sophomore next year. Now, answer the question.”

“No. I haven’t gotten any. We haven’t even kissed yet.” Seungkwan sucked his teeth and got to his feet to pace the room. It was a habit Seungkwan had. He simply couldn’t keep still or sit in one place while on the phone. “Is that all you called for? Did Soonyoung tell you to do this? Tell him to mind his business.”

“Bold of you to assume I give fucks about your sex life,” Soonyoung’s voice uttered, a lot more vague and distant than Chan’s voice. There was a snort that followed that could only belong to Jihoon. 

“Anyway, we’re going to a gay bar tonight,” Chan said. Seungkwan could practically hear the smug smirk on his face. 

“Can’t you guys go tomorrow night? I wanna come too,” Seungkwan whined. 

“You better get some if you’re missing a trip to the bar for him,” came Soonyoung’s voice. 

“I thought you didn’t care about his sex life,” Jihoon remarked. Chan and Seungkwan both scoffed in agreement only to cause Seungkwan to sputter a quick “Shut up, I don’t.” 

“Anyway, it’s his sister’s birthday today. We’re about to eat cake and stuff, I can’t just leave. That’d be rude.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll take pictures,” Jihoon said as if that would make the fact that he couldn’t go any better. In fact, seeing pictures and knowing that he wasn’t there would only make him feel even worse. Seungkwan whimpered. 

“Did you guys really call me to rub it in my face?”

“Precisely,” Chan declared in a proud voice. “Would I be Lee Chan if I didn’t?”

“I’m gonna murder you.”

Just as the words left his mouth, the door swung open and Hansol walked in, a towel thrown over his shoulder. “I didn’t know you were a killer.” 

“I’m gonna be,” Seungkwan murmured in warning.

“Give Hansol a kiss for me. I’ll send you all the pictures. Kisses. Bye bye!” Chan exclaimed and immediately after he hung up. Seungkwan growled low under his breath and tossed his phone back onto the bed. 

“What was that about?” Hansol chuckled, slightly reminded of the way Yerim, Eve, and Jinsol all talked to each other. Hansol was never someone to be in a friend group like that, but it kind of made him envious of it. 

“They’re going to a gay bar without me. That is betrayal at its finest!”

Hansol laughed and came to run his hands down Seungkwan’s arms in an attempt to comfort him and get rid of that cute pout on his lips that made it hard for Hansol to continue resisting the urge to kiss them. 

“You can go if-”

“No! No. Nope.,” Seungkwan interrupted, placing his hands on Hansol’s chest. “We still have to give Yerim her cake and cook dinner tonight. How can I leave?”

Hansol’s mind was a little too clouded by the closeness and all he could really do was stare at Seungkwan, who didn’t seem distracted by the closeness at all. He wondered if his heart was pounding. 

“Why’re you just looking at me?” Seungkwan asked while nervously chuckling. “What’s going on in here?” He tapped Hansol’s forehead softly with a feigned curious expression.

“Just wondering if you usually kiss on the first date?”

A look of astonishment crossed his face before it was replaced with a determined, daring look. “I don’t have enough experience on first dates to know that just yet,” Seungkwan said truthfully. “But I wouldn’t mind trying it out.” 

Just as Hansol was going in to get a thorough taste of the lips that he’d been eyeing since Seungkwan arrived and even last night while they were sleeping next to each other, Seungkwan moved away.

“ _ After  _ we eat cake with Yerim.” Seungkwan grabbed Hansol by the wrist and pulled him along. 

“You’re such a tease.”

“Don’t be like that,” Seungkwan said in a deep voice as he mimicked Hansol’s own words from the night before. 

  
  


“She had the nerve to tell me that my scar was big and it made me look ugly. Like, how can she say that when her forehead is so big that I can see her from a mile away,” Yerim complained just before frustratedly showing her frosting covered finger into her mouth. “I know she’s at school before I even get to school because I saw that forehead.”

"Don't say too much about big foreheads. Our Jinsol's forehead is cute," Eve said, sighing after a bite of her piece of cake. Seungkwan can agree that this cake was delectable and that he would definitely be getting another piece before the end of the night. He was sucker for sweets. 

“You told me just last week that my forehead wasn’t big,” Jinsol recalled, narrowing her eyes at Eve with a tired look. She’d already eaten her slice of cake. 

“You know what I mean,” Eve said in a low voice of reassurance. From interacting with the girls for a day, Seungkwan could see that Jinsol had a similar role to Chan in their friend group. Yerim and Eve had a soft spot for Jinsol since she was the youngest and anything that she said went. 

But Jinsol had it a little better than Chan ever had and would have. Seungkwan doubted that anyone in the house would allow Chan to get away with half the things Seungkwan has seen Jinsol get away with in the last 24 hours or so. 

“Well, Yerim, fuck her,” Hansol said as he stood away from the table and mae his way into the kitchen. The choice of words seemed to only shock Seungkwan because the girls burst into laughter and a loud chorus of agreement. 

“See, this is why I like Hansol,” Jinsol declared. “My brother could never.” 

“Please,” Yerim scoffed. “Hansol is an idiot. But for once, I agree with him. Fuck her. Right, Seungkwan?”

Picking up his own and the girls’ plates and standing, Seungkwan realized that he could either be a good influence and tell Yerim to be the bigger person or just be honest. He contemplated the first option, but he quickly came to the conclusion that he was  _ not  _ Jeonghan. 

“If you guys were a little older then I would be saying a lot more than just that. Trust me.” 

***

“Where you going? Mingyu asked, reaching out to grab Wonwoo’s hand before the latter could leave without a word. He’d done that a bit too many times in the last few hours. The lunch wasn’t horrible. Sure, it was awkward and Mingyu felt like he was testifying before a jury instead of meeting the family of the man he secretly loved so much while pretending to be his boyfriend. However, it was nothing that Mingyu couldn’t deal with. 

With a family like his, dealing with a passive aggressive, judgemental family was easy. 

But, ever since they were dismissed from the table and went upstairs to Wonwoo’s room, Wonwoo had been acting differently. Assuming that it was natural, Mingyu didn’t mention it. He changed into his pajamas and laid with Wonwoo in his bed and watched movies. 

Yet, every once in a while, Wonwoo would wordlessly stand and leave the room, coming back in five minutes or so. Mingyu never bothered him with asking why until he that clawing at his throat became unbearable. 

“Talk to me,” Mingyu said.

“I’m getting a call from Jeonghan,” Wonwoo said in a small voice, raising his phone and showing Mingyu the screen that brightly showed Jeonghan’s caller id. “Thank you for worrying.” 

In a small burst of confidence-- or possibly seeing it as the perfect time to do so without being questioned-- Wonwoo brought Mingyu’s hand to his lips and kissed them softly. His eyes sliding shut in a sudden feeling of inner peace, that he only felt with Mingyu. 

Mingyu did nothing more than smile and marvel wide eyed at Wonwoo. The moment was a short one as Wonwoo turned to leave the room and answer the phone. 

“Hello?” Wonwoo answered the phone. 

“Hey.” Jeonghan’s voice was scratchy and low. “I was just calling… to remind you that I’m always here for you.” There was a melancholic sniff that followed the low statement. 

Wonwoo continued to wander down the long hallways of his childhood home, eyebrows knit in worry as something in his chest tightened. Wonwoo pulled his glasses off his face for some reason. “Hannie, what’s wrong?”

“I-” Jeonghan’s voice broke. In that moment, Wonwoo could have sworn that he heard the sound of cars driving by. 

“Where are you?” Wonwoo asked, absently approaching the staircase. No destination in mind, his legs just taking him places while his mind focused on Jeonghan. 

“I’m fine. I just… As the leader, I should be by your side, always reminding you how fantastic you are, how cherished you are, how perfect you are. But I forget to do that sometimes and… and I hate myself for it. I let my feelings control me sometimes and I just do stupid shit. Just know that no matter what. I love you so, so much and I always will.”

“You know what’s funny?” Wonwoo said in a low laugh, hoping that it would get Jeonghan to just stop for a moment in his rushed daze and listen to him.

“What?”

“You told me this yesterday before I left,” Wonwoo recalled. “You never once forgot to tell me how much you love me. To be honest, I had a shit day, but all I could remember is your voice telling me that when I came back, you’d hold me and make my favorite dessert. You have a life of your own too yet you are here for all of us. I don’t know why you feel like you aren’t doing a great job, but I swear… you are. A much better job than anyone else could.” 

“Really?”

“Hell yeah.”

“Damn…” Jeonghan sighed through the phone. “I’m sorry for calling you like this.” 

“It’s fine,” Wonwoo laughed. “Just please get your ass back home and get some sleep. A lot of it.  _ Please _ .” 

Jeonghan sniffed and softly chuckled. “Can you do something for me Wonwoo?” There was the attempt to sound collected and while Jeonghan failed miserably, Wonwoo couldn’t help but find it a bit endearing.

“Anything, Hannie.” 

“Before you come back home, confess to Mingyu. Please. This is the perfect time. That way, the house won’t blow up. Right?” He giggled.

“Yeah. I’ll try,” Wonwoo said, nodding mostly to himself. Some time within these next 48 hours, Wonwoo was going to finally open up about his feelings. 

“Do it. And no matter what, when you come home, I’ll be there.”

Wonwoo exhaled deeply. “Promise?”

“Promise, promise.” More sniffing from Jeonghan’s side of the phone. 

“Okay. I’m… gonna go now. And go home. I’m gonna call later and if you’re not home, I’m driving over there.”

“You’re just looking for an excuse to leave. But fine.” 

The phone hung up with both of them laughing. Yet when the loud beep sounded, Wonwoo swallowed thickly and slowly looked around. He’d wandered into the kitchen where dinner was already simmering in a large pot on the stove. 

Bottom lip ruthlessly caught between his teeth, Wonwoo focused on his breathing as he slid his glasses back on his face. The weekend was already a mess and tomorrow would be an even bigger one. Telling Mingyu how he felt would make this the worst weekend ever. He didn’t want to lose another person. 

He couldn’t bear that pain again. 

After a few minutes, Wonwoo wandered into the scarcely touched living room where he caught a glimpse of a picture of him and Hangyeol at the park for one of their cousin’s birthday parties. Wonwoo was hugging tightly onto his brother’s hip who was always taller than he was. 

And from then on, Hangyeol always seemed to tower over Wonwoo. While at one point, Wonwoo admired his brother for being all that he was and sought to be just like him, it soon turned to envy. Now, Wonwoo couldn’t stand being around Hangyeol without wanting to yell at him. 

“Why can’t I be like you?” Wonwoo whispered. Hangyeol was outgoing, smart, ambitious and everything Wonwoo still aspired to be. Before he came out, that envy was still rooted deeply in love for his brother. But after, Hangyeol became something of a stranger.

“Because you’re not me,” a voice said, startling Wonwoo so bad he almost knocked over the beloved picture. 

“Thanks for the reminder,” Wonwoo murmured as he awkwardly stood in his spot next to the couch. His fingers pulled at a loss thread on his pants. 

Hangyeol was leaning against the arch that separated the living room and the hallway that led to the laundry room and kitchen. Hangyeol must’ve been doing the laundry. There was a smirk on his lips that Wonwoo couldn’t read. He could always attempt to, but attempting to read Hangyeol and the rest of his family was purposeless. 

“What do you wanna say?” Wonwoo suddenly asked, finally sick of the tension that lingered whenever they were alone together. “It always feels like you have something to fucking say. So… Can you just say it? For once in your life… say something to me. Hangyeol.”

That smirk slowly fell.

“I’m… I’m proud of you.” It came out as a sigh, one of relief as if it had been resting in the back of his mind for months now. Like someone was lifting a weight off of Hangyeol’s chest. Hangyeol pushed himself off of the wall but didn't move to step any closer to Wonwoo. Instead, he stood there and swallowed. “After you came out, our relationship… it changed.”

“You were the one disappointed.” 

“I wasn’t disappointed. I was confused,” Hangyeol admitted. “I was confused on how to treat you. On what to say. How you’d change and be different.” 

“I didn’t turn into another person when I came out. I was still Wonwoo.” 

“I didn’t know that.”

“And you didn’t ask either,” Wonwoo said in a pained voice. “You barely talked to me when I left for college and when I came back for holidays, you avoided me.”

“I was stupid back then.” It shocked Wonwoo to hear something like that fall from someone as confident as Hangyeol. “I didn’t realize that you were still my little brother. I thought that somehow… you’d changed when really, you didn’t at all. But, I didn’t know how to fix what I’d already fucked up. And… I’m so fucking sorry about that.”

Just like Wonwoo, Hangyeol didn’t cry. But the expression that befell his handsome face was one that would usually trigger tears. Wonwoo knew that if Hangyeol were the type of person, he’d be balling right now. 

“You know, I was able to come out because I thought that no matter what, you’d always support me.”

“I did support you,” Hangyeol insisted. “I never once thought you were weird or wrong when you came out.”

“But I didn’t know that.” Wonwoo shook his head. “And until this day, I’m still terrified of saying my true feelings because I’m too afraid to lose more people that I love.”

Hangyeol inhaled sharply, as if the weight of the words settled upon him. He’d slightly traumatized his own brother. 

With a slow exhale, Hangyeol slowly opened his arms. A small smile sprouted across his face. To Wonwoo, it resembled the sun rising. It was genuine and there was no way Wonwoo could mistake it for a fake. 

“I’m proud of you,” he repeated as he took steps toward Wonwoo. “And I’m going to express that from now on.” When Hangyeol was just a step in front of Wonwoo, arms still outstretched, he stopped. “I promise.”

“You want a hug?” Wonwoo questioned.

“I want the tightest hug you can possibly give.”

Wonwoo threw himself into the hug and followed through on what Hangyeol wanted, hugging his older brother as tightly as he could muster. Hands clasped behind Hangyeol’s back to squeeze as tightly as possible, Wonwoo struggled to breathe as Hangyeol hugged him just as tightly. 

They dissolved into chuckles and laughter before they finally let go. 

“Is that a tear?” Wonwoo laughed, catching sight of a tear that gathered at the rims of his eyes. 

Hangyeol reached up to wipe it away quickly while chuckling. “Yeah. It is. I feel… good.” 

Wonwoo agreed wholeheartedly. He felt… fantastic. So good, that he felt like he could do this. He could tell Mingyu how he felt because…

“No matter what, from now on, I’ll do my best to be there for you,” Hangyeol promised. It mirrored Jeonghan’s words from earlier, so of course they were true and genuine. 

“Thank you… That means the world to me. So… I’m gonna go upstairs and do something, okay. Wish me luck.”

***

When the phone call with Wonwoo had come to an end, Jeonghan felt another wave of emotions wash over him. Immediately, he turned into a ramen shop that he’d happened to be passing by and rushed into the bathroom. 

There, he cried as silently as he could, clutching his phone to his chest, wondering who he could calll next.

***

Jihoon was doing something he hadn’t done in about a year: driving. Soonyoung was supposed to drive but he changed his mind just moments before getting in the car. Asshole. 

Junhui and Chan didn’t have driver’s licenses, so they were completely out of the question. Seungcheol was, simply put, a mess. And Jihoon would be damned if he let Minghao drive while he was in the car, so he was the last choice. The only benefit to driving was that he didn’t have to squeeze back there with the rest of them.

Seungcheol was deep in his own thoughts that he hadn’t even noticed when Jihoon parked until there was a hand on his shoulder. 

“Jihoon!” Soonyoung called over the already loud voices of the rest of them in the backseat. It was mostly Chan though. “You ready?”

“You’re loud.”

“Cheol! You ready?” Soonyoung asked, completely ignoring Jihoon’s words. It was the glare that got him to quiet down. 

Seungcheol shrugged. He’d gotten all dressed up in his favorite outfit and before he stepped foot out of the house, he was confident. But now that they were here, Seungcheol’s usual voice in the back of his mind was becoming increasingly louder. But he wouldn’t let that stop him. 

“Yeah,” Seungcheol nodded. The only thing he’d change is that he wanted nothing more than to have Jeonghan here, but maybe it was a good thing he wasn’t here. “I want Seokmin here.”

“That fucker’s not answering his phone,” Junhui grumbled. “Anyway, come on. Let’s go.” As soon as the door was pushed open, everyone in the backseat immediately poured out. Jihoon stayed for a moment. 

“It’s gonna be fun,” Jihoon reassured. “And even if it’s not, let’s pretend so I can take pictures and tease Seungkwan with them later.”

“That’s cruel,” Seungcheol laughed, throwing off his seatbelt. 

“I think you meant funny,” Jihoon corrected. “Plus, we can send them to Jeonghan too.”

“Can you make sure I look good in those pictures?” Seungcheol muttered softly. Jihoon began to say something but was stopped by Minghao tapping on Seungcheol’s window. 

“Come on. We’ve got a sexuality to discover.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was skimming over this chapter and beginning to write the next one, and I was like "Damn, they wildin'" Lol. Anyway, next chapter Seungcheol at a gay bar and I can't wait to write it. I just hope it's not too long is all. 
> 
> Thank y'all for being patient with me, especially considering the fact that I update so sporadically. For that, I love you all!


	25. Chapter 24

“The bartender’s looking fine tonight,” Jihoon announced over the music that was playing. It wasn’t as loud as it would be in a club but loud enough that Jihoon would have to slightly raise his voice. “I’m not sure if that’s because he’s actually sexy or if I’m just really in the mood for a drink.”

“Probably both,” Seungcheol said as his gaze lingered on the empty stage a couple feet away from their table. Only having been to two bars in his life, Seungcheol was a bit shocked at how spacious the bar was. There was the bar that sat in the very middle of the space, barstools lining all four of the countertops that created the bar. There were booths in some parts of the car, tables and chairs around, and couches in other places. Seungcheol was sure it was nice as hell when it wasn't filled with men.

All types of men. 

Some gave him polite smiles and greetings, possibly spotting the fact that he was questioning just as he entered the bar and offering silent yet kind smiles to help calm his nerves. They’d all probably been there before. 

Some others also picked up on it and reacted differently, giving him suggestive grins and smirks that Seungcheol could only blush furiously at. Well… on the inside. He was sure on the outside, he’d met every single one of those smirks with a wide eyed look of fear.

“Come on, Chan. You too, Cheol. I want a drink,” Jihoon ordered, tapping the table to get their attention. “You guys want some? I’m getting sprite,” Soonyoung, Minghao, and Junhui were too busy laughing at something on Soonyoung’s phone all nodded. 

Jihoon had a routine to drinking alcohol. He drank soda and ate a bit before he allowed himself to get even a sip of alcohol. Then it was usually all downhill from there.

“Do bartenders ever suspect that you’re underaged?” Chan asked everyone at the table. “They always tell me to give proof of my age but never ask anyone else.” He mostly just wanted to know if this was only a problem that he had to face. The guys around never showed him any interest either, assuming that he was underaged and snuck into the club. It was so unfair.

All of them shook their heads, even Jihoon who Chan mostly expected would share the same problem. 

“How?!” Chan whined. 

“I’m short, not a child,” Jihoon said as he stood. “But you, you’re short _ and _ a child.”

“Not true! I’m a college freshman. Last time I checked, college students are adults. I can  _ legally  _ drink.”

“You do carry yourself like a child, you know. It’s adorable though,” Seungcheol tried but it was only met with protests and whimpering. 

“One day, I’m gonna walk in here with my shirt off. These abs will show everyone,” Chan proclaimed, throwing his arm around Jihoon’s shoulder, while dragging Seungcheol along behind the two of them. 

“When did he have abs?” Soonyoung asked, genuinely curious.

“In his dreams,” Junhui chuckled. “He probably sleeps so long because he’s dreaming about his abs that’ll never exist.” 

“He’s too cute for his own good,” Minghao said, looking around the bar for a familiar face. He actually didn’t think he’d see someone until he heard a very familiar and distinct loud voice shouting in Chinese. 

It could only belong to one person. 

“Is that Jackson’s loud ass?” Minghao gasped, jumping from his chair just to get a better look at who was yelling. 

“You know, I was thinking the same thing,” said Junhui, leaving Soonyoung to look around for what they were talking about. Minghao continued to look, only getting confirmation once he stood on his tip toes and a loud voice shouted “Is that Minghao over there?!” 

Jackson and a couple of his other Chinese friends that Minghao knew were in a corner soon waving over the three of them from their own table to join them in their small circle of plush couches and chairs.

Jackson was a simple person when it came to partying: the more, the merrier.

“Hey, Jun and Soon,” he added when the two stepped out from behind Minghao.

“Finally, a familiar face,” Soonyoung sighed as he leaned down to embrace Kun. He remembered him from when he would come over to the house and speak to Jeonghan about things that Soonyoung honestly didn’t really know about.

Junhui was being called by so many of their other friends that he was only able to wave at Kun very briefly before being called by someone else. “Jun, come sit your skinny ass down,” Yukhei yelled, his much too large hand coming and pulling him by the thigh. 

“Anyway, what’re you guys doing here? Celebrating the end of midterms too?” Jackson asked as he pulled him in close to yell in his ear. 

“We’re here for our friend, Seungcheol,” Minghao said, gesturing towards the bar area where Jihoon, Chan, and Seungcheol were still waiting. “He’s having an… awakening so he wanted to come here. We’re just here to make sure he’s having a great time.”

There was a gasp from Ten. “I can’t believe we are here to witness it.” 

“Seungcheol?” Kun asked from his chair next to Ten, suddenly beginning to gingerly slide his finger along the rim of his glass. 

“Yeah,” Soonyoung answered before narrowing his eyes at him. “You know something we don’t? Tell us.” 

Kun tugged his lip between his teeth and shook his head. “I don’t know anything. Just heard Jeonghan talk about him before is all.” 

The rest of them let it go, but Soonyoung stayed curious. Had Seungcheol been experimenting before this? With a suspecting gaze, Soonyoung looked towards the bar where the tallest was waiting. 

“Yukhei!” Minghao shouted, interrupting the shouting going on between Yukhei and Junhui. It wasn’t shocking at all since that’s all Jun and Yukhei did everytime they were together. It began civilly but the more they talked, the louder they got. 

“My  _ favorite _ pansexual,” Minghao smiled charmingly. 

“Uh oh,” Soonyoung chuckled. “Ming wants something.” 

“Oh, trust me, I know,” Yukhei assured, raising a questioning eyebrow at the other. “What do you want from me?”

  
  


“Sehun, you know I’m not underaged!” Chan whimpered as the bartender broke down in laughter. “You’re so an asshole.”

“I’m just fucking with you,” Sehun huffed with a roll of his eyes, still chuckling. Turning around, he grabbed cups and filled them up with soda. It was almost like Sehun’s hands were moving on their own while he engaged in conversation with not just the three of them but also other customers. 

Bartending looked like something that took a lot of skill. 

“Here,” Sehun said, sliding the cups to the three of them. “Take it. Free of charge.” 

“Oh, well you can just keep this for yourself then,” Jihoon said, sliding the money he had ready for the drinks across the countertops. Sehun sent them off with a wink and a grin before moving on to other customers. 

“That guy standing next to us was checking you out,” Chan noticed, giving Seungcheol a light nudge with his elbow, carefully as to not make him spill anything. 

“N-No, he wasn’t,” Seungcheol stammered, his cheeks burning instantly at the thought that he was actually being checked out. Not out of the usual humiliation but at the idea that a guy in here found him attractive enough to look at him. 

“It had to be you because it definitely wasn’t me or Chan,” Jihoon said. “Especially not Chan.” 

Chan sucked his teeth and groaned. Meanwhile, Seungcheol was still stuck wondering if the guy was attractive. It didn’t take them much time at all to find out where Minghao, Jun, and Soonyoung went because of Soonyoung’s loud, boisterous laughter that Jihoon found to be incredibly distinct. 

“Okay, okay. You already know Jihoon and Chan, but this is Seungcheol,” Minghao announced as he jumped to his feet and took one of the cups from Seungcheol to leisurely sip at. 

“Hey,” Seungcheol waved, his eyes darting around at all of the new faces that eagerly returned the greeting. Soon, he was pulled into the middle of their haphazard circle of sorts until he finally sat down between somebody named Jackson and another person named Ten.

“How’s your night going so far?” Jackson questioned, a comforting arm thrown across the back of Seungcheol’s chair.

“Good,” Seungcheol nodded. He wanted to add that he was nervous too. For some reason, it felt like a pair of eyes set on him. Yet, it could also be because of the fact that there was an  _ incredibly  _ attractive guy sitting across from him. Seungcheol hadn’t even gotten his name. When the man had introduced himself, Seungcheol was too busy focusing on not exploding to hear it directly. 

“Great!” Jackson clapped his hands loudly. “Okay. On weekdays, I’m a struggling engineering major. On weekends, I wanna let loose. So where’s the alcohol? Hey, Yukhei.” Jackson held out his hand and gestured for the cup that Yukhei was more holding on to than really drinking it. 

With no hesitation or reluctance, Yukhei leaned in and handed the cup off to Jackson before returning to his conversation-- it seemed like all they were doing was laughing really-- with the others. 

“Yukhei…” Seungcheol whispered. “That’s his name.”

Midlaugh and leaning on Jihoon’s shoulder, Seungcheol watched as Soonyoung timidly stood when he was handed three darts. They were in the middle of a friendly game of darts that quickly turned into a game of making fun of Soonyoung everytime he had a turn. To say that he sucked at this was a huge understatement. And that was Seungcheol putting it in a nice way. 

Taking pity on him, Seungcheol gathered the strength to stand. “I’ll help you out this time.” As if he had been visited by some divine being, Soonyoung opened his arms and dramatically threw his arms around Seungcheol. 

“Careful with those darts,” he muttered as he followed, more like dragged, Soonyoung to the spot in front of the dart board. 

“That’s cheating, ain’t it?” Chan accused.. Seungcheol was the best player after all, Chan thought it was definitely cheating especially since he was second to last at the moment. 

“We’ll let it slide this time,” Ten said, looking down at the sheet of paper where he was keeping score. “Soonyoung is losing horribly. Not even this can help him.” 

Seungcheol had to hold back a chuckle at that. 

“Okay so do it like this,” Seungcheol instructed. Stepping up behind Soonyoung, Seungcheol placed one hand on Soonyoung’s hip and the other on Soonyoung’s hand holding the dart. 

“Oh, I’m gonna get all bothered,” Soonyoung muttered cheekily, leaning back into Seungcheol hold. Soonyoung licked his lips and looked behind at Seungcheol. 

“Keep playing and I’m not gonna help you,” Seungcheol warned in the other’s ear. When Seungcheol’s grip on his hand loosened, Soonyoung straight up panicked. 

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop.” 

With a couple whispered instructions and easy movements, Soonyoung was able to actually get all three darts on the board and not on the wall. One even came close to the middle. And before the rest of them could even applaud him, Soonyoung was clapping for himself. 

“Ten! Add that to my points!” 

“Still won’t do much,” Ten murmured mockingly. Still, he picked up his pen and wrote down the points. 

Kun nudged him softly. “Be nice.” 

“You know what? I deserve a drink,” Soonyoung cheered. “Right, guys?!” 

Everyone, including some men who weren’t even in their little group or playing the game, agreed with him. They’d been here for more than an hour, most of them were already tipsy and drunk, especially Jackson who had quieted down considerably. 

“Baby gay, go get him some drinks,” Jackson said. “Tell him to give us the usual. He’ll know what to make.” It sounded like a whisper compared to all of the noise around them. 

The more tipsy he got, the quieter he became. It was backwards but Seungcheol learned in just the hour he’d been there that Jackson was overall just an incredibly backwards person. Just earlier, Jackson reached into his pocket and pulled out a small sheet of stickers of rainbows. 

That’s how Seungcheol ended up with two rainbow stickers below his eyes and being dubbed, “Baby gay” by Jackson. 

“Okay,” Seungcheol agreed readily. Everyone was running low on their cups anyway so he was sure they’d appreciate it. Giving Jihoon a pat on the shoulder to let him know where he was going, Seungcheol stood and stepped around all of his friends’ feet and maneuvered through other groups of people to get to the bar. 

At the sight of him, Sehun snidely smirked and leaned expectantly on the counter, his look complete with already narrow eyes and a raised eyebrow. “Looks like you’ve gotten a lot more comfortable compared to when you walked in just two hours ago,” he chuckled and pointed at Seungcheol’s face, referring to the rainbow stickers on his face.

Seungcheol nervously chuckled and tugged at the lobe of his ear. “Was it that obvious that it was my first time in a gay bar?”

“Incredibly,” Sehun admitted bluntly.. “But it’s only because we remember our first time in a gay bar. We pretty much  _ all  _ walked in practically clutching our heterosexuality and constantly chanting ‘it’s just an experiment.’ to ourselves. Nothing new.” 

“Ugh,” Seungcheol groaned, stretching his body over the countertop in disbelief. 

“Look on the bright side,” Sehun attempted, running a slightly callused yet comforting hand across his back. “In just two hours, I watched you open up and embrace this side of you. That’s faster than I did. I was in denial until the next morning.”

“I’ve been in denial for a while now,” said Seungcheol as he picked himself up a little. “Anyway, Jackson said to give him the usual.”

With a nod, Sehun stood up straight again and immediately got to work. However, that didn’t stop him from engaging in conversation with Seungcheol as if his body worked completely separate from his mind when he was making drinks. 

“ _ Sooo _ , any guys helped you with that revelation?” Sehun teased, dragging out the end of his words in a teasing manner. He retreated from the counter and turned to fill up one of the cups before moving to start making the next drink.

With a suck of his teeth and a second of feigned thought, Seungcheol blushed and nodded, a giggle falling from his lips as a broad smile formed. “Some guys are hot, some are cute. I definitely see why people are bisexual, how can I pick? Especially Yukhei… His face is  _ wow. _ ”

“Speaking of him, Yukhei’s coming,” Sehun murmured,. At first, it didn’t register at all, Seungcheol still basking in his thoughts of the multiple men he’d seen that night. Mostly Yukhei. His face was just that distracting. 

Just as he’d opened his mouth to ask Sehun to repeat himself, Seungcheol’s mind quickly caught up and suddenly, everything his mind had formulated was crashing down. So suddenly and shockingly that Seungcheol could’ve sworn that he outwardly shrieked. 

Sehun’s precise method of drink making faltered for a moment as he was overtaken with confusion by Seungcheol’s reaction. But, unlike Seungcheol, Sehun came to a conclusion a lot quicker, his mouth no longer agape, he turned his gaze to Yukhei with a smug look. 

“Hey, Yukhei! I’m just finishing up the drinks.” Sehun’s voice was unnecessarily chipper. “It’ll be just a moment.”

“No rush,” Yukhei said, coming up to lean on the counter next to Seungcheol. Suddenly, the countertop was looking  _ really _ interesting and the need to smile was becoming  _ very _ overwhelming. 

“Hey,” Seungcheol said quietly, finally deciding to look to his right where Yukhei was already looking at him and grinning all mesmerizing and shit. 

“Hey,” Yukhei hummed in response, that smile becoming even bigger. “You remember my name?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I remember it?” Seungcheol laughed. 

“Okay so what is it then?” Yukhei looked expectant but the look was laced with a challenge. 

“Yukhei,” he whispered. 

The taller stood up straight again, and only then did Seungcheol realize that Yukhei was a bit taller than he was. 

“I didn’t hear that?” Yukhei pulled at the lobe of his ear and bent down a little to be leveled with Seungcheol.

“What’s my name? Since you wanna ask questions.”

The other put his finger on his chin. “I mean… is it ‘baby gay?’ Those stickers on your face say as much.” Seungcheol burst into laughter, covering his face in embarrassment. “Or is ‘former het?’ I heard Chan call you that a couple times tonight.’ Oh, wait, your name is Seungcheol. Right?”

“I’m known by many names.” 

“I see that,” he chuckled. One of Yukhei’s considerably large hands came to rest on Seungcheol’s arm. He couldn’t help but bite his lip. “Are you in college too?”

“Yeah, I major in astrophysics. Sounds a lot harder than it actually is.”

“I doubt that,” Seungcheol laughed. “I major in psych. Concentration in mental illness.”

“We need more people knowing about that, you know. Mental illness is a real problem.” 

“You can say that.” Seungcheol hummed.

“Cute.”

“Okay, okay. Here’s your drinks. Take them and go over there with that shit,” Sehun snarled, sliding the tray of brightly colored drinks across the counter. 

“Jealous?” Yukhei asked.

“Yes. Now, come on.” Sehun held out his hand. “Tip me.” 

Seungcheol watched the interaction, completely amused. Reaching into his pocket, Yukhei pulled out whatever bill he grabbed and slapped it into Sehun’s open palm without checking how much it was. 

“Thank you very much.” Sehun pocketed the money and shooed the two away. 

“Okay, okay. Just wait a moment,” Yukhei said, reaching into the clutter of colorful drinks and grabbing for the pink one. “I want you to try this, Seungcheol.” 

“Didn’t think you’d like something this… fruity looking,” Seungcheol laughed, as Yukhei tilted the straw towards him. That hand that had been on his arm suddenly trailed up to his shoulder. 

“I know, but I love fruity drinks. I hate bitter shit. I leave that to Jackson. Here, try a little bit.” 

“I’m the designated driver tonight,” Seungcheol said, gaze shifting from the drink and up to Yukhei’s eyes. He had on eyeliner that he noticed and the gleam of light made the glitter above his eyes shine. His golden skin even shone beautifully. 

“Just a little sip, sweetheart.” 

“Well…” How was he supposed to disagree? He wanted this shameless flirting to keep going and possibly even never stop. Suffering from burning cheeks, Seungcheol leaned forward and took a short sip from the straw.

He fought back a grimace as the liquid slid down his throat. Way too many flavors at once. “I mean… It’s not… bad. But it’s definitely not good either.” 

Yukhei scoffed and playfully rolled his eyes. “Lies. This is fantastic.” He took a long sip. Seungcheol swallowed a couple more times to get the aftertaste away. “Okay, let’s bring these drinks over there.”

“Hey, bring that tray back too! I need that,” Sehun called from where he was making more drinks for a couple more people, who began chuckling. 

“We will,” Seungcheol said, carefully grabbing for all of the drinks, Yukhei watching closely just in case. 

It took some time to get back to their corner. Mostly because Seungcheol was walking slowly, much too worried that he’d drop the cups and embarrass himself. Yukhei attempted to be of help at least, by placing a hand on Seungcheol waist to lead him through the crowd, but it wasn’t much help really. Seungcheol was enjoying it too much to ask him to ask him to stop though. 

“It’s about time,” Jackson said, giddily jumping from the couch to grab for a cup. Soon, everyone was following and Seungcheol hadn’t even managed to set the tray down before it was completely empty. 

“I’m gonna bring this tray back,” Seungcheol uttered to Yukhei, who was still lingering behind him, hand still on his hip while he conversed with Jackson to the side of them. 

“Okay. Hurry back.” 

Seungcheol nodded and looked for one of his friends that he came with. There was something he needed to say aloud, feeling as if he was going to combust. He caught Jihoon first but he was mid throw in darts and Seungcheol needed someone  _ now _ . Next was Minghao, who was sitting on Junhui’s lap, sipping leisurely while the other conversed. So he’d have to do.

As discreetly as he could, Seungcheol circled around the area until he was in front of him began to pull at Minghao’s shirt. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

“Then go.”

Seungcheol gave him a telling look. 

“Oh, okay. You should’ve started with that.” Minghao stood, giving his drink to Jun, and followed Seungcheol away from the group, being led towards the bar again. Seungcheol placed the tray there and rushed off towards the bathrooms. 

Once they were in the safety of the single bathroom, Seungcheol turned the lock on the door. 

“My mind is racing and it feels like all my thoughts are just gibberish,” Seungcheol rushed. After the words came out, he relaxed against the wall of the bathroom with a sigh. 

Contrasting Seungcheol’s demeanor, Minghao calmly raised an eyebrow. “Feels like you’re keyboard smashing in your mind?”

He thought for a moment. “Yeah. Just like that.”

“Over a guy?”

“Maybe…” 

“Gay panicking.”

Seungcheol frowned. “That crap Chan is always saying?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Fuck it,” Seungcheol groaned. “Look, I’m just trying to say that… I don’t think I’m straight.”

Minghao’s face lit up. “What? I’m so proud!”

It wasn’t the first thing Seungcheol thought he would say, but it was nice to hear. “Let’s go celebrate! What do you want? A cake that says ‘Gay’ writteen across the top?”

“What? No. I need to talk about Yukhei.” Seungcheol muttered, still a bit too embarrassed to even say his name. Minghao’s excitement didn’t dwindle while he nodded. 

“He’s hot.”

Seungcheol agreed frantically.. “He  _ is.  _ But, I don’t want a relationship with him, you know.” 

Minghao scoffed so loud that it echoed off the bathroom walls. 

“Yukhei hasn’t had a boyfriend or a girlfriend in forever. He probably won’t date until like after he graduates.” 

“Okay,” he said, his worry about the situation settling for a moment before Minghao spoke again. 

“Tonight’s about you, not your crush on Jeonghan.” 

Before Seungcheol could even attempt to deny it-- which is exactly what he was about to do-- Minghao raised a hand. “Don’t try it. I already know it.” 

Seungcheol dragged his hand over his face in response. 

“Tonight, you came to do two things. Figure out your sexuality and have fun. You did the first thing, now, go have fun. And if Yukhei’s fun, then why stop? Do what you want. And if you don’t feel comfortable, say that. It’s all about fun and what you like. Tonight is all about  _ you.  _ It’s the reason we’re here. You came to experiment, not find a soulmate. Okay?”

He nodded. Determined and emboldened by Minghao’s words, Seungcheol simply smiled, gaze set on the floor. “This is so  _ weird _ .”

Minghao held out his hand. “Come on. Let’s go back out there and keep having fun.”

“Since when does Yukhei sit on other people’s laps?” Ten questioned, surprisingly not slurring his words at all. Ten seemed to handle his alcohol like a pro. 

Kun had several stories to suggest otherwise, he would keep those private for now. He wasn’t drunk enough to begin to spill everybody’s business like that. Not yet at least. 

“He asked and I just couldn’t say no to this cute ass face.” Yukhei tightened his once light hold on the back of his neck as if to solidify his words, but Seungcheol only tensed up and tightened his arms around Yukhei’s slender waist, burying his face in his side. 

Yukhei was already tall as it was, so when Seungcheol teasingly dragged Yukhei onto his lap, Seungcheol practically had to bend his neck in half to look up at him. After his talk in the bathroom with Minghao, Seungcheol was completely focused on having fun with his newly accepted sexuality. And, he was having so much fun flirting. 

“You’re cute,” Seungcheol hummed in response. “You and these big ass hands of yours.” 

“Shut up,” Yukhei said before turning his attention to Chan who’d asked him a question about a drag show. However, Seungcheol hadn’t been able to listen due to the fact that there was a vibration down his left leg. Yukhei was too busy laughing and drinking to realize it until Seungcheol shifted to fish his phone from his pocket that Yukhei still didn’t seem to notice. 

Jeonghan?

“Hey, I have to take this call,” Seungcheol said loudly, in order to get the other’s attention. 

“Oh, okay.” As soon as Yukhei stood, Seungcheol was rushing towards the entrance of this bar to get to the quietest place he could just to answer the phone. He was hit with a chill immediately after stepping outside. 

“H-Hello?”

“Hey, can you come pick me up?” Jeonghan asked. He sounded impatient and oddly calm. 

“Yeah. But where’s Seokmin? Did something happen to Junhui’s car?” Seungcheol asked, already beginning to shiver in the chilly weather without a proper jacket. 

It was quiet for a moment, and just as Seungcheol opened his mouth to say ‘hello’ again, there was Jeonghan’s sullen response. “He left me here.” 

“What? Why?” Seungcheol choked. He could easily guess what had happened, knowing that it would’ve happened sooner or later, but Seungcheol couldn’t imagine how Seokmin must’ve been feeling. Especially if he put Jeonghan out and possibly even left him there by himself with no way to get home. 

“I honestly don’t wanna talk about it.” 

“Oh… Well. Yeah, I’ll come get you. Where are you?”

“That ramen shop Mingyu likes so much,” he sighed.

“Oh, okay. I’ll be right there.” 

“Okay.” The conversation could’ve ended there, but Seungcheol lingered anyway. “Thank you so much, Cheollie. What would I do without you?”

A lot, is what Seungcheol wanted to say. But instead, he uttered, “Same.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then.” And then the phone hung up. 

Seungcheol sighed, taking just a moment to himself to collect his thoughts before turning to enter the bar once again. 

When he returned, Jihoon looked at him with an unusual amount of concern on his reddened face. Jihoon’s look of apprehension was enough to get Soonyoung’s attention who then looked to Seungcheol too. 

“I need the keys,” Seungcheol said low in Jihoon’s ear. “I need to pick up Jeonghan?” 

“From the hospital?” Jihoon asked, impressed. 

“Why’re you so morbid?” But, Seungcheol shook his head. “You know what, nevermind. I have to go pick him up from that ramen shop in the city. The one that Mingyu likes so much. Seokmin left him there.” 

“Oh, damn. Well, that’s better than the hospital,” Jihoon said as he reached into his pocket for the car keys. Watching the interaction, the rest of the group grew worried. 

“Everything okay?” Junhui questioned. 

“He’s gonna go pick up Jeonghan,” Jihoon said. When met with further questioning faces, Jihoon waved them off. “Long story.” 

With a lingering hand on Yukhei’s shoulder and kind smile, Seungcheol headed for the door. 

***

Seungcheol had been sitting outside the ramen shop for about five minutes now. Jeonghan had said that he was on his way out, and while five minutes isn’t really anything to worry about, it was to Seungcheol when Jeonghan was acting that way. 

Maybe I should call Seokmin, Seungcheol thought. Jeonghan was hurt but so was he. So while he waited, Seungcheol picked up his phone and tried to call him., but was met immediately with his voicemail. 

“Must’ve turned off his phone,” Seunghcheol uttered aloud to himself, sighing solemnly in disappointment. But he forced himself to understand that Seokmin probably wanted to be alone. 

In lieu of calling, he typed a thoughtful-- and super long-- text to his friend. The one that was there for him from the beginning. His first friend. The one who rallied on his behalf when he’d embarrassed himself by joining a club that he didn’t fit in. 

Seokmin didn’t deserve this. 

While locking his phone again, there was a light tap on the window and then the door opened. Jeonghan slid in with a plastic bag in hand. Seungcheol kinda stared for a moment. Despite how calm Jeonghan sounded, he looked exhausted, tired, and overall, an emotional mess. His eyes were puffy and low, his cheeks blotched, and his lips pouty. 

“Sorry, I ordered ramen and it took longer than I thought it would,” Jeonghan said, setting the plastic bag between his feet. “Cute rainbow stickers.”

“Oh, thanks,” said Seungcheol. He’d completely forgotten that those were there. “So. You wanna come to the bar with me. We were having a lot of fun. Looks like you can use some fun.”

“I’m fine,” Jeonghan sighed. “I just wanna go home and eat this ramen. Plus, when was the last time that the house was completely empty?” There was an attempt at a smile but it failed. 

“You’re right. It does sound kind of nice.” Seungcheol started the car again while Jeonghan leaned his head on the window and watched the city lights become a blur. “While you’re there, make sure to check on Chan, if his nose starts getting red, don’t let him drink anymore. If Jihoon starts falling asleep, take him to the car and let him sleep in the backseat, make sure the doors are locked and check on him a lot. Keep an eye on Soonyoung so he doesn’t mess anything up. And-”

“You sure you don’t wanna come?” Seungcheol asked with a chuckle. “You can do all of that yourself.”

“No. You go and have fun. You deserve it.”

“And you don’t?”

Jeonghan slowly turned his head to look at Seungcheol. “Do you think I deserve it after what I did?”

Seungcheol didn’t say anything more for the rest of the ride, drowning from the urge to kiss Jeonghan all over until he was smiling again. It would be a dream-like way to end the night. To kiss Jeonghan with everything he could. With no questions of his sexuality or fear of change. Just a kiss full of passion. 

But in the middle of a situation like this one, Seungcheol decided that his feelings could wait. 

***

When 10 pm hit, Joshua was quick to toss his pen aside and shut all of his books. Alone in his apartment meant that he was also alone with his thoughts, so the only thing he could think to do besides lounge and pity himself for his stupid decisions was get an early start on an essay that was due on Friday. 

Focusing was already hard as it was, but with Seokmin constantly taking up his thoughts, it was even more difficult. One day, he’ll have to tell him about it. Ever worse, he’ll have to see Seokmin hurt, knowing that he was the reason behind it. 

Josh stood from his tiny dining table and began to clean up and get ready for bed. Tomorrow, he told his dad he’d help with an event at church early in the morning, so that meant that he needed to go to sleep before 11 if he wanted to wake up at 6. 

With everything in his backpack and on his way to the room, Josh was suddenly frightened by hard banging on the door, causing him to drop all of his things to the floor, one of his textbooks falling right on his toe. 

“Crap!” He whimpered at the throbbing pain, yet he still began to approach the door.

“Who is it knocking on my door like that?” 

“Open the door, Josh.” 

Josh stood still for a moment. “Seokmin?” Quickly unlocking the lock, Josh wondered if Seokmin was drunk again and just showed up out of nowhere. Excitement replaced the heavy fear that filled him just seconds earlier. 

But when he threw open the door, he was met with Seokmin’s stoic expression. “You okay?”

“I don’t wanna talk to you,” Seokmin stated, calmly letting himself into the apartment and kicking his shoes off. “But I need somewhere else to stay that isn’t the house. So I’m sleeping on your couch.”

Josh silently shut the door, gulping heavily. Instantly, he knew what this was about. “Seokmin.” 

“ _ Don’t _ talk to me,” Seokmin demanded. 

Josh leaned back against the door, not knowing where else to move. “You can have my bed for the night. Then we can talk about it in the morning.” 

Instead of responding verbally, Seokmin left the living room and went to Josh’s room, shutting the door behind him. Only when Josh was sure he was alone, did he feel the courage to move. He went to pick up his backpack and books that he dropped and set them aside. 

Then he grabbed a blanket from the hallway closet and went to lie on the couch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of cameos in this chapter because I didn't feel like finding suitable names. Yes, I'm lazy lol 
> 
> So at the end of the last chapter, somebody left some incorrect quotes on the last chapter and my favorite one was 
> 
> Chan, drinking apple juice: I drink to forget but I always remember
> 
> Seungkwan: you can't even get in a bar, you look like A CHILD
> 
> (I was dying) 
> 
> Anyway, I love reading your comments. Yall are funny af and I love it. It's like the highlight of my day.


	26. Chapter 25

Mingyu didn’t even remember falling asleep last night. All he could remember was lying in bed waiting for Wonwoo to get off the phone with Jeonghan. He was staring at that famous Van Gogh painting above Wonwoo’s bed but didn’t remember anything after that. Not even when Wonwoo got back. 

Yet when he woke up, the feeling of vibrations under his body slowly waking him, Wonwoo was next to him, clad in pajamas, face smushed into the pillow with his glasses above his head instead of on his face. Mingyu, still gaining the strength needed to even move, stared at his best friend for a while, filled with so much adoration. If he possessed the strength to move, he’d like to caress that acne-ridden face. 

Eyelids heavy and on the verge of sleep again, Mingyu was once again awoken by vibrations. Again and again. One after another. 

“Ugh,” Mingyu groaned. Without moving much, he reached under his body to grab for his phone. Only one of his eyes open, he brought his phone in front of his face. “Stupid groupchat.” 

He opened the chat, quickly skimming through before-

“Oh…Damn.” Mingyu’s voice was groggy and laced with the hoarseness of sleep but it didn’t stop him from gasping out “Seokmin just spilled the tea.” 

Wonwoo shifted around in his sleep, being a much lighter sleeper than Mingyu ever was. “Whu?”

Mingyu turned the phone to Wonwoo so he could read the entire thread of messages for himself. It only took about a minute or so for Wonwoo’s eyes to widen and a light gasp to fall from his lips. 

“Call Seungkwan.” 

“Trust me. I was awake since he sent the first text,” Seungkwan reassured, doing a little dance around the kitchen. He felt like the gossiping father that he knew he’d be one day, several years into the future when he would somehow have children. A phone tucked between his shoulder and ear as he and Hansol pulled stuff from the fridge before Yerim, Eve, and Jinsol could wake up and demand food. 

“What happened?” Hansol questioned softly as they both scurried back to his room, snacks in both hands.

“I’ma tell you,” Seungkwan whispered quickly before going back to talking to Mingyu. Again, Seungkwan began to pace the room, and Hansol settled down on the bed with his phone in front of his face. “Anyway, you gotta call Soonyoung and ask him about it. He knows everything.” 

Hansol peeked from behind his phone and watched Seungkwan as he continued to pace, his attention focused solely on listening to whatever his friends were spewing in the phone. As someone who was always in someone’s business, Hansol definitely understood the appeal of gossip. But he was beginning to understand the appeal of Seungkwan as his gaze slowly befell Seungkwan’s charm in the morning. His hair thrown about atop his head, his voice still slightly scratchy, yet his eyes wide in excitement as he talked-- more liked yelled-- into the phone. It was cute. 

It was that slight huskiness in Seungkwan’s voice that had caught Hansol’s attention so much. 

“Okay. Okay. Get more sleep after you tell Soonyoung then. Bye.” Seungkwan turned to Hansol with a sneaky smile. Averting his gaze up to Seungkwan’s face, Hansol tossed his phone aside and pat his lap.

Seungkwan was scrambling across the bed and into Hansol’s lap in a few swift movements that had Hansol chuckling. Laying across Hansol’s lap, Seungkwan locked eyes with the beautiful man above him. 

“So, let me tell you what Seokmin texted into the group chat this morning. It’s about Jeonghan.” 

“Jihoon and Soonyoung have a hangover,” Chan said, Soonyoung’s phone pressed against his ear. He folded up the blanket that someone had thrown over him last night when he, Soonyoung, and Jihoon had come home and collapsed in the living room. It was most likely Jeonghan. “But I’ll tell them when they wake up… Damn, I cannot believe Hannie. Nice to know he’s human though? You think Minghao and Junhui know?”

Drunk sex wasn’t his thing. 

It was something Junhui quickly decided when he attempted to open his eyes and was met instead with a myriad of shapes, bright colors, and a horrendous, monstrous headache. However, that was normal for Junhui’s hangovers, especially when he went to sleep with the curtains pulled back and the sun would fully beam and worsen his hangover. 

It was the added slight ache in his backside and shoulder. Any other day, Junhui would be out of breath at the simple thought of last night’s mind blowing sex that ended up with most of their room completely ransacked, but a couple slight aches were a very unwanted addition onto a load of shitty hangover symtoms. 

It wasn’t the worst hangover he ever had, but it still sucked either way. 

“You okay?” A sleepy voice asked from beside him. An annoyed comment was just on the tip of his tongue but the loving, warm hand that ran down his arm stopped it. 

“No,” Jun said, throwing the covers over his head. “This is not how I wanted to spend my Sunday morning. It’s all your fault.”

“Why?” Minghao whined, his eyes still shut so his own headache was spurred by the obnoxious sunlight. “Last night was consensual.” 

“You suggested that we ‘fuck up the room with our love making,’” Jun said, mimicking Minghao’s slurred words. 

“You agreed before I could even finish saying it. Ass.”

Junhui sucked his teeth and grabbed for his phone to check it, like he did every morning. While Minghao was settling back into bed, a pillow pressed over his face now, Junhui read through his messages. 

“Wow” was all Junhui managed to say. 

“What happened?” Minghao hummed. 

“Seokmin spilled about Hannie and that guy, Josh.”

“Seokmin’s boyfriend?”

“Yup.” 

Seungcheol didn’t even have to read the text messages to know what happened. However, he had no way of seeing the texts because his phone had ended up under the bed he was sleeping in. 

  
  


Jeonghan got up that morning hoping that he could at least pretend the day was normal. Looking at his trusty whiteboard, there was nothing written about idly weeping about his problems, so he was determined to start the day with a smile. 

***

Seokmin rarely ever woke up so early. Eight or nine o’ clock was considered early for him on any regular day so dragging himself out of bed at six in the morning was definitely gonna be difficult. But it would be worth it if it meant that he would be able to sneak out the house before Josh woke up. 

It was this morning while he was brushing his teeth-- using a spare toothbrush Josh had brought for him some time ago-- that he turned on his phone again, immediately being bombarded with messages. He turned it off soon after leaving Jeonghan at the restaurant, not wanting to talk to anyone at the time. He decided to come here to Josh’s apartment knowing that going home would just make him the center of attention. 

That was the last thing he wanted. He just wanted to be alone. 

This morning, he’d read through all of his messages. The first ones being from Jeonghan; he didn’t bother reading those. The rest were from his friends, even some from Minki who wasn’t even in the country right now. Wonwoo and Mingyu were the only ones who hadn’t texted him anything.

All of his messages ranged from asking if he was okay, where he was, or simply cheering him up with kind words and excessive emojis. But every message started the same: “What happened?” 

With his toothbrush held between his clasped lips, Seokmin had added all of his housemates into a groupchat that excluded Jeonghan and told them about everything that happened. All of it ending with why he hadn’t come home the night before and that he’d be there soon.

Then he tossed his phone to the side and continued to brush his teeth and rid himself of Josh’s clothes. 

He’d arrived last night with no clothes to sleep in so he had no choice but to take clothes from Josh’s dresser to sleep in. Changing back into his clothes and tossing Josh’s clothes in the connected bathroom, Seokmin snatched the car keys and his phone from off of the bed, ready to go. 

Assuming that Josh would still be dead asleep on the living room sofa, Seokmin was surprised when he opened the bedroom door and the smell of freshly made food wafted into his face. Seokmin inhaled the lovely scent, standing there in the doorway for a moment. He couldn’t-- wouldn’t-- stay, even if Josh was standing there. 

Encouraging himself, Seokmin took a deep breath and marched his way into the front. Just as he thought, Josh was in the kitchen with raging bed hair, standing over a pot on the stove. 

Seokmin had just made it to the front door of the small apartment, attempting to quickly slip on his shoes when Josh startled him. “Can you stay for breakfast?”

“I’m not hungry.” It wasn’t necessarily a lie. He genuinely felt like he had no appetite. 

“O-Okay.” There was no sadness in Josh’s voice, almost as if he were expecting it or maybe he just completely understood. 

With a couple contemplating blinks, Seokmin kicked off his shoe, spun on his heel and marched his way to the tiny dining table to sit. He didn’t even try to trick himself. Seokmin was too giving of a person to just walk out the door like he so desperately wanted to. Just kicking Jeonghan out of the car last night made him want to tear his hair out in guilt. 

Seokmin knew who he was… And unfortunately, he wasn’t someone like Jihoon who would proudly walk out that door, knowing his worth and never looking back. He just couldn’t do that. Seokmin wilted in his chair. 

“Kimchi and eggs?” Josh asked. 

Seokmin shrugged his shoulders. No other words were shared between them as Josh prepared the bowls. It was only when he set two porcelain bowls on the table that Seokmin murmured “thanks.” 

Immediately, he began eating. 

Josh only chuckled as he sat down and began to eat a lot more leisurely compared to Seokmin rushing. He also was the one to calmly start the conversation.

“I wanna say that I’m sorry. About what I did. About not telling you,” Josh began only to be met with the sound of food being chewed. With a sigh, he continued. “You have every right to be mad and hurt. Just know that it was never our intention to hurt you. Never. But I wouldn’t be mad if you left and never came back.”

“But  _ I  _ would be,” Seokmin spoke finally. He even looked up from his bowl of kimchi for the first time, a distressed, pained smile on his lips and his chopsticks still slightly trembling between his fingers. “I’d be so upset if I were to leave and never come back because… I put a lot into this. Into us. I confronted trauma that I  _ never  _ thought I’d accept or heal from. I did it for me, yes, but I don’t know if I would’ve done it without you.” 

Seokmin went back to eating, stuffing eggs into his mouth. Josh was also eating but he had to admit that it didn’t taste like much with the tension in the room. 

“Plus,” said Seokmin with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. “I’m not  _ too  _ upset at you.” 

Josh furrowed his eyebrows and his chewing slowed to a halt. “Hmm?”

“We aren’t in a relationship. So whatever you did while we weren’t together is none of my business. You promised me that you’d be by my side at therapy and you were. I can’t be too upset. Can I?” Seokmin grabbed for the glass of water that was sat on Josh’s end of the table and took a hearty gulp.

With a second of thought, Joshua began to shake his head. “No. You should be upset because you were hurt by my choices. Whether we’re dating or not… I love you and I don’t want you to be hurt.” 

It was suddenly hard to swallow. The world had even seemed to stop around him. They’d never said they loved each other so outright before. Seokmin loved Josh, but he didn’t imagine them saying it in this context at all. 

“I want happiness for you.” Josh broke into a genuine smile, one that Seokmin can’t say he’s seen in a while. “And if that’s not with me then-”

“Can you stop saying that?” Seokmin snapped in between bites of kimchi. “You and I both know that I’m way too forgiving to just leave like that… Me and Jeonghan went to a restaurant last night and I asked him about this. I kicked him out of the car and left him there because I didn’t wanna forgive him. I turned off my phone last night because I didn’t want him to text me… ‘cause I knew I would forgive him. I didn’t go home last night because of the same thing. I wanted him to feel guilty. But… When I woke up this morning, all that anger was gone. I forgave him already… Now, I’m just hurt.”

There was no use in denying that either. 

Seokmin began to laugh a little after he swallowed the food in his mouth. “My aunt told me one time that I was the most forgiving person she knew. Said that I could be in front of a thief and I’ll still pinpoint the good things about them… I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse.”

“Or maybe it’s just situational,” Josh tried. “Personally, I know that your optimism and hopefulness are two of my favorite things about you. I never met someone so… bright.”

“But some people will take advantage of me. See it as a weakness.”

“You’re trusting… You’re not naive. Don’t use them interchangeably. They’re not the same.” 

Seokmin nodded in agreement. Picking up his bowl, he scooped the last of the kimchi into his mouth, idly wondering if there was any left. 

“I can give you a little more if you want?” Josh offered, already standing from his chair before Seokmin could answer fully. 

“Thanks,” Seokmin uttered as Josh stepped into the narrow kitchen, the half wall separating the dining area and the kitchen allowing the two to still bask in each other’s company. No matter how awkward it was. 

“I love you,” Josh said again, softer this time. A little more timid. 

It was then that Seokmin realized that he hadn’t said it back when he said it earlier. His gaze stayed focused on the table. “I love you too…”

Josh placed the refilled bowl on kimchi on the table in front of Seokmin. Instead of moving to sit back in his chair, Josh ran a comforting hand through Seokmin’s hair. Immediately, Seokmin melted into the other, his head leaning on Josh’s stomach as he stood over him. He spelled like kimchi. 

“Do you wanna be with Jeonghan?” Seokmin found himself asking. 

“ _ What _ ? No! Of course not. And Jeonghan doesn’t wanna be with me either.” Josh kneeled on the floor beside Seokmin, who was oddly calmed by his answer. “Me and him both were both looking for comfort. I kept wondering if me and you would ever be together because of your trauma. I was just looking for something else to distract me. I’m so sorry you got caught in the middle of my stupid feelings.” With soft, kind eyes, the caressing moved to Seokmin’s leg. 

“And um, I’ve been thinking about something a lot.”

“What about?” Seokmin asked. 

“I’ve been thinking about taking a break from church for a while for you.”

Seokmin shook his head frantically. “No! Don’t do that. I already forgave you. Why would you-” 

“It’s not to get you to forgive me, silly. Look, I don’t know much about sexal assault and healing from things like that,” Josh uttered. Seokmin stiffened at hearing it said out loud, shifting around uncomfortably. “But, I don’t think that I can help you heal while being so involved in a place that makes you feel so helpless. I’m not giving up my faith or anything… just taking a break from being choir director.”

Seokmin shook his head again, more slow and deliberate. “Why?”

“Because, dummy, I love you.”

Seokmin nudged Josh back with his knee as he chuckled. Blinking away tears, Seokmin continued to laugh until he was able to speak knowing for a fact that his voice wouldn’t be too shaky. 

“Okay so… I gotta tell you something and you can’t be mad,” Seokmin said in a comical whisper. 

“What?” Josh whispered back, even leaning in a bit to play along. If Seokmin wasn’t still hurt by what happened, he’d probably pepper several kisses all over Josh’s face until they were lying naked on the floor, entangled together and, overall, happy. 

“Tell me you won’t be mad.”

Josh stared into Seokmin’s eyes for a moment. “You don’t want the kimchi huh?”

“Nope,” Seokmin chuckled. “But it’s only because I have to go.”

“It’s fine. I’ll put it in the refrigerator for later,” Josh stood up with a tiny stretch and carried Seokmin’s bowl into the kitchen. “Plus, I have to go and help my dad with something so I need to get dressed and stuff.” 

Reluctantly, Seokmin stood and, what felt like, hauled himself to the front door again. Just an hour earlier, he had been so eager to leave, yet now here he was dragging his feet.

“I’ll call you… whenever,” he said over his shoulder. Josh looked up from the dining table where he’d sat down again. 

“I’ll look forward to it.” 

Swallowing whatever desire he had to stay, Seokmin slipped out of the apartment. 

When he’d gotten in the car, he decided the best thing he could do was call his friends. He’d been gone all night; he was sure they wanted nothing more than to hear his voice and confirm he was okay. 

It took two rings for Minghao to pick up the phone. It also took just a couple seconds on the phone for Seokmin to know that he was on speaker phone for everyone to hear. 

“Seokmin!” That was Chan’s voice. 

“Hey, Chan.”

“Don’t ‘Hey, Chan’ me! You supposed to come with us last night,” the youngest pouted. 

“Shut up,” Jihoon’s low voice said, most likely just waking up. “Anyway, what we want to ask is, are you okay?”

“We were so worried about you,” Soonyoung grumbled. 

“Did you sleep in the car?” Minghao asked.

“I’m fine. And, No… I slept at Josh’s apartment.”

There was an expectant silence that followed, waiting for him to elaborate further.

“Did you beat him up?” Jun asked. 

“Who do I look like beating someone up?” Seokmin responded. “I don’t think I can fight.” 

They all shared a laugh together before there was a light  _ ding _ in the back from someone’s phone. Then there was a gasp. 

“Cheol is done with his dick appointment,” Soonyoung announced. “He needs someone to pick him up.”

Seokmin’s eyebrows jumped up the expanse of his forehead and he swore if he were eating something, he would’ve definitely choked. “Dick appointment?”

“ _ Yes _ .” Junhui confirmed. “We’re so proud of Cheol! He probably didn’t go all the way though.” 

“Which is  _ okay _ ,” Seokmin reminded sternly. 

“Yeah, but guess who with?” Jihoon said, his voice louder than anyone else. 

“Who?”

“Yukhei.”

Now it was Seokmin’s turn to gasp. “For real?”

“Yes!” Chan groaned. “It’s so unfair.”

“You’re a child, I hope you weren’t hoping to get none.”

“I’M NOT A CHILD.”

“Anywayyyy,” Jihoon hummed. “Can you pick up Seungcheol. He should be at Yukhei’s dorm.” 

“Yeah, of course,” Seokmin grabbed the car keys that he tossed in the passenger seat a while ago and started the car. 

“We’ll see you when you get here!” 

“You’re still loud.”

With a light laugh, Seokmin hung up the phone. 

***

Seungcheol was hiding under the covers. How could he not when Yukhei was walking around shirtless? Sure, it was his room, but Seungcheol was helpless here. 

“You’re so fucking cute,” a deep voice said above him before there was fingers at his side tickling him even while he was under the cover. 

“Stop it!” Seungcheol curled into himself and rolled to be closest to the wall. “You’re making me nervous again.”

“You like that though.”

“Uh, no I don’t,” Seungcheol threw the covers from over his face to scowl. 

“How come I don’t believe you.”

“Because you’re stupid-- Ah! Did you pinch my ass?!” 

“It’s cute.” 

“But it was a really hard pinch…” 

Completely red in the face, Seungcheol ran from the dorm complex, hoping that no one would notice or catch on to what he had just done. He knew that anyone who did see him wouldn’t really care about what he was doing, but he couldn’t help how the thought plagued him. Luckily, it was a Sunday evening so the campus wasn’t bustling with people. 

While heading to the front of the campus, there was the short, brief blare of a car horn that scared him, causing him to jump nearly out of his skin. 

“Soonyoung,” Seungcheol growled, speed walking to the car. Tossing the door open and ready to scold the other for scaring him like that, Seungcheol was met with the face of his best friend. “Seokmin?”

Seokmin gave a loving smile causing Seungcheol to practically launch himself at him. “Yup!” He laughed. “I missed you too.” 

“I was so worried,” Seungcheol sulked, yet he still laughed happily. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Damn, all of you were  _ that  _ worried?”

“Of course!” Seungcheol hugged Seokmin one more time. This time, Seokmin squeezed him just as tight, feeling a wave of relief overtake him as he sighed. 

“Okay, okay,” Seokmin said when he and Seungcheol separated. “So.”

“Don't do this.” Seungcheol already knew where this was going. 

“Yukhei, huh?” Seokmin continued, excitedly grabbing at the steering wheel. 

“Shut  _ up. _ ” Seungcheol covered his face with his hands. 

“What happened? Was it good?”

“Yes. Now, can we go now.”

Seokmin hummed. “I’m telling on you when we get home.” 

***

Despite being awake for about thirty minutes, Jeonghan never left the room, choosing to simply wander around he and Jihoon’s room until he gathered the courage to leave. He could hear that the others were awake too and happily running and bickering downstairs. 

A part of him wanted to rush down there and be his usual loving self. Somehow, he’d expertly manage all of their contrasting personalities and listen to all of their voices despite them shouting over each other. But, the idea of embarrassment made him reluctant. 

Jeonghan took a deep breath. The others wouldn’t possibly know, if Jihoon hadn’t told them. He highly doubted he’d say anything for sure. 

So with a deep breath, letting it out shakily, Jeonghan rushed to leave his room before he could be overtaken by reluctance again. Light on his feet, Jeonghan descended the stairs, hearing Jihoon complain about how loud Chan was being. 

However, when Jeonghan came into view by the archway, all of the talking came to an abrupt halt. That was the opposite of the usual effect Jeonghan’s presence had on his friends. 

His heart dropped as all eyes darted towards him. “Hey, guys,” he tried. 

“Hey,” all of them said in odd unison. 

Maybe Jihoon did tell them.

Jeonghan chewed on the inside of his cheek as he decided to go to the fridge and get some yogurt that he truly didn’t even want. He just didn’t want to look stupid by sitting down with them when he obvously wasn’t welcomed. A few mutters were heard at the dining table. Jeonghan hid himself behind the refrigerator door in order to give himself time to hide his feelings just until he’d made it back to his room to cry. 

While weakly grasping the yogurt cup, Jeonghan heard his name being called. 

“Yeah?” He said, closing the fridge door and grabbing for a spoon.

Soonyoung waved him over, weirdly exuberant given the situation right now. “Seokmin told us what happened.” 

“Oh…” Jeonghan hummed as he peeled the top off of the yogurt. “So, are you guys upset?”

Minghao scoffed and made a face as if the idea was preposterous. “Of course not! You probably did all of the ‘beating up’ and yelling at yourself for us. Plus, we know you didn’t mean to hurt Seokmin.”

“Of course I didn’t,” he insisted. 

“I’m just excited that you  _ finally  _ did something stupid for once in your life,” Junhui said. 

“Seriously?” Jihoon questioned. “That’s what you’re thinking about?”

“Think about it,” Soonyoung interjected. “Jeonghan does nothing wrong. Sometimes you forget that he isn’t perfect. It’s refreshing to see that he isn’t.” 

“Now, if you purposefully hurt Seokmin, then we would’ve had a problem,” Chan said sternly yet his teasing nature was still prevalent. It made Jeonghan smile as the youngest threw an arm around his neck. 

“I’m disappointed though,” Jihoon said, only for everyone except Jeonghan to groan. 

“You sound like Jeonghan! ‘Disappointment’ is such a low blow!” Soonyoung huffed. Jihoon glared at him but ended up dissolving into laughter when Soonyoung pinched his cheek. 

“Someone has to keep me in check when I’m not,” Jeonghan said. “So thanks Jihoon.”

“See. At least somebody appreciates me. I’m hurt. Especially by you, Soonyoung.”

Jeonghan laughed weakly at the scene playing out in front of him. The volume in the room increased immediately, just not as much as it would with the other members here. 

Yet, it wouldn’t be that way for long as the front door was kicked openly. Jeonghan’s steadily rising mood immediately began to plummet again when Seokmin and Seungcheol walked in. While the others all rushed to get to the front and greet Seokmin and Seungcheol, Jeonghan stayed behind at the dining table. 

He doubted neither of them wanted to see him. He simply watched from a distance, chuckling when Seungcheol tried to pick up Jihoon who slapped him dead in the face. The thought of simply sneaking upstairs crossed his mind but stopped when he met eyes with Seokmin. 

Jeonghan gave a tight lipped smile, not knowing what to expect. But he knew that what he didn’t expect was the jubilant smile that Seokmin gave as he walked past everyone and into the kitchen. Jeonghan’s face was twisted in confusion even as Seokmin embraced him. 

“I’m sorry for leaving you outside like that,” Seokmin said, words muffled into Jeonghan’s shoulder. “I was just so mad.”

“I deserved it.” A feeling in Jeonghan’s chest bloomed, one of pleasantness and lightness. He squeezed Seokmin as tight as his arms allowed, knowing that it was the type of hugs Seokmin preferred. “I was a horrible friend.”

“But I forgive you.” Seokmin stepped back and smiled again, almost as if to prove it. “It still hurts to think about it… but I understand.”

“Don’t force yourself to forgive me, I-”

“I’m not,” Seokmin reassured. “I just… I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me on purpose. That’s why I forgive you because I know you care.”

A smile that was slightly forced spread across Jeonghan’s face. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Seokmin to forgive him-- of course he wanted that. It was more because of the fact that Jeonghan didn’t feel like he deserved to be forgiven yet. But instead of saying anything more, Jeonghan and Seokmin gently embraced each other again.

As much as he would ‘ve loved to kick everyone’s ass in Mario Kart, Jeonghan knew that he had to finish his homework before class tomorrow. So, that came first. Ass kicking came afterwards. 

Priorities. 

While he was in his room searching his backpack for his homework and a pencil, Jeonghan heard the door creak open behind him. Whipping around, he was met with Seungcheol standing awkwardly by the door. 

“I followed you up here,” Seungcheol stated, the slight cringe on his face afterwards showing that he was also aware of how blatantly obvious that was. 

Still, Jeonghan muttered with a teasing chuckle “I see that.” He tucked his notebook under his arm and stuck his pencil behind his ear then picked up the conversation again. “So Yukhei, huh?” 

Seungcheol reddened instantly, chuckling nervously while beginning to rock himself back and forth on his toes. “It’s not what you think. W-We didn’t do what you think we did.”

Jeonghan gave a look of disbelief. “This is Yukhei we’re talking about.  _ Something  _ happened.”

Seungcheol pressed his lips into a thin line, face twisted in guilt for lying so blatantly to Jeonghan. “We didn’t have sex.”

“Even if you did, I’ll be fine.” Jeonghan felt his chest constrict as soon as the lie left his mouth. Even now, he felt like he was agreeing to cut his own finger off. “I heard you had fun and that’s all I could want for you.” 

He needed to leave. Jeonghan really needed to get away from Seungcheol, from this situation in general. Now. Before he let tears fall and made Seungcheol feel guilty for something that should be celebrated. He remembered when he’d gotten intimate with a guy for the first time and how excited he was and all of the praise he’d received. 

He refused to take that away from Seungcheol. 

“Let’s go downstairs,” Jeonghan uttered quietly, attempting to mask his sadness as gentleness. But, Seungcheol stepped in front of him before he could get to the door. 

“Are you lying?” Seungcheol asked, his hands hesitantly coming to hold Jeonghan’s arm. 

“You want me to be honest?” Jeonghan asked. He didn’t bother hiding the glassiness in his eyes. Seungcheol would see through him anyway. 

“Yeah,” he hummed. 

“Then yeah,” he admitted softy. “It hurts me a little.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“No. Don’t apologize.” Jeonghan put his hands on Seungcheol’s chest. “Not for this. I’m just happy that you're a bit closer to figuring out yourself.”

“Still not sure what to call it though,” he laughed awkwardly. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Jeonghan murmured. “I’m proud of you.”

“Hannie?” Seungcheol whispered. It was the light fan of breath on his face that told Jeonghan just how close they were. “Can I kiss you?”

“You aren’t doing this just to spare my feelings are you?” Jeonghan let his head fall and tried to step back but Seungcheol’s hands on him tightened for a moment. Not enough to hold Jeonghan there against his will, but more to communicate how much Seungcheol really didn’t want him to move. 

“No, I-” Seungcheol didn’t bother to finish, simply wanting to close the gap between them and reassure him in that way instead. The anticipation of those pink lips on his and those soft hands in his hair. 

He could just be horny from last night, but he honestly didn’t care. 

But he’d forgotten something… Chan existed.

“CHEOL! YOU’RE TURN,” Chan shouted from downstairs. Seungcheol rolled his eyes and heavily groaned, making Jeonghan giggle. 

Instead, Jeonghan kissed his cheek. Soft, gentle, delicate, and whatever the hell else meant spectacularly soft because Seungcheol couldn’t think of anything. Then he stepped aside and left the room, pulling him along with him. 

***

“Yerim, you look great,” Hansol said, as he grabbed for what he assumed to be the blush from the table. “You should be thankful that I’m doing this. You look better than you ever have.”

“Fuck you,” Yerim grumbled. Seungkwan sat alongside Jinsol and Eve watching as Yerim begrudgingly sat still enough to allow Hansol to do her makeup. Originally, the best was that if Yerim won in the video game they were playing that Hansol had to let Yerim do his makeup. But in the end, Hansol ended up winning. 

“I’m doing good, right, Seungkwan?” Hansol asked, turning to Seungkwan. He looked so genuine that it made Seungkwan reluctant to tell the truth, scared that he’d cause him to stop smiling. 

But hey, Jinsol answered for him. 

“She looks like a clown,” Jinsol said.

“You’re putting eyeshadow on her cheeks,” Eve deadpanned. Hansol’s mouth immediately formed an ‘o’ as he looked down at the pallet of eyeshadow he was holding. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Hansol asked, his gaze fixated on Seungkwan again. 

“Because it’s kinda funny,” Seungkwan admitted. He wasn’t too big on makeup, but he did know the difference between blush and eyeshadow. 

“You know what, I’m done,” Hansol said, feigning anger as he got to his feet. 

“I don’t even wanna see how ridiculous I look,” Yerim said, yet her best friends were already snapping photos of the look. She truly did look like a clown, Seungkwan thought, but he didn’t say anything out loud. Mostly because Jinsol and Eve were already doing that. 

“Let’s go, Seungkwan,” Hansol said. 

For the last two hours of his date before Jeonghan was going to come and pick him up, Hansol decided that he wanted a rematch in their game tournament from the other day. 

“No, no! You know what, you’re cheating and I refuse to believe that you’re not,” Hansol said. 

“Maybe, just maybe, I’m good at this game. Let’s play a racing game, I suck at those,” Seungkwan said, a cocky smile gracing his face as he leaned back against the headboard. Hansol hated it, wanted to kiss it right off of his face. 

“I wanna play you in something you’re good at.”

“Well, we just did. And you lost… Several times actually.” Seungkwan smirked when Hansol narrowed his gaze his way. “What? I’m just telling the truth.”

Emboldened by his win, Seungkwan didn’t relent under Hansol’s fierce gaze. 

“You wanna kiss me so bad,” Seungkwan chuckled. “I can see it in your eyes.”  
Hansol started laughing, leaning in just a bit closer. “You’re so annoying.”

“You like it.”

“What’re you gonna do if I kiss you?” Hansol asked, still neither of them looking away from the other. 

Seungkawn shrugged. “It depends.”

“On what?” 

“If you had a good time with me this weekend,” Seungkwan said. He knew that he was letting his insecurities show, but what good was them having this first date if Seungkwan didn’t feel comfortable enough to share his thoughts. Seungkwan liked things that lasted. He just wanted the reassurance that he wasn’t wasting his time here. 

“Let me show you,” Hansol uttered, taking the chance to bring his hand to Seungkwan’s neck. The other held back a soft moan at the touch. 

“You think you’re so smooth.”

“You’re the last one who should be talking about that,” Hansol laughed against Seungkwan’s lips. 

The kiss began slowly, Hansol moving hesitantly just in case Seungkwan didn’t want this. But it only made the latter chuckle at the gesture, Seungkwan taking it upon himself to deepen the kiss. The bursts of pleasure beneath his skin reminded Seungkwan of his first kiss, just not as inexperienced and sloppy. He knew what to do with his tongue now, when to lick, when to nip, when to pull away in order to tease the other. Seungkwan loved kissing. 

And Hansol quickly learned just how much Seungkwan’s passion and love for kissing paid off as he was instantly breathless by the slide of their lips. He couldn't help but sigh into the kiss.

Seungkwan pulled away just for long enough to murmur, “Your moans are so cute.” 

“You talk too much,” Hansol giggled, pressing his forehead to Seungkwan’s to shamelessly catch his breath. 

“Hurry up, kiss me some more.” Seungkwan grabbed Hansol by the back of his neck and forcefully pressed their lips together again. Fueled by the sudden heady fire in his chest, Hansol kissed him with a newfound fervor. 

“Lay down.” Hansol said, gripping Seungkwan’s side. 

Quickly, Seungkwan moved to lie down as told, dragging Hansol on top of him. Justas Seungkwan leaned up to capture the other’s lips again in a kiss, Hansol leaned away to kiss at Seungkwan’s neck. The skin was supple and sweet, along with the breathless moans that escaped his lips when he dragged his tongue along the side of his neck. 

Seungkwan smelled just as lovely as he tasted. Hansol distantly wondered if it was because of the soap he used. Something made it irresistible and tantalizing and all Hansol wanted to do was kiss and suck on his neck forever. His mind was quite literally pulled back into the present when there was a little tug on his hair. With two short lingering kisses, Hansol leaned up.

“Did you leave hickies?” Seungkwan asked, eyes low and breath coming in short puffs. 

“Sorry,” Hansol hummed. 

“Stupid ass.” Yet there was no malice behind his words as he trailed his hand up Hansol’s shirt, making the latter shiver. 

“Looks like you like it though.” 

“I do,” he purred, pulling Hansol by his shirt to give him another kiss, slow, sultry, and completely unrushed. “Hansol…” 

“Yeah, baby?”

“I don’t usually have sex on the first date.”

Hansol chuckled as he pressed brief kisses to his lips a couple times. “I’ve never had sex with a guy before so me either.” They both burst into soft laughter. 

“But I wouldn’t mind making you cum in this last hour we have together.” 

“Sounds tempting,” Seungkwan said, solidifying the statement with another kiss, only to be interrupted by the ringing of his phone on the side table. While he wanted to ignore it, Seungkwan knew that he couldn’t do that. “Hold on a second for me.” 

“What the hell, Jeonghan?” Seungkwan growled, still splayed out on the bed. Hansol just continued to pepper kisses, teasing with the hem of his shirt in a silent promise of what he wanted to do. 

“Don’t talk to me like that,” Jeonghan warned. “Anyway, come on. I’m here.” 

“I told you to come in two hours, not an hour,” Seungkwan sighed. Hansol gave a silent pout at Seungkwan having to leave so suddenly. 

“Just come on.”

“Give me like… Ten to twenty minutes.” 

With a suck of his teeth, Jeonghan agreed begrudgingly. “Hurry up, please.”

“Okay,” he said quickly and hung up the phone soon after and tossed it aside. “We have twenty minutes. Make it worth it.” 

  
  


Yerim, Eve, and Jinsol stood aside Hansol on the front porch as they waved Seungkwan off. Tugging the scarf that Hansol gave him tighter around his neck, he waved back and slipped into the passenger seat of the car. 

As soon as the car door shut, Jeonghan began to question him. “What’s with the scarf?”

“Well hey to you too, bitch,” Seungkwan sassed as he pulled his seatbelt on. “Plus, it’s cold outside.”

Jeonghan stared at him with the corner of his lip upturned. Then a smile spread across his face. 

Seungkwan turned, trying to hide his own amusement. 

“You got hickies, don’t you?”

“No!” Seungkwan shouted, his smile still showing through anyway.

“Yeah, you do!” Jeonghan reached over to sntach the scarf but Seungkwan put up a good fight in order to hide it. It only took a couple prods to the side of his stomach to have him giving up. 

Jeonghan gasped. “You got some on the first date?” 

“No! Maybe I would’ve if you hadn’t shown up so early.”

“I didn’t know, okay. I’m sorry. But these hickies look like you had a good time.” Jeonghan tossed the scarf in Seungkwan’s face. “Everybody’s been getting some lately.” 

“Apparently you have too.”

“Too soon, Kwannie.” 

“Oh. My bad. My bad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hansol and Seungkwan are life. That's all I gotta say lol. 
> 
> I'm way too excited to write Jeonghan and Seungcheol now


	27. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They have smut (or at least some attempt at it) in this chapter. Lol.  
> Also, a quick mentioning of self harm.

True to her word, Wonwoo’s mom had dragged him into her bathroom in order to fix his hair before the event. “Gotta look good like your mom,” she’d laughed as she pulled him around. 

She wasn’t lying either. With her hair in a sleek up-do, she had on a knee-length dress and blazer, set with diamonds and jewels to make her shine even brighter than her already glowing skin. did For a mother as old as herself-- she’d never reveal her real age to anyone-- Wonwoo thought that his mother still looked fantastic, never taking age as an excuse to not care about her appearance. 

And in the mirror, she made sure her youngest son was held to the same physical standards that she held herself as she slicked his hair back. 

On the inside, Wonwoo cringed. He hated his hair slicked back like that. Having his hair out of his face seemed to accentuate his flaws. His acne, especially. Yet, he said nothing of his insecurities, knowing that it would go unheard anyway. 

“Wonwoo, honey, you’re so beautiful. So handsome,” his mom sighed as she looked in the mirror once more, leaning her head on Wonwoo’s shoulder and smiled sweetly. Blinking uncomfortably, he forced a tightlipped smile at the mirror too. 

“He takes after his mother,” his dad said as he entered the bathroom, his blazer thrown over his forearm. A grin was on his lips as he let his other hand graze both Wonwoo and his wife’s shoulders and approached the metal stand where all of his medicine was neatly set up. 

“He takes after you when it comes to his smarts,” his mom retorted, grossly sweet. 

“Hmm, I don’t think so,” his dad said, chuckling under his breath. Never looking up, he opened the pill bottle and shook two capsules into the palm of his hand.

Wonwoo instantly grimaced, knowing that the light banter between his parents had ended and now it was time for the usual critique of Wonwoo. He truly didn’t have to ask, but still, Wonwoo did. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Joon,” his mom warned, her gaze narrowing at Wonwoo’s father but the man was still focused on opening the bottle of water to take his medicine. Her warning simply evaporated into the air before even reaching her husband’s ears.

“Nothing bad. I just don’t think I’d settle for a partner who wants to become a physical therapist of all of the things in the world.” His dad tossed the pills to the back of his throat and then took a hearty swig of water. His tone and actions would look completely innocent to someone who wasn’t in this family but all Wonwoo heard was pettiness. 

“It’s funny how you have a problem with Mingyu even though Akari is literally a preschool teacher. Teachers don’t make that much money either yet you’re insulting him,” Wonwoo said with a chuckle that was more out of frustration than it was actual amusement. He snatched his glasses off of the countertop, his hands slightly trembled as he put them on. 

“Hangyeol and Akari can get _married_ ,” his dad emphasized the word with a tone of malice. Like he was twisting a knife. “They can share assets and money.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Wonwoo turned to glare at his dad but his dad’s face made him falter. He was never able to face his dad and say what he wanted. 

“It _does_ matter. The least you could do is find someone in business since you couldn’t do it.”

“Okay,” Wonwoo muttered, giving in, eyes falling to the ground. His heart ached. 

His mom sighed softly in what seemed like defeat. That wasn’t what bothered Wonwoo about his mother. It was what she said next. 

“Well, Woo. He’s not wrong.”

“Wonwoo,” his dad sighed. That same tone that he always used after Wonwoo got upset. Almost as if to make it seem like Wonwoo was blowing things out of proportion. That Wonwoo was the irrational one and not him. 

“Yes?” Wonwoo said. His dad grabbed Wonwoo affirmingly by the shoulder. Again, that was something he always did. It was like deja vu at this point.

“You know I don’t mind you being gay. I just want what’s best for you.” 

Wonwoo chewed on the inside of his cheek and nodded slowly. “I know,” he whispered. Actually, Wonwoo truly believed that his parents didn’t care about his sexuality and were truly worried about him. 

But that’s not what hurt Wonwoo so much. It was the fact that they talked about it all of the time. Why did they have to make him feel so horrible about it? About everything that he did wrong. Why’d they have to remind him so many times as if he didn’t already know?

“Go get dressed, love,” his mom said, tone sweet again. 

Stiffly and wordlessly, Wonwoo turned to leave. Holding his breath and what felt like tears until he left the bathroom and their room. 

“Wow, you look old,” Mingyu said as soon as Wonwoo walked into the room. 

“Thanks,” Wonwoo murmured. “You look… _Wow_.” Wonwoo trailed off into laughter at the fact that he couldn’t find a better word to describe the beauty that was sitting at the end of his bed. He’d made the perfect choice bringing Mingyu with him. 

Mingyu was sitting at the bed, sliding on thin, black socks. After the suit that he brought had earned him several glares and questioning looks from Wonwoo’s parents, Hangyeol lended one of his suits to Mingyu instead. 

To someone like Mingyu, suits didn’t mean much. It was a simple black suit that had worked for several events for the past two years or so. But hey, he wasn’t complaining about wearing a suit that just _felt_ like it cost more than anything he could afford. 

It was black, sleek, and hugged his torso in a way that made him feel much more fit than he actually was. It was an understatement to say that Mingyu was loving the way it looked on himself.

Mingyu couldn’t lie, while Wonwoo was busy with his mom, he’d snapped a couple pictures of himself in the mirror. He was sexy.

But still, he blushed at Wonwoo’s words, utterly flattered.

“You think so?” 

“Of course,” Wonwoo smiled. He shut his bedroom door after him and went to his closet to get the suit that he was wearing for the night. Having grown up in such an environment, nice suits didn’t do much to Wonwoo but exhaust him emotionally.

The conversation between them ran smoothly and normally, Mingyu stealing quick glances of Wonwoo as he changed into his suit. He was looking respectfully… 

However, Mingyu could feel that something was off. So, mid conversation about buying sex toys-- he didn’t know how they’d gotten on that topic either-- Mingyu asked “What happened while your mom was slicking back your hair and making you look like a second version of your dad?”

Wonwoo scoffed and glanced briefly in the mirror. No matter how much he hated to admit it, it was true. But, Wonwoo was sure that his dad hated it a bit more than he did. 

You know… since he was a failure and all. 

“What do you think happened?” Wonwoo buttoned up his shirt in the mirror. 

“Sorry,” Mingyu huffed, mostly because he just didn’t know what else to say. 

“I’m used to it. At this point, I feel like all they’re saying is ‘We don’t care that you’re gay, just date a woman that’s easier.’ But they won’t say that because they know how stupid that sounds.”

“Maybe that’s what he did,” Mingyu chuckled, throwing himself back on the bed, arms spread out. 

Wonwoo furrowed his brows and looked at Mingyu through the reflection in the mirror. “Did you just imply that my dad is gay?”

“Yes… Yes I did. You never know. Right?”

Wonwoo didn’t even respond verbally, just laughed. 

***

“You both are so handsome,” Akari gushed as Wonwoo and Mingyu descended the staircase. 

She smiled up at the two, her arm tangled around Hangyeol’s. To match the more perfect couple in his eyes, Wonwoo looped his arm around Mingyu’s. 

“You can keep the suit if you want, Mingyu,” Hangyeol spoke, gaze admirable. “It looks better on you than it ever has on me.”

Mingyu highly doubted that but didn’t say anything of it. “You don’t have to be so kind,” he chuckled. Still, Mingyu used his one free hand that wasn’t looped with Wonwoo’s and straightened the vest out. 

“Seriously. Keep it.” 

If Mingyu wasn’t trying to uphold a reputation here, he’d smother the man in grateful hugs. He was just that much of an expressive person. 

“You do look fantastic,” his mom agreed. “Even your hair is lovely.” 

Wonwoo grumbled under his breath while Mingyu just nodded his thanks. 

“Right, Joon?”

“Yes,” the man answered briefly, more focused on his watch. “Anyway, let’s go.”

Already knowing that they were going to be riding along with Hangyeol and Akari, Wonwoo and Mingyu trailed closely behind the couple and got into the backseat of the car they were driving. His mom and dad were going to be driving alone.

They hadn’t even left the driveway yet and all Wonwoo could think about was coming home afterwards. And, even better, he’d be able to go back to the house with all of his friends and his beloved popsicles. 

With a deep sigh, Wonwoo melted into the leather seats of the car. Mingyu grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers tightly as a reminder that he was there and that he wasn’t going anywhere. 

“Don’t be too nervous, guys,” Akari said from the passenger seat. “Just try to have fun.” Yeah, Akari was definitely a preschool teacher. Only someone who practiced such optimism on a daily basis could begin to genuinely feel that way outside of their jobs.

“What are we even gonna be doing there anyway?” Mingyu questioned as Hangyeol finally began to back out of the driveway and tail their parents' car.

“Well, we’re only there to make dad look good,” Hangyeol said bluntly. “He’s looking for potential investors tonight. Us being there gives him a better image.”

While Mingyu seemed to be slowly understanding, Wonwoo just frowned at his reflection in the car window. Of course, Wonwoo knew that’s why he was here. It was the only reason his mom urged him to bring a date. So they could pretend that they were accepting parents and get acknowledgement from stupid investors who wouldn’t think twice about it. Or even better, the investors would feel some sort of remorse for the fact that his son was gay.

The best way to get what you wanted was empathy or sympathy; his dad had told him and Hangyeol about that a long time ago when they were younger.

Wonwoo and Hangyeol were nothing more than a business tactic tonight. 

There were two things that were gonna get Wonwoo through the night without exploding. One was of course Mingyu. That beautiful smile of his and just his overall presence would keep Wonwoo sane. However, it was also the hotel food. 

The hotel venue was already beautiful and high end, the architecture making him feel like something of a celebrity as he entered the doors, but it was the food that made it all worth it. 

“You think it’ll be wrong to take plates with us?” Mingyu murmured as he attempted to suck his fingers clean as professionally and as proper as he could. 

“I don’t know, but let’s not try just in case,” Wonwoo said. “Let’s just eat as much as we can while we’re here.” 

He tried to keep his dad’s warning in his mind. “Socialize, mingle,” their dad told them in a hushed voice while they were in the elevator. “But don’t make me look bad. Remember, you are an extension of me.” 

Even though all he did was roll his eyes in the elevator, he was going to at least _try_.

Across the room, Wonwoo watched as Hangyeol and Akari spoke to a few older men, obviously engaging deep in small talk. 

“I bet he’s doing a fantastic job making dad look good,” Wonwoo groused as he attempted to hide his grimace behind a cup of champagne. Mingyu didn’t even have to look to know what Wonwoo was talking about. 

“Well, he is a businessman, Wonwoo,” Mingyu tried but the audible groan that followed told him not to say anything more. “How about we-”

“Hello, you must be Jeon Wonwoo,” an older yet pompous voice spoke from the left of the couple. Wonwoo didn’t recognize the voice or the face when he turned to look at the man, but he must’ve known his father if he knew his name. 

“Yes, I am,” he said, presenting a hand to shake. “Um, this is my boyfriend, Mingyu.”

Ignoring the flutter in his chest, Mingyu shook the man’s hand with a dazzling smile upon his face. Mingyu wasn’t very professional and his major--apparently-- wasn’t very impressive, but he was incredibly charming and charismatic. 

“Nice to meet you both,” the man’s smile never faltered as he shook Mingyu’s hand. “I’m an investor of the Jeon Corporation. Well, potentially.” 

It wasn’t funny but Wonwoo chuckled. And upon extension, Mingyu forced a brief laugh of his own even though he didn’t know what was funny.

“Your father doesn’t speak much about you so I had to come and meet you for myself.”

“Well, I’m not very involved in the business. I go to college for something more medical. However, my dad works very hard. He has his flaws but he’s a dedicated, determined man who cares a lot about the up and coming Jeon Corporation. Hopefully, you stay for some time in order to hear him speak about it personally.”

As the conversation continued, Mingyu stood on the side, nodding whenever he needed to, laughing whenever necessary. But mostly, he was staring in awe at Wonwoo as he spoke about things he didn’t even care enough to try to understand. 

Mingyu had ignored the conversation until the man was giving him a smile before turning away.

“You weren’t listening, were you?” Wonwoo asked. 

“Nope. But only because I didn’t know what the hell you guys were talking about. I just stood there and looked pretty. Now, if he wanted to know about the technicalities of muscles and ligaments then I’ll tell him all about that. But, business… not so much.”

Wonwoo let out a breath of air through his nose. “I only know because of my dad.”

“The man didn’t look like he cared that you were gay.”

“I don’t know. Maybe he’s hiding it well or maybe he’s just not a homophobe…”

Linking his arm around Mingyu’s, Wonwoo decided to go and sit with Hangyeol and Akari at one of the circular tables, draped with a black table cloth set up on the outskirts of the large room. There was no use in standing around anymore. And on the way across the room, he’d managed to overhear several conversations that seemed to involve him. 

“I heard Jeon’s youngest son was gay and brought his boyfriend with him today. I think it’s great that Jeon’s supportive of him.”

That was the empathy. Others were different.

“Jeon’s son is gay? How sad. If I were him, I’d hide it. All that hard work and he risks it all just because his son wants to be gay. Just sad.” 

That was the sympathy. Some people were supportive:

“We need more parents like Jeon and his wife. I would never be ashamed of my child for that.”

And Wonwoo’s favorites were the ones who simply stated the obvious. 

“Jeon’s youngest son is gay. His boyfriend is really handsome. Very nice looking couple.”

Through it all, Wonwoo kept his head held high and Mingyu close to his side.

“How’s everything going?” Hangyeol questioned at the sight of Wonwoo and Mingyu approaching. 

“Just fine. I enjoy my sexuality being the topic of conversation,” Wonwoo stated sarcastically. 

“We have been asked about you quite a lot,” Akari said sadly. Hangyeol gave a sympathetic smile too. “But don’t worry. Everything has been positive for the most part.”

As Wonwoo sat down, he looked at his phone to check the time. He was simply counting the minutes until it was time to leave this place. 

He and Mingyu passed the time with Hangyeol and Akari by sitting at the table and talking the night away. Sometimes, people would come by and introduce themselves and make small talk, mostly with Hangyeol and Akari, but that was about the most action they’d had for the most part. 

Well besides the fact that time when Akari choked on her drink while attempting to laugh quietly. It backfired and it was funny as hell.

At least it was enough to get Wonwoo to stop looking at the time.

But time slowed once again when his dad stepped up onto the stage, tapping the microphone softly in order to get the room to quiet down. He inhaled deeply as his eyes settled on his father, a proud smile gracing his face. One that Wonwoo rarely ever got to see. 

Before Wonwoo could get too consumed by his thoughts, Mingyu placed a hand over Wonwoo’s, squeezing it lightly. From the other side of the table, Akari caught a glimpse of the sweet gesture and smiled to herself. 

Despite his eyes fixated on his dad, nothing really registered in Wonwoo’s mind. He didn’t bother listening, all of it blending together to create a noise akin to static, serving as white noise to Wonwoo’s incoherent thoughts. 

Well, until his name had been said. Booming over the speakers in all corners of the room. Mingyu’s and Akari’s eyes were settled on him, clapping along with the rest of the room, and Hangyeol was already standing from his chair, smoothing out his suit.

He didn’t know what was going on, but he stood anyway, mirroring Hangyeol’s actions and following him through the sea of tables and chairs. Wonwoo wondered what was going through everyone’s mind as they stared at the two of them. Soon after, Wonwoo wondered if being invited to the stage was another business tactic. 

But as he stepped foot on stage, Wonwoo cleared his mind and forcibly smiled under his dad’s gaze. 

“These… are my lovely sons.” 

Hangyeol waved haughtily, head held high and a self assured smirk on his face. Wonwoo waved timidly at the crowd. 

“I am so proud of them,” their dad continued. “So proud to say that they are my sons. That they are slowly but surely making a name for themselves in the world. I couldn’t ask for better sons than Hangyeol and Wonwoo. They’ve encouraged me as much as I’ve encouraged them. And while this may sound backwards, the Jeon Corporation wouldn’t be the same if it weren’t for the two of you. This is a family business not because it has the ‘Jeon’ name but because it was a family effort.” 

His dad’s voice was clear through the mic. Loud. Firm. Unmoving… And yet, Wonwoo felt like it was mocking.

Wonwoo couldn't help but feel as if these words were more directed at Hangyeol than it was him. 

Maybe it was true and his dad was actually proud to have him there. 

But what evidence did he even have to prove it other than the words he was speaking right now?

“I love the both of you.” Then, Wonwoo was pulled into the arms of his father. It wasn’t tight nor did it feel as if it was filled with some type of unspoken emotions. Wonwoo still loosely wrapped his arms around his father, basking in it nonetheless. 

Then he moved onto Hangyeol. 

Wonwoo kept his smile on his face the entire time he was on stage. While he was following Hangyeol off the stage. The entire time he made his way back to the table. 

And the entire time he had decided that he needed a moment to breath and until he was outside of the hotel space. That fake smile dropped only as he stepped through the double doors and into the hallway when he felt like he needed to gasp for air. 

The high ceilings, low hanging chandeliers and the red carpet, the color of red roses, lining the doors did nothing to appease his suffocation. It did the opposite actually.

He didn’t belong here. 

The realization had long ago materialized in his subconscious but it had only recently blown up, liking a bomb he’d chosen to ignore until it had detonated and all he could truly do was deal with the aftermath. 

All he wanted to do was go home. Where Jihoon would be glaring at everyone and pretending not to laugh about everyone’s stupid gimicks. Where Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Soonyoung would make him question their sanity. Where everyone would be. 

With another deep inhale, Wonwoo fought back tears. 

A couple of the hotel staff sent him concerned glances, but Wonwoo waved them off with a gentle gesture of reassurance as he leaned against the walls. He was gonna be fine. He just needed some time alone. 

The doors opened and closed a couple times, a few unfamiliar faces and couples leaving and returning. It didn’t bother Wonwoo too much, he attempted to look as if he was simply checking his phone. 

But that backfired when the doors opened again and his mom walked out, an angry glare immediately falling upon him. Pocketing his phone, Wonwoo sighed. 

“What’re you doing out here instead of inside supporting your father?” His mom grumbled in a low voice, completely vexed. 

“I just don’t want to be in there,” Wonwoo murmured. “I can tell that what he said on the stage wasn’t about me and it was only about Hangyeol.”

She narrowed her eyes and took a deep breath as if to calm and remind herself that she was in a public setting. 

“Is this about you being gay, Wonwoo? _Again_?”

Wonwoo couldn’t help but laugh at that, yet his mother’s rage seemed to boil because of it. 

“How many times are we gonna have to tell you that we don’t care about your sexuality? We couldn't care less if the person you love is a boy or a girl?”

“You’re right. You and dad aren’t homophobic but it doesn’t change the fact that you guys are horrible at parenting.” 

For the first time in a long time, Wonwoo bluntly said exactly what he meant. And, of course, his mom’s eyes widened. A part of him wanted him to stop, to shut up and submit like he usually did, but for some reason, he couldn’t close the gates. The water was rushing too fast for him to attempt to close them. 

There was nothing stronger than the force of rushing water, it seemed.

“You and Dad never say anything nice to me, but you want me to believe that what he said up there was true and not just some stupid ass business tactic? I know that’s the main reason I’m here. So you can use me to get investors and that’s fine with me. But don’t pretend like you care. You guys love Hangyeol more than me and-”

“Shut up, Wonwoo,” she snapped, her voice was on the verge of yelling. They both looked around to see if anyone was close by. It was mostly just the hotel staff but they pretended to mind their business. 

She swallowed thickly and stepped even closer to Wonwoo. 

“We love you. Me and your dad just want to be honest with you. It’s the way the world is going to treat you.”

“Don’t you think I know that already? I know how the world is gonna treat me. But do you guys have to do the same? I don’t need you guys to remind me everyday that I’m not good enough.”

“Woo, you are good enough for-”

“Mama, I really don’t wanna do this right now.” Wonwoo felt the tears burning the rims of his eyes again. He pushed himself off of the wall he was leaning on and began to walk towards the elevator they came through earlier. 

Not like he really expected her to, but his mom didn’t follow, instead she turned around and hauled herself in the opposite direction of her son. 

Wonwoo made it to the car before he even realized it, his feet leading the way. A shiver crawled up his spine as he pulled harshly at the car door. Only for it to not budge even a bit. 

It’s locked. 

“Man…” Wonwoo sighed, running a careless hand through his slicked back hair. His hand was wet with hair gel now but that was the least of his worries because he was stuck in the cold. Sure, he could go back inside, but that was the last thing he wanted to do. 

Not yet at least. 

He’d just have to call Hangyeol, Akari, or… 

“Mingyu…” He’d forgotten all about Mingyu, having walked past him as soon as he stepped off stage. Scrambling for his phone, Wonwoo was stopped by the tapping of shoes against concrete behind him. 

“Here you are,” Wonwoo hummed, voice dulcet as he slid his phone back into his pocket. Mingyu laughed and held up a key ring with the car keys on them. 

“Hangyeol gave them to me,” Mingyu answered before Wonwoo could even ask the question. “Thought you might wanna sit in the back of the car. Guess he was right.” 

Wonwoo grumbled playfully under his breath as Mingyu unlocked the car doors. 

“You coming in with me?” Wonwoo asked. “Or are you just gonna stand there in the cold?” Mingyu had been awkwardly standing some steps away even as Wonwoo opened the door and began to climb into the backseat. 

“Just waiting for you to invite me.”

“Well, Mingyu, would you do me the honor of cuddling with an overwhelmed homosexual in the backseat of his big brother’s car?” Wonwoo held out a hand, the puffiness of his eyes hadn’t quite gone away but the darkness shrouding the night sky helped him hide it. 

“I’d love to.” Mingyu grabbed Wonwoo’s hand. It was cold yet it made Mingyu fill with a sense of warmth. With awkward laughter, both of them proceeded to get comfortable in the backseat. Their suits made it a lot harder to move freely, but they made it work. They always did. 

Wonwoo melted into Mingyu’s side as soon as they relaxed into the seat. He kicked off his shoes and took a deep breath that ended with him trembling from the cold.

“‘M cold,” Wonwoo slurred. 

“Here.” Both of them leaning up for a moment, Mingyu shrugged off his blazer and laid it over Wonwoo as he got comfortable again. Now, he was the cold one, but he’d be damned if he mentioned it aloud. Instead, he focused on the warm cheek pressed against his shoulder and thickly gelled hair lightly brushing the skin of his jaw ever so slightly. 

For several moments, Wonwoo and Mingyu sat there. Cuddled together in the backseat of Hangyeol’s car, simply… sitting. 

Wonwoo was slowly dozing off, his eyelids becoming heavier and his breathing evening out. This was the most peace he’d felt all weekend and all Wonwoo wanted to do was stay this way forever. Sleep had started to creep up on him yet in a way that was more calm and captivating than it was threatening. 

But just as he began to truly fall asleep, he felt the slight vibrations of Mingyu’s chest as if he’d said something. 

“Hm?” Wonwoo asked. 

“Your mom and dad love you,” he repeated, not any more louder than before. “They just have a horrible way of showing it.”

“You think so?” Wonwoo asked, shifting his head so he could look up at Mingyu better. It was dark but Mingyu’s eyes seemed to sparkle. Wonwoo blinked several times to wake himself up.

“Yeah… I think they do genuinely love you and want the best for you.”

“But why do they have to be so rude? They never tell me they’re proud of me. Then my mom tells me it’s to prepare me for the world as if I don’t already know… I don’t need them to be the world… I need them to be my parents.”

The arm around his shoulder tightened and a light fan of breath tickled the top of his head. 

“I’m proud of you.” It was more of a declaration. “I’m so proud of you and everything that you do and will do. And I think they feel the same somewhere deep inside of them. Until they show you, I’ll tell you all the time if you want… And you know Jeonghan and them will. We should call them.” 

“No, you don’t have to do that,” Wonwoo laughed. “All they’re gonna do is yell and I’m liking the quiet.”

“Maybe that’s what you need.” Mingyu still reached in his pocket for his phone and when Wonwoo tried to snatch it from his grasp, Mingyu curled into himself to hide himself and the phone. 

“You’re too big to be playing in the backseat of the car!” Wonwoo shouted when Mingyu almost kneed him in the nose. When there was no answer, Wonwoo threw the blazer covering him off of him and grabbed Mingyu's ear, twisting ruthlessly until the latter was whining and eventually through the phone in Wonwoo’s side of the car. 

“So mean,” Mingyu groused, massaging his aching, throbbing ear. With that cute pout on his lips, Wonwoo couldn’t help but snicker and pull the other in for a hug. “I’m sorry,” he teased between laughs. 

“Thought you loved me more than that.”

“I do,” Wonwoo said. As they settled back next to each other again, their little scramble messing up their appearance even further, they both sat flush against each other. Wonwoo’s legs were thrown over Mingyu’s as they spoke to each other in hushed whispers. Neither knew who started the whispering but the both of them were enjoying the lack of space between the two. 

“You get on my nerves,” Wonwoo said. “You know that?”

“I would rather you be annoyed than you be sad.” 

Wonwoo didn’t respond verbally, just smiled, small and heartfelt.

“How are you feeling right now?”

“Sad, but I’m good. More than good.” Wonwoo didn’t think he’d ever truly get over the fact that his parents possibly loved Hangyeol more than they loved him. Even if it wasn’t true, it still hurt. 

But he was used to that. He should also be used to being around Mingyu even though all his heart yearned to do was kiss him. And normally, he was okay. It had become another part of Wonwoo’s life that he wasn’t satisfied with but accepted a long time ago that there was nothing he could do about it. 

But during moments like these, when it seemed like the right time to confess, Wonwoo could never push himself to do it. And as much as he accepted it, he still suffered from a weight of melancholy on his chest during times like these. 

Mingyu gave a signature pout and chuckled. “Do I have to annoy you some more?”

“Unless you want me to twist your ear off, then I suggest not.” 

“Okay, okay.” 

The laugh they both shared seemed to be even more hushed. Mingyu’s eyes had slid shut and for the first time that night, it seemed like Mingyu was incredibly tired as he rested his head on the leather of the seat.

Against his normal will and consciousness, Wonwoo hesitantly placed a hand on Mingyu’s cheek. Wonwoo hadn’t even registered the feeling of soft skin on his palm before Mingyu’s eyes opened once again. 

Such a beautiful face. Even more so when Mingyu gently smiled, successfully stealing Wonwoo’s breath away. 

Where the courage came from to make him do something so bold and brazen, Wonwoo didn’t know. But he didn’t exactly take the time to think about it because he was too busy taking in the softness of Mingyu’s lips. 

It wasn’t the first time they kissed, but it was the first time where Mingyu wasn’t crazy drunk and laughing the entire time. 

It didn’t last long. It never did. The kiss was chaste. Wonwoo simply pressed his lips to Mingyu’s, delicately grazing the tip of their noses together. Yet it still managed to make Wonwoo breathless when he pulled away. So breathless that he hadn’t noticed that Mingyu’s hand that had been resting on his thigh had balled into a tight fist.

“Am I dreaming?” The question seemed to linger there. Wonwoo noticed only seconds after it registered that it wasn’t him who'd asked the question. 

“I only had my eyes closed for a second or two,” Mingyu said, the whispering coming to an end. Now, he was alert. Awake. 

“You can leave if you want?” 

“What?” Mingyu frowned. “Why would I leave?” 

“I don’t know. I’m just… sorry.” Wonwoo scrambled out of Mingyu’s hold and retreated to lean against the car door, as far as he could to get away from Mingyu. His mind was swirling, tumbling, and throbbing so much that he felt the pain in his stomach. 

He felt sick. 

“Did you kiss me because you were sad?” Mingyu asked. Wonwoo couldn’t see his face, but he could hear the sadness in his words. “It's okay if you did.”

A lie. Wonwoo could hear that too. 

“No. I…” The words were right there. _I like you._ No. I _love you._ But he couldn’t say it. “Dammit.” 

“I love you, Wonwoo.”

A pause. 

“I love you too, Mingyu,” he said meticulously.

“More than what you think.”

Wonwoo finally looked his way again. The look in his eyes was full of genuine anxiousness and fear.

Mingyu tugged his bottom lip between his teeth and began chuckling, laughing at an inappropriate time yet again. So instead of trying to summarize his words that would be interrupted by untimely laughing, Mingyu moved across the backseat to get closer to Wonwoo. 

In the backseat of Wonwoo’s older brother’s car wasn’t exactly how Mingyu imagined this happening, but it was what he was going to get. And he wasn’t going to pass it up. 

He was hesitant and reluctant though. 

Anyone would find it hard to believe that he was actually really good at flirting. He was smooth and charming and had no problem when it came to getting what he wanted with a nice smile and flattering words. But now, Mingyu couldn’t get through a full sentence or a full thought without nervously laughing. 

That was what Wonwoo reduced him to. 

“You’re doing this because you feel sorry for me?” Wonwoo asked. Now it was his turn to wonder if this was a dream. There was no way he wasn’t. He’d never been so fortunate. 

There was no answer, but there was a hand on his thigh. 

Wonwoo turned to look at Mingyu only to find that the latter was close to him again, breathing heavily and eyes shut tightly. 

He looked so unsure, but this was the opportunity. Something inside of Wonwoo was yelling. That same voice that yelled at him to just curse his parents out sometimes. 

And hell, if it was a dream, then he wanted to take full advantage of it and never regret it. And if it wasn’t a dream… he’d pay for the consequences of his actions later. 

After pressing their foreheads together in mutual thought, Wonwoo grasped Mingyu by the nape of his neck and forced their lips together in a passionate kiss. It was soft at first, giving Mingyu the time to pull away if he wanted to, but the latter only melted in relief. 

They wasted no time pulling each other as close as possible. Their bodies were flush against each other, yet Wonwoo still wanted him closer. Stupid slacks. Stupid clothes. 

With anyone else, Wonwoo wouldn’t mind pulling away to rid himself of all of his clothes, but it seemed impossible when he was kissing Mingyu.

Wonwoo was practically trembling with desire and need from his lips. His hands couldn’t decide where he wanted to keep them. He’s burning from the inside out when there’s a hand in his hair and another hand simply running over any expanse of skin possible. 

A kiss so intense and heavy that the usual uncomfortableness of clashing teeth and sloppy sliding of tongues didn’t even matter.

In fact, it felt better than a slow, easy kiss would’ve been. 

A gasp tore through Wonwoo when there was a heated hand on his hip followed by the sensation of nails sinking into the skin there. He wasn’t sure when his shirt had gotten unbuttoned but he wasn’t complaining in the slightest. 

“Damn.” A quiet moan fell from Mingyu’s lips at how pretty Wonwoo was right now. His lips parted, sweet, little breaths leaving him, and those thick framed glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose. 

He couldn’t make out his features clearly from being so close but he still trembled. If he could get someone to make a mural of that face or record that gasp, Mingyu would be happy for the rest of his life. 

His grip on Wonwoo’s side tightened as he trailed down and left wet kisses along the latter’s jaw. 

It was when Mingyu’s slowly mouthed and bit at a part of his neck and Wonwoo threw his head back in overwhelming ecstasy.

“ _Ouch_! Dammit.” Momentarily forgetting that he was in a car, Wonwoo's head hit the car window. All the while still breathing heavily, they both dissolved into easy laughter. 

“You okay?” 

“Mhm,” Wonwoo said, cheeks flushing in embarrassment yet Mingyu seemed a bit preoccupied with getting his hair out of his face.

“Fuck. It’s hot in here,” Mingyu said, voice smooth and low.. 

“Oh, I wonder why,” Wonwoo answered sarcastically. 

“Wouldn’t mind it being a little hotter.” Mingyu grinned, nuzzling Wonwoo’s jaw and placing a soft ksis there.

“I hate that you’re so cheesy.” Wonwoo laughed despite the seriousness of his words. 

“I love it. Now, what do you want me to do? I’ll do anything Wonwoo,” Mingyu’s grip on Wonwoo’s thigh had tightened suddenly as if to convey that he truly meant this. He wanted this as much as Wonwoo did. 

“This is Hangyeol’s car… Him and Akari probably do it all the time back here.”

“And?” 

There was several objections he had to this (it was a little bit rude, he found it disgusting to try and get off in his brother’s backseat, it would probably reek of sex, and he wasn’t very fond of trying to get some in a tiny space), he was silenced by a gentle hand moving from his thigh and then tilting his head back to rest against the window again so Mingyu could easily connect their lips again.

“D-Do you think they’re looking for us?” Wonwoo whispered, drawing in a sharp intake of breath when Mingyu moved down again to kiss at his neck again. It looked like it was a gesture Mingyu was quite fond of. Wonwoo wanted to mention it but dissolved into a breathless sigh when lips closed over the sensitive spot between his neck and shoulder. 

Taking his precious time, Mingyu worked a light bruise into his skin. 

“I don’t know. But I don’t wanna go up. I wanna stay here with you,” he murmured into his skin.

“I know,” Wonwoo sighed, a hand curling in Mingyu’s hair. 

“Wonwoo…”

Despite his earlier objections to going any further in Hangyeol’s car, he still somehow ended up completely naked save for his boxers, cramped on the floor of the backseat between his best friend’s legs while giving the sloppiest head he’s ever given. 

Yeah, Mingyu made him _that_ brainless. 

“God, I love you so much.” A deep moan followed Mingyu’s words as he softly thrusted up into the wet heat that Wonwoo so readily provided. The hair gel that had held Wonwoo’s hair back had long ago sweat out and left his hair messy and sticking up from Mingyu’s hand constantly running his hand through it and gripping it to take control of the glide and pace of Wonwoo bobbing around him. 

In an unexpected move, Wonwoo pulled off, saliva dribbling down his jaw. Even in the dark, Mingyu could see the way Wonwoo’s eyes sparkled behind his glasses. 

“I love you too,” he said sweetly, kissing the tip. “You taste so good too.”

“You can’t say shit like that while looking so cute.” Mingyu reached forward and card his fingers through Wonwoo’s hair again out of what seemed like a new habit of his. “So, so pretty.”

“I’m tryin’ to be sexy,” Wonwoo uttered in response as he leaned in to run his tongue flat against the underside of his length. “Guess I’m gonna have to try a bit harder.” 

Any response Mingyu had died on his tongue when Wonwoo swallowed him in one swift movement, moaning around him as if he was enjoying this more than anything in the world. Letting his head fall back, Mingyu basked in an onslaught of pleasure, both emotional and physical. 

“I love you. _God_ , I love you so much.”

Wonwoo took him deep into his throat as if to respond to his declarations of love.

From his spot between his legs, Wonwoo looked up at the way Mingyu’s face contorted when he did certain movements with his tongue. It was a mesmerizing picture and when Wonwoo’s eyes ever did manage to slide close, he forced himself to open them so as to not miss anything. 

When the hand in his hair tightened and pulled causing a burning sensation in Wonwoo’s scalp, he knew the other was close. 

“‘M close.” It was a whisper but it was just as much a warning. Reveling in it for a few more moments, a couple more sharp, upward thrusts, Mingyu pushed Wonwoo, a lot harder than he had meant to, off of himself with an embarrassingly loud and wet pop to finish himself with his hand. 

Toes curling and breath coming in short gasps and bursts, it only took a couple jerks for him to fall over the edge that had him _trembling_. He comes so hard that there’s a persistent ringing in his ears and the nerves in his body are so sensitive that he doesn’t even really register the feeling of a napkin against his stomach as Wonwoo cleaned him up.

Wonwoo watched as he settled back on the ground, cleaning the white stings of his boyfriend's release, both enthralled and disappointed. 

“Why’d you pull me off?” Wonwoo asked, voice scratchy and rough. 

“I-” Mingyu took another deep breath. “I didn’t w-wanna come in your mouth, baby.”

“I wanted it.”

Mingyu raised his head and weakly smirked at him. “Filthy.”

Wonwoo grinned, taking it as a compliment. “Thank you.” 

“Get up here. I wanna eat you out,” Mingyu rasped, charging forward to capture Wonwoo’s swollen, reddened lips in a fiery liss. It was mostly tongue and teeth, causing Wonwoo to melt and almost give in to his request immediately. 

Almost. 

“But… Hangyeol and Akari,” Wonwoo said shortly. 

“You just sucked my dick so well, and you expect me to just let you sit here? You were so good. Let me reward you.” He solidifies the statement by catching Wonwoo’s bottom lip between his teeth, tugging gently. 

Wonwoo inhales and moans when he exhales. This must be how Mingyu gets his one night stands. His tone and words were both so sultry that Wonwoo was uncharacteristically whimpering. 

“But-”

“You really don’t want it, baby?” 

And again, Wonwoo felt brainless. It took just a few rushed movements for Wonwoo to be on his hands and knees, struggling to breathe, while being eaten out so beautifully. 

“You’re so _good_ at this,” Wonwoo whimpered, his head resting against the window. It was a shame how he was reduced to sounding this way all while in the small space of a backseat.

A response lied in the prodding of Mingyu’s tongue inside of him and the dragging of his nails down Wonwoo’s back. Wonwoo’s eyes rolled closed. For a moment, Mingyu pulled away to whisper soft, sweet praises into the supple skin of ass before diving back in.

“I could die like this,” Wonwoo rambled, head too far gone not to. He inhaled and tried to even out his breathing but failed miserably. “Could die with your tongue in me.”

“So dramatic,” came Mingyu’s muffled response. “I don’t want you to die. I’ll miss you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I haven’t even gotten to fuck you yet or even marry you and you’re just gonna die like that? So mean… Gosh, you’re dripping all over the car seats, you know that.” 

Wonwoo groaned low in his throat at the mention of it. “Fuck you,” he whispered, body thrumming as he basked in the praise and dirty talk.

He knew he was; he just wanted to forget it. He could feel it when he would lower his hips to dirtily grind into the seat for some type of friction before Mingyu would pull his hips back up, punishing him with a firm smack on the ass. 

Hangyeol was probably gonna be so pissed at him for this. But, Wonwoo was too desperate for this, his body thrumming with so much pleasure-- if the fact that he was practically so hard that it hurt-- that he genuinely didn’t care about the consequences right now. 

He’d apologize a million times for his desperateness later on. 

  
  


***

“I don’t need your help,” Seokmin snapped. “I said that about ten times.”

“I just wanted to help you,” Jeonghan uttered softly, placing the pot for the ramen on the stove. “I-I always help you guys cook.”

“Well, I still don’t need you help,” Seokmin dismissed, tossing the pack of uncooked ramen on the counter and snatching up the pot to fill it with water at the sink. 

Embarrassed, Jeonghan avoided Jihoon, Minghao, and Seungkwan’s eyes and left the kitchen, head hanging low. 

“Thought you forgave him,” Seungkwan said, shutting the microwave. His choice of snack during the movie was a simple bag of popcorn. 

“I did.” Seokmin turned off the water with an uncharacteristic jerk. 

“I mean, it doesn’t look like it,” Jihoon muttered. He was just waiting to put his own bag of popcorn, that was mostly for Soonyoung, in the microwave after Seungkwan. 

“But I did.”

“Seokmin-” 

Seokmin turned to glare at the three of them standing on the other side of the kitchen. 

“I _just fucking said_ I forgave him. I’m not upset. Just tired.”

Jihoon’s initial response was to just tell him to go to sleep, but he chose to keep his mouth shut instead. Seokmin was _obviously_ annoyed so he decided that saying anything more would just further agitate him. 

Sympathetically, they all watched Seokmin angrily put the pot of water on the stove to boil it. Without a look back at them, Seokmin stormed out of the kitchen. 

“Yeah… he’s still mad at Hannie.” Minghao finally felt enough relief to move around the kitchen, going straight to the cabinet where the cookies were. 

“I mean, who wouldn’t be?” Seungkwan asked. “I just wish he wouldn’t try to force himself to not be upset. He’s trying so hard to forgive Jeonghan that he’s even angrier.”

“I’ll try to do some damage control later,” Jihoon noted aloud. “Hannie’s trying but failing miserably.” 

In the living room, Jeonghan had made quick work of wiping the frown off of his face and settling down for the movie night that Chan had planned. Even though Jeonghan was sure it was just a reason for Nayoung and Kyulkyung to come over, he still thought it would be a nice thing to do. 

And a nice distraction for himself and everyone else. While it didn’t seem to distract him much, it definitely seemed to work for everyone else. Especially Chan, who’d seemed to get exactly what he wanted. 

He was on the floor, happily tucked between the legs of Nayoung while she talked to Kyulkyung and Seungcheol while playing in his hair. If it weren't for that, Chan would be yelling along with Seungkwan and Soonyoung about what movie from Netflix they were gonna watch. 

“I’d slap the hickies off your neck,” Soonyoung yelled mid laughter, no malice in his words as Seungkwan walked in and snatched the remote from Soonyoung.

“Please do, I have class tomorrow and I don’t feel like covering them.”

“Just pick a movie!” Junhui said, trying to shout but not quite reaching the volume that Seungkwan and Soonyoung were at. Knowing that, Seungkwan held up a hand to Soonyoung who was still unnecessarily loud to ask Junhui to repeat himself. 

“Let Jun pick,” Minghao interjected. “He deserves it.”

“Aww,” Nayoung cooed. “So cute. Kyulkyung, say I’m cute.”

“You’re cute,” Kyulkyung obeyed, mid conversation with Seungcheol. Nayoung grinned and leaned over to press a kiss to her girlfriend’s ear. 

Among seeing him standing off to the side, Kyulkyung waved him over. “Seungcheol saved you the spot next to him.”

“No, I didn’t,” Seungcheol said, yet the spot on the farthest end of the couch was suspiciously free. “Chan was gonna sit here before he decided to sit on the floor.”

“No I wasn’t,” Chan sang quietly, sighing as Nayoung scratched at his scalp. “I wanna stay right here.”

“Well, you know, you can sit here if you want,” Seungcheol hummed sweetly.

Not caring about what would usually shift into an awkward situation any other day, Jeonghan was quick to sit next to him and melt into Seungcheol’s side without even a hint of reluctance.

His heart hurt. He was sure it always would as long as Seokmin was mad at him. But Seungcheol was comforting. From the soft look in his eyes to the way he flushed red when he laughed, it all seemed to make Jeonghan feel as if he was floating above his problems. 

Seungcheol’s feelings sometimes made him stupid though. So even when Jeonghan sat next to him and cuddled into his side, Seungcheol still found himself wondering what he should do next.

Kyulkyung and Nayoung were glaring at him, trying to speak to him through expressions, but Seungcheol’s mind was so clouded that all Seungcheol’s mind wasn’t quite registering anything. 

He was gay panicking. Again. 

Damn.

Seungcheol glanced over at Minghao for more help but he was busy being playfully choked by Seungkwan while Jeonghan was half heartedly reprimanded them.

_Put your arm around him,_ Kyulkyung mouthed when he glanced their way again. 

_Oh._

Seungcheol moves slowly so Jeonghan didn’t get the wrong idea and gently placed an arm around his shoulder. Jeonghan raised an eyebrow at him first, not used to a move so bold from the other but he easily relaxed again, snuggling a little tighter this time. A silent sign that he liked this. 

“How was I ever attracted to you?” Nayoung mumbled under her breath.

“I wonder all the time,” Kyulkyung said. Yet she still pressed a couple kisses to her shoulder as reassurance. “You did a good job with me though.”

“What about me?” Chan tilted his head back to look at Nayoung. He even smiled up at her for added effect. “Am I cute?”

“Yes, you are,” Nayoung cooed with a giggle. “So adorable.”

“I just walked in on a murder,” Jihoon chuckled as he settled on the floor with a bag of popcorn and a couple snacks tucked under his arm. Soonyoung immediately slid off of the sofa and down on the floor next to Jihoon. 

Chan didn’t look satisfied but he didn’t look mad either. “That’s good enough for me.”

“Anyway, Soonyoung, we’re watching a scary movie,” Jihoon said.

“You heard ‘im! Pick a scary movie,” Soonyoung announced, mostly to Seungkwan who had the remote. 

“I got the perfect one!” Seungkwan exclaimed.

“Do y’all think we should call Wonwoo and Mingyu?” Seungcheol questioned. He sounded a little bit unsure of saying it aloud, mostly because he’s heard a lot about how much Wonwoo struggles with his family. 

“Nah, Mingyu’s with him,” Jun said. 

“Movie’s starting!”

The movie was shit. At least in Jihoon’s opinion it was. 

Nothing scared him, and the plot was fucking dumb. He always thought that characters in scary movies made the dumbest choices and ended up in the dumbest situations. In the end, the whole movie was completely avoidable and, therefore, stupid. 

But, Soonyoung loved it. He held his breath whenever a scary moment came and still managed to get scared. Jihoon couldn’t say that he found it annoying, it was actually… cute. 

When Jihoon had simply become completely uninterested in the movie, he looked around the room at everyone else. Minghao and Jun were on the loveseat, snickering about details to each other. Seokmin had come downstairs again to make his ramen, and once he was finished, he came to sit down with the rest of them. He wasn’t silent but definitely not his usual self.

Chan had somehow hid in between Nayoung and Kyulkyung’s legs. 

Seungcheol and Jeonghan were snuggled together, eyes glued to the t.v. screen. 

Jihoon sighed deeply. He was getting sleepy. 

However, the feeling of exhaustion was short lived as a particular scene ran across the screen. Jihoon didn’t know the context, but it didn’t stop it from being just as triggering. 

He felt sick to his stomach all of a sudden as his entire body tensed. 

“Jihoon, you okay?” Soonyoung whispered.

“Yeah, gotta pee.” Jihoon rushed and was rushing to the nearest bathroom to… calm down, he guessed. Or was he trying to cry alone. Or will the thought away completely. He didn’t know what he was trying to do but he just knew that he had to get away from everyone else. 

Or maybe he needed them there. 

He didn’t know. 

Jihoon burst into the bathroom and immediately shut the door behind him, but he didn’t turn on the light. He just shut himself in the darkness, hoping that he could somehow just push the thought away, the memory away, along with the darkness. 

What Jihoon did know was that he never wanted to see another graphic depiction of self harm ever again. _Ever._ He wanted to forget that it was a thing. 

“Jihoon?” Instead of a knock on a door, Soonyoung had called his name softly. Jihoon was thankful for that. He didn’t wanna hear any loud noises. 

“What?”

“Can I come in?” 

Jihoon wordlessly shrugged at first, only to realize just a moment later that he was still sitting alone in the pitch black darkness of the bathroom. Yet, Soonyoung still waited patiently on the other side of the door. 

“Yeah, sure. You can come in.” 

The door opened just enough for Soonyoung to slip in and close it quickly behind himself. Soonyoung didn’t turn on the light and from the sound of everything, it didn’t seem like he moved away from the door either. 

“You got triggered by the self harm scene, huh?” The question sounded more rhetorical than anything. “I know that you went through the same thing.”

Jihoon looked towards where Soonyoung’s voice was coming from. In the dark like this, Jihoon could see nothing. “You saw my scars?” 

“Yeah… that day in the dining room when you were crying in your underwear.” There was scoff from the both of them. “I saw the scars on your thigh. It looked like… you cut yourself in a fit of rage or something. You know we could talk about it.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it… actually.”

Soonyoung nodded, completely shrouded in darkness, the gesture went completely unseen by Jihoon. But in a way, Jihoon felt it. 

“We can sit in here as long as you like,” Soonyoung continued, his voice pleasant. Not in a feigned way, but in a way that sounded genuine. 

“Nah, I’m almost done. Just needed a breather.” 

“Okay. Take your time. I got all day.” 

“Thank you, Soonyoung.”

“No problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took so long because I forgot how to write smut. But I'm sorry. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, it's longer than usual, but I wanted to focus on Wonwoo. It was supposed to have another part but then that would've been like incredibly long. Lol
> 
> Love ya!


	28. Chapter 27

It was really fucking cold out here. Or maybe, Wonwoo was just over exaggerating because he really didn’t want to be out here. Probably that. 

But it didn’t stop him from shivering as he scrubbed at the leather of the seats of Hangyeol’s car. 

He’d gotten up early that morning, not being able to rid himself of the guilt of doing  _ that _ in Hangyeol’s backseat, and went to grab some cleaning supplies from the laundry room to clean it. He would rather not clean this at 6 in the morning, but he and Mingyu were leaving at 9. 

Thank goodness. 

A particularly cold gust of wind blew a couple minutes after, causing Wonwoo to completely retreat inside of the car to escape the chilly winds. He couldn’t close the door, hyper aware of the strong fumes of  _ whatever the hell this was _ that he was using. 

Guess this was substantial punishment for yesterday. 

For good measure, after Wonwoo even climbed into the front seats to clean those too, he’d sprayed a little something that smelled nice to leave it smelling fresh. 

“Finally,” he uttered to himself as he climbed out of the backseat. He’d thrown the car door shut and jet back to the house. 

Still shivering, Wonwoo locked the front door behind him. 

“What were you doing?” A voice behind him asked, slightly scaring him. 

“Hey, Hangyeol. Just… cleaning the backseat of your car,” Wonwoo said awkwardly. 

Hangyeol’s eyebrows pinched together in confusion. 

“Me and Mingyu…  _ you know _ , in your backseat yesterday.” He forced a chuckle.

“Oh.”

“Yeah… Sorry ‘bout that.” Wonwoo genuinely meant that he was sorry. Would he get up to clean his car if he wasn’t? But the way the awkwardness between them thickened between them, it was hard to sound sympathetic because he felt so… weird.

“It’s-It’s fine.” Hangyeol laughed as if he actually thought it was funny. “I kinda thought so… It smelled…kinda,”

“Yeah,” Wonwoo finished for him. More awkward laughing. 

Hangyeol tried to shove his hands into his pajama pockets, like he usually did when he didn’t know what else to do, but quickly realized these particular pants had no pockets. 

“Let me take that to the laundry room for you,” he said, already reaching forward to take the spray bottle and dirty towel from him. 

“Thanks.” 

As Hangyeol turned to head to the laundry room, Wonwoo, unexpectedly, followed him, feeling as if there was something left unsaid in the air. There always was with Hangyeol. 

“I heard you were leaving today,” Hangyeol said, throwing the towel into the hamper. Leaning against the doorway, Wonwoo nodded. 

“Yeah, at nine. You?”

“Around twelve.” 

Hangyeol only lived about a thirty minute drive away from his parents compared to the three hours it took Wonwoo to get here. In fact, Hangyeol and Akari hadn’t even needed to stay at the house, but Wonwoo was glad they did. 

He couldn’t imagine being in the house alone with his parents. 

“Hey,” Hangyeol said as if he remembered something. “I’m about to cook something for breakfast. You and Mingyu want some?”

“Sure. As long as it’s done before nine. I really can’t wait to go home.”

Hangyeol hadn’t said anything about Wonwoo calling his college campus home, probably just deeming it a slip up or not noticing it at all. But, Wonwoo truly meant that the house where he lived with all of his friends, was more of a home to him than this was. 

Sure, he’d grown up here, but Wonwoo had never felt as safe, loved, and accepted as he had with all of his friends. He genuinely couldn’t wait to get back to them. 

To finally _ breathe _ again. 

“It’ll be done by 8.” 

“Sounds great. I’ll go wake up Mingyu and start packing up.” Wonwoo pushed his weight off of the doorway and gave a quick smile to Hangyeol before retreating upstairs. 

Breakfast went smoothly. Great even.

The food was amazing. Mingyu looked a cute mess because he was too busy teasing Wonwoo to fix his hair. Akari told a couple stories about Hangyeol that wasn’t as perfect as he seemed to be. And most importantly, his parents hadn’t joined them. 

For the first time since he’d been here, he’d lost track of the time, too occupied listening to more stories about Hangyeol. Something was so satisfying about tearing away at those walls to reveal a hangyeol that was a lot more recognizable than the other.

“It’s about to be nine,” Akari announced, looking down at her phone. “You two should put your things in the car. Me and Hangyeol could help.”

It wasn’t really a question, she was going to help whether they let her or not. 

As they cleaned up the kitchen, Wonwoo murmured, “I’m gonna go and let mom and dad know I’m leaving.”

“You should,” Mingyu nodded. “You want me to come with you?” 

“No. You just be careful not to hurt yourself carrying our bags. Clumsy.” 

Mingyu feigned an offended look. “Rude.” 

When he made it to his parents’ room, Wonwoo hesitantly knocked twice. He recalled the days as a little boy when he would just burst into their room when Hangyeol wasn’t home and Wonwoo was all alone. He’d get scolded every time for it, but at the time, he’d justify his breach of their privacy by exclaiming that he just wanted to be with them. 

Now, the feeling of having to even step in there was dreadful.

“Come in,” his mother’s voice called. 

Peeking his head into the room, Wonwoo chuckled weakly seeing the two both in bed, consumed in a book they were reading. 

“I came to let you know that I was about to go back to campus.”

“Aww,” his dad said, taking his reading glasses off. 

“Come give us a hug,” his mom said as she moved to get out of bed. Meeting her halfway, Wonwoo embraced his mother, inhaling a motherly scent that should’ve been a lot more comforting than it was. “We’re gonna miss you.”

“Miss you too.” Wonwoo went to hug his father too, who hadn’t moved to get out of bed. 

“You’re coming back for Christmas, right?” His dad asked. He patted Wonwoo’s back twice before he let go. 

“Of course.” Wonwoo was already heading for the door again.

“Bring Mingyu too.”

“I’ll try.” 

“Wonwoo,” his mother spoke. 

“Yeah?”

“We love you very much. Okay?”

Wonwoo’s eyes widened for a second. His dad silently nodded in agreement. 

“Okay. Yeah. I love you too.” 

“We mean it,” his dad added. “I meant what I said last night too.” 

“I… Don’t believe you. I’m sorry,” Wonwoo whispered. He swallowed thickly and looked to the ground. “So… Yeah. I’m gonna go. See you for Christmas.” 

Wonwoo stepped out of the room and softly shut the door behind him. He couldn’t get out of this house any faster. 

When he opened the front door, he saw Hangyeol and Akari helping Mingyu put things in the trunk. It actually looked like a happy scene, especially with the way the three of them were smiling. 

It had just occurred to him that he and Mingyu didn’t change out of their pajamas when he saw Mingyu standing outside with bed hair. He couldn’t complain though. 

It was a three hour drive they were about to embark on. 

“Here’s some snacks for your drive,” Akari said, handing Wonwoo a plastic bag when he approached. She patted him twice on the shoulder and smiled brightly. Akari truly was a beautiful woman, inside and out.

“Be safe,” Hangyeol said, closing the trunk of the car.

“Drive the speed limit,” Akari commented in her best teacher voice. 

“I will,” Mingyu promised. 

With a parting hug, a much new addition to his usual departure, Wonwoo and Mingyu quickly got into the car. Wonwoo immediately brought his knees to his chest to warm up. “If November is this cold, I’m not ready for December.”

“Right. I need to stack up on heat packs,” Mingyu laughed as he started the car and turned the heater on for his… boyfriend? Yeah. Boyfriend. Mingyu grinned as Wonwoo sighed in relief, bringing his numb fingers up to the vents. 

“I’ll ask Hangyeol for some money to do it.” 

Before putting the car in drive, Mingyu turned to Wonwoo. 

“Will you miss it here?” 

Wonwoo chewed on the inside of his cheek in thought. He turned to look at his house again. It would always be his childhood home. A place that held a lot of beautiful memories. But… 

“Honestly… No. Maybe when my parents treat me better, sure. I think I’ll miss it.” Wonwoo took his hands away from the vents and relaxed in his seat. “I think they love me.”

“Me too.”

“But, it still hurts to know that they aren’t proud of me and don’t like who I am. I feel like they love me because they feel like they have to. I’ll just wait for me to show me different.”

“I have a little bit of faith in them.”

“You’re just an optimist.”

“I guess I am.” Mingyu finally started the car, ready to drive for three hours. He was well rested and full. “Where are those snacks?”

“You literally read my mind.” Wonwoo reached by his feet for the candy bag he’d thrown down there. As they drove away from the home, Wonwoo had to admit that he felt something pleasant bubble inside him.

“I think we’re soulmates.”

“Shut up,” Wonwoo murmured, reaching in to grab for the Hi-Chews first. “We aren’t gonna eat all of the snacks in the first hour, okay.”

“Fine.” 

Wonwoo knew they probably still were going to, but it wouldn’t hurt to try. 

***

“Soonyoung!” Seungkwan sang as he peeked into their room. Soonyoung, who was watching a video on YouTube, muted his computer and looked up at the other. 

“What?”

“Chan has gossip.”

Soonyoung narrowed his eyes at Seungkwan. “What  _ type _ of gossip?”

It had to be good if he was going to pause his video just to hear it. Seungkwan waited a moment as if to tease him. 

“Seungcheol and Yukhei gossip.” 

Soonyoung practically tossed his laptop aside and fell out of bed. “You should’ve led with that! Where we meeting?” 

“Dining room. Come on.”

Hand in hand, Seungkwan and Soonyoung bounced down the stairs, a joyful, jubilant laugh leaving the both of them for no good reason. 

When they’d made it to the dining room, Chan was sitting atop the dining table as if it was a throne and the rest of them were his subjects that he could freely look down upon. Chan liked that loving sense of power he held over his friends, which is why there was a rule dedicated to him that he regularly took advantage of. 

He was the youngest. Why shouldn’t he get whatever he wanted?

It seemed that everyone except Seokmin, Jeonghan, and Seungcheol was waiting for the gossip. 

“Okay, Soonyoung’s here. Tell us. I have homework,” Minghao said. 

“So...”

Chan leaned in. So, did the rest of them. 

“I was cuddling with Seokmin last night, and he let it slip that Seungcheol told him on the way home about what happened.”

Seungkwan gasped. “And he said he didn’t know.”

“How come he told you?” Jun asked.

“It’s ‘cause I’m everybody’s favorite.” Chan grinned. “He didn’t give me too many details sadly, but apparently, Seungcheol and Yukhei did everything except penetration. He said they did it-”

“Y’all gossiping, aren’t you?” Seokmin’s voice said in a low voice. 

Jihoon, who was leaning back with his feet perched up on the table, had let his head fall back in annoyance. He was dragged here by Chan. And even though he didn’t care about Seungcheol’s sex life like that, he couldn’t lie and say that he wasn’t a little excited for the details. 

“Seokmin, either join or leave. I’m  _ thirsty  _ for this gossip, okay,” Soonyoung said. “Chan, continue.”

Chan opened his mouth to obey but Seokmin came over and clasped a hand over the younger’s mouth. A chorus of moans and groans followed. 

“Come on!” Junhui whined. “Seokmin tell us about Cheol!”

The rest of them, except Jihoon, joined in on the pleading. 

“I came down here for a snack before starting homework. Not to gossip.” Seokmin let his disappointed gaze fall over all of them and then stopped at Chan as he dropped his hands from his mouth. “And, Chan! I told you to stay quiet about it.” 

“I  _ was _ quiet. That’s why I was whispering,” Chan retorted. “But, come on, I mean, you know I can’t keep a secret. ‘Member that one time Wonwoo told me not to tell anybody he bought sex toys.”

“I mean, we all knew anyway,” Minghao said flatly. “He can't keep a secret either.”

“There’s no secrets in this house,” Junhui commented. “We’re all a team. A family.”

Seokmin seemed to think about it for a moment. This was a bunch of bullshit but… he really did wanna tell.

“Look, you didn’t hear this from me, okay. I swear if any of you say anything, I’m gonna rip your tongue out,” Seokmin warned. 

If it weren’t for the way Seokmin had been treating Jeonghan lately, they probably would’ve taken that as a joke. When all of them nodded, Seokmin leaned in. 

“So, I’ll start from the beginning…” 

“Mmm, Cheol’s nasty,” Seungkwan uttered out, a bit jealous and a little surprised. “Who knew that he was into dirty talk?”

“He always gave me vanilla vibes,” Jun hummed.

“Same.”

“So, we aren’t gonna mention the fact that Cheol likes to get his hair pulled?” Minghao asked. 

“Not ignoring it. Just a little stomped by the other facts. Sex toys?” Junhui turned to Minghao. “How come we haven’t tried that?”

“You said you weren’t interested” 

“Wait.” Seokmin leaned even closer. So did the rest of them. “And I’m pretty sure Seungcheol has a praise kink.” 

“Oh shit,” Soonyoung giggled. “The asexual in me can’t relate but as his friend, I’m proud.”

“A praise kink?” Jihoon questioned, an impressed look crossing his face. “Who woulda thought?” 

“Cheol may not have gone  _ too  _ far, but I was a little shocked listening to it.” 

“Somebody needs to give me Yukhei’s number. Now,” Chan uttered, keeping his voice quiet. 

“Chan, shut up.” 

“I mean… he’s not lying.”

“Guys,” Jihoon warned. “Yukhei’s not a sex serrvice.”

“Sadly…” Seungkwan sighed dreamily. 

“I wonder how Hansol would feel about that.” Jihoon gave him a condescending look. “What happened to you not having sex with people you don’t have a connection with?”

“He could join if he’d like, and it’s only a fantasy, shush.”

As the dining room filled with chuckles and giggles, Seungcheol’s footsteps coming down the stairs went unheard. When he entered the kitchen, he saw all of his friends gathered around the table. 

That never happened unless there was a fight or someone was gossiping. 

“Guys?” He called. When all of their heads snapped towards him, he raised an eyebrow. Suspicious. All of them. “What’re y’all talking about?”

“Nothing, just talking about how we are gonna threaten to push Wonwoo off a bridge if he doesn’t confess to Mingyu,” Jihoon said, lying smoothly through his teeth. “You wanna join?”

While Seungcheol had his doubts, he still shook his head. 

“If you guys wanna know about Yukhei that bad then-”

“Nah, we don’t care anymore,” Chan smiled innocently. Well, an attempt at innocence because all Seungcheol saw was that smug look Chan had on his face when he knew something.

“Seokmin, seriously?” Seungcheol turned to his best friend in the house with a stern look. 

“Cheol, it was their fault! Threatened me and everything.” Seokmin gave his best pout. 

“I really hate you all,” Seungcheol breathed, yanking open the fridge, but there was no real anger behind his words or actions. 

Seungcheol had learned after Minghao and Chan let the whole house know that he wanted to go to a gay bar that none of them could be trusted with secrets. So when he told Seokmin about his night with Yukhei, he was actually a bit surprised that he wasn’t tackled with questions the next morning. 

He’d admit it. His night with Yukhei was… euphoric? Was that even the right word? It was everything he could ever imagine for his first time with a guy. And honestly, if someone had told him that it was that intense and erotic, Seungcheol wouldn’t have believed it. 

But the reason he’d told Seokmin was because he didn’t think he’d be able to endure all the teasing from all of them at once. He’d much rather them gossip behind his back about it rather than being forced to recount every single thing in front of all of them. 

Still, Seungcheol didn’t mention it as he grabbed for a cold bottle of water. 

“Oh, Cheol, come here I have to give you something,” Minghao voiced, a bit too loud, but that was a given. 

“Oh, those tickets?” Seungkwan asked.

“What tickets?” Seungcheol asked, only moving closer when Minghao pulled two tickets from his pocket and held them up for Seungcheol to see. 

“What’s that for?”

“The amusement park. You and Jeonghan are coming with me and Junhui,” Minghao ordered. While Seungcheol reached over Soonyoung to grab the tickets, Seokmin rolled his eyes at the mention of Jeonghan.

“Gotta finish my work, okay?” Seokmin spoke as if he were thinking over every word to ensure that he sounded content and calm. 

“Okay, Min.” 

Once Seokmin was well out of hearing distance, Chan huffed. “That’s one reason you’re going.” 

“Yes. We don’t want Hannie to get killed,” Jun said. 

“What’s the other reason I’m taking him?” 

“Because the last thing we need is another Wonwoo and Mingyu in the house,” Jihoon groused. “We know you like him so just take the tickets and say thank you.” 

“T-Thanks,” Seungcheool said, obediently.

Playing with the tickets between his fingers , Seungcheol watched as everyone looked at him expectedly. “What’re you looking at me like that for?”

“Go ask him!” Seungkwan exclaimed. 

“Oh… okay-”

“Guys!?” That was Jeonghan’s shouting. “Wonwoo and Mingyu just got back.” 

All of them practically threw back their chairs to race to the living room. Even Seokmin had come back down the stairs. 

When the front door had opened, Wonwoo and Mingyu dropped their bags and joined in on the immediate and unnecessary yelling that followed. 

“It’s been four days and you guys missed us that much?” Mingyu asked, shutting the front door behind him and Wonwoo while the latter rushed towards Jeonghan. If it hadn’t been for Wonwoo’s tight embrace, Jeonghan might’ve been knocked off his feet by the force of it. 

“Woah, Wonwoo,” Jeonghan giggled in shock, but still wrapped the other in his tight hold, nuzzling his shoulder. “You’re home now. With me. And all of your best friends and brothers. And your popsicles.” 

Wonwoo chuckled at that, inhaling almost desperately. A scent so much more familiar and safe. Wonwoo held Jeonghan even tighter. “Gosh, I really did miss my popsicles.”

“Aww, Woo,” Chan said after a deep breath. 

“Was it that horrible?” Seungcheol asked, a worried look on his face. 

“Nothing I’m not used to. I just missed everyone so much,” Wonwoo said. 

“We missed you too,” Seungkwan reassured. 

When Wonwoo did let go of Jeonghan, he still didn’t move very far, lingering around the other. Of course Jeonghan didn’t mind even a bit, loving the attention and the feelings of being needed. 

“Wait, guys,” Soonyoung said, voice hesitant. “You notice that?”

“What?” Mingyu questioned. The rest of them all began to look around for something off yet was met with nothing but curiosity in the air. 

“What? Oh God, is there a bug in here?” Chan asked frantically, voice rising in fear. “Cheol, save me!” He jumped and latched onto Seungcheol’s back before the other could even prepare for it, nearly tumbling over.

“No, no, no,” Soonyoung shook his head. “Pay close attention… There’s no sexual tension in the air. No yearning and pining. It’s just… clean air.”

“You know what… I  _ can  _ actually breathe around these too,” Junhui agreed. 

“Same,” Jihoon said. 

All eyes turned to Mingyu as Wonwoo slowly hid behind Jeonghan. 

“You fucked?”

“Jihoon!” Jeonghan reprimanded. “Don’t blurt it out like that.”

“Tch, fine. Did you have sex?”

Clearly having thought it over before then, Wonwoo and Mingyu wasted no time answering.   
“No.”

“Yeah.”

“Mingyu!”

“Sorry.”

As the two bickered, Seokmin began to clap. “Finally! I miss being able to breathe whenever you’re in the same room.” 

“This is a win for everyone in the house,” Chan grinned. With Chan’s chin resting against the crown of his head, Seungcheol wondered why the smaller had never jumped down from his back yet. “So, how’d it happen?”

“They did it in the back of Hangyeol’s car,” Jeonghan giggled after being met with silence from Wonwoo and Mingyu. 

“Hannie! You were supposed to keep it a secret,” Wonwoo grumbled in a low voice that everyone could still hear.

“Oh, I wouldn’t have said it if I knew that.” Jeonghan pressed his lips together in a thin line, trying to feign guilt, but the desire to laugh was evident in the look glossing over his eyes. 

“Now that’s just nasty,” Jihoon sighed in a low voice, glaring disappointedly at Mingyu first. “Especially you.”

“Why me?” 

“Just ‘cause.” 

“The disrespect. The audacity of you to fuck in the back of Hangyeol’s car,” Soonyoung shook his head, mirroring the look that Jihoon was still sporting. 

“I cleaned it before we left,” Wonwoo tried. 

“Still nasty,” Chan said. Instead of jumping down from Seungcheol’s back, the smaller adjusted on his back and seemed to let more of his weight fest of Seungcheol. Seungcheol moved to sit on the couch, a dull, aching starting and steadily worsening from Chan’s weight. 

He wasn’t as small as he liked to act. Yet, even when Seungcheol sat, Chan still clung to the back of him.

“What about Cheol? I heard he got some this weekend too!” Mingyu shouted, causing a couple of them to wince at the loudness. At this point, they were surprised that just four days away from Mingyu would cause them to forget just how loud he could be. 

“But Seungcheol didn’t do it in the backseat of somebody’s car,” Jihoon said matter of factly. Then he turned to Seungcheol. “Or did you?”

“No. We didn’t,” Seungcheol glared. 

“Hey, I’m just making sure because you’re nasty too.”

“No I’m not,” Seungcheol pouted. There were a lot of dirtier people out there in the world compared to him. Mingyu and Wonwoo were a prime example. 

“Jeonghan, we should make them clean up the kitchen for a week?” Junhui suggested. It was his turn to clean the kitchen and since Mingyu was back and definitely was going to cook some grand meal tonight. And as much as he was looking forward to Mingyu’s cooking, he didn’t want to be in charge of cleaning up the aftermath.

“Since when did it become a rule to not do in the car?” asked Wonwoo, who easily caught onto what Junhui was trying to do. 

“It’s nasty, so come on, Jeonghan. Punish them.” 

“I mean,” Jeonghan uttered. “That _ is _ pretty disrespectful.” 

Wonwoo and Mingyu wilted almost immediately. 

“But, it’s not against the rules,” Jeonghan murmured, grabbing for Wonwoo’s hand. “Plus, Wonwoo had a rough couple of days and we should cut him some slack.” 

“Right,” Wonwoo agreed. “They’re so mean to me.” He rested his chin on Jeonghan’s shoulder again, cozying up the older just for added sympathy. 

“But you guys are gonna help Jun clean the kitchen tonight.”

“I cleaned the car out this morning!” Wonwoo grumbled.

“Should we vote then?” Jeonghan offered, his tone sarcastic and teasing. 

“No!” Wonwoo and Mingyu both knew that having the rest of them vote was gonna be useless. They enjoyed each other's misfortune, it seemed. 

“Fine, we’ll help Jun,” Mingyu sighed. 

“Good.” Jeonghan smiled upon seeing Jun clap so happily. Even if it was at the expense of Wonwoo and Mingyu, Jeonghan just enjoyed seeing them smile. “Well, I was busy with a term paper so I gotta go finish it.” 

When Jeonghan turned to go upstairs, Wonwoo still clung close to his side the entire time.

“Yeah, I should go finish up too,” Seokmin murmured, more to himself than anyone else.

“Okay and now Mingyu is gonna cook because we haven’t had a good meal since you’ve been gone,” Soonyoung decided, giving the aforementioned a pleading look. 

Mingyu rolled his eyes. “Is the kitchen clean  _ enough?  _ You know I can’t cook in a dirty kitchen.”

“He’s right,” Seokmin agreed just before he was going up the stairs too, having to return to his homework and what felt like a long needed 

“Ugh, so needy and demanding,” Minghao grumbled as he pushed himself off of the sofa. The response itself was telling enough to confirm that Minghao had definitely made a mess in the kitchen, probably while trying to make that Chinese stir fry recipe earlier. He grumbled the rest of his angry remarks in Chinese, so no one else other than Junhui could understand. 

“I can help you, Mingyu,” Seungcheol spoke pleasantly only to be slapped upside the head by Chan right after saying it. 

“What the hell was that for?” He groused, lightly elbowing Chan, who was still innocently cuddled up to his back. 

“Thank you, Chan,” Jihoon uttered. “I would’ve loved to do it instead but you’re so far away.” 

“Cheol, you’re going upstairs and asking Jeonghan about Friday,” Seungkwan urged. 

“What’s happening Friday?” Mingyu asked, finally picking up the bags he and Wonwoo carried in earlier, now that all of the attention was off of him. 

“Don’t you have food to cook?” Jihoon interjected. “Chop, chop. I need a good meal.” Jihoon clapped twice and shooed the other away. Mingyu only stood there and gave Jihoon an annoyed glare that the latter easily gave back. 

“Love you, Mingyu.”

“Leave me alone,” Mingyu said, heading for the staircase.

“Alright.” Junhui was the first one to stand from the couch. Seungcheol assumed that he was going to go help Minghao in the kitchen but he was pleasantly surprised when he stopped in front of him and pulled him up from the sofa, almost taking Chan with him. 

“Upstairs. Now. Or do I have to carry you?”

“Don’t make us carry you. You know we will.” 

“Alright, alright. Damn… I’m gonna move out one day.”

“You’d never leave us,” Soonyoung remarked. 

Seungcheol couldn’t do much else other than begrudgingly drag himself to the stairs and deeply sigh in defeat. He was right. 

***

Wonwoo’s muscles were tense under Jeonghan’s caressing. Gradually, he was relaxing but it was a slow process that had to be worked out of Wonwoo. The stress of the past couple of days at his childhood home had seemed to settle deep in his muscles, and even the gentle caress of Jeonghan couldn’t calm him as easily as it usually did. 

But despite the struggle, Wonwoo still found comfort in laying in Jeonghan’s bed, head in his lap, while the incessant noise of tapping against the keyboard as Jeonghan slowly typed with his one free hand.

“At least one good thing came out of your weekend,” Jeonghan muttered in an optimistic voice. “You finally got laid.” 

Wonwoo snorted amusedly. “Barely.” 

Jeonghan took his other hand away from the keyboard to caress Wonwoo with both hands. 

“Still counts,” he chuckled. “Especially since it’s been  _ months.  _ You had to be really desperate-”

“I get it, Hannie,” Wonwoo said between laughs. 

“Okay… Just don’t start doing it all over the house.” 

“I wouldn’t do that,” Wonwoo gaped, looking up at him. 

“I mean-” Jeonghan felt a flick on his cheek before he could finish. “That actually hurt.”

“Good. Stop teasing me then.” As much as Wonwoo hated it, he preferred it more than anything else right now. Wonwoo both winced and sighed in relief when Jeonghan’s thumb pressed into a particularly tense spot in his shoulder. 

“What about you?” 

“What do you mean?” Jeonghan asked. 

“You and Seokmin.”

Jeonghan inhaled deeply and took a moment to exhale. “I can’t do anything about it other than… nothing.”

Wonwoo didn’t say anything for a moment. He thought over his words but decided that there was probably no other way to say this than what he wanted to say. 

“You fucked up.” 

“I know that,” Jeonghan muttered sadly, his hands running down Wonwoo’s arm. “I’ve accepted it.” 

There were a couple soft knocks on the door that interrupted their conversation. 

“Who knocks on doors besides you?” Wonwoo asked. 

“Seungcheol.” And just as he’d said, when the door opened, Seungcheol  tremulously walked into the room. Any other day, it would’ve been a little endearing, but Jeonghan couldn’t help but feel like it was due to his own stupid actions that Seungcheol felt so awkward. 

Wonwoo, on the other hand, didn’t see much of a difference. Seungcheol always acted like that with Jeonghan around. 

“Can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Sure,” Wonwoo said on behalf of Jeonghan. “We’re listening.”

“I need to talk to Jeonghan,” he corrected. 

“Oh, okay.” Yet Wonwoo still laid there, unmoving. 

“Wonwoo, get out. Just for a moment,” Jeonghan said, giving him a quick look of disbelief that didn’t reach the kind look in his eyes. How did Jeonghan manage to make those faces? 

“Tch,” Wonwoo huffed as he reluctantly got out of bed. “You got five minutes.”

When the door shut behind him, Seungcheol, a little more relieved that they were alone, went to sit next to Jeonghan.

“What’s up?” Jeonghan asked, folding his legs so Seungcheol could sit.

“Just wanted to ask if you were busy Friday night.”

Jeonghan thought for a moment. “I could  _ not  _ be busy Friday if you need me to. Do you need me to do something for you?”

“The things you do for me.”

“Of course,” Jeonghan smiled. 

“Well, I’m going to the amusement park with Jun and Minghao and…” Seungcheol trailed off for a moment to think his words over and look into Jeonghan’s eyes. They were bright, expectant, and almost hopeful. “I wanted to go with me. You know, like a date with all of us. I mean… like a double date. Yeah.”

Jeonghan stared for a moment before a bright smile spread across his face. Seungcheol blushed red as if he’d been the one asked on a date. 

“You sure you wanna go with me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I honestly can’t think of a reason why you would want to either.” 

Seungcheol leaned in a little closer, like he wanted to tell Jeonghan a secret.

“Well, maybe it’s because I like you. A lot. And, I want to take you out on a date.”

Jeonghan had to resist the urge to gasp, eyes widened for a second, before he began to laugh. “Did you pick that up from Yukhei?”

“What? You don’t think I’m smooth? I’m actually really good at flirting.” Seungcheol said, bringing an affronted hand to his chest. 

Jeonghan gave a genuine look of disbelief between his laughs. “I don’t believe you. At all.” 

“Oh my God, just answer the question.” Seungcheol grumbled. He wasn’t really too upset because Jeonghan was just that adorable and cute when he laughed. Even if he was laughing at him, a warmth pooled in his stomach and cheeks. 

“Well, Cheol…” Jeonghan delicately placed a hand on top of Seungcheol’s. “That’s pretty gay to be asking a guy on a date.”

Seungcheol snorted, a little too hard that it sounded disgusting but it didn’t seem to bother Jeonghan. 

“The last couple days have been pretty gay for me so…” 

“Well, I’d love to. If you promise to flirt with me some more. I like that.” 

“That’s pretty gay too,” Seungcheol bantered in return, giving him a challenging look.

“Good.” 

“Alright, Cheol, your time’s up,” Wonwoo said, entering the room with not even the smallest bit of remorse. But at least, he didn’t directly crawl between them, instead crawling around Seungcheol to take his place back in Jeonghan’s lap. 

“Friday,” Jeonghan said cryptically, pretending for just a moment that Wonwoo wasn’t there. 

“Can’t wait,” Seungcheol smiled as he stood to leave. 

“What about Friday?” 

“None of your business,” Seungcheol said teasingly. Wonwoo looked at Jeonghan who was still smirking at Seungcheol as he left the room, too busy to even notice him. 

“Jeonghan.”

“It’s still none of your business.” 

“Asshole.” Wonwoo settled in Jeonghan’s lap again, forgetting all about the fact that he was supposed to be angry when Jeonghan returned to carding his fingers through his hair. “You look happy.”

“I am.”

“You and Cheol kissed?” 

Jeonghan looked down at him. “Maybe.”

***

“Jun, stop babying Chan. There’s no facial hair for him to shave,” Minghao said, walking up to the two and snatching the razor from his boyfriend. 

“Yeah, there was. There was some on his chin,” Jun retorted. “Don’t worry about him, Chan. He’s just jealous.” 

“I know. Minghao’s just mad that he had to clean up the kitchen for Mingyu,” Chan said, leaning over the bathroom sink to rinse the rest of the shaving cream off of his face. While he did this, Junhui gave Minghao a pleading look. 

When they were downstairs, Chan came up to Jun with a determined look on his face, whispering in the other’s ear that he needed help shaving what he assumed was hair on his chin. Any other day, he’d make fun of him, and in fact he was going to, but when Chan pulled away from his ear and made that hopeful face, Junhui relented. 

All that was there was a few stray hairs, not enough to really need to shave, but Jun didn’t dare mention it. 

His pleading look soon turned to a warning glare.

_ Fine.  _ Minghao mouthed. He had too much of a soft spot for Jun. 

When Chan leaned up, face dripping with water, Junhui took a towel to dry his face for him. 

“There you go. You shaved for the first time,” Minghao said, grinning at their reflection in the mirror. 

“It’s not my first time,” Chan grimaced. And while Minghao and Junhui definitely doubted that, they didn’t say anything. 

“Jun. Minghao,” Chan uttered. 

“Yeah?”

“You guys can have my bisexual flag.” Chan grabbed for the lotion on the far side of the countertop. 

“You having your bisexual or pansexual crisis again,” Minghao asked. 

“I don’t think it ever stopped,” Jun snickered. 

“Right. Even though I’m pretty sure in a week, I’ll be confused again, I think I’m pansexual… Maybe. Most likely. I don’t know.”

“Well, we all share a room so how about you keep the flag on your side of the room, just in case,” Minghao suggested. 

“Sounds like a good idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have nothing to say lol.


	29. Chapter 28

Seokmin threw his bag in the corner of his room and threw himself on the bed soon after. It was the end of the week finally; it couldn’t have gone any slower. He was drained. 

He didn’t bother removing the clothes he wore to class, just grabbed the blanket he’d neatly folded and placed on his desk that morning and bundled up in his bed. Taking naps was close to impossible for Seokmin so he just rested instead. It’s what he called it at least. 

He basically lied in one spot, snuggled under his favorite blanket, and aimlessly scrolled through his phone. He wasn’t sleeping, but he was stationary and still gaining the same energy he’d get from taking a nap. To Seokmin, it was all the same thing. 

As he laid there, finding nothing to catch his interest on his phone, he thought about Joshua. How he could be at his apartment eating, laughing, and cuddling together if none of this had ever happened. 

He hadn’t talked to him all week and, if he were being honest, he still had no intention on doing so. 

But, he’d forgiven them. He understood… so that meant he forgave them. 

It was the stupid, incessant aching in his chest whenever he thought about it that was bothering him, making him angry. Causing that ceaseless unpleasant swirling in his chest that just made him want to throw something. 

His grip on his phone tightened. 

If only they were here right now, he’d… Punch them in the face. 

Seokmin knew that, in reality, he would never hit either of them, but the thought of it was so satisfying. He’d never done anything to deserve to be in the middle of this and yet here he was suffering from the selfish decisions of two people who meant so much to him. 

The thought was so frustrating. 

“Dammit.” Seokmin tossed his phone towards the bottom of his bed and curled up even tighter under the blanket. 

“Seokmin? You in here?” Jihoon asked as he peeked into the room. He and Soonyoung had gotten out of their classical studies class a couple minutes early and grabbed a couple snacks from the campus market before heading back.

“We got snacks,” Soonyoung said, holding up a plastic bag full of different snacks that he couldn’t wait to splurge on. 

For a moment, they didn’t think anyone was in the room, not until Seokmin begrudgingly sat up in his bed. The glare he sent their way was angrily grim, the exact opposite of what was normally expected. 

While Soonyoung was prepared to simply leave, Jihoon wasn’t having any of it anymore. He was simply getting tired of this. 

“Seokmin, seriously. Get the hell out of bed,” Jihoon demanded, pushing the door open all the while dragging Soonyoung in with him. He wasn’t gonna do this alone.

“Why?” Seokmin grumbled. 

“Because we gotta talk about you and Jeonghan. ‘M so sick of seeing you mope around here.” Jihoon dropped his book bag next to the bed and climbed in alongside Seokmin. 

“I told you already-”

“You didn’t forgive him, Min,” Soonyoung said. He, instead, pulled the chair from the desk and put it next to the bed to sit. A telling look crossed his face as he looked down to pick a snack from the plastic bag and toss it Jihoon’s way. 

“ _ Yes,  _ I did. I understand why they did what they did…” Seokmin didn’t say anything more, no appropriate words to describe his feelings. But he didn’t have to because he knew that he _ did  _ forgive them. 

“Just because you understand, doesn’t mean you forgive them. Not the same thing,” Jihoon said, lounging back against the wall, a bag of chips now in his lap. He tossed the plastic bag to Seokmin next, who was still bundled deep in his blanket. “Like, what if one day you get drunk and kick my dog. I understand that you were drunk but I’m still gonna be pissed that you kicked my damn dog.” 

“You have a dog?” Soonyoung asked, mouth full of chocolate.

“No… It ain’t even about the damn dog.”

“Oh. Okay. It’s a weird analogy,” Soonyoung muttered. “But, it’s true, Min.” 

Seokmin simply looked down at the bag of snacks, wanting something but not feeling enough motivation to actually get it. They had a point. Just because he understood didn’t mean that he felt any better about it. 

“Well… I wanna forgive them. It’s for the best.”

“You’ll forgive them when it’s time. Forcing yourself to forgive them is just making you more upset. And I hate seeing you like this,” Jihoon hummed. 

Seokmin frowned even harder than he was before, seeming to physically wilt. “I’m sorry that I’m making everything hard for everybody. I should just get over it and I'm trying and-”

“Seokmin. That’s the problem,” Soonyoung said pointedly. “You’re so worried about everyone else that you’re not worried about yourself. You need time. Do you remember last year? When me and Minghao had that fight and I didn’t talk to him for, like, two weeks?”

It took no time for Seokmin to recall the situation from last year. It was the first fight that he’d ever encountered while being in the house.

Jihoon listened intently, suddenly intrigued. “What happened?”

“Just Minghao being ignorant,” Seokmin mumbled. What a mess it had all been. Jihoon scoffed. 

“About what though?”

“Last year, I joined the club as a bisexual. But, after a couple months, I started leaning a bit more towards asexual. It was a pretty hard time for me. So when I told everyone, they were accepting for the most part. A little confused but accepting. But Minghao… Oh my goodness, he was just so…”

“Stupid,” Seokmin interjected.

“Ignorant is a better word,” Soonyoung chuckled. “He would say things like ‘how can you not like sex?’ Or ‘you just haven’t found someone good yet.’”

“Damn,” Jihoon mused. 

“Right? And I’d never felt more invalidated. I got fed up when Minghao kept insisting that we go find me a one night stand.”

“I remember that night like yesterday,” Seokmin giggled, finally finding the desire and motivation to actually reach into the bag and take a small peppermint to eat. “I’d never seen Soonyoung angry like that… Seungkwan had popcorn.” 

“I was just so fed up,” Soonyoung groaned. “I know he had no bad intentions in mind and he probably thought that he was helping me. But, I was still pissed that he wasn’t listening to me and completely invalidating my identity in the process. So, I blew up on him and then I stopped talking to him. During those two weeks, I cried, I yelled, I cursed and called him names whenever I was thinking about it.”

“I like to throw things when I’m upset. The impact when it hits something… so satisfying,” Jihoon said. His way of dealing with anger and sadness was always… self-destructive. He was slowly getting out of that habit, but sometimes the desire to do things like he’d done in the past got tempting. 

“You’re too cute to be so ruthless,” Soonyoung said. He reached over to pinch the other’s toes only to be met with a daring glare. 

“Anyway. In two weeks, I was able to calm down enough to talk to him. He apologized and I forgave him. And now, I think about and I laugh at times like that. Things don’t always go like that, I know, but still. Feelings need time.”

“They weren’t trying to hurt me,” Seokmin whispered. 

“So what. Doesn’t mean that you aren’t hurting. I get that they were just trying to find a way to forget about their feelings, but they hurt you. A lot. So fuck them.”

“Jihoon,” Soonyoung and Seokmin both gasped, to which Jihon rolled his eyes. 

“I’m just playing. But, seriously, you’ll forgive them. Just know that you can come and vent to us whenever you need. And that means all of us in the house. So, stop all this moping.  _ Please. _ ”

Seokmin giggled and shook his head. “Fine. I’ll stop moping.”

“Good. The rest of the day is planned. Jeonghan’s gonna be gone all day. Mingyu’s cooking dinner tonight, thank Goodness.” Soonyoung pulled his phone from his pocket to check the time. “And, Chan should be setting up the gaming tournament we’re about to have downstairs.”

“The rest of the snacks in that bag are for you,” Jihoon nudged. 

Seokmin let his gaze alternate between Soonyoung and Jihoon before he narrows his eyes at them. “Did you guys plan all this?”

“I mean, we were scared that you were gonna kill Jeonghan so, yeah, we all planned to get him out of the house. He’s going to the amusement park with Seungcheol. Minghao and Jun are gonna go with them, make sure everything’s okay.” 

“And we’re staying here with you. You’re not gonna think about Josh or Jeonghan. Just gonna focus on smiling again.” 

Seokmin couldn’t help but smile beamingly. 

“Yeah. Like that,” Jihoon pointed. He tapped the other’s nose just for the fun of it. 

“How did I get so lucky to have a family like this?” Seokmin asked softly. It was truly a shock to him that he'd gotten so lucky. Maybe the best decision he’d ever made was putting his name down on that sign up sheet during his freshman year. 

Soonyoung’s phone vibrated on his thigh. 

“Everyone’s downstairs waiting. Come on. Get up and out of bed.” 

***

“This isn’t the time,” Wonwoo mumbled between short breaths, stuck between trying to push Minyu away or pull him closer. Wonwoo loved soft, fluttering kisses on his neck and Mingyu was taking full advantage of that fact. 

“But, I love you,” he whispered, nuzzling the other’s neck with his nose. It was Mingyu’s way of getting what he wanted. How could Wonwoo deny him if he knew that he was loved so much, right?

“I love you too,” Wonwoo hummed, melting into the mattress under him as he choked on a particular sensation. “But, we said we’d dedicate today to Seokmin.”

“Alright,” Mingyu relented, resting on Wonwoo’s chest. “You’re really irresistibile, you know that.”

“I think you’re just super horny all the time and can’t control yourself.”

“At least we were gonna do it in my bed this time.”

“Gosh, the bar is on the floor with us,” Wonwoo laughed. “This is why we haven’t actually had sex yet, by the way.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah! Well, that and I need time to… you know. But for the most part, you’re just not romantic. At all.”

“I can be romantic,” Mingyu insisted, sitting up next to Wonwoo now. Wonwoo gave him a disbelieving look. 

“You sucked me off in the bathroom yesterday.”

“So what-”

“Of the mathematics building.”

“Because you looked sexy yesterday,” Mingyu muttered in his defense. “And you  _ let me _ so it’s your fault too.” 

Wonwoo scoffed, appalled that he had been looped into the blame. Sure, he’d let him but what else was he supposed to do? Say no?

“Whatever. Let’s just go downstairs.” 

“Fine.” With a last lingering kiss, Mingyu helped Wonwoo up. 

***

Seungcheol was the best driver in the house by far. He rarely worried about any minor taps or possibly mistakenly bumping anything while trying to park. Driving just came to him without really having to think. 

Mingyu said it was because he carried over his skills from when he thought he was straight. Jeonghan disagreed and always said it was because Seungcheol worked hard. Minghao was just happy that someone else could drive. He was the worst at it after all. 

Any other day, it never really crossed his mind, but Seungcheol was really glad that he could drive so well. Especially today. Jeonghan looked completely at ease in the passenger seat, completely invested in whatever was on his phone, without having to sit with the overwhelming worry that they might crash. 

It was nice to see, especially since Jeonghan rarely ever just… relaxes. 

“ _ Minghao _ ,” Seungcheol groaned. “Shut  _ up _ .” It was mostly playful and teasing, but there was some truth to it. Minghao was singing way too loud and way too horribly.

“Well, excuse me for trying to fill the silence,” he shot back. It was pretty cold today, in a bitter and gloomy way. Seungcheol could see what Minghao was trying to do, but he wanted it to stop. 

“Silence is nice sometimes,” Jeonghan chided, his gaze not leaving his phone. “Right, Cheol?”

“It is,” Seungcheol agreed, a gentle smile finding a home on his lips as he watched in his peripheral as Jeonghan snuggled in his scarf. 

“Shut up,” Junhui grumbled, faking a gag. “It should be illegal to be so whipped.”

“You’re one to talk,” Jeonghan chuckled. For the first time since getting in the car, Jeonghan put his phone down. Seungcheol gave a pondering look for a moment. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Jeonghan, he was just wondering is all. 

There was a delicate hand on his shoulder that caught his attention. “I’m sorry that I was on my phone so much. I was just checking in with Kun again about the party. Preparations are almost done.”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” Seungcheol hummed. 

“I know. But it’s a date and I want you to know you have all of my attention.” 

“Hannie-” Minghao’s voice completely shattered whatever sweet atmosphere had built between them. “Please tell me that the party isn’t on a Sunday again. I couldn’t drink as much as I wanted last year because I had stupid class the next day.”

“Who has a party on Sunday?” Jun giggled. 

“It was because the venue was only free on that Sunday,” Jeonghan defended tiredly, as if he’d explained it a hundred times before. 

“It’s a Christmas party, why do you wanna get drunk anyway?” Seungcheol found himself pondering aloud. 

“I have the most fun when I get a couple drinks.” 

Jeonghan turned around to give the other a glare. “Anyway, the party is on a Saturday this year so drink as much as you want. And Kun said he wants everyone to be festive.” 

“Tell Kun that no one wants to take part in his ‘middle aged mom’ ideas of fun. ”

“You know what, I’d uninvite you for your lack of Christmas spirit” Seungcheol said, glancing at the rearview mirror to see Minghao’s reaction. 

“I would too,” Jeonghan agreed.

“Can’t say I wouldn’t do the same,” Jun uttered, earning him a firm pinch to his thigh. He tried running but there was only so far he could go in the backseat.

“I mean, come on, love. Kun and Jeonghan planned the whole party, the least we could do is be a little festive.”

“Who’s boyfriend are you? Kun’s or mine.”

The rest of the car ride went by quickly, slightly because his attention was a bit too focused on Jeonghan’s lingering hand on his shoulder and arm. A couple times he had to remind himself that this was a date and he didn’t have to hide just how much he was enjoying Jeonghan’s touch, his smile, and his overall presence. 

“Finally, we’re here,” Jun said ecstatically. “You drive so slow sometimes Cheol.” 

“Like you’d do any better,” Seungcheol mumbled under his breath as he parked the car. 

In Seungcheol’s opinion, they’d gotten here at a great time. The sky was a beautiful myriad of pinks and oranges that created the sunset as the sun slowly fell. As the night grew, it would only get colder, but for now, the chilly air was just enough of an excuse to walk close to Jeonghan as they exited the car and headed towards the park’s gates. 

Minghao and Junhui walked ahead of them. Seungcheol watched them precisely as they gave the tickets to the man behind the booth and happily skipped into the crowded park together. 

“Minghao!” Jeonghan called, catching the couple by surprise. “Wait for us.” 

Judging by the way that they dissolved into giggles and laughs, it seemed that they’d quickly forgotten that Seungcheol and Jeonghan were there with them just that quickly. As Jeonghan handed the man their two tickets, Seungcheol watched, perplexed as the two of them shared a particularly long yet chaste kiss. 

“They kissed,” he said aloud. He expected the hand holding and the overall dawdling in each other’s space- they could get away with that. But, kissing left nothing to assume that they were anything less than boyfriends. 

“Yeah,” Jeonghan said. Instead of holding Seungcheol’s hand as they entered the park, Jeonghan went for something a little more tame and linked their arms together. “Everyone’s here to have fun. I doubt anyone is gonna be worried if two guys kiss. But don’t feel obligated to do the same. Take it at your pace.” 

“Hurry the hell up,” Minghao shouted. “I want something deep fried.” 

Seungcheol perked at that. “Hannie, I want some too.”

“Consider it done,” Jeonghan smiled as he marveled at the amusement park. “Okay, lead the way.”

As Minghao and Junhui jetted off towards the left, Jeonghan and Seungcheol simply strolled behind, mostly because Jeonghan seemed to be mesmerized by the park.

“Have you ever been to an amusement park?” Seungcheol asked. 

Jeonghan finally looked at him after a while. 

“No.” He shook his head enthusiastically. “But, I’ve always wanted to go. When I was young, I would beg my mom, but she was always too tired to go. I stopped asking because I knew how horrible it would make her feel that she couldn’t take me.” 

“Well, whatever you wanna do, we’ll do it tonight,” Seungcheol promised. 

Jeonghan’s eyes softened, a gentle sigh falling from his lips. He didn’t know what to say.

“Here…” Jeonhan pointed at the stand where Minghao and Junhui were already standing in line and marveling at the menu behind the woman. 

“I’m paying for it, so pick whatever you want,” Jun said as he pulled his wallet from his back pocket. 

“Funnel cake!” Jeonghan cried. Clapping and giggling, Jeonghan pointed up at the delectable picture above the menu, with a childlike innocence in his voice and eyes. “I want one. I always wanted funnel cake.” 

Jun and Minghao looked a bit taken aback while Seungcheol could only smile and hug the other from behind, clasping his hands around his waist and lounging his chin on his shoulder. 

Sweetly, Jeonghan placed his hand on top of Seungcheol’s. 

“Two funnel cakes,” Seungcheol told Junhui. 

“I want deep fried lotus root like you,” Minghao said, swinging their interlocked hands back and forth. 

“Aren’t we supposed to eat after getting on rides and stuff?” Seungcheol asked. 

“I mean, if you get sick from things like that,” Minghao said. “I don’t though.”

Jun and Seungcheol shook their heads too, then looked to Jeonghan. 

“I guess we’ll find out.” 

Seungcheol doesn’t remember ever hearing Jeonghan laugh this hard before, especially not at fun house mirrors. “Come see, come see!” 

When Seungcheol stepped into the mirror, his body distorting so his hips were  _ much  _ wider than his head, Jeonghan collapsed into his hold as he laughed and struggled to take a picture. 

“I wanna go on those teacups that spin around really fast again.” It was as if Jeonghan had been living a childhood dream, even so that his expressions had all been reduced to that of a childlike manner. “That was my favorite one. Oh! And then I wanna go on that little boat ride through the cave I heard, you know which one I’m talking about?” 

“The one where the-” 

“Shh,” Seungcheol stopped Minghao with a warning glare. “Don’t spoil it.” Seungcheol was enjoying watching Jeonghan’s shock and surprised 

“My bad,” he said, taking the water bottle from Jun’s hand and taking a quick swig. “Let’s go to that one.”

This time, Jeonghan was the one ahead of everyone else. Somehow, during their time together, they began to hold hands. While at first, Seungcheol froze at the idea of someone seeing them like this, he’d quickly gotten used to it. No one in the crowds of people around them seemed to be bothered or even noticed the gesture. 

“I’m so excited,” Jeonghan sang as he practically bounced past the worker, who simply laughed at him. 

“It’s his first time,” Jun apologized to the man as they followed. 

“Fuck you, Jun,” Jeonghan uttered in his ear as they settled down, Minghao and Jun sitting in front of them.

The last time Seungcheol had been on this particular boat ride, he almost had a panic attack. As a kid, he was terrified of large things, including the large animatronic dinosaur that he was sure chased them at the end of the ride. It probably wasn’t as scary as he remembered it, but the feeling he recalled feeling at the time was definitely one of pure terror. 

“Keep your seatbelts on and please keep your hands and feet on the boat at all times,” the man said flatly. A switch was flipped and off into the dark cave they went. 

“The dinosaur looks so real,” a child from the front of the boat must’ve shouted. 

“Cheollie, look,” Jeonghan smiled. “I don’t even like dinosaurs but wow.” 

Feeling brazen since they were in the dark and at the very back of the little boat, Seungcheol pressed a kiss to Jeonghan’s cheek. “You’re so beautiful, you know that?”

“It’s dark. You can’t even see me,” Jeonghan whispered back. 

“I’ve been looking at you all night, I just didn’t get the chance to say it.”

“Well, you look just as beautiful, Seungcheol. Especially when you smile.” 

Even in the dark and even when there were several loud screeches and roars and other noises that dinosaurs supposedly made, Seungcheol got lost in the shine and glow of Jeonghan’s wide eyes. 

“I love you…” 

Seungcheol stopped breathing for a moment, a thousand thoughts running through his mind. But Jeonghan looked just as shaken. Suddenly, he was wondering if that was Jeonghan’s voice. 

But, no… 

It was Junhui. 

Jeonghan and Seungcheol shared a questioning glance before silently agreeing to stay quiet. They pretended to gape in awe at the scenery as they eavesdropped. 

“I know it’s a little early to say it,” Jun continued, voice barely audible over all of the sounds of excited children and background noises. Seungcheol and Jeonghan leaned a little closer. “But, I love you. A lot.” 

“Junhui…” The rest of Minghao’s words were in Chinese, and unfortunately, Jeonghan and Seungcheol didn’t understand, but it didn’t stop them from listening to the sweet giggles they shared. 

“You’re gonna make me cry,” was the next thing Minghao said that they were actually able to understand. “I love you too. Even more than you love me.”

“Don’t make this a competition,” Junhui scolded. Minghao’s response was cut short by a loud, bone shattering rumbling and screeching from around them. 

As everyone else in the boat turned around to watch the huge animatronic dinosaur, Seungcheol simply closed his eyes and pretended that he wasn’t herre. 

“Are you scared?” Jeonghan practically shouted. 

Seungcheol shook his head but kept his eyes closed. 

“Cheol, you’re scary.” Jun said when they climbed off of the ride. 

“I’m not. I just had bad memories from that thing,” Seungcheol retorted as they began to roam the park for something else to do. His legs were beginning to ache but he didn’t say anything of it. 

“You didn’t have to go in there for me,” Jeonghan cooed, clinging to Seungcheol’s arm and nuzzling his cheek. “Just for that, I’m gonna buy you that teddy bear I was looking at.”

“If you want it that bad, you can just say it,” Seungcheol laughed, looking towards the tent where several little trinkets and toys were being sold. 

“Well… I do.”

“While you guys go over there with that nastiness, we’re gonna go take pictures in the photo booth.” Minghao didn’t exactly wait for the two of them to agree because Jun was pulling him away yet again. 

When they were far away, Jeonghan and Seungcheol burst into laughter that was a lot louder than necessary but funny nonetheless. 

“I can’t believe we were there to witness them say I love you,” Jeonghan yelled as they walked around the tables displaying all types of toys. “It was like watching a movie up close.”

“I’m telling  _ everyone  _ when we get home,” Seungcheol said excitedly. “They’re always telling my secrets.”

“What’s stopping us from telling them right now,” Jeonghan asked coyly, taking his phone from his jacket pocket and waving it around.

Seungcheol squeezed Jeonghan’s hand and brought it up to his lips to kiss it as he picked up a cute, generic little teddy bear. It was nothing special, but Seungcheol liked it. 

“That one?” Jeonghan asked, peeking at the little bear after pressing send on the message to Seungkwan.

“Don’t you want one a little more… extravagant?”

“Nope, I want that one.” Jeonghan snatched the bear from Seungcheol and held him tightly close to his chest. “One that you picked for me. Let’s go buy it.”

“And after that?” 

“The ferris wheel… That’s the last thing I wanna do for the night.”

“Smile!” Minghao encouraged, taking pictures as Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s cart came around once more. Jeonghan happily smiled with his new teddy bear while Seungcheol hid behind his hand. 

“You’re such a buzzkill.” 

“I don’t like pictures.”

Jeonghan set his bear on his lap and leaned on Seungcheol’s shoulder, snuggling up to his side. 

“How do you feel? You know, about the ferris wheel?” Seungcheol asked, enjoying the peace as they went up high. 

“Honestly…” Jeonghan snickered. “It’s kinda anti-climatic, but it’s nice with you. Calm and peaceful. Cheol, thank you for taking me out tonight. I really needed it.”

“I know.” Seungcheol swallowed thickly and sighed heavily. 

“What’s wrong? You’re thinking about something.” Jeonghan looked up at him, grabbing for his hand. 

Seungcheol looked at him, biting his lip in thought. “I’m sorry for making you wait so long for an answer. I hurt you and I made you do something so stupid and-”

“I did something stupid beause I chose to do it,” Jeonghan stated firmly. “Your journey to discovering your sexuality shouldn’t have a time limit on it. I did what I did knowing that it would hurt Seokmin because… I’m terrible at dealing with my own feelings. I can be a parent to a house full of guys but I can’t deal with my own feelings. Funny.” 

“I just wish… I could’ve done more. Made you feel more safe to express how bad you felt.”

“You’re doing so much… right now,” Jeonghan promised. He reached a hand up to Seungcheol’s face to caress it. “Is this okay?”

Seungcheol reached up to place his hand over Jeonghan’s on his cheek. “Yes. It’s perfect,” he whispered. “When you warned me that I wouldn’t be straight much longer, I didn’t know you were warning me about you.”

Jeonghan giggled and pressed his head against Seungcheol’s. “Trust me, if I’d known we were gonna end up like this… I would’ve kicked you out the club the day you walked in.” 

“Oh really?” Seungcheol laughed. He and Jeonghan were close enough to kiss but he didn’t. Not yet. 

“I’m just playing. I wouldn’t change this for the world… Well, I’d change what I did but-”

“Don’t,” Seungcheol hummed. “Don’t talk about that. And don’t make me kiss you.”

“Why wouldn’t I want that?” 

“Because we’re in front of everyone.”

“It doesn’t bother me, but what about you?” Jeonghan asked. “In front of everyone like this? In front of Mr. Bear?” Jeonghan reached down and tapped the nose of the brown, fluffy bear. Such a basic name.

Seungcheol thought for a moment. If he was being honest, this was a little too far for him. He’d honestly prefer something a little more quiet. To themselves. 

“Well, for Mr. Bear’s sake, I’ll wait until later.”

Jeonghan giggled and pressed a kiss to Seungcheol’s forehead instead. 

***

Jihoon took a deep breath under the shower water. Today was good, it just unfortunately ended with him having a headache. A raging one where he could feel his heartbeat all the way in his head. 

So much that, standing up even seemed like a chore, so he slowly sat down, the steaming water sprayed down on his body as he balled up within himself. He was so tired. 

“Jihoon?” Wonwoo called on the other side of the door. “You’ve been in there for a long time. Everything okay?”

Jihoon didn’t answer. Instead, he looked down at his thigh where several scars littered his otherwise smooth skin. 

“Wonwoo, come in.” 

Almost immediately, Wonwoo was rushing in and while he didn’t pull the shower curtains back, he did sit on the other side.

“You okay?”

“Yeah…” Jihoon said. 

“Just need you to help me get in bed,” Jihoon breathed. “I’m all clean but… I have no energy.”

“Long day?” Wonwoo laughed as he grabbed the towel from the counter. 

“Long week.” Jihoon reached to turn the shower off and stood on shaky legs. As he did, a hand peeked past the curtain holding a towel. Jihoon chuckled and snatched it away.

“Thanks.”

“Is this because of that movie Soonyoung told us about? He said you’re sensitive to that kinda thing.”

“Yeah,” he murmured truthfully. “Can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Okay, hurry up. I’ll carry you to your room and ask Soonyoung to make you some of that calming tea he makes sometimes.” 

“Soonyoung…” Jihoon uttered. “He does so much for me.”

“He likes you the most out of everybody… Unfair.” 

Jihoon tied the towel around his waist after drying and threw the shower curtains back. Wonwoo looked at him with raised eyebrows as Jihoon threw his arms up. 

“Come on. Hold me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always wanted to go to an amusement park but I've never gone before so I lived vicariously through these too. Someone give me a girlfriend so we can go together *sob*


	30. Chapter 29

Seungkwan had become something of a regular at Hansol’s home. He’d met his parents a few times and almost always visited when Eve and Jinsol were there too since they usually asked for him. It made him feel special through and through. 

It also turned out that their parents truly enjoyed that Hansol was making friends. Seungkwan had no problem pretending to be Hansol’s friend even if half of the time they were holed up in his room, they were being a little too friendly. 

But today, Seungkwan was simply watching anime with Hansol. Jinsol and Eve were supposed to be here in a couple hours and they were all gonna go to the theater together. Since Halloween had already passed, the theater wouldn’t be so crowded. The last thing he wanted to do was lose three teenage girls at the movie theater. He’d only just gotten in the good graces of Hansol’s parents. 

They were in the middle of an epic fight scene on _Dragon Ball Super_ when Yerim walked into the room and stood in front of the t.v. hands planted on her hips.

“Yeri, you won’t have eyes to watch the movie later ‘cause I’m gonna punch you in both of them if you don’t move out the way.” 

“And I’ma tell Mama you in here cuddling with a boy,” Yerim shot back. 

Seungkwan quickly tried to pull off Hansol's chest but Hansol was just as quick to stop him, his hand returning to caressing Seungkwan’s shoulder. 

“So. You cuddle Jinsol and Eve all the time.”

Yerim shrugged and crossed her arms across her chest, as obnoxiously bratty as she could just to annoy Hansol. If someone asked her what a talent of hers was, Yerim would definitely put “annoying my stupid ass older brother” at the top of the list. 

“Pause the show. I gotta ask you something.” This time, her voice was a lot more serious so with a deep sigh, Hansol took his hand from behind his head and paused the anime as he was asked. 

“Look, so I’m asking for a friend,” Yerim began. Seungkwan raised a skeptical eyebrow. “What if someone likes their friend, but they don’t know if they like them back… Or is even into that gender as a whole?”

“Ohh, a gay question?” 

“Precisely,” Yerim agreed. 

“Who do you like?” Hansol asked, a lot less discreet.

“I just said it’s for a friend. Are you dumb?” Yerim grimaced.

“Nobody’s dumb enough to fall for the ‘I’m asking for a friend.’ You just think I’m dumb.” 

“Well apparently you are because I just said that it’s for a fucking friend, and I’m telling the truth.”

Seungkwan inhaled and sat up from Hansol’s chest. He was more than used to this useless aimless fighting between the two of them. Any other day, he’d let it continue, laughing so hard his stomach would start cramping and his tears welled in his eyes. The two of them were priceless. 

But right now, he really wanted to know who exactly she was talking about if not herself. 

“Hansol, stop,” Seungkwan said, trying to suppress the giggles bubbling in his chest.

“I don’t know how you’re friends with him.” 

“Fuck you-”

“ _Anyway,_ ” Yerim said, turning her attention to Seungkwan. “Eve likes Jinsol.”

Hansol stopped in the middle of his insult while Seungkwan began to nod. 

“She told me yesterday when she was in the middle of talking about Jinsol. I’ve never heard her talk about anyone so… sweetly. It was disgusting. ‘ _Jinsol’s eyes are so pretty, how could someone ever make fun of her at school. Look at those cheeks, I just wanna kiss them all day. That ever happen to you, Yeri?_ ’ Like ew, no, it hasn’t. That’s nasty. If relationships are like that, I don’t want one. Ever.” 

Seungkwan began to chuckle at the heavy frown on Yerim’s face and the dumbfounded look that persisted on Hansol’s face. “Okay, so what’s your question?”

“Well…” Yerim cleared her throat, her lips pressing into a thin line of thought. “I’m a little worried about them being together. I already feel a little bad sometimes since they understand each other way more than I can. Jinsol suffers from albinism and Eve is half black. They know what it’s like to feel like an outsider. What if they forget about me?”

Yerim let his fingertips lightly drag across the scar on her face, a mundane habit of hers when she was thinking. 

“I wish I could forget about you,” Hansol said. “But, I can’t. And the same thing goes for them. They love you a lot. Plus, it’s not like they’re dating yet anyway.”

“Well, duh, but I’m trying to get Eve a girlfriend, you know. I’m her best friend so I have no choice but to be her wingwoman. Jinsol, too.”

“First, Jinsol has to be interested. Like, actually interested,” Seungkwan said. He was all too familiar with crushes that ended with him in the friend zone because he’d projected his own feelings of hope onto them. 

“Well, I don’t know,” Yerim said. “You gotta help me.”

“We’re not spying on sixteen year olds,” Hansol frowned. “You do it.”

Seungkwan actually agreed. It would be a little creepy. 

“How am I supposed to do that, Hansol?”

“I don’t know.”

“Wait,” Seungkwan said, holding up a finger. “How does Eve feel about this?”

“I didn’t ask, of course. A wingwoman works from the shadows. Kind of like a thief in the night.” Yerim held her head high as if she was so proud of herself. 

“Yeri,” Seungkwan hummed. 

“Yes?”

“Ask Eve. Then, we’ll help.” 

With a wilted look and pleading pout, Yerim groaned under her breath. “Fine. I’ll ask.” 

Before leaving, she couldn’t help but give Hansol the middle finger on her way to the door. Hansol simply snarled and grabbed the remote again. 

***

It’s been three weeks. Almost a month since Seokmin stopped talking to Jeonghan completely. The weather had long ago descended beyond the meaning of freezing and every time he stepped outside, the bite of the cold had him shivering. 

And today was no different. 

Class was a drag as always yet the reading he was expected to read was going to be just as boring. Seokmin quickly walked back to the house where he was met with the usual noise, laughing, and petty jokes.

A pretty normal day.

But when Seokmin sat at his desk, he had a sudden change of heart about what he’d planned on doing for the rest of the day. 

Suddenly, Seokmin was pulling on his mittens once again and on his way down the stairs again. 

“Where ya going?” Mingyu asked him when they passed each other on the staircase. Seokmin stopped at the bottom and looked up at Mingyu, who’d paused mid-stair, a little worried about Seokmin. 

“I’m gonna talk to Josh,” Seokmin stated, voice determined. 

Mingyu pressed his lips in a thin line. “You sure about that?”

“Yes.”

“Need me to tag along?” He asked next. 

Seokmin thought for a moment before shaking his head. “No, I’m okay… Keep your phone close, just in case.” 

“You sure, I could channel my inner straight, wherever the hell it is inside me, so I can drive correctly.” 

“Good luck with that,” Minghao scoffed as he left the kitchen, a colorful mirage of chip bags in his hands and tucked under his arms.

“Thanks,” Seokmin murmured. With his motivation and determination slowly fading, Seokmin waved his friends off and headed for the front door again. 

“Who used my flower scented shampoo!!” Junhui shouted at the top of his lungs. That was the loudest his voice had been in weeks. Yeah, he needed to get out of here. 

Seokmin hadn’t used a lot of it… 

He wasn’t exactly sure whose car keys he grabbed until he caught a glimpse of the key ring with the little rainbow pin on it. 

Wonwoo’s car. 

Normally, Seokmin wouldn’t have been reluctant, his car was probably the nicest of all of them. It was the simple, very disturbing fact that Wonwoo and Mingyu have made a habit of having sex in weird places. He was sure Wonwoo’s car was definitely one of those places, but Seokmin quickly pushed the thought away as he slid into the front seat.

With a brief look into the rearview mirror at himself, Seokmin started the car. 

“Okay,” Seokmin breathed as he finally parked the car, with difficulty but that was nothing new. Just as he was about to throw the door open, bracing for the cold, Seokmin’s phone vibrated. He lowered his head to read the texts.

**Jun-bug** : I know you used my shampoo

 **Jun-Bug:** Fucker 

Seokmin huffed under his breath guiltily, it coming out sounding like a weak chuckle instead. 

**Me:** Why would I use your shampoo?

 **Jun-Bug:** You tell me!

Lying was easy when it was over text, and so was completely disregarding a conversation. So that’s what Seokmin did, sliding his phone into his jacket pocket. He’ll apologize later. 

Exiting the car, Seokmin looked around the parking lot in search of Joshua’s car on his way to the apartment entrance. Yet, he didn’t see it anywhere, which Seokmin quickly deemed as a good thing. He’d rushed over here on a whim and hadn’t even thought about what the hell he even wanted to say.

The five minutes that it took him to get to Josh’s apartment door definitely wouldn’t have given him any time to do so.

So, Seokmin used the spare key that he’d helped Josh hide under a broken tile, hidden by that raggedy welcome mat. He’d just sit here and wait until Josh got out of class he presumed. 

He kicked his shoes off at the door.

Inside, it was quiet, everything in place and cleaned except for the papers thrown about on the table. Seokmin had seen this mess one too many times and knew exactly what probably happened. He chuckled quietly at the image of Josh completely losing track of time while writing and throwing everything about to rush out of the apartment. 

There was no use in denying just how much Seokmin missed him. If the tugging in his chest was anything to go by, he missed him a lot more than he initially thought he did. 

Just as Seokmin was deciding what he wanted to do, disgrading all of his heavy clothes, he heard the faint sound of a door shutting and then some humming. It came from far in the apartment, most likely from Josh’s room. 

Was Josh here? Just simply in the bathroom the whole time? 

Seokmin still didn’t say anything though. He just quickly made his way to the bedroom. But instead of it being Josh, Seokmin instantly recognized that soft tune being hummed. 

“Jeonghan.”

A loud yelp sounded and Jeonghan’s entire body tensed and he practically fell over when he whipped around from where he was kneeling, sorting through one of the dressers. 

“You scared the hell out of me,” Jeonghan said between deep breaths, a hand pressed to his heart. In his other hand, he was clutching a sweater. “I almost died just now.”

“What’re you doing here?” Seokmin asked. Despite his voice being low, Seokmin wasn’t accompanied by the usual anger that came with seeing Jeonghan. Maybe he’d actually forgiven them like he thought. 

What did annoy him though, was the fact that Jeonghan was here in the first place. 

“I… I came to get this sweater for the Christmas party this weekend.” Jeonghan waved the sweater for him to see. “This is the one I decorated from last year so I decided to just decorate it some more and let Chan wear it. You know… skip all that unnecessary stuff. Plus, he’ll be cute in it. I was thinking that-”

“Why is it here?” Genuine question. Seokmin simply didn’t want to hear his rambling. 

Jeonghan looked around nervously, trying not to look Seokmin in the eye. This is probably the longest conversation they had in awhile. 

“I bought it over here to show him one time. I mistakenly left it... by mistake.” 

There was a bout of silence between them. Usually, this is when Seokmin would turn around and go on with his day, but since he’d decided to end this, that wasn’t exactly what Seokmin wanted to do at the moment. 

On the other hand, Jeonghan was standing there, worried and wondering. He’d been openly humiliated by Seokmin’s harsh words one too many times, learning that he should probably not speak unless spoken to. 

“I came to talk to Josh,” Seokmin finally said. “I wanted to talk to you later, but I guess I’ll talk to you now.”

Seokmin hadn’t thought about what he wanted to tell Jeonghan either. But he was saved from having to think too deeply about it when Jeonghan swallowed thickly and started talking instead. 

“Before you start,” Jeonghan murmured, leaning back into the dresser behind him. “Now that I’m not hysterical and completely embarrassed like last time, I wanna properly say that I’m sorry.”

“Did you have sex with him?” It was a question that Seokmin was always too afraid to answer because the possibility of the answer being yes would most likely send him into rage. But he was sure he was ready now.

Jeonghan’s eyes blew wide for a moment at the forwardness of the question. “No. We didn’t.”

“Seriously.”

“I’m being serious.” Jeonghan forced out a laugh. “We didn’t. It never got to that point. We kissed, cuddled… showered together. We went on a couple dates, but we’ve never had sex. For obvious reasons.”

“Oh” was all Seokmin could really say.

“Yeah…”

“Okay, well… Why didn’t you come to me? You didn’t have to do this with Josh to feel better. You could’ve talked to me or anyone else in the house about your feelings, but you didn’t. Why? You don’t trust us or something?”

Jeonghan slowly shook his head. “I was ashamed of my feelings,” he uttered. “I didn’t want anyone to call me selfish.”

“For being hurt that you fell for a straight guy?” 

“It’s different when the straight guy is Seungcheol. You love Cheol so much and I didn’t want to hear anyone tell me that I was selfish. That I was forcing my feelings on him or I was wrong for being hurt.”

Seomin grimaced. “I love you just as much as I love Cheol and everyone else in the house. None of us would do that to you. We’re there for each other. _Always_. That’s our thing, isn’t it?” 

Jeonghan’s gaze fell to the ground as he nodded. “Yeah.”

“Hannie-” That nickname felt so unfamiliar and weird on Seokmin’s tongue and just as odd to Jeonghan’s ear. He hadn’t heard him say that for some time. “If you told me that you killed somebody, I’d help you hide the body.”

“I’d do the same for you.”

“I know that… That’s why I love you so much.” 

Jeonghan swelled heartily at hearing that. “I love you too.” 

“It was why I was hurt for so long. I never trusted someone like I trust you. Not even my parents. I couldn’t even trust my church. The woman I saw as a second mom fucked me up so bad that I can’t even think about what happened without wanting to bash my head against a wall. It might be a little unfair but I trust you more than anyone in the world. So when you betrayed me like that, it cut me deep.” Seokmin laughed a little. Nothing was funny about what he said far from it actually, but for some reason, he laughed.

“I won’t ever do it again, Min. Ever. I promise.” Despite being on the opposite side of the room, Jeonghan held up his pinky finger and gave a weak smile. Still, he made no move towards the other.

Seokmin held up his pinky too, taking the time to close the gap between the two of them and wrap their pinkies together. “Pinky promise.”

“Min, would you really help me hide a dead body? Like full seriousness?” Jeonghan chuckled. 

“Yes. No questions asked. I’m getting a shovel and we’re burying the corpse together. And I’m calling everyone else. If we go down, we go together.”

“We wouldn’t survive in prison,” Jeonghan laughed while Seokmin hunched his shoulders. “... I miss you so much, Min.”

“I missed you too.” Seokmin inhaled deeply and exhaled shakily, letting whatever unpleasantness leave with it. How nice it felt to truly forgive someone. “Hey, how about I take you out this time, to make up for the dinner I ruined last time and you can tell me how you’ve been lately.” 

“I’m paying.”

“Yes, you are.”

Both shaking with laughter and bubbling over with giggles, conversation seemed to flow smoothly between them despite the subconscious sense of fear they both still held. They both knew that things weren’t going to go back to the way it was before, but that didn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. 

It was easy to forget that Jeonghan was human sometimes and made stupid mistakes like the rest of them. It allowed everyone to see the Jeonghan that no one ever truly got to see and possibly take a weight off of Jeonghan. Maybe it was for the better that this happened. 

“Well, Min, I gotta go. I have one last meeting with Kun. I’m gonna get killed if I don’t make it.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later then.”

“You have no choice.”

After some hesitation, Jeonghan pulled Seokmin in for a tight hug. Seokmin was surprised not by the fact that he hugged him, but the fact that Jeonghan had initiated it and still wouldn’t let him go for some time. 

“You’re gonna be late,” Seokmin uttered under his breath when Jeonghan still made no moves to let him go.

“I’m making up for all that time I couldn’t hug you.”

“Don’t be dramatic. That’s my role.”

Jeonghan chuckled as he finally pulled away. Clutching the sweater to his chest, Jeonghan left the room first and, as promised, headed immediately for the door. 

“You staying?” He asked Seokmin.

“Yeah. Waiting for Josh.”

“Okay. Bye.” 

Jeonghan shut the front door behind him, vaguely hearing the sound of what must be Seokmin locking the door behind him, and scurried down the hallway to the staircase. He wasn’t lying when he said that Kun would kill him for being late. Rushing down the stairs, all of his attention focused on not falling, he’d forgotten to watch out for other people as he came crashing into someone. 

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” Jeonghan cried out as the man fell to the floor. 

When reaching a hand out to the man, it was then that he was able to breathe again, realizing who it was. 

“I thought you were just a random person. I got scared,” Jeonghan said as he helped Josh to his feet. 

“Nice to know that you don’t care about my wellbeing,” Josh groaned, dusting his pants off. 

“You know what I meant. Someone random might wanna fight me for that,” Jeonghan laughed. “But I gotta go.”

“I see. You’re rushing,” Josh chuckled. “Did you find what you needed in the apartment?”

“Yup!” Jeonghan chirped as he threw his body through the heavy double doors. “Thanks again.”

The door closed before Josh could say anything more, not that he knew what to say anyway. Despite both of their attempts to keep everything cordial, neither could deny that things were weird between them. But the effort was always appreciated. 

Josh climbed the steps quickly, eager to make it back to his apartment and eat that leftover ramen from last night. He was starving. 

Pulling his key from his pocket and unlocking the door, Josh entered his apartment, only to be met with Seokmin pressing buttons on the microwave. Blinking a couple times, Josh wondered if his mind was deciding to play malicious tricks on him. Or maybe he was going crazy.

Did he really miss Seokmin that much?

Ready to close the door again and run home to his parents, Josh was stopped by Seokmin’s voice. 

“Stop standing there like a deer in headlights and come in,” Seokmin hummed from the tiny kitchen area. 

“You’re actually here?” Josh said hesitantly, slowly coming into his apartment and shutting the door. 

“No, I’m a ghost,” Seokmin stated sarcastically. 

“I actually thought you were.” 

“Silly,” Seokmin muttered under his breath. “Anyway, I saw that you had ramen in the fridge, so I’m heating it up. It’s enough for both of us, I checked.”

“Oh… Okay.” Even though Seokmin seemed to be moving around his apartment like nothing was wrong, Josh still stood close by the front door, wondering what exactly was going on. 

“I haven’t seen or heard from you in weeks,” Josh began slowly. “And now you’re here. Is something wrong?” 

“No. I just came to talk to you,” Seokmin said, leaning on the countertop. “Do you really love me?”

“Of course I do!” 

The beeping of the microwave interrupted their conversation but Seokmin didn’t seem to mind too much, actually seeming to be happy that it was finally done. 

“I love you too.” Seokmin carefully took the ramen from the microwave and set it on the countertop. “So, are you free this weekend?”

“Yeah?”

“Good. We’re going to a party.”

Josh gulped. “Your friends probably aren’t gonna like me… You know.”

“I know, but it’s a perfect time to try and get them back in your good graces, right?”

Josh didn’t exactly agree but wasn’t really in the position to disagree though, so…

“Sure. I’d like to try.”

“Great. Come eat with me. I know you were probably on your way to eat it.” 

“I was.” 

***

Seungcheol couldn’t find Jihoon, which was incredibly odd since it was the middle of the day. In fact, no one had seen Jihoon all day. It only became evident when Soonyoung got back from their Classical Studies class, saying that he hadn’t shown up. 

“I called him twice.” 

“What if something bad happened to him?” 

“Who saw him last?” 

“This is all Seungcheol’s fault.”

“How is this my fault? If it’s anybody’s fault, it’s Soonyoung.”

“Wow, thanks, Cheol.”

“It’s everyone’s fault for not keeping an eye on Jihoon.” 

With all of the commotion and incessant blaming of who lost Jihoon, none of them heard the wiggling of the doorknob as the front door opened. Only when Jeonghan walked in did the noise stop for a single second and then start again. Eyebrows furrowed in confusion and his sweater clutched to his chest in horror, Jeonghan attempted to center in on one person’s voice at a time. 

“Hey, guys. Calm down! Please. Oh my goodness,” Jeonghan yelled, hoping that his voice couldn’t be heard from upstairs. Albeit slowly, the noise came to an end. “Thank you. Now, calmly, tell me what the hell y’all are talking about.”

“Jihoon’s gone,” Chan pouted. “We’re so worried.”

Jeonghan twisted into even more confusion if that was even possible. “What?” 

“He’s not here and he didn’t come to class,” Soonyoung said. 

“Jihoon’s upstairs in our room _sleeping_. He’s sick. Did any of you check his bed before you started panicking?”

Everyone’s eyes shot to Seungcheol, who giggled and began to shrink in on himself. Or at least trying to as he scratched at the back of his neck.. “I thought the small lump in the bed was a pillow.”

“I told Seungkwan to take care of him today. Where is he anyway?” Jeonghan looked around the living room yet still didn’t see him. 

“He’s at Hansol’s house,” Mingyu mumbled. 

Jeonghan groaned loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why did I trust him?” 

“I don’t know either,” Seungcheol said to his boyfriend. None of them were trustworthy when it came to sick people. 

With an exasperated sigh, Jeonghan rushed towards the staircase. It was one thing after the next today. First, it was almost being scared out of his skin earlier by Seokmin, being scolded by Kun for being five minutes late, and, now, he was worried about Jihoon who probably slept the entire day away. 

And just as he’d thought, Jihoon was still laying in bed, sleeping like a log under the covers, exactly where Jeonghan had left him before he left for class this morning. 

“Jihoon?” Jeonghan questioned quietly. There was enough noise coming from the hallway as the rest of them huddled by the doorway and scolded Seungcheol. Gently, Jeonghan placed the back of his hand against Jihoon’s forehead. 

“My goodness, Jihoon. You’re burning up,” Jeonghan gasped. Jihoon groaned and began to shift around under the blankets, mostly just trying to get away from Jeonghan’s touching. 

“Jihoon.” Jeonghan looked down towards the side table where he put a glass of water and some medicine for his cold. Well, that’s what it was this morning. Now, it felt like Jihoon had a raging fever. 

“What?” Jihoon croaked, wishing he sounded a lot more threatening than his weak voice allowed. 

“Why didn’t you take this medicine?”

“Because I feel like shit and it’s way down there,” Jihoon muttered as he grimaced at how freaking _hot_ it was. He kicked the blankets from his legs. But then again, it was so stupidly cold too. It wasn’t until now when he was finally beginning to wake up that Jihoon began to realize just how sick he felt. 

The way a shiver tore itself through Jihoon as if he was freezing even though it looked like he was sweating pretty heavily made Jeonghan’s heart hurt. 

“I’m gonna kick Seungkwan’s ass when he gets back,” Jeonghan gumbled to himself. “Okay, so Jihoon. When was the last time you ate something?” 

“I haven’t done shit but sleep all day.” 

Before Jeonghan could even call Mingyu’s name, he already yelled “On it!” and is running down the hall. 

“Let’s get you out of this bed so you can-” Before Jeonghan could finish his sentence, Jihoon was wrenching his body out of the covers, pushing Jeonghan away with a rough, sweaty palm to the face, and struggling to get from the top bunk of his bed. His stomach was swirling and there was a constant bit of extra saliva coating his mouth. 

As soon as Jihoon’s feet were on the floor, he jetted out of the room, pushing through everyone to get to the bathroom. He internally cursed his friends for being in the way as he _barely_ made it to the toilet, his body violently vomiting out the already scarce contents of his stomach. Heaving and gagging, Jihoon leaned his already immensely weak body on the rim of the toilet bowl. 

It was disgusting but that was the last thing that was on his mind as another bout of nausea took over and his body once again forced up nothingness. 

“Dumbasses,” Jihoon heaved weakly. Despite that, there was a comforting hand on his shoulder and an even more comforting presence behind him. 

“Seems like you have a stomach flu,” Jeonghan said. 

“No shit,” Jihoon sassed. “And if you tell me some bullshit about going to the clinic, I’m gonna be upset.” He would’ve said he was gonna punch him but that was more of an empty threat since he felt too weak to do something as simple as stand right now. 

Jeonghan swallowed, literally swallowing down his next sentence telling Jihoon that he should go to the clinic first thing in the morning. “You wanna stay here?”

“Aren’t you a pre-med major?”

“Pre med dentistry isn’t really the same thing.”

“Good enough for me,” Jihoon hummed. 

Jeonghan sighed deeply, knowing that there was no way that he would convince Jihoon. “How about I get someone to wash your sheets while I help you relax in the bath? Then I could-” 

“WHERE’S EVERYBODY AT?” Seungkwan’s voice shouted from downstairs. And almost as if someone flipped a switch, Jeonghan lightly growled under his breath. 

“Instead,” Jeonghan huffed as he got to his feet. “Soonyoung, help Jihoon in the bath please. No shower. Cheollie, honey, wash Jihoon’s blankets please. The rest of… I don’t know, find what the hell to do when someone has the stomach flu. _I’m_ gonna go kick Seungkwan’s ass… In the sweetest way I know how.”

The group let Jeonghan through as he calmly made his way towards Seungkwan’s room, presumably to await him. 

“Seungkwan!” Jeonghan yelled. “Meet me in your room. Now.” 

A series of footsteps came up the steps next. “What happened?” Seungkwan whispered to Minghao once he reached the top of the stairs. 

“Were you supposed to be taking care of Jihoon today?” Jun questioned. Seungkwan’s face twisted in confusion for a single second before a look of pure horror took over. 

“I completely forgot about him. Why’re you guys so quiet when you’re sick?” 

“What? Am I supposed to be whining like some baby?” Jihoon grumbled as he used Seungcheol as a crutch to help him back to his and Jeonghan’s room. 

“It’d be better than you sleeping like you died,” Seungkwan scolded in a whisper. 

“Seungkwan!” Jeonghan’s voice was impatient. 

With a last deep sigh, Seungkwan accepted his fate and hauled himself to his room for the verbal beating he was about to receive. Slowly, the rest of them watched Seungkwan slowly shut the door behind him. 

“Poor, Kwannie,” Jun sighed, but that was short lived. “He deserves it though.”

***

“It’s hot as fuck,” Jihoon grumbled as he let his head fall back to rest against the tiles of the bath wall. 

“It’s just the fever talking,” Soonyoung reassured as he lathered the bath sponge in soap. Soonyoung scoffed to himself when a light breath escaped Jihoon’s slightly agape lips as his eyes slid shut. “Getting more sleep?”

“Might as well since you wanna bathe me so bad.”

“Just wanna take care of you.” Soonyoung started on Jihoon’s right arm, taking in how milky, smooth his skin was as Soonyoung gently scrubbed the sponge across skin. 

“Below the waist and above my thighs are off limits. I can take care of that part.”

“Okay.” 

A light smile painted the plains of Jihoon’s face. “You’re trying to make me fall for you or what? Because if you are, it’s working.” 

Jihoon meant it as a joke and Soonyoung knew that full and well. But it still triggered a bitter feeling in Soonyoung’s chest. An insecurity that he usually hid well reared its head and showed through clearly in the tone of his voice as he uttered, “I sure hope so.” 

Jihoon immediately caught on, slowly opening one eye to look at him. “What’s wrong? You think no one can fall in love with you?” 

“Maybe,” Soonyoung started washing Jihoon’s chest next.

“Bullshit.”

“Seriously, who’d date someone who isn’t ssexually attracted to them? People think relationships revolve around sex. Who the hell is gonna be with me knowing that I don’t want that.” 

“Why would you want to be with someone who thinks a relationship revolved around sex anyway?” Jihoon quickly backtracked though. “I can’t say much though. I still wanna lose my virginity.”

“Virginity is a social construct,” Soonyoung huffed as he helped Jihoon lean forward to wash his neck and back. 

“True. Instead, I’m gonna say that I wanna see how sex feels. What it’s like to be with someone so intimately. But sex isn’t a need. What people do need is love and you have a whole fucking lot to give.”

“That’s not true,” Soonyoung giggled quietly. 

“Dude, you’re literally bathing me right now.”

Soonyoung just kept giggling. “It’s not like I’m completely against sex. I’d have sex… with the right person… Maybe… Ugh… I don’t know.” 

Jihoon didn’t say anything, wondering what that meant too. He honestly didn’t know either. Asexuality was a new concept to him. 

“Anyway,” Soonyoung briefly chuckled, wanting to completely forget about the topic as a whole. “You have anyone in mind that you want to have sex with for the first time? Gonna take Mingyu up on that offer?”

Jihoon frowned at the thought. Mingyu? Of all people? “He wishes. But other than that, no, I haven’t thought of anyone. I’m not picky.”

Soonyoung nodded and moved to Jihoon’s feet and legs. As he lifted Jihoon’s right leg, he caught a glimpse of the scars that he still didn’t bother to mention despite how much it drew his curiosity. 

“I was angry,” Jihoon said out of the blue.

“Huh?”

“My scars. I was angry when I did that. You can say I had shitty coping mechanisms.” 

Soonyoung stayed silent not exactly knowing what he was supposed to say. He simply placed Jihoon’s leg gently back into the water and grabbed for his other leg, abiding by the limits Jihoon set for him and not going above his knee. 

‘Thanks’ would sound too weird as a response. But Jihoon didn’t seem to need any verbal confirmation because he continued.

“In high school, I got bullied a lot. Not because I liked guys but because of stupid things like how ugly I was or something.”

“You’re not ugly.” 

“I know that now. But back then, I would tell my mom and dad. They always told me that I needed to toughen up. That instead of crying about it I should fight back, but I was too scared to do that. I knew that my parents felt bad for me and wanted to help me, but I guess they thought that they would be babying me if they helped me. I went to my big sisters. I even went to the teachers but they didn’t do anything either.” 

“I’m sorry…”

“One day, I was just tired of it and decided to try and vent my anger. I broke some stuff but it didn’t help. So I…” Jihoon grunted and gestured towards his leg with a tilt of his head. “Did that. I don’t know exactly why I did something like that, but I did it. It hurt like a bitch for the next couple of days since I was scared to tell anybody.”

“But it healed beautifully… My grandma always told me that scars were like sealing a broken dish with gold. It’ll be even more beautiful in the end.”

“Sounds like a smart lady.” Jihoon smiled and held out his hand for the sponge. Raising his leg, Jihoon looked at his scars with a contemplating look as he ran the sponge across his leg. “But beautiful? I don’t know about that.”

“You’re just a pessimist.”

“I’m working on it.” 

***

Jeonghan took a final deep breath and looked closely at Seungkwan who actually looked ashamed. 

“I’m sorry again,” Seungkwan said optimistically. “I’m gonna do better.”

“I know.” Jeonghan had intentions of lashing out on Seungkwan but when Seungkwan stepped in and immediately began pleading his case, Jeonghan couldn’t help but go a little easier on him. But Jeonghan knew that Seungkwan was probably the last person that could be trusted with the responsibility of caring for someone. 

He stood from where he was sitting on Seungkwan’s bed, giving the other an annoyed pat on the head and left the room. Jeonghan crossed the hall to his room, happy to see that the normal amount of chatter around the house had continued. 

Instead of Jihoon being in the room, it was Seungcheol, who was clumsily stuffing a pillow in its pillow case. Or at least trying to.

“Hey,” he said, voice strained as he continued to struggle with the pillow case. 

“Need help?” Jeonghan chuckled, nearing him.

Seungcheol huffed and gave up with a pout. “Yeah.”

“Okay, well it’s inside out first of all and this pillow is too big to fit this case.” Jeonghan tossed the pillow back on Jihoon’s bed and grabbed the other. 

Seungcheol grumbled under his breath but leaned forward to begrudgingly press a kiss to Jeonghan’s cheek nonetheless. Seeing Jeonghan blush made Seungcheol go in for another kiss but on the lips this time. 

And the next few kisses too, lasting for just a couple more seconds each time and Seungcheol deepening it even more each time. Shocked but still steadily melting, Jeonghan struggled to keep up, almost dropping the pillow to the floor. Mewling at the feeling of tongue licking its way into his mouth, Jeonghan weakly pushed Seungcheol away. 

“What’re you doing?” He questioned in a low voice, easily sliding the pillow into the case and tossing it aside. 

Seungcheol settled his hands on Jeonghan’s hips and nuzzled at his cheek sweetly. “I haven’t seen you all day. Missed you.”

“You’re too sweet to me,” Jeonghan purred. “But we shouldn’t do this right now. Jihoon might come in any moment.”

Reluctantly, Seungcheol pulled away, still holding Jeonghan’s hand anyway. Jihoon was already in a bad mood, he’d hate to add to it. “Well, I wanted to ask about those elf hats in that box over there.”

“You going through my stuff now?” 

“ _No_ , Jihoon asked me to clean up,” Seungcheol said, squeezing his hand meanly. “What? You gonna dress up for me?”

Jeonghan raised a suggestive eyebrow but still uttered, “Nope.” 

Seungcheol instantly deflated, earning him a sweet kiss to the cheek.

“Kun gave me the idea to have everyone in the club wear the elf hats. I guess I’m gonna be wearing that Santa hat… Wherever the hell it is.”” 

“So, am I supposed to be Mrs. Claus or something?” Seungcheol questioned. 

“You can if you want to. _But,_ you could always just be Mr. Claus.”

“Since when is Santa a gay man?”

“Since today,” Jeonghan said pointedly. 

“Do I have to get fat? It’s such short notice, you know,” he bantered, grabbing for his stomach. He had a tiny pudge of a belly that he could never really get rid of. 

“No, love. You don’t need to. Oh! But do me a favor and invite Nayoung and Kyulkyung. If you do that for me, then maybe when we get back from the party, you can sit on Santa’s lap and-”

“Do _not_ finish that sentence,” Jihoon demanded. 

Not exactly surprised, Seungcheol shrugged off the demand and leaned in to whisper something in Jeonghan’s ear. Something that made the latter blush. Seungcheol and Jeonghan had kissed several times, but lately there was this lingering tension between the two of them. A silent promise of something that Seungcheol couldn’t wait to find out about. 

And as a result of all of that tension, Seungcheol was already dreaming about it all of the time now. What Jeonghan looked like when he wasn’t being his gentle, delicate, and loving self. Instead, he wanted to know what Jeonghan was like behind closed doors. 

What he liked. What made his eyes roll. Hell, he hadn’t even seen Jeonghan naked. 

For Seungcheol, things didn’t usually take this long and he doubted that it took that long for Jeonghan either. But, whenever it did happen, and Seungcheol truly felt _ready,_ he wondered if it’ll be as perfect as he imagined it.

Seungcheol pulled away with a hint of something titillating to his gaze. 

Jihoon frowned and clutched his stomach all of a sudden. 

Not knowing if it was a gimmick or serious, Jeonghan rushed over to Jihoon, but he was stopped with a harsh glare from Jihoon. “I already have a stomach flu. I don’t need you two making it worse.”

On his way back to his bed, Jihoon caught a quick glimpse of an obnoxious green out of the corner of his eye. Upon seeing the gold bell and a little sliver of the color red, Jihoon gave a loud groan. 

“I don’t know what those elf hats are over there for, but I’m not fucking wearing one.”

Jeonghan neither Seungcheol bothered to respond. Jihoon would end up wearing it in the end. Begrudgingly or not, he was gonna give in. He always did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yerim's first signs of possibly being aromantic and we support lol. 
> 
> I've been meaning to post this but then a hurricane came and I didn't have electricity for like 4 days so... that sucks. But here it is! I hope you enjoyed it! I missed you all so much


	31. Chapter 30

“It should be criminal to be this sexy,” Seokmin sang to himself as he pranced down the steps. 

“It should be criminal for you to take so damn long,” Jihoon growled from his spot between Mingyu and Minghao. They were all standing in the living room already set up and waiting to take a group picture before leaving. But Seokmin, as always, was taking forever to finish. 

Completely outnumbered during the vote, Jihoon had no choice but to wear the dumbass elf hat along with the rest of the group. At least for the picture. It was coming off as soon as they were done.

“It’s always you or Minghao,” Jun mumbled.

“Why is everyone trying me today?” Minghao asked, exasperated. “It’s Seungkwan too!” 

The rumble of giggles that washed over them all let Seungkwan know exactly what they were trying to do. They were always extra embarrassing when Hansol was over. 

“Alright, so who’s gonna take the photo?” Wonwoo asked before they could get anymore distracted. He was ready to leave and he knew that letting them bicker would only lengthen their time here. 

“Josh,” Jeonghan offered, handing the other his phone and pushing him toward the front door before he could even agree to the task. Josh sent the quickest, faintest glare he could toward Jeonghan. Ever since he’d gotten here, Josh had been trying to blend into the background, hoping not to draw any attention to himself. 

They may have forgiven Jeonghan, but Josh wasn’t him. And, there could very well be a chance that some of them still disliked him.

But that plan was completely out of the window, now that he had to stand in front of them all like this. 

“Okay so-” 

_Bang Bang Bang_

Being so close to the door, Josh gave an oddly high pitched screech, nearly dropping Jeonghan’s phone in the process. Mingyu’s loudly snorted.

“It’s Nayoung and Kyulkyung. Open the door!” Nayoung shouted from the other side of the door. 

Chan lit up happily at the sound of her voice.

“Sorry about her,” Seungcheol sighed wearily, fixing his santa hat on his head. Focusing on his breathing, Josh unlocked the front door for the girls. 

“Mrs and Mrs. Claus are here,” Nayoung announced elatedly and she pulled Kyulkyung along with her into the house. Kyulkyung didn’t look as excited but was obviously very amused. The both of them were simply wearing santa hats too along with very festive turtlenecks. 

“It’s about time you showed up,” Seungcheol groused. 

“You’re lucky we’re here at all,” Kyulkyung said, narrowing her eyes in a telling way. Seungcheol chuckled to himself and hid behind Jeonghan who was busy teasing Chan to notice the look he and Kyulkyung were sharing. 

Seungcheol may have told the girls that if they didn’t come then he wouldn’t be able to sit on Jeonghan’s lap or something more and he really wanted to be able to do that. He thought about it all of the time. Kissing him, making him moan, finally getting to feel Jeonghan against him like he’d been dreaming about forever, so, ‘ _can you like please-’_

_‘Hey, I didn’t need to know the extra details,_ ’ Kyulkyung had said pointedly from the background when he was asking them. _“But we’ll be there,”_ Nayoung reassured. 

Squeezing into the photo, Nayoung goes to cling onto Seungcheol while Kyulkyung settles next to Jeonghan with an easy smile. 

Josh raised Jeonghan’s phone, the smile on his face mirroring the rest of them as if he was in the picture along with them. Once he’d lowered the phone, emitting a satisfied smile, everyone dispersed. 

“Aww, everyone’s so cute and so happy,” Jeonghan cooed to himself as he looked over the picture on his phone. “It’s all I could ever ask for.” 

***

“A closed coffee shop?” Seungcheol questioned as Jeonghan stopped in front of a cafe named Blooming Days that Seungcheol had seen a couple times but never truly stopped in. Mostly because the coffee shop on campus satisfied his need for good hot chocolate all the time anyway. 

They were near the main part of the city but not exactly. It was why there weren't too many people roaming the sidewalk right now despite it being a Saturday night.

He could hear the light bass of the music from the outside but since the curtains were pulled closed, nothing could really be seen like on a usual day.

“Did Kun come up with this too?” Mingyu asked. 

“It’s not as small as you guys think,” Jeonghan reassured as he knocked on the door. It only took a couple of seconds before the door opened, an automated festive jingle that went off with the door, revealing a girl smiling beamingly She opened the door wider for them to enter once she’d seen Jeonghan.

“Jeonghan’s club is here!” She yelled and waved them all in. “Welcome, welcome! Oh, and pretty girls too. _Hi._ ” 

The girl blushed as Nayoung and Kyulkyung waved her way.

And just like Jeonghan had said, Seungcheol was met with a spacious warmth that differed drastically from the chilliness outside and the smell of fresh coffee blessed his senses. He wasn’t a big fan of the taste of coffee but the smell was heavenly. 

Despite the contemporary, modern style of the place, the decorations somehow made it feel more homelike. With strings of fairy lights hanging from the light fixtures and some draped on the wall, decorative wreaths, hanging mistletoes, and even a large decorated Christmas tree in the corner, the cafe looked like a perfect venue for a party like theirs. 

“I want a gingerbread cookie!” Seungkwan gasped. He didn’t have to be loud because all that was playing at the moment was a soft, winter ballad and the light, festive laughter of everyone that was already there. But Seungkwan is always loud even without a reason.

“You hate gingerbread,” Wonwoo stated, more like a question than anything, His arm was linked around Mingyu’s who was also seemingly excited about the thought of gingerbread cookies. But the difference was that Mingyu actually liked gingerbread. 

“He wants a gingerbread _man,_ ” Hansol corrected. “He’s just gonna hoard the cookie until it’s stale. He wants to make it all cute.”

“Not true,” Seungkwan mumbled dejectedly.

“You did it with that snickerdoodle cookie that was shaped like a flower,” Seungcheol recalled vividly. It was mostly because Seungcheol sadly lamented over the fact that he could’ve eaten the cookie.

“Seungcheol, come decorate a Christmas cookie with us,” Seokmin said, pulling Josh along with him. “Hannie, wanna come?” 

“Gotta go talk with the leaders first,” Jeonghan said, gesturing to the lounge booth in the corner, closest to the front window to the cafe. There was an LGBT+ honor’s society on several different college campuses, and like parents of little families, the leaders of each club always got together during their annual parties and simply talked while the rest of the club had fun. It was something of a tradition of theirs now, so Jeonghan felt obligated to follow it. 

“Oh, I forgot that Jeonghan likes to go and gossip about us,” Minghao teased, pinching Jeonghan’s elbow. 

“It’s not gossip.”

“Sure, it’s not. Come on, I wanna mix alcohol together and see if this maniac can take it,” Minghao said nudging Seokmin. 

“Let’s not get Seokmin drunk too early,” Josh warned. 

“Seokmin holds his alcohol better than anyone! Can’t wait for you to see!” Soonyoung shouted, which was the only reason Jeonghan was able to hear them as the group went farther into the area. Jeonghan smiled after them before turning to approach the group of leaders. 

Upon him nearing, they all gave happy grins his way. 

“Hannie, you’re late!” Kun sang. “As always.” 

“Give me a break,” Jeonghan sighed as he slid next to Taeyong. “Okay, someone tell me who gave Kun the brilliant idea of planning the party here? I know he didn’t do it himself.” 

Across the table, Kun gave an afronted look that Jeonghan knew was somewhat genuine. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It was me,” Joohyun, who preferred to go by Irene sometimes, answered as she nursed a cup of iced coffee which was a bit backwards. Iced coffee when it was cold as the north pole outside. Let alone having coffee at night was even more ironic. 

“Kun was having trouble trying to pick a venue so I pulled a couple of strings to get us to book this cafe for the night,” Joohyun said proudly, taking a hearty sip of her drink. “Me and the girls came here ready to do a lot of begging but it wasn’t hard.”

“It’s about time Joohyun does something,” Jaebum muttered under his breath. 

“Excuse me. I helped Taeyong clean this place,” Joohyun shot back. “What did you and Junmyeon do? Pay for the decorations?” 

“Yes,” Jaebum said. 

“If we didn’t pay for them then you wouldn’t have any decorations to put up, would you?” Junmyeon said, as he popped a single popcorn into his mouth. 

“Come on guys, Joohyun did a lot this year,” Jeonghan tried. 

“And what did you do?” Jaebum hummed.

“I was in charge of food, okay,” Jeonghan said, instantly defensive. “All that food over there was delivered because of _me._ ”

“I ordered dessert,” Taeyong informed softly. “I set up the cookie decorating station too. Cute right?”

“Incredibly.”

They talked aimlessly for some time about nothing in particular. Yet somehow, they ended up talking about Jeonghan. 

“Hannie, I heard you had a straight person in your group,” Junmyeon chuckled.

“Not anymore,” Kun sang in a teasing voice. But before Jeonghan could defend himself or explain the situation in full, Taeyong gasped. 

“You too?”

“What?”

“You have a straight person in your club too? Please, please tell me what to do,” he begged softly. 

“Are you talking about Mark?” Junmyeon asked with a smirk. “One of my members told me about him.”

“Who? That guy who walked in earlier looking like he walked straight into hell and not a Christmas party,” Jaebum described and while it seemed like it was a bit over dramatic, it really was the only way to describe the look of sheer horror on his face.

“Yes,” Taeyong answered. “He’s so confused and it just breaks my poor heart.”

After a particularly long sip of her iced coffee, Joohyun spoke up, “Isn’t Jihyo dating the guy he had the hots for?”

Jeonghan’s eyebrows jumped at this new piece of information. Everyone else at the table did too. Jihyo, a president as well, really is dating now? Let alone someone else’s crush. 

“Where’s Jihyo anyway?” Joohyun questioned, straining her neck to look around briefly.

“Probably avoiding us,” Junmyeon chuckled under his breath.

“Can’t say I wouldn’t do the same,” Kun huffed. “You gays are messy.”

“That’s only a little bit true,” Jeonghan retorted. “But Mark?”

Taeyong hummed. “Yeah. He was so smitten.”

“Wait, how’d you know, Joohyun?” Jaebum countered. 

“I have my ways.”

“Look, someone needs to tell me the situation from start to finish. Taeyong, start talking.” 

***

Past the several occupied tables, Seungcheol locks eyes with Jeonghan who gives him a sweet smile under the dim fairy lights above his table. The combination of that beautiful smile and the gentle mood in the cafe made everything seem magical in a way. 

He refrained from biting his lip though, which seemed to be a good choice because of the loud scoff in his ear. 

“Y’all are cute. Disgusting, but cute,” Mingyu teased, pulling Seungcheol into his side as he eats the rest of Wonwoo’s gingerbread cookie on their way up to order something ‘Christmas-sy’ as Mingyu put it. 

“He’s gonna kill you for that,” Seungcheol muttered, referring to Wonwoo’s cookie. Wonwoo was in the bathroom right now and trusted Mingyu to hold it for him, but instead, he ate it. 

“I’ll get him another one. Plus, I’ll order him a…” Mingyu dragged on his word as he looked at the chalkboard with all of the available drinks written out in a frilly, dainty handwriting along with tiny hand drawn decorations such as little presents and candy canes. “Gingerbread coffee!”

The woman behind the counter seemed to have heard him and instantly put it down. “He’s gonna forgive me,” he said confidently to Seungcheol. “Also, matcha tea for me and hot chocolate for this one.” 

The woman nodded her head as she continued to write down his order on the notepad. Seungcheol gingerly grinned at the sticker of the lesbian flag just between her eyebrows. 

Seungcheol stepped back to let Mingyu pay, choosing to look around instead. 

“Here he comes,” Seungcheol laughed as he watched Wonwoo leave the bathroom. 

“Oh, you mean Yukhei?” Mingyu said as he turned around, but instead he was looking somewhere towards the left. Which is definitely not where Seungcheol was looking. “Hey, Yukhei!” 

Mingyu extended a hand into the air and wildly waved. 

“No!” Seungcheol hissed as he glanced that way, only to see that the tall man was indeed coming. “This is gonna be so weird.”

“No, it won’t,” Mingyu said, stepping aside to wait for their order. “I know he was your first guy and from what I heard, it was fantastic-” 

Seungcheol grunted. 

“Do you really have a thing for getting your hair pulled?”

“ _Mingyu_?”

“Okay, okay. But, it won’t be awkward unless you make it that way.”

Seungcheol wasn’t even given the time to respond when Yukhei threw himself into Mingyu’s arms to hug him and then hugged Seungcheol. 

“How’re the both of you?” 

“I’m great,” Seungcheol nodded, trying his best to listen to Mingyu’s advice. Yukhei didn’t look awkward, so maybe, everything was actually okay. 

“I’m about to try to talk my way out of an impending beating,” Mingyu said pointedly. When Yukhei raised a both curious and concerned eyebrow, Mingyu pointed at Wonwoo who’d just walked up. 

“Hey, where’s my cookie?” Wonwoo asked. 

“Iateit,” Mingyu rushed through his words. “ _But!_ I ordered you a gingerbread coffee. I’m sweet, aren’t I?”

As if he hadn’t heard the last part, Wonwoo snarled: “You ate it?”

“I told him not to,” Seungcheol sighed in mock sadness, making Yukhei laugh. 

“Seriously, Mingyu?” 

In a fit of chuckles, Seungcheol grabbed his mug of hot chocolate, marshmallows settled on top without him even having to ask, and was pulling Yukhei away from the couple. 

“Y’all are worse than my club and that’s saying a lot.” 

And as they talked, Seungcheol’s fear began to calm a little. Yukhei didn’t look to be bothered at all, speaking and laughing as if they talked everyday. 

“I gotta get back to my club, I promised Ten that I’d decorate gingerbread cookies with him.”

“Okay,” Seungcheol said, waving at the other as he weaved through the light crowd. Seeking out his friends, Seungcheol caught a glimpse of the familiar green elf hat and a head of messy, darkly colored hair at the table. It had to be Hansol and Seungkwan. He was sure it was everybody when he saw Nayoung stand and take Kyulkyung with her.

“What happened?” Seungcheol asked when he got close and saw Jihoon’s eyes uncharacteristically blown wide and Minghao laughing maniacally. That wasn’t as surprising but Seungcheol was still curious. Seungkwan smacked the table and stood, grabbing and pulling Seungcheol closer. 

“Don't be too obvious, okay,” Seungwkan cautioned. “But look behind you. It’s Chan.” 

Carefully, Seungcheol took one last look at his friends who looked expectant of his reaction and then took a look over his shoulder. Towards the farthest wall, just to the side of the entrance of the bathroom, Chan was talking to a girl. He didn’t have to hear their conversations or even get close enough to see their expressions because their body language said it all. Chan was leaning against the wall beside the girl who looked like she was practically keening from the attention. 

“Is he flirting?” Seungcheol gaped, whipping his head around. Immediately, he bent over at the waist to get closer to everyone at the table. 

“Yes!” Soonyoung laughed. 

“What makes it even funnier is that he was just flirting with some guy earlier,” Jihoon hummed, as he took a quick sip of his steaming tea. Piping hot. 

“I think I saw him too,” Hansol said. 

“That could’ve been someone else,” Seungkwan laughed. “I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“He’s really flirting at an innocent Christmas party.” Soonyoung let his head fall on Jihoon’s shoulder who didn’t move even a bit. 

“Oh my god! Guys!” Seokmin quite literally bounced over, Joshua being dragged behind him. “Chan is flirting with his third person of the night.” Seokmin feigned crying, the redness of his face giving away the fact that he’d had alcohol coursing through him. 

“His pansexuality is blooming,” Kyulkyung said as she sat down on Nayoung’s lap and basked in the steam that floated up from the mug.

“You know what we should do,” Minghao said, catching everyone’s attention. 

“What?” Josh hummed, looking genuinely curious. 

“Tell Hannie.” 

“Shit, you’re right! Someone call Hannie,” Jihoon agreed. “Cheol, go get him.”

Seungcheol didn’t need to be told twice, immediately standing up again and striding quickly across the cafe floor. 

  
  


“Damn, Jihyo’s wild,” Jaebum hummed, leaning back into the leather cushion of the booth. 

“Not her fault that the guy was straight,” Joohyun defended, playing with the straw of her now empty cup. 

“Still, poor him,” Kun sighed.

“Yeah,” Jeonghan agreed. “Mark will recover though.”

“Think he’s moved on for the most part. Think he has a little something for his best friend.”

“Mark’s gonna explode from all the new gay feelings.”

“He’ll embrace it someday.”

“He will. So in the meantime, we should talk about your little crush on one of my members,” Junmyeon said sneakily. Taeyong instantly reddened. 

“I don’t have a crush on Baekhyun,” he insisted, his hands coming to hide his cheeks.

“I didn’t say his name.”

“It was obvious who you were talking about!” 

“Aww, don’t be embarrassed,” Jeonghan laughed, throwing an arm over his shoulder. “He is cute.” 

“He is,” Taeyong sighed, almost dreamily. Just as the banter was about to start up again, there was someone suddenly in front of their table. 

“Cheollie, anything wrong with-”

“Chan’s flirting,” he said quickly. 

With a deep gasp, Jeonghan hopped to his feet. “Where? My little sprout?”

Seungcheol pointed across the room. Following his finger, past the table of his club members straining to look their way for Jeonghan’s reaction, Jeonghan finally found them. Distantly and incredibly vaguely, Jeonghan watched him hand the girl his phone. 

“Ah!” Jeonghan shrieked. “Wait, guys. My bean sprout needs me. Come on, sweetheart.” 

Even from over here, Seungcheol heard the erupting of laughter from their table, even over the now blasting music and bustle of everyone in the coffee shop. 

As soon as Chan saw Jeonghan and Seungcheol coming his way, he thanked the girl for her time and her number and ran off into the bathroom and hid in a stall. 

“Chan, don’t be embarrassed,” Seungcheol’s voice sounded in an echo in the empty bathroom. 

“I’m not embarrassed. You guys are just embarrassing.”

“My bean sprout, come out so I can hug you.”

“No, don’t call me that.” The smirk-- a result of a failed attempt at pout-- could be heard in Chan’s voice. 

“You know you like it.”

“So what, leave me alone.” 

“I heard he got like three people’s number tonight,” Seungcheol mumbled, but of course Chan could still hear him. 

“Three?!” 

“Oh my goodness. I hate all of you.” He knew they were probably at the table dying of laughter too. 

***

“Okay. Okay, next question,” Kyulkyung said, scrolling through her phone for a suitable question. “What anime character do you think is LGBT for sure?”

“Easy,” shouted Mingyu. “Naruto is definitely bisexual. No one can change my mind. There’s no other reason why I’d be attached to him as a kid.”

“I second that,” Jihoon added. “Naruto is peak bisexual. No one chases after a man like that unless he’s in love.”

“What about Sasuke?” Nayoung questioned. 

“No idea,” Josh sighed in genuine thought. 

“Asexual. Or Demisexual. One of them.”

“Really?”

“I actually agree with Soonyoung,” Seungcheol said under his breath. He hadn’t watched anime in years and definitely hadn’t really thought about the sexualities of the character. 

He hadn’t even learned what a ‘headcanon’ was until a couple months ago when Minghao and Junhui were having this exact same conversation. 

“I headcanon every single character in Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures as some form of LGBT,” Jeonghan said, while struggling to keep a childishly pouting Chan in his lap. He’d tried a couple times to slip away but Jeonghan was too quick. 

“All of them?” Seungcheol asked, confused. 

“All of them,” Wonwoo reiterated. “No lies detected either.”

“The Sailor Moon anime was my gay awakening, so therefore, they’re sapphics by extension. I don’t make the rules.” Kyulkyung threw her hands up. 

“This is about to be a controversial statement,” Seokmin warned after a sip of tea. “50% of the My Hero Academia characters.”

“I mean, they all scream repressed LGBT children to me, but that’s for another day.”

“You better not let anyone hear you say that,” Hansol chuckled. “You’re gonna trigger somebody.”

“You ain’t wrong,” Minghao chimed. “People get so upset over anime. Like, I remember some guys in the library were having a loud ass debate over whether or not Goku or Vegeta was stronger.”

“It’s obviously Vegeta. He just doesn’t get the opportunities to prove it,” Joshua said only for Minghao to look at him as if he’d cursed out his mother. 

“Don’t get me started on Dragon Ball headcanons,” Seungkwan cautioned. There were far better anime out there but it would always be near and dear to his own heart. It was his very first anime after all.

“Save me, Min,” Josh uttered as he shrunk into Seokmin who welcomed the affection openly. 

“I have a couple headcanons from Attack on Titan,” Soonyoung said. “Levi-” But hadn’t even been able to say them because others were already shouting their own. Apparently it was a popular topic. Chan started it, of course. 

Amidst all the chaos and after he’d ensured that Josh was safe from Minghao, Seokmin stood. “Bathroom,” he stated shortly to Jihoon who gave him a concerned look. It was incredibly heartwarming to see Jihoon care so much. 

But what else would he expect. Jihoon has lived with them for months now. He can’t help it if he became attached to all of these idiots.

In the bathroom, Seokmin relieves himself, washes his hands, and then checks his appearance in the mirror. He’d only had a little bit of alcohol-- well for him it was a little-- and now he was sipping on tea, so he didn’t look that bad. Sure, his face was a little blushed and he looked a little less alert than usual, but he thought he looked pretty good. 

As he straightened the little hat atop his head, he gave a big smile at his reflection. Optimism. It was what got him through the toughest of times. 

When he’d turned to leave the bathroom, he was almost hit with the door. 

“I’m so sorry,” the person apologized quickly. “I should’ve been a little more careful.”

“No, it’s my fault. I should've been a little more careful,” Seokmin smiled, placing a kind hand on the man’s shoulder to calm him. 

When the worried look dissipated, the man attempting to give Seokmin a gentle smile in return to match the sweet look in his eyes, he froze. 

“Seokmin?”

Seokmin blinked a few times in confusion. How did he know his name? He doesn’t remember ever seeing his face before?

“Huh?” He laughed nervously. “Do you know…” 

He trailed off. Words coming to a sudden halt as well as his breathing. 

Soon enough, it hit him. He could describe it like being hit in the head with a brick. Or like running right into a wall. Or even biting your tongue. 

But, no. The only true way to describe the feeling was getting hit by a train. So sudden that you didn’t even realize it happened; only realizing the feeling that takes over your body. 

“Jaehyun?” 

***

Jeonghan was in the middle of falling over in laughter, head lounged on Seungcheol’s shoulder, when he saw Seokmin. Unlike when he’d left for the bathroom, his face was stone cold, almost robotically following some guy he’d seen around here tonight. 

Quickly catching his shift in demeanor, Seungcheol nudged Jeonghan.

“What’s wrong?” 

“Seokmin,” he muttered, still distracted by his racing thoughts as he attempted to figure out who exactly this person was. 

Was he forcing Seokmin to do something he didn’t want to do? Was he someone that Seokmin felt uncomfortable with? 

It seemed like they were heading for the door.

“I need to go check on him,” Jeonghan demanded, quickly standing to his feet only to be stopped by Seungcheol. 

“I don’t think he’s in trouble.”

“Don’t you see his face, Cheol?” Jeonghan asked, trying to keep his voice low. He didn’t want to worry everyone else. “I can’t just sit here and-”

“The guy he’s with looks just as uncomfortable as Seokmin does,” Seungcheol pointed out. “I don’t think Seokmin is in any kind of trouble. They’re probably talking about something that needs to be talked about. We shouldn’t get involved… yet.” 

Jeonghan sighed deeply, still unsure about this. However, he took one last look at the two; he watched the guy hold the door for Seokmin as they stepped out in the brittle coldness outside. 

“You’re probably right,” Jeonghan hummed slowly when the door shut behind them. He reluctantly curled his hands around the mug of gingerbread coffee he tried at the insistence of Wonwoo, trying to savor any possible warmth that could calm him.

Seungcheol wasn’t the type of person to not worry about things. Worry was a part of his everyday life and Jeonghan couldn’t help but wonder if he ever… _doesn’t_ worry about things. Jeonghan didn’t live with anxiety, but Seungcheol did. So if he wasn’t worried… then everything should be okay.

Seungcheol nodded affirmingly and settled back into easy conversation again. 

Still, Jeonghan pulled his phone from his pocket and sent Seokmin a text. 

***

Seokmin shivered. But that was the least of his worries right now. 

Jaehyun was here, standing with his hands stuffed into his pockets and looking off into the dark night. He looked a lot different than he did when they were thirteen, the best of friends. 

Now, it felt as if there was several several miles between them

“Say something,” Seokmin said. Despite his attempt to sound rigid, his breath sounded as winded as he felt. 

“I-I just wanted to say that I’m sorry,” Jaehyun began carefully. But it seemed that he was at such a loss for words that his words came out choppy and meticulous. _Typical Jaehyun._ Seokmin thought as he looked down at Jaehyun’s hands to see him unknowingly scratching at the palm of his right hand. A slight habit of his that Seokmin used to be absolutely smitten by. 

“Is that all you have to say?” 

“No…” Jaehyun took a deep breath. “I panicked that day.” 

Seokmin swallowed and resisted the urge to simply leave. He knew what day Jaehyun was referring to, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to confront it either. But, his feet stayed planted on the thin layer of ice covering the pavement of the sidewalk.

He took his bottom lip between his teeth and nodded slowly. “Okay…” His voice was barely audible and just as careful.

“My dad saw us. And when he asked me about it… I blamed it on you because I was scared. I didn’t want them to be disappointed in me. But I didn’t think he’d talk to your parents about it. I swear. I wish I wasn’t such a coward.”

Seokmin forced himself to shake his head and sound as unbothered as he could, no matter if it'll all fail in the end. “I-If you did say something, you would’ve been in the same situation that I was.”

Seokmin was as vague as possible, but the way Jaehyun’s face twisted somehow made Seokmin feel as if he knew. 

“I wanted to ask about that…” 

“What?” Seokmin snapped. The fear in his chest made him feel small, naked, and completely vulnerable. “Ask about what? What _‘that’_ are you talking about?”

“T-The pastor. Well, his wife. She-”

Seokmin could practically feel the sudden weight fall upon his chest. He was so preoccupied by the feeling that he didn’t even remember turning on his heel to take off in the other direction. He didn’t know where he was going, didn’t even know the area well enough to attempt to know, but he just didn’t want to be here. No-

“Wait!” 

Seokmin stopped abruptly, hand pressed over his throbbing heart as the wind whistled a harsh tune. “How do you know?” He uttered through clenched teeth and teary eyes. 

Whipping around, Seokmin stared at Jaehyun’s solemn, melancholic stare. “ _How_ do you know?” 

“A few other people,” he said shortly. “They spoke out about it… When I heard, I couldn’t help but wonder if you-”

“ _Don’t_ finish that sentence, please,” Seokmin pleaded softly. “I don’t wanna hear it out loud right now. Ever actually”

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun reached up to quickly wipe away a stray tear that happened to fall before he pathetically scoffed. “Um… they were arrested… if that makes you feel better.”

Seokmin grunted lowly. “I don’t know.” He didn’t know if he felt better. Was he supposed to? Because all he felt right now was… nothing. Other children were harmed and possibly in the same situation he was in right now. 

He felt horrible that he didn’t actually feel anything about it. Angry that the one thing he felt like would give him some type of relief, only left him feeling barren and empty. Confused too. What else would make him feel better?

“Seokmin, I’m so sorry,” Jaehyun said again, knowing it was the only possible thing he could say. “I’ve been wanting to say that for such a long time. I hated that I had to go so long without being able to say that. It ate at me every single day. Just the possibility that you thought that I didn’t care or that I betrayed you, just… killed me. I know that you probably won’t forgive me-”

“I’m not angry at you,” Seokmin whispered. “I never was. I would prefer it this way… I don’t think I would’ve given myself if the same thing happened to you.”

“I hate myself,” Jaehyun said between short breaths. And even without any elaboration, Seokmin knew that he meant it. The look in his eyes and the way his frown never once left his face… Something about it made seem like that’s the way he always looked nowadays. 

“I don’t hate you… God, stop crying. I’m gonna cry even harder,” Seokmin grumbled lightly, stifling his own tears. But he wasn’t sure if it was sadness. 

_This_. For some reason, he felt a tiny bit lighter as he watched Jaehyun cry uncontrollably. The sniffling, the genuine, true pain in his voice… It made Seokmin feel relieved. 

“Sorry,” Jaehyun scoffed. “I just…” 

“Jaehyun.”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for giving me this… closure, I guess.”

“It’s the least that I could possibly do. I know that I can’t do anything more to take away what happened. I’d do anything to go back in time… and save you.”

“You always wanted to be a hero,” Seokmin recalled, nostalgically. 

Jaehyun frowned slightly. “But I couldn’t save my best friend.”

“We were thirteen. I couldn’t even save myself.”

When Jaehyun looked down at the ground and Seokmin looked off into the distance, there was a voice calling out to them.

“Jaehyun!” He called. The guy was leaning out of the coffee shop, his hand cupped around his mouth as he shouted down the street at them. 

“That’s Johnny,” Jaehyun huffed before shouting back, “I’m coming!” 

With a thumbs up, the guy scurried back into the cafe. 

“I guess we should go.”

“Yeah…”

***

“Jaehyun… he’s always had this sadness about him ever since he joined the club,” Taeyong stated as he handed the barista his card to pay for his tea. “And even worse, he’s so hard on himself. It’s as if he sees himself as a monster that only hurts people.” 

“That’s horrible…”

“Right? After he told me what happened, I never truly knew what I could do to help him, you know. But as the president, I always felt responsible. It’s something I still can’t quite figure out.”

Jeonghan placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

While Jeonghan was sitting at the table, still stressing over Seokmin, Taeyong, quietly came by and uttered to him, “The one that just went outside is one of your members, right?”

Jeonghan was instantly on his feet and following Taeyong. 

“Trauma affects more than just the victims it seems,” Jeonghan mused. 

“Yeah. Jaehyun holds such a weight on him. Do you think them talking would help?”

“Your tea,” the barista smiled, placing the cup on the counter. Taeyong and Jeonghan both gave a slight nod of appreciation. 

“Not exactly,” Jeonghan sighed. “Maybe after some time, but until then, they’ll probably be distraught. Confronting such heavy memories, gotta be tough.” 

Taeyong took a slow sip of his tea as his gaze settled upon the door as two figures entered. 

“Jaehyun does look sad,” Jeonghan murmured sadly, as his gaze settled upon Jaehyun who entered just after Seokmin did. 

“That’s his normal face too,” Taeyong responded. “Good luck.”

“You too.” 

They’d both need it. 

Just as Jeonghan had made it back to where everyone was, Seokmin was already being pelted. However, it wasn’t with prodding questions, instead it was comforting words or reassurance. 

He was wrapped in the loose embrace of Josh while lightly laughing at something that Minghao had said. Jihoon even reached over to simply tap his nose a couple times. Random, but it made Seokmin smile. 

Overall, Seokmin still looked drained and numb. Jeonghan wondered if it was due to the coldness outside or just Seokmin growing used to the constant blows from life. Oh, how he hoped it was the first. 

Seokmin shined too bright, felt too hard, and simply meant too much to them for life to dim his passion.

Jeonghan came to stand beside Seokmin who tried to give a smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“Are you okay?” 

Seokmin looked for a moment before shaking his head. “Not really.”

“I’m sorry that this had to happen today, of all days.”

“Well, it’s better than if you were alone,” Seungcheol commented. “But for now, we’re all here.”

“Couldn’t get any better than that,” said Seungkwan.

“Guys,” Seokmin uttered, voice thick and strained. “Is it wrong that I felt some kind of relief when Jaehyun cried? Am I a bad person for feeling relief from someone else’s pain?”

“Of course not!” Nayoung cried out as if she were appalled, her voice shining through the several responses that also couldn’t believe what they’d just heard. Seokmin? Implying that he wasn’t a good person?

“You could never be a bad person.” Josh pulled him in tighter. 

“Honestly,” Seungcheol said. “I don’t think you were happy that he was hurting. I think… maybe you were happy to see that someone actually cared at that time. When you thought you were all alone, Jaehyun cared. And that’s probably why you felt a little… relief. You weren’t alone.” 

“Couldn’t have said it any better myself,” Wonwoo nodded. “Can someone get Seokmin some drinks?” 

At that, Seokmin chuckled. “I don’t wanna drink. But I am in the mood for something a little sweet.” 

As the rest of them settled down a little to think of something, Jeonghan lowered himself to press a kiss to Seokmin’s cheek. “That’s the sweetest thing I could think of.”

“I can assure you that his kisses are actually sweet,” Seungcheol voiced only for him to get pinched in the back of the neck by Mingyu. 

“No one needed to know that.”

“Oh! I know you aren’t talking!” Soonyoung interjected. “I’ve walked in on you and Wonwoo trying to get nasty in the kitchen one too many times.”

“Not true!” Mingyu shot back.

“The kitchen?” Kyulkyung asked. 

“Seriously? The kitchen?” Josh hummed. 

“We weren’t even doing anything!” 

“You would’ve if Soonyoung hadn’t walked in,” Jihoon said with a laugh, enjoying the teasing and the annoyance on Wonwoo and Mingyu’s faces. 

“I might actually need that drink,” Seokmin sighed. 

“Same.” 

***

The Christmas music being played softly over the speakers suddenly came to an end, the chatter ending along with it in curiosity. 

“Gays,” an obnoxiously familiar voice suddenly sounded over the speakers instead. 

Oddly amused, Seungcheol watched Seungkwan, hand in hand with Moonbin from another group, as they stood in front of the large Christmas tree in the corner. Of course, Seungkwan had the microphone, he loved the spotlight a little too much to be on the sidelines. 

“Does that mean I should leave?” A hushed voice asked from a table just near where they were. Seungcheol wondered who it was. 

“No, Mark. It’s a figure of speech,” Taeyong told him in a whisper. 

“A figure of speech? What’s that even mean?”

“Mark. You’re a part of this club so you’re a gay by default. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Jeonghan lightly chuckled under his breath, hiding his face in Seungcheol’s neck. Despite himself, Seungcheol blushed and chuckled along with him. 

“Everyone is having a great time, it seems,” Seungkwan’s voice echoes through the now quiet space. “But I have to interrupt for something very important, and that’s to give our presidents and vice presidents the appreciation they deserve.”

With that, a light wave of clapping took over the room. Jeonghan pressed a thankful hand to his chest as he bashfully blushed at his members. 

“Without them, there would be no party,” Moonbin said into the microphone, having to practically push his head up against Seungkwan’s to have his voice heard. 

“And a lot of us wouldn’t be here either,” Seungkwan added, his voice softening a bit. A soft voice from Seungkwan? That definitely caught everyone’s attention. Everyone except Hansol who seemed calmed and even used to the voice. 

“A lot of us came to college completely lost. Some of us wondering where to fit in after being the outcast during school, some of us enduring some horrible trauma and tragedies, and some of us completely clueless to our sexualities, just knowing something was a bit off. Right, Moon?”  
“Yup.”

“But, because of our presidents and vice presidents, we found a home. Whether it be a home away from home or the first home, it’s a home. A loving, accepting home. And for that, they deserve the world. So… Thank you all. Especially you, Jeonghan! I love you so much and-”

Moonbin snatched the microphone from Seungkwan before he could go on.

“Anyway, we have gifts for you! They’re under the tree,” Moonbin ended before bringing the mic down to his side to utter something to Seungkwan that had the latter glaring at him. 

“Gifts?” Minghao stood excitedly as if he was the one receiving a gift instead. “Do we get one?”

“Sit down, dummy,” said Junhui, pulling on the other’s shoulder. 

With a firm swat on his ass from each of his members and even from Hansol, Kyulkyung and Nayoung (Josh pinched his thigh), Jeonghan weaved through all of the people to get to the Christmas tree where he was given a gift bag and something wrapped. 

He resisted the urge to look at his gifts until he got back to his group, the Christmas music from earlier starting up once again. The light jingle of bells and the bright voice of the woman singing filled the air with white noise again. 

“Open it, hurry up!” Seungkwan ran over and latched onto Jeonghan, making it hard for him to really move but he didn’t complain in the slightest. 

“He can’t if you don’t move,” Wonwoo said with a sarcastic smile. 

“Oh right,” Seungkwan uttered, settling on Hansol’s lap as he waited. 

“Nice speech, Kwan,” Soonyoung chortled. Seungkwan gave a knowing look and a haughty smirk. 

“I know.”

“Such a bitch,” Jihoon uttered. 

Jeonghan could only give a brief chuckle at the banter as he reached into the gift bag, all eyes settled on him in anticipation. 

“Another sweater?” Jeonghan laughed, all the while pulling the cream colored sweater from the gift bag. “Ooo, a turtleneck sweater. I’ve been wanting one of these.”

“It’s designer,” Chan said elatedly.

Jeonghan scoffed. 

“Which one?”

“It’s a secret.”

“Sure it is.” Jeonghan still held the warm, comfy sweater up to his face, though, and caressed it against the blushed, reddened skin of his cheek. Despite his words, he was eternally grateful. 

“You guys all put in for this?” 

“Yup!” Seokmin said. 

“You have about a hundred sweaters, but a hundred and one couldn’t hurt,” said Mingyu, an innocent smile on his face. 

“Of course not.”

“Alright, open the other!” 

Jeonghan carefully placed the sweater in it’s gift bag after folding it again, lacking the celerity that he knew his members wanted but they didn’t mention it. Nayoung pushed the other gift across the table. 

“A scrapbook?” Jeonghan said after he carefully undid the wrapping, much to the annoyance of everyone, especially Jihoon who’d muttered that he’d punch him if he didn’t hurry the fuck up. 

“It was your boyfriend’s idea,” Junhui sang, feigning as if he’d meant to say it as a whisper. Seungcheol gave an exasperated sigh. 

“I thought we agreed that we were gonna say it was from all of us until we found out if he liked it,” Seungcheol complained, half heartedly. He never truly got upset anymore. Nowadays, he even thought it was funny. 

“I’d rather not be linked to something that Jeonghan doesn’t like. You can take the blame,” Chan said matter of factly. 

“How are you guys a club again?”

“Betrayal and annoying each other is an essential part of any friend group,” Josh laughed. “Especially this one.”

As they quarreled, Jeonghan was busy holding back tears as he slowly flipped through the scrapbook. 

There were pictures from last year, when he was just the vice president and unhealthily attached to Minki. Those pictures made him chuckle to himself. It was when he made it to the collage of photos from this year that had him close to tears. 

He never knew how much they took pictures, but he couldn’t be more grateful that they did as he scanned the photo they all took during initiation. A couple pictures of him in his favorite outfit, several ones when he was kissing the others, a few of them giving in and others actively fighting him off even during the picture. Photos from his birthday party, when he was way more tipsy than he’d like to admit. And photos of-

“Ugh! Who took this _horrendous_ picture of me?!” Jeonghan didn’t even have to show anyone the picture for them to burst into laughter. 

Of course they did it on purpose. Who knew he slept so ugly sometimes? 

His hair looked like a literal bird’s nest, his eyes somehow halfway open despite being dead sleep, his mouth ajar and drool pooling from his mouth. 

“I hate you guys.” 

He flipped the page to even more pictures of him sleeping in random places, even more ugly pictures of himself. He didn’t bother looking closely at those. Instead, he basked in the pleasantness and sweetness of pictures of him and each member, a sweet note written on every page by each of them.

It was when he reached the middle of the scrapbook which is where the pictures ended that he had to audibly sigh as his heart filled with so much of _something_ that he could have mistaken it for something tangible. There, something was written:

_So much empty space, huh?… Fill it with the next several years of our friendship (and relationship) since they’ll be so many_

“Bitch, don’t cry,” Seungkwan said as if he was disgusted. 

“Fuck you guys,” Jeonghan cooed with glassy eyes. “Of course I’m gonna cry.”

“We should be crying. We’re the one with you as a leader,” Soonyoung smiled.

“Come here, you get the first hug.”

“Such a suck up,” Mingyu groused.

“What about me?”Seungcheol interjected. “I mean, I did come up with the idea for the scrapbook.”

“He’s lying,” Minghao tsked 

“You literally _just_ said-”

“I suddenly don’t know what you’re talking about, Seungcheol,” Mingao hummed amicably. He was so fake. “Maybe, I’m a little drunk off of coffee. My bad.” 

“I-”

“Wow, Seungcheol just disappeared, guys.” Jun pretended to look right past Seungcheol. 

“You guys still treat me like I’m straight.”

“Takes a long time to get rid of a title like that,” Wonwoo chuckled.

Nayoung stood to leave before the conversation could shift to her. 

***

Leaving that night was different than every other time they went out to a party. Instead of nearly all of them, excluding the designated drivers, stumbling about and aimlessly giggling from the effects of alcohol, they were all pretty much alert. All of them were running off of caffeine and nothing else, yet Seungcheol could agree that they felt high on something _great_ right now, evident by how they noisily separated into different cars.

Oddy enough, a couple of them even fought over who was gonna drive. That’s a first since none of them liked driving and most of them couldn’t do it very well anyway.

With it being well past midnight, it was odd that none of them could keep still and it stayed that way as they brought Nayoung and Kyulkyung back to campus, brought Hansol to his house, and dropped Seokmin and Josh off at the latter’s apartment. 

And even after the long car ride, all of them were still able to communicate through three different cars by keeping the drivers’ phone connected to the radio. It was truly pandemonium with everyone on the phone, but Seungcheol wouldn’t have it any other way. 

His ears would be ringing tomorrow morning, but hey it was worth it. 

When they finally reached home, their alertness lasted for at least another thirty minutes until they were yawning one after another and retreating to their rooms. Most of them fell asleep almost immediately. Everyone except Seungcheol who couldn’t seem to quite settle down enough to truly get some sleep. 

He wasn’t running on caffeine since all he’d had was hot chocolate, marshmallows, and cookies, but the sugar definitely kept him awake. Ever since he was a small child, sugar and chocolate always had him up and about.

He smiled at the thought as Seungcheol settled on the couch in the living room, snatching the television remote from the coffee table. 

Sleeping was hard when you were high off chocolate and your stupid, bisexual asshole of a roommate was snoring. It wasn’t every night, but when Mingyu _did_ snore, it was so loud that it should be considered an abomination in Seungcheol’s opinion. Luckily, Seungcheol wasn’t tired, unless he would’ve smothered Mingyu by now. 

He turned on the tv, his legs thrown over the side of the couch, and turned on a horror movie that Seungcheol had seen so many times that he wasn’t even scared anymore. But, it was still fun to watch. Plus, he’d probably fall asleep.

The movie was about thirty minutes in, Seungcheol murmuring some of his favorite lines to himself, when he’d heard his name uttered by a gentle tongue. One that he was very familiar with. 

“Yeah.”

“Why’re you down here?” Jeonghan asked, only with a slightly scolding tone as he came up behind the sofa. 

“I can’t sleep,” Seungcheol said. He leaned back into the soft caressing hand that came to rub at the skin of his neck and keened at the kiss pressed to the crown of his head. “Why aren’t _you_ asleep?”

“Because I was thinking of you,” Jeonghan murmured in his ear. It was breathy. 

“Really?” Seungcheol asked, instantly breathless. He threw his legs from over the side of the sofa to get a better look at him.

“Yeah.” Jeonghan’s hands and presence left for a moment, much to Seungcheol’s dismay before he was rounding the sofa, only the light of the television letting Seungcheol see the smirk Jeonghan was sporting. 

He sat down next to Seungcheol and leaned in close. “I promised that if you invited Kyulkyung and Nayoung that you’d be able to sit on my lap, didn’t I?”

“Yes.” 

“Come here.”

Seungcheol hesitated for only a moment before scrambling to staddle Jeonghan, the movie he was watching long forgotten. His breath hitched when Jeonghan slowly began to run his hands up his thighs. 

“This isn’t exactly the way I meant it, but this is okay.” 

Seungcheol giggled breathily, blushing profusely that even Jeonghan could see it in the dark. “You know that this exactly what you meant.”

“You’re so pretty, Cheol. I just love your face so much,” Jeonghan praised, his hands on his thighs tightening to a grip just to Seungcheol gasp again. “Especially this face you’re making right now.” The anticipation was building so quickly, just as quickly as his skin was growing hot and his pants were filling out. 

“Aren’t you a bottom, Hannie?” Seungcheol questioned, genuinely curious, but too overwhelmed by trying _not_ to grind down onto Jeonghan in this heady desire. He didn’t want to look too needy. 

“Yeah,” he chuckled, his usual sweet voice slightly breaking through that huskiness from before. Seungcheol couldn’t decide which one he liked more. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t praise you, right? I know how much you like it.”

A groan of annoyance at his friends was just on the tip of his tongue but his throat closed just before he could as he felt a sudden wave of pleasure. Jeonghan applied just enough pressure to the bulge in his sweatpants to have him stifling a moan. 

“Plus, you make me wonder, sometimes. I don’t think I’d mind you being under me, but I know I’d rather have you in me. I want it so bad.”

Seungcheol hadn’t noticed that his eyes were even closed until he opened them to look down at Jeonghan’s face when he said that. 

“I want that too,” Seungcheol sighed. “Wanna make you feel so good. How can I do that?”

“Huh?”

“What can I do to make you feel good?” Seungcheol reiterated, finally gaining whatever grounding he needed to caress Jeonghan. He gently grabbed Jeonghan’s chin and slightly tilted his head to whisper in his ear. “What makes you moan? Turns you on?”

“ _Oh._ Well, I like having my neck kissed.” 

Immediately, he lowered his lips and softly began to kiss Jeonghan’s neck. Open mouthed and slow just to tease him, have him anticipating what’s next. He savored the light moan as Jeonghan relaxed under him at the heavenly feeling. 

“What else?” 

Jeonghan whimpered but didn’t answer verbally. 

Instead, he pushed lightly at Seungcheol’s chest to get him to let up a little, wondering if he’d left marks in his wake. 

In silence, Seungcheol watched closely as Jeonghan grabbed for his right hand and brought it up to his neck, the contrast of Seungcheol’s cold hand and the burning skin of Jeonghan’s neck made it all the more intense. 

“I like this,” Jeonghan gasped, finally looking up to look at Seungcheol. “Don’t cut off my airway but… Keep your grip firm. It excites me knowing that I’m so vulnerable.”

Seungcheol swallowed thickly and obediently tightened his hold on Jeonghan’s neck, groaning when Jeonghan’s eyes rolled and his mouth full open in a silent gasp. When a particularly bright light comes from the scary movie, Seungcheol noticed the blush that spread across Jeonghan’s cheeks. Whether it was from the arousal or from embarrassment, Seungcheol didn’t know. 

“Fuck.” He’d thought about this so many times yet it still felt somewhat unreal. Hell, he was still expecting to wake up. 

Pulling Jeonghan forward by the neck, he caught the other in a heady kiss that had his lower stomach swirling. Seungcheol was only spurred by the sweet feeling of Jeonghan’s tongue and the fact that Jeonghan was so greedily kissing him that Seungcheol was struggling to keep up, especially when Jeonghan suddenly fisted a hand in his hair. 

“Oh my god… ” Seungcheol dissolved into a particularly loud groan that had embarrassment blooming in his chest. 

“They weren’t lying about what you like,” Jeonghan giggled, eyes still disoriented in a haze as he reached to caress the hand clasped around his neck. He almost inaudibly moaned as he placed his hand over Seungcheol’s, feeling with his own hands the way Seungcheol’s muscles were flexed to keep his grip. 

“What… else do you like?

“I like being fingered too. The anticipation of what’s about to come always makes me…” He rolled his hips upward just so Seungcheol could feel just how much he wanted him. “I think about riding you a lot, Cheol. Do you think about that?”

“I do… All the time.”

“God. Fuck me, Cheol.”

“Honey, I-”

“I’ll be so good for you,” Jeonghan whimpered as he brought Seungcheol’s other hand that wasn’t around his neck to his lips up to his lips. He pressed a delicate kiss to the pad of Seungcheol’s thumb, holding eye contact with him as he slowly licked it, taking it into his mouth completely for a moment. 

Smiling deviously, Jeonghan reached for the waistband of Seungcheol sweatpants. “Take these off.”

“Hannie… Shit, you’re making it hard to say no.”

Upon hearing that, Jeonghan opened his eyes that had slid closed and pulled Seungcheol’s hand that had gone limp some moments before from his neck. Despite the dazed look in his eyes that persisted, he still looked worried. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“No. That’s not it. Of course, I want to,” Seungcheol reassured quickly. “Like I really fucking want to. I just don't want to do it here. Not where one of the others could come downstairs and see us.” Seungcheol kissed him firmly and slowly, savoring a little bit more of that sweetness. “I want to take my time. In a bed… Tuesday?” 

Jeonghan frowned in confusion. “What about Tuesday?”

“I’m going home to visit my parents. They’re gonna be at the clinic when I get there so… I want you there. I’ll finger you to your heart’s content.” He pressed another kiss to Jeonghan’s lips between his hushed words. “I’ll do whatever you like, okay?”

“What if I want you to ride me?” Jeonghan questioned teasingly, smiling against Seungcheol’s lips. He bit his lip in confusion but still...

“If you want me to.”

Jeonghan giggled. “I was just kidding… I think I wanna tell you about all the ways I like it.”

“You have more?” 

“So many more,” Jeonghan teased. “Gonna tell you all about them. When you finally decide you wanna fuck me.”

“You know I want to.” They both dissolved into giggles and kisses until Jeonghan was teasing him again, running his soft fingertips against his hips, just above the waistband of his pants.

”How about I help you get rid of _this_ in the bathroom. Hm?” Jeonghan suggested. 

“As long as I can do the same for you.”

“Oh, I’ll kill you if you didn’t.” Jeonghan squeezed both of Seungcheol’s asscheeks in warning.

“Oh really? Get up and get to the bathroom and I’ll show you,” Seungcheol laughed. 

“How about you make me get up,” Jeonghan challenged, pulling Seungcheol down for a kiss. 

In the end, Seungcheol was so needy that he got up and picked Jeonghan up instead and carried him to the nearest bathroom. 

Jeongan didn’t put up much of a fight, never really had the intention to either. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so long. I was gonna split it up but then I decided against it like I always do. I hope you guys liked it, especially since it took so long. lol 
> 
> Plus, ya boy Cheol bout to get some. Let's clap for him.
> 
> (I headcanon anime characters with my friends all the time. It's funny)


	32. Chapter 31

He’ll play dead. Yup.

That’s the only thing he could do. That’s the only way he could get out of this. Not that he really wanted to get out of it though… 

Seungcheol honestly didn’t know what he wanted. Because deep down, it was all he could ever think about. How sex with Jeonghan felt. He thought about it way more than he’d admit to anyone. 

But then there was the gnawing feeling in his chest now. After the other night, when his mind was cleared from that aroused bliss, Seungcheol felt his stomach swirl every time he’d remembered what he promised. 

“Seungcheol, what the hell?” An angry voice grumbled followed by even angrier knocks. “What’re you doing in there? I have to take a shower!” 

“Gimme a second!” He shouted back with no malice behind his tone. All he was doing was simply standing there in the mirror, wondering why he decided that it would be a good idea to bring his new boyfriend to his parents house just to have sex. 

But he could lament over his choices anywhere. 

Especially since Junhui’s been inexplicably antsy all morning. 

“God, I feel like I’m gonna blow up,” Seungcheol heard Junhui murmur on the other side of the door before he walked away. 

It took only a couple minutes for Seungcheol to leave the bathroom only for Jun to almost push him to the ground to slip into there and shut the door behind him. 

“What’s Jun’s problem?” Seungcheol asked Mingyu once he’d made it to the kitchen where he and Seokmin were busy mixing cake batter. 

“His mom is coming to visit,” Seokmin said, adding what looked to be vanilla extract. 

“I thought Mingyu’s sisters were coming?”

“They’re coming too,” Mingyu said, mouthful of cake batter. 

“Did Jun tell you guys what we need to do today?” Minghao sniggered on his way into the kitchen. “Said his mom doesn’t know what type of club this is.”

Seokmin stopped in the middle of mixing and gave Minghao a look of sheer disbelief. “Seriously?”

“Yup.”

“Shouldn’t really be that hard,” came Mingyu’s amused answer. 

Seungcheol looked between the three of them, perplexed. “What’re you talking about?”

“Means we gotta act like straight guys,” Mingyu laughed. Seokmin groaned loudly as if saying it outloud only made things worse. 

“No,” Jeonghan’s voice said sternly as he walked into the kitchen, yet still seemingly in a pleasant mood. In fact, Jeonghan looked to be in a better mood as the days went by. The sultry looks were common too. 

“We don’t _have_ to act like straight guys if you don’t want to. Well, acting like a sexuality is just a stupid thing to say, but as far as anyone knows, this is just a regular honor’s society. And Jun is straight. So, Minghao…”

“I know. No jokes and no kissing on him and stuff,” he waved off. “I know he’s not out to his mom yet.”

“So that means I can just be myself?” Seokmin asked hopefully. 

“Of course.” Jeonghan smiled all the while wrapping himself around Seungcheol. So busy pressing light kisses to the skin just below Seungcheol’s ear, Jeonghan missed (or simply just didn’t care about) the others’ disgusted expression.

Seungcheol simply closed his eyes and imagined he was somewhere else. 

“Hannie!” Chan called from the living room only for him to show up in the kitchen moments later. “How come Jun isn’t helping us clean the house? I mean, it’s _his_ mom.”

“He’s nervous and probably won’t do a good job anyway,” Jeonghan explained. 

“I’m suddenly nervous too.” Chan pretended to sigh sadly and pout. 

“That’s sad, not nervous,” Minghao chuckled.

“How about you shut the hell up?”

“Chan!” 

“My bad, Han, but like come on! I don’t wanna clean up alone.” 

Just as Jeonghan was sighing and ready to pardon the youngest from any duties at all, Junhui came running down the stairs with Seungkwan in tow. 

“I will murder everyone in this house if it’s not clean by the time mymom gets here,” he growled. For some reason, he was looking straight at his boyfriend when he said it. 

“Why’d you bring Seungkwan down with you?” Seungcheol asked. 

“He’s gonna be the first one that’s why.” 

***

“More medicine from the school market would be fine,” Wonwoo said as he swept the floors. “Jihoon took most of it when he was sick with that stomach flu.”

“I’ll go get it then,” Seungcheol uttered, adding it to his short list of groceries. But as he did so, he noticed that Wonwoo and Soonyoung, who was sitting at the dining table drawing, both were giving him a sneaky, mischievous look. 

“The hell are you guys looking at me like that for?” 

“You look nervous,” Soonyoung sniggered. 

“And Jeonghan’s been looking _real_ happy,” Wonwoo commented. Seungcheol sighed heavily then scoffed at the two. 

“I wonder why. Wonwoo. Do you have any idea why?”

“Oh, I think I do-”

“I’m going to the market,” Seungcheol grumbled on his way out of the kitchen. 

“No wait! We have questions!” 

Seungcheol didn’t even bother looking behind him, he waved at whoever he passed on the way to the door but he made it his mission to get away from anyone who could ask him about that. 

So consumed by his own thoughts of wondering who else knew, Seungcheol nearly missed the two girls at the bottom of the steps. One in a wheelchair and the other pushing her. 

“Uh. You’re Mingyu’s sisters… Twin sisters?” Seungcheol asked hesitantly, only then noticing that the girls looked the exact same. 

“Yeah! I’m Harin, this is Hayoon,” the girl pushing the wheelchair said, motioning to herself and then her sister, who pleasantly bowed as much as she could while sitting. 

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Seungcheol.” Descending the few stairs, he noticed that Hayoon would probably need help getting up them. 

“Do you need help? I can carry you up… if you don’t mind, of course.” 

Harin giggled and then looked down to her phone in her hand. “I texted Mingyu to help her, but, if Hayoon doesn’t mind then we could help me carry her up.”

“Of course not!” Hayoon said quickly. Seungcheol pretended not to notice the blush that rose on her cheeks when he hooked his arm under hers. Harin noticed it though, and in the most Mingyu-like way, snorted so hard Seungcheol wondered if it hurt. 

“Um, if you don’t mind me asking, why’re you in the wheelchair?” Seungcheol asked to divert some of the attention away from Hayoon who was glaring angrily at her twin. 

“I have juvenile arthritis. I usually don’t have much trouble walking, but today, my knees were so stiff and painful that I couldn’t even _think_ about walking. So I just settled for the wheelchair.” 

“I’m sorry,” Seungcheol said, mostly distracted with watching Hayoon’s feet as she carefully and cautiously ascended the stairs. Just as they did, Mingyu was running outside. 

“My bad! I was icing the cake and I didn’t see your message,” Mingyu explained all the while rushing down the stairs to grab the wheelchair. 

“You’re useless, Mingyu,” Hayoon said blatantly but still thanked him halfheartedly when he placed the wheelchair just behind her.

“Alright, well, I’m off to the store. I’ll be back,” Seungcheol announced to the three.

Both Mingyu and Harin watched, amused, as Hayoon’s gaze followed Seungcheol as he strolled down the street, her eyes filled with fondness and cheeks even pinker than before. 

“He’s in this club, meaning that he’s probably gay so just give it up, Hayoon,” Harin scoffed, seemingly taking pleasure in Hayoon’s disappointment. 

“He could be bisexual!” Harin countered. “And I’m okay with that.”

“Doubt it.”

“He’s actually not gay,” Mingyu corrected. Hayoon’s face lit up again. “But he does have a boyfriend.”

“Aww man, why?”

“Ask Jeonghan,” Mingyu shrugged, pushing Hayoon into the house with Harin just behind him. 

Hayoon gasped as soon as she saw the aforementioned who was just coming down the stairs.

“Hey, Hayoon and Harin!” Jeonghan rushed to hug the two of them.

“You stole my potential boyfriend,” Hayoon lamented under her breath, glaring up at Jeonghan. 

“What”

“Yoon, likes that guy… whatever his name was,” Harin struggled. 

“Seungcheol,” Mingyu finished. “She thinks Seungcheol’s cute.”

“He is cute,” Hayoon reprimanded. 

“He’s too old for you anyway.” 

“I graduate this year!”

“You’re right,” Jeonghan agreed. “He’s incredibly cute. But if you try to make any moves on my boyfriend, I’ll fight you.”

“Whoever Jeonghan’s threatening, don’t worry. He hits like a toddler,” Jihoon said as he was passing by. 

“Nice to know,” Hayoon laughed. “I’ll kick him in the shins.”

“I have no choice but to help,” Harin said.

“I’ll help just for the fun of it,” Jihoon offered. 

“Same,” Mingyu uttered, mostly to himself. 

Jeonghan looked absolutely affronted by the confession. How many of them felt this way?

“Minghao!” Jeonghan called just as the other was leaving the bathroom (Junhui was right behind him but none of them mentioned that part). “If you had the chance to fight me, would you do it?”

“Would it be against the club rules?” 

“Nope,” Jihoon answered. 

“Then yes.”

“Why?!” Jeonghan tried but wasn’t given any answer as an exasperated and exhausted Junhui dragged the other up the stairs with him. “Does everyone in here just want to beat me up?” 

“I kind of do,” Seokmin answered from on the couch where no one had even seen him there, cuddling with Seungkwan. 

“Me too,” Seungkwan dissolved into something that sounded like a guilty laugh. “Sorry. You know I love you.”

“I dream about it sometimes… rarely though.” Soonyoung said belatedly. 

“Wonwoo!” 

“I think about it for fun sometimes!” The other answered all the way from upstairs. 

“Guys! After everything that I’ve done for you all and this is how you feel? Where’s Seungcheol and Chan? You think they want to fight me too?”

“Chan might not, but Seungcheol, definitely.”

“I think he does. I mean, you stole his heterosexuality,” Mingyu recalled. “I’d fight you too.” 

Seungkwan snorted. “Please. Seungcheol was never straight. He reeked of repressed bisexual when I met him.

“You said the same thing about me when I got here,” Soonyoung called matter of factly. “But I turned out to be ace.” 

“You’re still attracted to girls and guys romantically, aren’t you?” 

“You got me there.” 

***

“It better be chocolate cake,” demanded Harin as she rolled Hayoon to the dining table where the cake that Mingyu must’ve baked for them was sitting. 

“Of course it is,” Mingyu laughed, cutting into the cake, a bit too slow for his sisters’ liking but they didn’t mention it. They knew how careful he was with his creations… well unless he was moving with them and then they somehow always ended up on the floor. 

“Sooo,” Hayoon crooned. “How’s things with the guy with the glasses? You know, the one that can’t see for shit?”

“Wonwoo?” Harin asked before elbowing Hayoon. “Oh yeah! He’s super freaking cute. Deep voice and everything, never thought you’d be into that type of person.”

“Deep voices are a huge turn on. Especially when he moans-”

“Oh my god. Ew.”

“Too much info, Mingyu,” Harin gagged, taking the plate of cake that was handed to her. 

“My bad, but yes. Me and him are… dating.”

Hayoon actually tried to stand for a moment to hug Mingyu, only to realize that her knees still weren’t gonna allow it, so she settled for giving her older brother a high five instead.

“Finally! Mom and dad’ll be so happy for you,” she said excitedly as she slowly ate her smaller slice of cake. She wasn’t that fond of chocolate cake and much preferred vanilla but she stayed quiet. 

Mingyu’s movements faltered for a moment. “They talk about me?” He whispered, failing to sound normal. 

“Well, duh,” Hayoon said. On the other hand, Harin began to chew on her bottom lip, a lot more aware of the situation than her twin sister, seeing as though she was there when Mingyu had last been at the house. The last time Mingyu and their parents exchanged any words. 

“I told her not to bring it up,” Harin murmured. “But Hayoon insisted… you know, since she’s a dumbass.”

“What’s wrong with me wanting to tell them about Mingyu… since he never bothers to visit ever since he left for college.” She added the last part disappointedly. 

Mingyu took a deep breath when Harin looked to him to defuse the situation. “I’m just surprised Mom and Dad would want to hear that their son has a boyfriend.” He covered the cake once more and then shoved his hands into his pockets nervously. 

He’d always done a good job of not thinking about his parents… yet now they were at the forefront of his mind. Did they think about him? Did they regret what they said to him that day?

“They don’t,” Harin said. Mingyu instantly deflated. 

“I didn’t think they did,” he said through a forced laugh. 

“Yes, they do,” Hayoon shot back, her voice quickly rising. “Why wouldn’t they?! You know, Harin, I’m sick of you acting like it’s mom and dad’s fault that Mingyu doesn’t come visit. That’s just him being an adult now, it’s not their fault!” 

“Mom and Dad said some fucked up things to Mingyu-”

“Harin, don’t,” Mingyu warned sternly. Raising his voice at Harin and Hayoon was a rare occurrence, especially since he only got to see them every once in a while. But, this was important. He’d scream and shout at the top of lungs at them if that meant that he’d protect Hayoon from learning what happened that day.

For one, he didn’t want to relive that day. But more importantly, Hayoon loved their parents, felt like they could do no wrong, and to keep that image intact, Mingyu gladly took the blame for refusing to visit their parents, playing the role of a selfish son that simply forgot about his parents once he graduated. 

It wasn’t far off from what they accused him of in the first place anyway. 

“Why won’t you let me know but Harin knows?” 

“Hayoon, don’t worry about it. It’s not important,” Mingyu sighed, lowering his voice to something a lot more soft and lulling. “If you want me to, I’ll come and… talk to mom and dad.”

“If something happened, you know you can tell me.” Hayoon gave both of them a look that was pleading. Neither Harin and Mingyu answered for some time. But whatever thoughts they had would simply have had to wait because the doorbell rang, the light melody echoing throughout the home. In seconds, Junhui was running down the stairs and jetting for the door, only for it to be the mailman. 

Amidst the madness and his sisters’ curiosity for who was at the door, Mingyu quickly slipped out of the kitchen and up the stairs. He couldn’t take any deep breaths and there was a feeling like the room was getting smaller that was haunting him as he made it to the second floor. 

“Mingyu? Do you know who's at the door?” Jeonghan sounded pleasant at first until he caught Mingyu’s glassy gaze and his expression and tone instantly fell concerned. “Oh, sweetie, did you drop the cake? Don’t worry.”

“No… I didn’t drop the cake for once,” Mingyu groaned. “It’s Hayoon… I’m thinking about visiting my parents for her.” 

Jeonghan opened his mouth and then closed it. He looked around and then pulled Mingyu into his room. 

“Jihoon, can you go downstairs for a moment?”

“I was on the way to the kitchen anyway,” Jihoon shrugged, but before he left, he squeezed Mingyu’s shoulder. Sitting on the bottom bunk, Jeonghan enveloped Mingyu’s hands within his own. 

“Are you sure about that?” Is the first thing that Jeonghan could think to say. 

“No,” Mingyu answered truthfully. “But Hayoon wants me to.”

“I know you love your sister but if you still aren’t ready to face your parents then you shouldn’t. She’ll understand.” 

“I know she’ll understand. But for that to happen, I have to explain to her what happened that day. She was getting tutored that day and wasn’t there to see it like Harin was.”

“Then tell her. Don’t let her think that you’re some shitty brother,” Jeonghan insisted. The thought that Hayoon might even think that of Mingyu enraged him. 

“If I do that, then she’ll think that she has shitty parents,’ Mingyu defended. 

“She _does_ … No offense,” Jeonghan added only after Mingyu frowned at his words. 

“They’re good parents,” came Mingyu’s weak response. 

“They may be. But it’s still wrong that they made you feel like you had to choose between being yourself and pleasing them. Your parents hurt you and if you aren’t ready to face them then you don’t have to. For anyone.”

“I miss them…”

Jeonghan’s anger instantly deflated with a deep exhale. Now wasn’t the time for anger. “I know.”

Mingyu wasn’t crying, but if he were one to cry then he’d definitely be doing so. Instead, he was staring absentmindedly at his and Jeonghan’s hands.

“You don’t have to choose today, you know.”

“But Hayoon.”

“Then tell her the truth.”

“I can’t ruin my parents’ image again,” Mingyu said firmly, a look of distress sinking even further into his expression. “They told me that I was the reason that Harin treated them badly sometimes. I don’t want to do that again.”

“You did nothing wrong.” Jeonghan squeezed his hands. “They did. Whatever Hayoon feels about your parents afterwards still wouldn’t be your fault. But I don’t want her making the conclusion that you don’t come home because you don’t care about her and Harin. The truth is that you’re scared to be a disappointment.”

Mingyu finally looked up, catching his lip bottom lip between his teeth for a moment. “I am scared.”

“It’s a shame that they’re missing out on you. Look at all you have to offer.” Jeonghan smirked and began to nudge him playfully just to get him to smile that charming smile off his. “You’re handsome, talented… tall… smart.” 

“I’m not smart,” Mingyu chuckled weakly. He reached up to cover his eyes that were most likely filing with the burn of tears. 

“You’re super fucking smart. That’s why you’re in this honor’s society.” 

“Can’t really argue with that,” Mingyu snorted, hand still shielding his eyes from Jeonghan’s view. When he controlled his tears, he finally let his hand fall and looked to Jeonghan with a grin. 

Just then, the door was opened by a very worried Wonwoo. “Mingyu?”

“Wonwoo…” 

As the both of them embraced, Jeonghan took this as his time to leave the two alone… in his room. Hopefully, they kept their clothes on.

Jeonghan lingered by his door for a moment, only to remember that he shared a room with Jihoon. If anything happened, he could count on Jihoon to handle it with celerity so he left them alone. 

***

The doorbell rang. And then some soft taps on the door. 

Junhui was on his feet immediately, rushing from the dining table all the way to the front door before Seokmin or Seungkwan, who were both on the sofa in the living room, could even stand. 

“It’s my mom,” Junhui told the two who were currently intertwined with one another. At first, they hadn’t moved, only budging when Junhui glared at them. Once they did, Junhui wrenched the door open, his mom standing on the other side draped in what must’ve been nothing short of designer coats and scarves. 

Yet, despite her high status and shameless display of wealth, she still pummeled their son with love as soon as he opened the door. 

“Mama, please,” Jun pleaded through a struggling breath, only wanting to shrink more when he saw more of his members come down the stairs and leave the kitchen. “My friends are looking.”

“I’m still hugging you.” She hugged Junhui even tighter. 

“Mom,” he admonished.

“Jun, I miss you, okay,” his mom exhaled, exasperated. Yet she still let go, pressing a quick kiss to his forehead before she fully withdrew. 

“My goodness,” Jun sighed. “Anyway. Guys, this is my mom, Wen Annchi.” 

But judging by the way all of them were staring at Annchi like she was straight out of a major magazine and simply unreal showed that they knew exactly who she was. 

Because she _was_ straight out of a major magazine. 

“When you said your mom was a famous model, you didn’t say she was _the_ Wen Annchi.” Chan’s mouth was agape as he stared at the woman whose face graced the cover of so many different magazine covers. Nearing her late forties, Annchi still held some type of youthfulness to her. 

Annchi smiled and brought her son to stand next to her. “Yes, that is me. I’m surprised you didn’t see the resemblance.”

Junhui chuckled, recalling that one photoshoot he’d done with his mom when he was a lot younger for an article about single motherhood.

They'd posed just like they were now, his mom’s arm thrown around his shoulders while they smiled in matching traditional robes. 

“You do look alike,” Seungcheol said. Jun was always handsome but the act that he looked so much like his supermodel mother, his looks only seemed to skyrocket. That can be proved by the way Minghao was staring at Junhui. 

“Why are you in college when you could be a model?” Seungkwan asked. 

“I wanted a college degree.” 

“Yup,” his mother smiled. “Before anything else, Jun must be prepared for anything.”

“Yeah.” Jun smirked, embarrassed. “Anyway, these are my members.”

“You wanna play board games?” Jeonghan offered, gesturing towards the closet. His smile turned into a glare when Minghao snorted. 

“Board games? Really?” 

“Tch. What else do we do then?” 

“I actually would like to play a few board games,” Annchi clarified. “I didn’t expect a bunch of college students to do that though.”

“When you’re broke college students, you’re just happy to do anything that isn’t school work and crying over grades,” Mingyu said, pushing Hayoon into the living room. 

Seungcheol snickered. It wasn’t exactly untrue, especially for Mingyu, but it was missing the truth too. They played a lot of board games, but they’d conveniently left out the gossip, sharing of everybody’s secrets, and incessant teasing… And a lot of cuddling. 

But he wouldn’t say that to his own parents so Seungcheol kept his comments to himself. 

  
  


“Junhui’s good looks are always a problem, Ms. Wen,” Chan said as he tossed an uno card forward onto the top of the piple. “I change the color to red. Anyway, Jun was messing around with this guy’s girlfriend. The guy was so upset. I thought they were gonna fight.”

Light laughter erupted across all of them, all aware of the exact situation Chan was describing. 

“Jun’s not very confrontational though,” Wonwoo commented. “He wouldn’t have fought anyone.”

“Didn’t he almost cry?” Soonyoung whispered not so quietly in Jihoon’s ear. 

“No, I didn’t cry,” Jun insisted, glaring at his friends, slamming his card down next. “And Mama, I didn’t know the girl had a boyfriend. It wasn’t my fault.” 

“I’m sure it wasn’t, love. I’ve had my fair share of run ins like that.” 

Her attempt at comforting Jun fell on deaf ears as his cheeks flushed even darker. 

“I still can’t believe that Wen Annchi is here right now,” Harin said, still staring in the woman’s face. Seungcheol doubted that she’d ever stopped looking at her since she and Hayoon came from the kitchen. 

Even though it was a given that Annchi was quite used to people being starstruck by her presence, she still seemed flattered. “Thank you…” She paused. “And uno.”

“I was hoping she forgot to say it,” Jihoon said, tossing one of the several cards in his hand. He’d given up a long time ago, shortly after he had to draw four cards twice in a row. Annchi had a pretty ruthless deck. 

Soonyoung still tried to keep his hopes up though. Even if it wasn’t working and if it were anyone else he wouldn’t hesitate to tell them to get out of his ear and shut up, Jihoon simply nodded, keeping the fact that he’d long ago given up to himself. Jihoon couldn’t remember the last time he cared about someone like this. 

Weird. 

“Come on, Cheol! Please tell me you have something,” Jun pleaded. “Anything to give her more cards.”

“I have nothing but two blue cards,” Seungcheol shrugged. “My bad.”

“You aren’t supposed to reveal your deck to-”

“I win.” Junhui’s mom had tossed down her final yellow card and gave a smirk. “Aren’t you proud of your Mama?” She nuzzled the question into Jun’s shoulder. 

“Sure.” 

Luckily, everyone was busy switching places with each other for the next game to truly tease him about it. Jun fell back into the couch, not too bothered by the fact that his mother followed along. How could he ever truly be bothered when all she was trying to do was prove how much she loved him. And also apologize, most likely. 

Ever since he was a child, Jun realized that his mom hated to leave him alone when she went overseas for a photoshoot or a job. But because of school, she couldn’t exactly bring Jun along and was usually left with his grandparents. Junhui never minded though, seeing those times with his grandparents as little vacations. The young him wouldn’t have known any better either way. 

All he knew was that his mom left sometimes and came back with lots of gifts and was a lot more love to give than usual. She stayed with him until he fell asleep at night, cooked whatever he asked (even let him help), and most importantly, told him all the time how fantastic of a son he was. Junhui only realized the change when he was fourteen and his mom left for two whole weeks. 

Again, he didn’t mind. He understood that his mom was a famous supermodel and had a lot to do. 

It wasn’t until she’d come back and he’d fallen into a stupor, drifting between sleep and wakefulness, only to hear his mom crying softly. She was still caressing him but was also whispering how sorry she was. 

So while Annchi went above and beyond to show Jun just how much she loved him, Junhui worked just as hard to show his appreciation. And the first step to that was accepting all the love she had to offer. 

Mingyu watched from afar as he switched with Wonwoo, wishing his relationship with his parents was as strong as that. Envying the way Annchi’s eyes filled with a fondness as if Junhui were still a little boy, revealing an unconditional love that lived deep within her heart. 

“Alright, alright, Mama. The next game’s about to start.” Jun nervously watched as Seungcheol’s hands carded through Jeonghan’s hair, the latter leaning caresses and eyes closing soothingly as Soonyoung divided the deck. 

A slight frustration itched at Jun’s chest. He’d precisely asked them not to do anything to draw attention to their sexualities. 

Sure… he could be overreacting and paranoid. Friendly affection existed. 

But even the slightest possibility of his mom finding out scared him. He doubted highly that his mom would care, sure that she’d come in contact with several different types of people in her career. 

But again, it was the possibility that scared him. The possibility that his mom wasn’t okay with it and therefore wouldn’t be okay when he came out. That flawless image of his mother would be shattered. 

“Mama, I’m hungry,” Jun said. He was a bit surprised that she heard him because at that moment, Seungkwan was loudly accusing Jihoon of looking at his deck for Soonyoung. 

Annchi’s eyes lit up. “I am too, actually. Do you want to bring your friends along?”

“No, I’ll just give them my card to buy take out. They’ll treat it like the same thing,” he uttered in a hushed voice. 

“I doubt it,” Annchi giggled, looking around at the group of rowdy guys again. 

“Watch,” Jun chuckled. “Hey, guys! I’m about to go out with my mom. I’ll leave my card with Jeonghan so-”

“You’re leaving your card with us?!” Seokmin gasped. 

“That’s like the golden ticket to good food for the next couple days,” Wonwoo sighed. 

“Thanks, Jun,” Seungcheol grinned, still clinging to Jeonghan. Jun inhaled sharply.

“Come on, Ma. We should go.” 

“Aw, no!” Harin whimpered. “Don’t leave.”

“How about a picture before I go?” Annchi suggested, standing while she fixed her already perfectly curled hair. “I’ll even do my signature pose.”

Harin and Hayoon practically squealed. 

“What signature pose?” Junhui questioned. His mom’s poses always seemed random to him. 

“You know.” Wonwoo jumped to his feet to mimic the pose. Turning to the side, he tilted his head back and brought his right hand up to lightly grip his shoulder. 

The room erupted in noise, either praising Wonwoo, laughing at him, or both. Well, that was mainly Jeonghan. 

Ah, now Jun remembered. Mostly because in his first photoshoot with his mom, they’d done that exact pose together. “Like Mother, Like Son!” the headline had stated boldly. 

“Don’t forget to look down at the camera,” Annchi directed with a smirk. “But other than that. Yes, that’s been my go to pose since the beginning of my career.” 

“Come on, little Harin and Hayoon, let’s take a picture so we can get going.” 

***

Being alone with his mom actually meant he could finally breathe. He loved his friends but if they let their sexualities slip on mistake, Jun would make good on his promise and murder them all. But if he were alone, that meant he had no one to worry about. 

“Seriously, Mama?” Jun snickered. “Why can’t we just go and eat ramen?” He looked up at the building that his mom had just parked near. It was a high end restaurant that he’d heard Hansol and Seungkwan talk about before. Apparently the couple ate Hansol’s parents’ leftovers from here and couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

“Well because you can eat ramen anyday. I wanted to take you somewhere you’d remember.”

“Or where _you’ll_ be noticed,” Jun countered playfully. Annchi feigned offense at the accusation. 

“I’m a model, not an international actress. I’m not noticed _everywhere_ I go.” Annchi pulled off her sunglasses. “I’m actually thankful for that. I like being able to live a normal life, doing things like taking my son out to eat in peace.”

“Yeah… taking your son to a five star restaurant is _totally_ something that normal people do.” 

“Shut up,” she laughed. 

They both got out of the car and jogged towards the entrance, trying to quickly escape the harsh cold winds. After speaking to the hostess, waiting a few moments for a table, and being given their menus, Junhui and Annchi settled into warm conversation. 

“You seem to love living with those boys,” Annchi observed as she looked over the soups section of the menu. Junhui twiddled the satin tablecloth between his fingertips as he distantly wondered what Minghao was doing at home. Part of him wanted to check his phone and see, but he refrained from doing so. 

“I do. I found those lifelong friends you told me about.”

“I said a few, yet you’ve found a whole house full of them.”

Jun chuckled. “I was just trying to join a club to put on my resume someday and maybe boost my ego a little bit by being in an honor’s society.” He left out that pretty large bit about him questioning his sexuality and wanting to be surrounded by people of the LGBT community to figure it out.

“I’m just happy that you’re having fun in college. No matter how much I miss you.” 

Jun giggled. “I miss you too.”

Around that time, the waiter came around to take their order. His mom ordered wine for the both of them along with beef soup and kimchi. Junhui had ordered the Bbq, remembering how much Seungkwan and Hansol loved it. 

The wine came first. Jun wasn’t a big fan but he sipped on it nonetheless, making a mental note to ask the waiter for water when he came back. 

“Junhui. What’s on your mind?” Annchi questioned after a sip of her white wine. “You look like you’re constantly thinking about something.” 

“Nothing.” He answered too quickly. Jun cursed himself as Annchi gave him a look of disbelief. 

“Come on. Talk to me.”

Junhui huffed and took a quick swig of his own wine to buy himself some time. All he came up with was “I’m fine, Mama. Really.” 

“You’re lying,” she sighed. She almost looked like she gave up, but she reached across the table to grab his hands. “You can talk to me about anything, you know that.” 

Junhui looked his mother, expressionless. 

“Do you want to drop out of college?”

“No.”

“Are you feeling depressed?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Did you get some girl pregnant?”

“I-I. What?!” Jun sputtered. 

“So that’s what it is?” Annchi said with a disappointed sigh. 

“No!” Jun shouted, having to quickly lower his voice before he disrupted others. “No one’s pregnant.”

“Okay… So?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” 

He avoided the way his mom’s gaze saddened, yet there was no avoiding the way she slowly pulled her hands away from Jun’s. He hated having to say that, almost as much as she hated having to yell at Junhui when he was a kid, but both were necessary. 

“Okay. I’ll leave it alone.” 

And as much as it seemed to irk her, Annchi did exactly as she said she would as their food was delivered to them. Both of them couldn’t find it within themselves to be awkward for much longer. How could they when this beef soup felt like a warm hug from the inside out? 

In the meantime, they talked about their mom mostly. Unlike Junhui, Annchi didn’t mind telling Junhui everything that she’s been doing since he’d left at the beginning of the semester. She even told him about a date she went on that she admittedly got bored of quickly. 

“I always wonder if I want someone in my life,” Annchi lamented, basking in the steam of her bowl of soup. “I’m happy right now. I like being alone romantically, but I wonder if I’ll be a bit too old when i finally decide to settle down. Who knows… maybe I’ll adopt another child.”

It was experimental. She was trying to gauge Junhui’s reaction, but he couldn’t exactly see a reason not to support her. A sibling? Hell yeah. Especially because it was putting that sweet, hopeful look on her face right now. 

Annchi loved kids. Jun wondered why she never had more… but then again, he did know. 

Jun grinned. “You trying to tell me I’m adopted?” 

Annchi’s wondering, cautious gaze split into a bright smile. “You don’t mind? You won’t feel replaced?” 

There it was. Junhui easily recalled how he threw a tantrum when his mom asked him how he felt about a little sibling. No matter how much she tried to calm him down, Jun hadn’t stopped crying until she agreed that he was the only one. 

“I’m not ten, I don’t feel offended by the idea of having a sibling. It was just that… as a kid, you were my mom, I didn’t want anyone else to have you.”

“I feel the same way,” Annchi smirked, obviously relieved and excited. “Well… do you have anybody special? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

Jun chuckled as he took a mouthful of Bbq. He moaned at the tenderness, richness, and over deliciousness of the meat. Because of his pleasant mood, instead of out right denying it, he shrugged. 

“Maybe.” 

Annchi gasped. “Who?! Tell me about her.”

Junhui felt that same uneasiness from earlier. He could lie. He _wanted_ to lie, but his Mom was one of his best friends. Lying felt like a full betrayal.

“Jun?” 

“She…” Jun swallowed and absently played with his soup. “He goes to school with me. He majors in psychology.” 

Jun glanced at his mom’s face as quickly as he could, gauging her reaction just as she did earlier. 

“You have a boyfriend?” Annchi asked, her hand lingering over her wine glass for a moment. 

“Yeah.” 

A pulse of silence ran between them. 

“Is that what you wanted to tell me, Jun?” Her voice took on a light, airiness almost too suddenly. “That you’re…” she paused and waited for Jun to finish. 

“Bisexual… I guess.” 

“Honey,” Annchi cooed. “Oh my!” Suddenly, she was fanning herself, taking a gulp of her wine instead of a sip. She was being dramatic as usual, of course it made Junhui laugh a bit. Leave it to her to break the tension. 

Finishing the last sip of her wine, she reached across the table to grab Jun’s hands again. 

“I support you,” she said sturdily, as if she was solidifying the last brick on a home. “You know why?”

“Why?”

“Because I live for this bright look of relief and happiness on your face,” she said, the expression on her face showing just how much she wanted to scream in excitement. “Whenever you called on the phone, you always sounded so happy. I just wondered what was making you feel that way, but ever since I showed up earlier, you looked so bothered…”

Her face softened, yet her eyes stayed wide as she realized something. “Did you think I would be upset?” 

“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully. 

“I would never be upset,” Annchi let go of Jun’s hands and before he could even register what was going on, she reached to grab a slab of bbq and held it out for Jun. “Here, eat.” 

“Mama, calm down.” 

“I can’t!”

“I think I’m the one who should be this happy,” Jun said. 

“We can be happy together. This is a fantastic day. Waiter!” 

As she started calling for the waiter who was pretty much across the room, Jun nearly almost slid under the table to hide. In all his anxiousness and fear of the unknown, Junhui had forgotten just how ostentatious she could be when she thought the day was special. And along with that flamboyance came embarrassment. 

“Seriously?” Junhui hissed to his mom as the waiter stumbled over, probably just as mortified as Jun. 

“Oh, shush,” she said, narrowing her eyes. “Hi, we’d like to order dessert. Something chocolatey. It’s a special day. 

Junhui didn’t say anything else. He really liked chocolatey things, especially brownies. And he could also agree that today was a very special day. 

***

Junhui got back to the house really late that night. He’d spent most of the night in his mom’s hotel room, marveling at all of the cool things to do in the room and even at the hotel. He was surprised that his mom even had plans for the next week she was here in Korea that wasn’t just staying in this hotel. 

Staying quiet as possible, he ascended the staircase and entered the room he shared with Minghao and Chan. But there was only one set of deep breaths, which was coming from Chan’s bed. 

“Minghao?” Junhui whispered. 

“Yeah?” 

“I missed you.” 

“Sap,” Minghao snorted through the darkness. Junhui chuckled as he removed his clothes. “Come lay with me.”

“Couldn’t sleep without me?” He teased. 

Minghao chuckled. “A little. But I wanted to know how your day was.”

“I… came out to her… She may wanna meet you tomorrow. Is that okay?” Jun pulled on his pants but left his torso bare as he climbed into Minghao’s bed. 

“Of course. I’m guessing it went well.”

“Better than well. It was fantastic.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took so long and I'm sorry. I just couldn't write for some reason. I would open it up and then I would get stuck. Writer's block is a B word and yall know what I mean. 
> 
> I hope you liked it though!


	33. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've said it before but smut is hard to write and I have respect or anybody who does it. But Cheol had to get some.

“Minghao, you look great,” Junhui sighed. It’s been about 30 minutes and Minghao was still rummaging through the closet for other clothes. “Why’re you so nervous? You met my mom yesterday.”

“I met her as your friend, now I’m your boyfriend and I have to make a good impression. Starting with clothes,” Minghao said, pulling the shirt he had on off and neatly putting it back on the hanger. He would’ve thrown it messily into the closet if it weren’t _his_ clothes. Minghao loved his clothes even if none of them were passing the ‘meeting my boyfriend’s mom again’ test. 

Junhui sighed but couldn’t find it within himself to be annoyed. He understood. If he was meeting Minghao’s parents, he’d be just as paranoid and anxious. 

However, the difference between him and Minghao was the fact that Minghao’s wardrobe was _flawless._

Everything he wore left Junhui speechless and just a little bit aroused. 

Junhui draped his body over Minghao’s, nuzzling his neck reassuringly. “How about you wear that sheer shirt I like?” It was supposed to be sultry and calming but Minghao just sighed in defeat anyway. 

“Sure, Jun,” Minghao scoffed. “I’ll wear that shirt and then I’ll freeze to death outside and look stupid in front of you mom. _Great idea_.” 

Junhui retracted from Minghao, crossing his arms across his chest. “Fine, but you don’t have to be an ass.” 

Minghao sighed, running his hands over his face. 

“Babe, I’m sorry,” he said, pulling Jun into his embrace. “I’m just stressed.”

Jun huffed and relaxed into the other. “It was a stupid idea anyway.” 

“Not stupid, but not exactly smart either,” Minghao snickered, earning him a pinch to his shoulder. 

“Shut up.”

“But I do look sexy in that shirt.”

“You look sexy in everything.” Jun pulled from his embrace and decided to try a different approach to this. Minghao would never get dressed if this kept going on. 

Approaching the closet, he pulled out a random black sweater from their closet and held it up. 

“Especially this sweater.” 

Minghao raised a questioning eyebrow and smirked. “You think so.”

Junhui nodded, toying with the soft fabric. “I _love_ this sweater on you. I’d take it from you if you’d let me have any of your clothes.” 

Junhui wasn’t exactly lying, just stretching the truth way more than he needed to. The sweater was cute and Jun actually would wear it. 

It just wasn’t his favorite or something that made Jun’s insides swirl. But that was a good thing because the last thing Junhui wanted to be thinking about while he was with his mom was coming back home and ripping his boyfriend’s clothes off. So this was the best choice. 

“Put it on for me,” Jun murmured. “Please.” 

“Anything for you,” Minghao said, stealing a quick kiss.

Junhui had to practically drag Minghao to the front door when his mom pulled up. The latter had been obsessing over his hair in the mirror for the last twenty minutes or so. Wonwoo had been in Minghao’s ear the whole time doubting his every move, which wasn’t helping very much. 

In the end, Minghao had to pull on a hat, much too embarrassed at his hair-- that didn’t look bad at all-- to leave the house without one. 

But that would the least of Jun’s worries because this was his mom. His embarrassingly excited mom, who’s way too excited to meet his boyfriend and would no doubt make Jun want to jump out of the car while they were moving. 

When they made it to the car, Jun opened the back door for Minghao to climb in and then shut it behind the other before he climbed into the passenger seat. 

“I didn’t know you were a gentleman,” Annchi giggled, prodding at her son’s side. Before Jun could say anything, she’d already waved him off dismissively. “Anyway, I’m devastated that you didn’t tell me that this handsome boyfriend of yours was sitting in front of me the whole time yesterday. How could you?”

Junhui averted his gaze to the window, trying not to blush. 

Minghao chuckled in the backseat. “Ms. Wen. I hope I didn’t make any bad impressions yesterday.” 

“Well, you’re not very good at Uno but other than that, you’re okay,” Annchi smiled at him through the rearview mirror. 

“I have no strategy, I admit,” he responded. 

Junhui let a fond expression cross his face as they talked. Maybe, it wasn’t going to be that bad. 

But he wouldn’t get his hopes up just yet. They still had to spend hours at the aquarium with his mom and his mother was unpredictable. 

Mid conversation about how Junhui used to do his mom’s make up a lot as a child, she got a phone call. 

“That’s my secretary,” she sighed. “Do you mind if I take this?” 

“Of course not.” 

With a tap to the button on the radio, she answered the phone. 

“Yes, Jingyi?”

“Hello, Ms. Annchi,” a soft woman’s voice said suddenly. “I apologize for bothering you while you’re with you son, but I just got a call from an up and coming lipstick brand in Seoul that’s asking for a photoshoot with you. Would you be open to this?”

“When?”

“Um, in about an hour.”

“Then no,” Annchi said sternly. “I’m with my son. Can this be rescheduled?”

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t ask that,” Jingyu sighed apologetically. “I will ask. Give me a moment, please.”

When the phone hung up for a moment, Annchi let out an annoyed sigh. “My bad, Jun.” 

“Why don’t you just do it?” Jun asked. “We wouldn’t mind. Right, Minghao?”

“It’s really no problem. I’m actually kind of curious,” said Minghao. 

Plus, it’s your job,” Jun added. 

Annchi grinned forcefully. “I guess you’re right.”

When Jingyi called back, Annchi answered without hesitation. 

“Ms. Annchi-”

“Tell them I’ll be there. However, they have an hour. 30 minutes for hair and makeup and 30 minutes for the shoot. I have a lot of things planned for the day.”

“Will do!” Jingyi exclaimed happily. “They’ll be so grateful to have _the_ Wen Annchi endorsing their lipstick.”

“Don’t flatter me so much.”

“It’s the truth,” Jingyi reassured. “Okay, I’ll send you a text with the address in a few minutes. See you later, Annchi!” 

With that, the phone hung up. “How am I supposed to stay annoyed when Jingyi is always so happy.”

“Seems like you just hired a good secretary.”

“And got an even better friend out of it.” 

Annchi’s laugh dissolved into a sigh. “I guess you’re right.”

***

Seungcheol and Jeonghan held hands as they walked down the street towards his parents’ house. Bundled in warm clothes, they walked closely to each other to preserve more warmth. It was a slow, leisurely walk, filled with both comforting bouts of silence and hushed talking between them. 

When they got there, Seungcheol was happy to see that his parents’ car was gone and the house was completely silent. He watched Jeonghan kick off his shoes and pull off his gloves, jacket, and scarf. 

“So, what do you wanna do?” Jeonghan asked innocently only to be taken off guard by a forcefully passionate kiss from Seungcheol. Instantly, he was filled with a familiar heat of delicious arousal but mostly confusion. 

“Cheol? What’re you doing?” He asked, slightly breathless as he backed away. When a look of perplexity settled on _Seungcheol’s_ face, Jeonghan could deny that he felt a little frustrated. 

“What? I mean, we don’t have to but…” Seungcheol trailed off, his hands that were settled on Jeonghan’s hips tightened just a fraction.

“I want to,” Jeonghan clarified softly.

“Then why-”

“Because over the past few days, you always looked like you wanna disappear everytime I touch you sensually. So I thought… maybe you weren’t ready. But now…”

Another kiss was pressed to his lips to silence him, albeit a lot softer and loving this time, successfully coaxing that frustration away. It wasn’t until both of them were moaning into the kiss that Seungcheol pulled away. 

“I was nervous,” he uttered. “Scared that I wouldn’t live up to your expectations of me. But now that we’re here, all I really wanna do is give it to you like I’ve been dreaming about for months.” 

Seungcheol’s nervousness always dissipated when he finally had something else to focus on. When Seungcheol took tests, his anxiousness ate away at him until he actually was taking the test. So focused on doing well, it was like he hadn’t been nervous in the first place. 

“You mean that?” Jeonghan whispered against Seungcheol’s soft lips. 

“Of course, I do.” 

Jeonghan giggled as he kissed Seungcheol again. Even if he hadn’t let it show, he had been just as nervous about this, but just the thought of withering under Seungcheol got rid of that anxiousness almost immediately. There was nothing he wanted more actually. 

Seungcheol pulled their bodies flush together, Jeonghan wrapping himself around the other almost frantically, sighing into the kiss.

“Take me to the room,” Jeonghan murmured. “I doubt you wanna do it right here in the doorway. Unless… you want too of course…” Trailing off, Jeonghan focused on kissing his promises into the skin of Seungcheol’s cheeks.

“That sounds fucking fantastic, but I have to do something really quick before I forget.” 

“What’s that?”

“My mom told me to take something out of the freezer for later,” he chuckled. 

“Not what I was expecting but okay.” Jeonghan dissolved into laughter along with him.

Seungcheol grabbed Jeonghan’s hand and led him to the kitchen. It was more dragging him along but Jeonghan didn’t mind. 

Hurriedly, Seungcheol rummaged through the freezer, annoyed that he even had to look. Sure, it could be his impatience and the fact that Jeonghan was mouthing at his shoulder, his nimble, supple fingers running over the heated skin of hips, that made him look right past it but… still, it should be right there in the front of the-

“Oh, it’s right here,” Seungcheol hummed breathlessly. It was right on the freezer door.

“Damn, Han.” A shudder tore through him as Jeonghan bit him and pressed his hardness into his backside. He’d never thought that feeling another man pressed against him would turn him on so much but here he was, nearly falling apart because of it.

“Hurry up,” Jeonghan pleaded, licking at the shell of Seungcheol’s reddened ear as he moved with the other to the sink.

“It’s been like a minute,” Seungcheol turned around and caught his lips in a slow kiss when he’d finally finished. “Can’t wait, huh?” 

“Nope.” Jeonghan quickly undid Seungcheol’s belt, whimpering almost pathetically. “I’ve wanted this for so long. I don’t want to wait anymore.” 

Jeonghan dropped to his knees and if it weren’t for the fact that his pants were being yanked down to his thighs, he might’ve asked if Jeonghan’s knees were okay. 

“Wanna suck you off right here.” 

“Han, I- Oh, _fuck_.” He choked on a gasp, hands flying to bury themselves in Jeonghan’s hair when he sweetly kissed the tip of his length. 

“Taste so good, Cheol.” Jeonghan mewled at the taste of Seungcheol clinging to his tongue. 

Seungcheol could only inhale sharply as a response, helplessly watching Jeonghan. Maintaining eye contact the whole time, Jeonghan slowly dragged his tongue along the underside. 

A litany of Jeonghan’s name was whispered into the thick air. Seungcheol gripped the countertop behind him, needing somethinig tangible to keep him grounded mentally and possibly even physically because when Jeonghan took him into his mouth, making the most obscene sounds, Seungcheol swore he could’ve fucking floated away. 

Maybe he already had. 

“I’m gonna add another finger now,” Seungcheol cautioned, pressing a wet kiss to Jeonghan’s inner thigh of the leg that was hooked on his shoulder. At the promise, Jeonghan trembled and began to nod almost frantically and desperately. 

“Y-Yes,” Jeonghan moaned through a particularly loud moan. “Another. Keep going.” 

“I got you,” Seungcheol promised, pulling away a little just to watch his own careful movements as he slowly pushed a third finger into Jeonghan. His lack of speed was to not hurt Jeonghan, but he knew that at this point, Jeonghan was probably impatiently waiting for another. 

When Jeonghan had said he liked being fingered, he wasn’t lying. 

After being so close to coming just to be denied by the cruel man squirming under him right now, Seungcheol carried Jeonghan to his room. They’d unhurriedly undressed and spent their sweet time coaxing each other into full vulnerability until both were breathless and needy. 

Seungcheol had obviously never fingered a guy before, so he was pretty clumsy at first, pouring a bit too much lube and going a bit too slow for Jeonghan’s liking. But in the end, Jeonghan’s enthusiasm and sheer enjoyment once he’d started to thrust two fingers into him gave Seungcheol a huge surge of confidence. 

With Jeonghan gasping so breathlessly and steadily moaning streams of praise, Seungcheol was practically rutting against his mattress. 

“Harder.” 

Seungcheol felt Jeonghan’s toes curl against the skin of his back along with the request. 

“Fuck me, harder-” 

He hadn’t noticed he was still moving slowly, still mesmerized at the sight of his three fingers in his boyfriend like this. Picking up his pace, Seungcheol kissed Jeonghan’s inner thighs again, reveling in the way his muscles tensed, his back bowed, and a sob tore through him. 

“I wanna suck you off. Wanna feel you in my mouth.” His hardness was right there, thick, dripping, and untouched on Jeongha’s stomach, and Seungcheol wanted to have it in his mouth. Hell, he wanted to choke on it if he could. 

It was a weird thought but no less true.

“No,” Jeonghan gasped, grinding down on the fingers inside of him.. “I’ll come if you do. Ah- deeper, please. Come here, come here, come here.” 

Pulling Seungcheol up by the head, Jeonghan forced their mouths together as if trying to swallow him whole. Neither of them would really call it a kiss, much too messy and involving too much tongue for it to be considered one, but all Jeonghan truly wanted was that feeling of closeness. 

“It sounds so good. So slick. So wet,” Seungcheol breathed into the space between them. 

“Right there.”

Jeonghan squeezed his eyes shut tightly, finally letting go of his death grip on the sheets and wrapping himself around Seungcheol. He distantly wondered if he’d start crying.

“I’m close,” he whined. “Wait, wait. I wanna come while you're inside me.”

Heaving, sweaty, entangled together, they actually kissed this time. 

“Are you ready? Are you sure you want to-”

“My god, Cheol,” Jeonghan huffed. Just as Seungcheol was about to apologize for annoying him, Jeonghan began to smile albeit exhaustedly. “I love you. Of course, I’m ready. I want this. Okay? So hurry up.” 

“So pushy,” Seungcheol mused. 

“You like it.”

“A little bit,” Seungcheol laughed as crawled down the bed to get to his pants. He was back in bed and pressing kisses up Jeonghan’s legs in just moments, spending extra time on the few bruises he’d left.

Jeonghan giggled, letting his legs fall open, still trying to reel back in from the overwhelming feeling. But Jeonghan didn’t mind. In fact, he loved it. The intensity of edging, being so close to that edge and not allowed to go over, it was simply mind blowing.

“You’re so beautiful, Jeonghan.” Seungcheol grabbed the lube. The sound of him opening it and the praise made Jeonghan excited, so much that he had to shut his eyes to will away his desire to touch himself. “You’re like the most stunning person I’ve ever met. I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Jeonghan sighed, breath hitching when he felt the hand on his hip and Seungcheol shifting between his legs. Yet, he’s absolutely breathless when he feels Seungcheol push into him, so thick, so hot, so hard, and he wants it all. 

He wanted this. He wanted Seungcheol. 

“Slow,” Jeonghan breathed gently. “I haven’t done this in a while.”

“I will,” Seungcheol said, voice strained. 

Jeonghan kept his eyes shut, ignoring the slight burn, focusing on the pleasure and the very delicious thought of Seungcheol filling him so perfectly. And despite himself, Jeonghan fucking _giggled_ because he can’t help the wave of love and adoration that wafted over him for the man above him. 

It was when he felt the slick heat of Seungcheol’s thighs against him that Jeonghan exhaled the deep breath he was holding in with a soft “your dick feels amazing inside of me.”

Seungcheol struggled to laugh, reveling in his own pleasure and attempting to keep a tight grip on his self control as he started thrusting into the other. Only speeding up a little when Jeonghan’s face no longer contorted in pain.

“Y-You feel… just as amazing, baby,” he said between breaths.

Staying in control was easier said than done. Especially when there was this feeling of molton, white hot desire settled around him, itching and scratching at his control begging him to give into what he wanted to do and just take full advantage of this tight heat around him. 

However, Jeonghan looked as if he was enjoying it this way. His mouth agape in pleasure, the sweetest punched out moans, and occasional cursing and begging, he gave everytime Seungcheol filled him completely, and the grip Jeonghan had on his arms. 

He looked heavenly. 

But Seungcheol wanted to make the other scream. He wanted those delicate moans to be guttural and animaslistic. That grip he had on his arms could be tighter, could be scratching or holding on for dear life as Seungcheol fucked him like he’d wanted to for so long. 

“Cheol. You don’t have to be gentle. I can take it.” Jeonghan appreciated the gesture and continuous care Seungcheol gave him. It was one of the reasons he loved him, but he wanted more. He needed more. 

“I want to ruin you,” he groaned, his hips snapping forward. 

“Just like that.” Jeonghan grabbed Seungcheol by the face and pulled him closer. “I want it. I want to be ruined, fucked so good that all I can think about for the next few days is how good I felt.” 

“Yeah?” Seungcheol sat up on his knees and grabbed Jeonghan’s legs, pushing them up and open. 

Jeonghan moved his sweat slicked hair from his face, meeting Seungcheol dark gaze with a pleading one of his own. 

And oh, how far his pleading and dirty words could get him. In just moments, Jeonghan didn’t even recognize his own voice, consumed by the pleasure that comes with not only the pace, but the strength behind each thrust and _especially_ , how he’s hitting a spot inside of him that was sending shockwaves through him. 

Jeonghan wasn’t a screamer, never truly feeling the need to scream or be any louder than he needed too, but he was moaning much louder than he usually ever had. Much louder than he wanted to be. 

But he couldn’t contain himself. He felt Seungcheol deep within, he felt him _everywhere._ And he couldn’t think of anything else other than that and the suffocating feeling of love coursing through him. He loved this man so much. 

Seungcheol lowered himself, groaning at the mere sight of Jeonghan, a coat of sweat that made it seem as if he was glistening and shimmering. 

“Tell me how you feel,” Seungcheol grunted.

Like he was burning from the inside out right now. Like he was suffocating from the feeling all around him. He could die like this, wrapped tight around Seungcheol while he was buried deep inside of him.

“So full,” was the only thing he could think to say with the very little breath he could catch. “Ah, harder- So good. I feel fantastic- Flip me over. Want you to fuck me from behind.” 

It either happened quickly or Jeonghan’s mind was so unfocused on anything that wasn’t Seungcheol that he hadn’t truly registered that he was on his hands and knees until Seungcheol pushed into him in one smooth movement. 

“Always think of you like this.”

Jeonghan knew that. Remembered when they’d talked about it really late one night.

He was instantly at a loss for breath, never truly given the chance to regain any either, with the pace Seungcheol had taken, pulling his lithe body back to meet each of his thrusts. 

This is what Jeonghan wanted. He wanted to be driven mad by the feeling that he was trembling, which he was sure he was doing now. 

Jeonghan buried his face into the pillow beneath him, holding onto it for dear life as he felt his orgasm quickly approaching. But that only lasted for a few moments, because soon after he muffled his voice with the pillow, there was a hand around his neck pulling up again.

It didn’t squeeze or cut off his airway, but there was a grip. One so threatening and promising that it _could_ if Seungcheol ever so wished. 

He was vulnerable. Just the way he liked it. 

The mere thought had him keening and mewling. 

“I’m so close, Cheol.” 

He’d never orgasmed without touching himself first, but Jeonghan swore that he could’ve and he most likely would have if he’d given himself the time. But he wanted it now so he took this opportunity to finally touch himself, giving himself that extra sensation he really needed.

“Keep going,” he begged. “Please- I’m right there.” 

As if to make things even more overwhelming, Seungcheol laid himself over Jeonghan’s back, just to kiss, suck, and bite bruises into the skin of shoulder before raising his head to whisper “You’re really loud” as if Jeonghan didn’t already know that.

But it wasn’t a warning, that was evident by the way the grip on his neck tightened ever so slightly. He liked that volume. 

“You look so good like this, you know that. If I could take a picture of you, I would. I’d look at it all the time. Maybe even a video.”

A picture? A video?

Jeonghan imagined having Seungcheol take pictures of him, how erotic it would be to look at himself in the throes of passion at a later time. He wanted that. 

“You like that idea, don’t you?” 

First, Jeonghan was nodding, wanting to tell him that yes, he loved that idea but then he was tumbling down, convulsing through broken cries and moans of Seungcheol’s name. His skin was crawling.

Jeonghan wanted to crumble into the mattress and even into the stupid mess he made under himself. 

But Seungcheol was close. His thrusts were growing uneven and erratic and the grip on his hips tightened impossibly, using Jeonghan as if his only purpose was to help Seungcheol chase his own orgasm. 

“You’re s-so good,” he heard Seungcheol groan soon after, hips stuttering and fingers digging into the supple skin of Jeonghan’s back while whispering loving praises and sloppy kisses into his skin.

Jeonghan moaned weakly, whimpering at the sudden emptiness. He flopped to the side, melting into the mattress, only barely registering Seungcheol moving around the room. Not until there was a hand on his cheek and lips on his. 

Seungcheol had initially intended the kiss to be sweet, but Jeonghan quickly tried to deepen it, greedily sucking on his bottom lip.

“Aren’t you tired?” Seungcheol laughed against his lips. He definitely was. 

Seungcheol laid next to Jeonghan, caressing his face.

“Yeah. But… I want more.” Jeonghan ran his hand up Seungcheol’s bare chest, slowly working kisses into his neck. Seungcheol barred his neck, allowing Jeonghan more access. 

“You know, Cheol. For someone with anxiety, you’re pretty good at this.”

Seungcheol scoffed and nudged the other away weakly. “Shut up.”

“And you said you were nervous.” Jeonghan laughed as he shakily climbed on top of the other, straddling him. 

“Tch. My anxiety and sex have nothing to do with each other.”

“I know, I know. I was just kidding.” He kissed him again.

“We should shower.”

“You’re right. We can do it again in there.”

Seungcheol rolled his eyes but didn’t see any reason to deny him. 

“Fine.”

***

Mingyu hung up the phone with a sigh. He’d tried calling his mom three times today and she hadn’t picked up again. There was a good chance that she wasn’t answering on purpose, but Mingyu didn’t want to even consider that possibility. 

His mom would never just ignore his phone calls. Right? 

Mingyu gulped and scrolled through his contact list until he was hovering over his dad’s number. His dad was much more angry that day than his mom was, even going as far as to threaten Mingyu if he hadn’t left the house immediately.

He was the last one Mingyu wanted to call. But he promised himself he’d do this. For Hayoon. He’d already told her the truth, apologizing for hiding it from her for so long. 

However, all he could do is wonder if she’d confronted their parents about it. He didn’t want to directly ask her, especially if it'd gone bad.

There was only one way to know.

So Mingyu called his dad. 

Bringing his phone up to his ear, he listened to the ringing. 

Once. 

Twice. 

A third time. 

And a pondering fourth time. 

Then… 

“Hello?” 

Mingyu inhaled sharply, switching his phone to his right ear as he stood from his where he was sitting on the edge of Seungcheol’s bed.

“Hey, dad!” Mingyu laughed, completely forgetting about the status of their relationship at the moment. He was just so excited to hear his dad’s voice after so many months. “I missed you.”

“Hey, Mingyu.” It could just be his wishful thinking but Mingyu could’ve swore that his dad sounded happy. “I missed you too. Haven’t heard from you in almost a year.”

“I know,” he paused. “Um, where’s Mama? I called her a couple times but she never picked up.” 

“Ah, well… I’m sure she just hasn’t been around her phone.” 

Mingyu’s smile dropped a little. 

“She’s always around her phone, dad…” Mingyu’s mom was way too organized to not have her phone around her at all times. It was why he’d found it strange that she hadn’t called him back after all these hours. 

So he guessed it was true. 

“She isn’t talking to me on purpose, huh?” 

“Well, Hayoon and your mom had a fight yesterday, after her and Harin had come home,” his dad didn’t sound as pleasant anymore. 

“So she’s mad at me?” Mingyu exhaled exasperatedly. “How is this my fault?”

“Did you tell her the full story, Mingyu?” 

He laughed even though nothing was amusing. After all those months, he’d forgotten how angry his parents made him sometimes. Especially when they recounted this situation since somehow they felt that Mingyu was being difficult. 

“I told Hayoon the truth. Harin was there too. I didn’t lie. I told her that you guys made me choose between being myself and faking because you feel like I owe you for something.” 

Mingyu’s father sighed. Nothing else. That shocked him. 

It was so unlike the man to not get angry, so Mingyu naturally tried to suppress his anger too. He’d hate to be the one to blow up the situation first. 

He took a deep breath and continued calmly. “I’m your son. I didn’t ask to be born, I don’t owe you my sexuality. I shouldn’t have to be straight to prove to you how appreciative I am of you and mom.”

“I’m trying my hardest to understand your sexuality,” his dad said. Mingyu gulped.

“But? You sound like you have something stopping you or something.” 

“It’s just not what I had in mind for you when you were growing up. When you said you were…”

“Bisexual.”

“Yeah, bisexual. I didn’t understand it.”

“All it means is that I like men and I like women. I could end up with a man or a woman in the future, but either way, I’m still bisexual. It’s just a sexuality… just like being straight.”

“I understand that now,” His dad hummed. “Hayoon, told me a while ago that you really liked a friend of yours. A boy.”

“Yeah. He’s my boyfriend now.” 

“That’s fantastic,” his dad didn’t exactly sound happy for him but it was a long way away from the anger he’d shown all that time ago. 

“What’s with the sudden change?” Mingyu asked curiously. 

“It’s not exactly sudden,” his dad scoffed weakly. “I’ve had time to think about it. So I want you to know that I’m sorry.”

Mingyu stopped his pacing. “Really?” 

“Yeah. I don’t know about your mom, she still doesn’t seem to understand yet, but I’m incredibly sorry about what I told you. I raised you to be yourself and that’s what you’re doing.”

Mingyu nodded happily only to realize that his dad had no way of seeing him. “Uh, y-yeah. I am. My boyfriend, Wonwoo, he’s great. Plus, I have a lot of friends who’re just like me. I’m trying my best in school and- yeah.” He was rambling out of excitement and possibly fear that none of this was real. What if it was all a dream and he woke up to his parents still not wanting to speak to him?

His dad chuckled. “I’d like to meet this Wonwoo. Whenever you’re ready, I’d like to see you… and him, of course.” 

“You- You have no idea how much this means to me.” Mingyu was laughing freely now. “This means _everything_ to me. God, I could die, Dad.”

“You’ve always been so dramatic.” 

Mingyu continued laughing but during it, he managed to say “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Tell mom I love her too.” 

“I will.” 

Mingyu lingered on the phone for some time, still giggling until his father hung up the phone. He never was one to let things just linger. 

Mingyu guessed that was why he was able to apologize. 

“It’s about time you came downstairs,” Chan said when Mingyu came hopping joyfully down the steps. “We were about to start the movie without you.” 

“Oh yeah.” Mingyu recalled that they’d promised to watch a movie before Jihoon left tomorrow morning to go home to visit his family for Christmas. But even though Chan said they were about to start the movie, it wasn’t exactly true because Seungkwan, Soonyoung, and Seokmin were all in the middle of a conversation while Wonwoo and Jihoon only seemed to be laughing at it. 

“What’re they talking about?” Mingyu asked as he sat next to Wonwoo. 

“Cheol’s sex life as always.” 

“All I’m saying is that Seungcheol had a fuck buddy at one point, meaning that he’s _obviously_ good at it,” Seungkwan laughed. 

“Okay, okay. You got me there,” Soonyoung said, relaxing back across Jihoon’s lap where he’d been previously. 

“You guys are way too involved in each other’s sex lives,” Chan huffed. 

“Yeah. When I do it, I’m not telling any of you,” Jihoon added afterwards, nudging Seokmin who was sitting next to him. 

Soonyoung tensed a little bit. He hated the idea of Jihoon being with anyone else. It could be that he thought that Jihoon deserved the world and he didn’t think anyone else would be able to give that to him. Or maybe jealousy. 

He was fond of Jihoon, so either would be reasonable explanations. It was just that he didn’t like the burning feeling in his chest whenever he was faced with that thought. 

“Alright, let’s start the movie. I love Christmas movies,” Mingyu kicked his feet up on the table and pressed a loud and wet kiss to Wonwoo’s cheek. 

“What the hell?” Wonwoo chuckled, a rosy colored blush arising on his cheeks. “Why’re you so happy?”

“I’ll tell you later. Let’s just watch the movie.” 

Wonwoo looked at him with a questioning look before shrugging it off and relaxing into his embrace. Mingyu was radiating a happiness that was a lot even for him, and Wonwoo would cherish this happiness too. 

***

After a shower that mostly consisted of kissing and feeling each other up until they were both on the edge, Seungcheol found it hard not to give Jeonghan exactly what he was asking for. Dripping wet and smelling of his favorite coconut body wash, Jeonghan somehow convinced him to bring him back to the room. 

“Want it while I’m still wet,” he whispered in his ear, just before they got out of the shower. Seungcheol couldn’t say no, not when Jeonghan’s hand was still wrapping around his length, stroking him slowly, promisingly. 

Any other time, Seungcheol would be completely opposed to the idea of being wet in his bed, but Jeonghan wanted it. And who was he to deny him. 

But he didn’t even have to worry about regretting his choices later because they hadn’t even made it to the bed, falling to the floor just at the foot of his bed instead. 

Sex on the floor. It was uncomfortable at first, if Seungcheol were being completely honest, but only at first. When Jeonghan climbed on top of him, sinking deliciously down onto him, using the mattress of bed Seungcheol was leaning against as leverage, Seungcheol couldn’t find any problems with floor sex anymore. 

However, unlike the pace earlier, Jeonghan rode him slowly, rolling his lips leisurely savoring the feeling of closeness of each other. Of being connected like this. 

Seungcheol’s hands rested on his wet hips, guiding him, all the while kissing him delicately, whispering declarations of love in the small space between their lips that was easily drowned out by Jeonghan’s soft moans. Jeonghan pressed their foreheads and finally let go of the sheets of the bed and clutched Seungcheol’s face in his hands. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.”

“You’re so deep in me.” 

Seungcheol groaned only for it to dissolve into a laugh as he leaned forward to lick the water droplets from Jeonghan’s chest and neck. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”

“I’m the one falling apart right now…” Jeonghan trailed off into a low shuddering moan when Seungcheol thrusted up. He looked so delirious, so out of it, but it was as if he couldn’t get enough. Seungcheol only could watch in amazement that Jeonghan, someone so put together could fall apart like this. 

All because of him. 

“Do that again,” Jeonghan begged in a whisper, readjusting his position so he could move faster. What a shame that Seungcheol wasn’t in a position to see the way he slid in and out of him like he belonged there. 

Gaining his footing on the carpet floor, Seungcheol immediately obeyed, kissing him once more before holding the other to thrust up into him. 

The house was otherwise silent so when the air surrounding them was filled with wanton moaning and groaning and the slapping of wet skin together, everything seemed to increase in volume a thousand fold. 

Jeonghan curled his fist tight in Seungcheol’s hair. 

“Han, I’m-”

“M-Me too.” Jeonghan groaned deep in his throat, face scrunching up as he felt like he was close to bursting. 

Seungcheol watched, mesmerized and infinitely more turned on if that was even possible. It was only when Jeonghan gasped, body stiffening and voice stuttering as he came that Seungcheol bursts. It was so sudden and intense that Seungcheol’s worried that he’s being too loud now. 

Letting his head fall back on the edge of his mattress, he barely registered much feeling anymore besides the burning in the muscles of his legs. 

“My ears are ringing,” he said, moaning weakly when he felt Jeonghan slowly move off of him. 

“You were loud,” Jeonghan teased breathlessly, mirroring his words from earlier. Despite the banter, he relaxed into Seungcheol’s side, getting comfortable. 

“No louder than you were.” Seungcheol kissed the crown of Jeonghan’s head and reluctantly began to move around to clean up, disposing of the condom and grabbing a towel from his closet.

Jeonghan was still lying on the floor when he came to clean the other up.

“Baby, get in bed.”

“I’m tired,” he said shortly. “Wanna lay here.”

“You’re naked.” 

“So are you.”

Seungcheol sighed. He would’ve carried him but he was just as exhausted. So he settled for the next best thing, dragging the blankets off his bed and covering the both of them with it. 

Almost as if he didn’t know the difference or feel the difference, Jeonghan cuddled up into his side naturally. 

“You’re perfect, you know that.” Jeonghan smiled up at him yet all Seungcheol could do was nod. 

It took the both of them all but ten minutes to fall asleep.

When Seungcheol woke up, it wasn’t to Jeonghan but instead an incessant ringing that started as vague and distant but continuously got louder the longer it went on and the more Seungcheol awoke from his stupor. Jeonghan slept through it though, not moving even a bit. He only shifted around sleepily when Seungcheol moved to crawl across the phone to grab his phone. 

Eyelids low, yawning, and still very much naked, he answered the phone without checking who it was. 

“Hello?” he slurred. 

“Seungcheol?” His mom’s voice. Seungcheol instantly felt much more awake. He checked the time. 

They’d slept for _two_ hours? 

“Yeah?” He rubbed furiously at his eyes and began looking for his underwear. “Everything okay?” 

“Yeah. Your dad’s appointment with the doctor went fine. We stopped at the store and I wanted to let you know why we were a little late. Just in case you were worrying.”

“Y-Yeah, I’m here. I got here not that long ago,” he lied, struggling to pull on his underwear while holding the phone between his shoulder and ear. 

“Okay. Well, we’ll be there in about ten minutes. We just left the store.”

“Um, okay. Well… Jeonghan’s here. Just wanted to let you know that he… was having a bad day so I let him stay here for a while.”

“Oh! That’s okay. What happened to him? He’s such a sweet boy,” his mom asked, curiously. 

“Uh. His girlfriend broke up with him.” Seungcheol grimaced at himself in the mirror. Really? That’s all he could come up with. Plus, he looked a complete, utter mess right now.

“Aww. Well, we’ll be there to comfort him. I’ll see you when I get there.”

“Okay.” He didn’t even wait to hang up the phone, tossing it onto the bed before quickly waking Jeonghan. He had to refrain from visibly swooning when the man made the cutest sound as he woke up. 

“Yeah?”

“My parents are like ten minutes away…”

Jeonghan had the exact same reaction as Seungcheol did, immediately scrambling to his feet, using the blankets to cover his lower half. 

“I can’t believe we fell asleep,” Jeonghan panicked, rushing to grab his clothes. “On the floor, no less. They could’ve walked in and seen us lying naked together on the floor.”

“Don’t say that,” Seungcheol found himself grumbling. He didn’t even wanna consider that happening.

Pulling their clothes on, they both fixed themselves up in the mirror, trying to do whatever they could to look presentable when his parents got there. 

They were no better than love sick teens because in the middle of attempting to clean up the room, they’d gotten distracted by each other, ending up in each other’s arms giggling to each other about the last several hours. 

“So should I leave before they get here?” Jeonghan asked. 

“No. I told them you were here…”

Jeonghan gave a questioning look to Seungcheol’s one of guilt. “What’d you tell them?”

“That your girlfriend broke up with you.” 

He cocked an eyebrow first and then he began laughing. “You couldn’t have come up with anything else?”

“I panicked, okay?” 

Still laughing, Jeonghan kissed Seungcheol reassuringly. “It’s okay. I’ll go along with it.”

Then there was the faint sound of the front door opening. While it didn’t startle Jeonghan much, it scared the hell out of Seungcheol, who’d pushed Jeonghan away a bit too hard. 

“I’m so sorry, Han.”

“It’s fine,” he giggled, regaining his footing and following Seungcheol out of the room and to the kitchen. 

“Cheol!” His mom set the bags on the countertop and went to hug him. “I missed you so much.” 

“I saw you a couple weeks ago,” he sang, still going in to hug his mom with all his strength. “And I text you all the time.” 

His mom ended the hug with a pat on his back and then moved onto Jeonghan. 

“And, Jeonghan, I’m so sorry to hear about what happened.”

Jeonghan feigned a sad sigh as he hugged the shorter woman. “It hurts but I’m okay. Seungcheol’s been a fantastic friend all day.”

“Good.” 

When his mom returned to the kitchen, Seungcheol and Jeonghan shared a telling look of amusement. 

“Speaking of relationships,” Seungcheol’s dad said, kicking the door closed behind him with a couple bags in his hands. “Seungcheol, tell me about that girl.” 

Seungcheol froze. 

“Oh right!” His mom shouted upon shutting the cabinets. “Did you go for it? Stop worrying about messing things up?” 

Jeonghan was confused at first, looking to Seungcheol for an answer. What girl were they talking about? Nayoung, maybe?

“Uh.”

His dad gave him a look.

“Don’t tell me you held back. You really liked her too.”

Jeonghan blinked a few times. Should he be upset? 

“Do I know her?” He uttered when the man’s back was turned to them.

“Of course you do,” Seungcheol murmured, then he raised his voice again to answer his father. “I did confess to her, dad. We’re just… kind of in that state where we just don’t talk about it. It’s complicated.” 

It took Jeonghan a few moments but then it finally hit him that Seungcheol was talking about _him_. He must’ve told his parents about his feelings for Jeonghan and simply changed his gender so the conversation would be easier. Now Jeonghan’s poor boyfriend was stuck trying to explain that yes, he and this ‘girl’ had gotten together and practically spent hours indulging in each other, all the while trying to avoid his overzealous parents’ request to meet the girl. 

Jeonghan’s rigidness melted and he had to fight back the urge to just hug Seungcheol. But for now, he just helped end the conversation.

“She’s a bit confused between who she has feelings for,” Jeonghan interjected. “Seungcheol’s just being the good boy he is and giving her space.” 

Seungcheol shot him a thankful look. 

“Aww. Things refuse to work out for my boy,” his mom pouted. 

Seungcheol shrugged. “I’m okay, really. I’ve just been focusing all my time on being a good friend to Jeonghan in his time of need. Break ups suck. I would know.” 

Both his mom and dad nodded. 

“Friends are important. I’m glad he has you, Jeonghan.” 

Jeonghan didn’t even have the chance to respond before the man was groaning out loudly about how hungry he was. 

“Be patient!” She glared at her husband and then smiled at Jeonghan. “I hope you like bossam kimchi, Jeonghan.”

He guessed he was staying for dinner. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally did it! And things for Mingyu are looking up too ^^


End file.
